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AceAlice

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About AceAlice

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  1. Today is a hard one. It's strange that most days I go through life quite easily and yet days like today put me in a foul mood. There isn't really much I can do to make myself feel better. Just go with the flow and hope tomorrow is a better day. I'm angry more than anything. How can I let myself be treated like that? How could someone treat another like that? All the questions without answers. It's become human nature for others to just discard everything, people included. Social media doesn't help because there are so many "replacements" available. Add covid to the mix and It's a claustrop
  2. I'm not on dating sites, I know that's not a good way to go about things. More so I'm just getting out and talking to new people, meeting mutual friends and being more open to getting to know new people. I don't want to hurt anyone and am making sure I am open and honest about my intentions. It's more about opening myself up to the idea of dating someone, over actually seeking dates. If that makes sense.
  3. Maybe by casually dating? Like putting myself out there but not expecting to meet someone for a relationship. Meeting new people and becoming friends before anything else. Focusing in myself rather than focusing on wanting a relationship. Just taking each day as it comes and seeing what happens.
  4. Woke up covered in sweat this morning. The dreams are less frequent but when they happen they throw me off quite a bit. Takes a few days to get over them, but realising they are just dreams tends to help. I try not to focus on how I'm feeling too much. Reading into my thoughts doesn't help, as I find i dwell on them to the point that they affect me negatively. I've come a long way, but I still struggle. And that's okay. Losing someone who was a big part of your life takes time to get over. Sitting outside in the morning sun is cathartic. Noticing how big the world is around you, hearin
  5. Went out last night. It was like an experiment for myself. Get myself out of my comfort zone and into an inclusive environment, try to talk to strangers and work in my self confidence. Most of the night I was with my sister, but when she left I was forced to interact with people and to be honest, it was an eye opening experience. I've never been much of a social butterfly, but talking to new people and actually initiating conversation made me realise I am actually quite capable of talking to people. I made a few new acquaintances, 2 people in particular were awesome to talk to. They were b
  6. The above comments are all right on track. I know personally it's hard to get someone out of your head when you become attached to them, even more so when that isn't reciprocated because you start to ask the question "what is wrong with me?". It turns into a messy circle of thoughts with no real resolve. Throw in a little bit of denial that the situation has ended and you can begin to wonder if you're ever going to get over it. Thing is, the situation was doomed to begin with. But that's okay. It's okay to miss someone you developed feelings for. That's just it, although it started as FW
  7. My home is the city where I currently live. And my home town is where I was born and brought up. My parent's live in the city I currently live in, which is where I am now... yeah, that's confusing. Okay so I live in City A with my family also living in City A. My friends live in City B, 5 hours away from City A. City B is where I was born and lived until I was 16. I hope that makes better sense and isn't too confusing.
  8. Thank You all for your advice and thoughts on the matter. :) I don't dwell on how small I am in the grand scheme of things, I have just come to the realisation that life is short and focusing on myself and those that truly care for me is okay. I've always focused so much on how others perceive me, when in reality the most important person I should care for is myself. I'm not upset by how "small" I am, but amazed by how big the world is. There are so many people, places, things I am yet to see, experience. That is awe inspiring to me. My world doesn't revolve around what I experience in
  9. Have you ever thought about how insignificant you really are in the big scheme of things? I do this quite a bit, and it's a new thing for me. As an independent, self-aware being, I never really saw just how minimal of an impact I had because I was so enthralled in my own actions and feelings. Every issue I encountered would feel like my world was ending. Why was everything so against me? Nothing is against me. I am against me. The world doesn't throw things at me to deliberately make my life difficult, things occur and often I am affected by them. I'm a small, temporary piece of th
  10. I'm back in the city I live in. Been home for 2 days and already want to leave again. I have come to realise that I miss my friendships a lot more than I thought I did. I also think it probably has a bit to do with the lack of reminders of my current life too. I feel like two different people. At home I'm constantly trying to establish a life for myself, while in my home town I have friends and a life that is more suited to my personality. I have friends here too, but none are as close to me as those in my home town. My best friend is like a twin brother. We never argue, and when we disagr
  11. Ive been in my home town since Sunday night. I decided to escape for a bit and see my best friend and old friends. It's been a lovely time. At first it was a bit hard, but getting away from all everything has really opened my eyes to how much i am progressing and making my way through my own personal journey. My friends want me to move back here. They miss me and hate that I left in the first place. I would move back but I have my family and my dad isn't healthy so I'm stuck. Although life is at a cross road, I'm feeling confident in where I wanna go and what i want to do. I am at a
  12. I had bad dreams last night. Always chasing after the unreachable. But waking up I notice that a lot in life is unreachable. Why focus on the things you can't change when there is so much you are in control of? Everything about myself I have some form of control over. I control what i do, who I do it with, and how i react to things. The things that upset me that I have no control over are things I am exposed to either subconsciously or things people say or do. However, I can control whether I allow those people to remain in my life, giving them opportunity to negatively affect me. I take a
  13. Well, apart from losing count of what day I'm on since i started this journal, everything is coming together nicely. Surrounding myself with good people has made me realise how bad I have been treated in the past. Not just by exes, but by friends also. I can't change people, and staying in those bad situations is something I now realise isn't worth the pain it inflicts on myself. Why sacrifice my own happiness for others? Why shut down instead of standing up for myself? It's all about learning what's right for me and standing up for myself and my beliefs.
  14. A lot has happened since I last wrote, and everyday I learn something new about myself. I've been progressing well in terms of my self confidence. Surrounding myself with good people, learning to take each day as it comes. I've still got a fair way to go, but it's not something that can be quickly solved. Realising that everything takes time and patience is something important, and getting to that point is a big thing for me. My biggest concerns revolve around unhealthy habits I am working on kicking to the curb. I talk down about myself way too much. Although I am conscious of this, it st
  15. Very good advice, boltnrun. I am completely aware of that, and don't want to hurt her. I see my psychologist today and will talk about it. I know personally i am not in a place for it. I have no intention of starting a relationship anytime soon, I guess I want to remain friends and not cross a boundary into a situationship. Is That possible? I think i can do it, but I also am well aware that feelings are not to be messed with.
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