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From childhood I have doubt in my gender , at first I thought it's temporary , I have always treated like a boy thanks to my dad , I won't blame him but he was the reason I have a question mark infront of my gender , forcing me to address my gender as a boy and think like a boy , I think he wanted me to be more confident but it just made things worse Now I am stuck in between being a girl and a boy , I have no interest in girly things and act like a girl ,at first I thought I am just a Tom boy but this desire of changing my gender end me up in several depressing episodes , I recently cut my hair and I liked it . But here is the thing I like boys ! If I am a boy am I gay,now I just adresse myself as gender fluid but no desire of being girl , and my pronounce are he/her . Am I gay or straight What to do next 😞💔
I (16F) am about to be a junior in high school, and I have liked this boy (16M) who sat next to me in my math class (and was on the track team with me) since the start of last year. I soon became a pretty big crush. He knew that I liked him because my sister's boyfriend told him. I eventually formed a connection with him, and we waved at the start of math class and talked as well. He was really sweet and of course that made me like him even more. Then, he suddenly and indirectly mentioned his girlfriend to me. This was right after an exchange we had through Instagram DMs that lasted a week, so it's likely he mentioned this on purpose to indirectly tell me he was taken. I was upset of course, but we still talked often and I thought we were building a friendship. Then, a few weeks later he started mentioning his girlfriend more and more to me, but I didn't really think that much of it. One day I asked for his snap (as a friend) and he proceeded to give me an account he never uses (he had a different main account he was on in class all the time). Then, he sent a snap to me of him and his girlfriend cuddling then proceeded to leave me on opened and never snap me again. I was devastated as this was a guy I looked forward to talking to every day and a connection I so valued. It was clear that this had to do with my crush on him and his relationship status, but I wasn't looking to steal him and just wanted to be friends as I genuinely thought we were, and I thought he'd know this. He was still always super nice in class and at track practices, and he acted as if he had nothing against me, so I believed this and tried to forget that anything ever happened. So we kept talking and on the last day of school I asked for his number. He agreed to snap it to me, seeming not to mind at all, but he never did. My sisters tried to assure me that he forgot, but in my heart I knew it was for the same reason he gave me a dead snap account. I was so sad, but I could not get over this guy because we did talk often and in my mind we did have a friendship. I sent him a reminder on snap, but remembering that he would likely not see it on this account (he left it on opened six weeks later), I sent another on Instagram (we had DMed on Insta multiple times before so this wasn't new), which he did not reply to (he's very active on Insta). I know, dumb move. I eventually decided to let it go. On his birthday, I sent him a birthday wish and insta, and he actually did reply to this. So a few days ago, I sent him a message just asking him how his summer is going which he completely ignored. I feel terrible about this now. I now realize that asking for his number and sending that message were likely overstepping boundaries that he already tried to establish with me. Especially since he has a girlfriend and isn't trying as hard to keep the friendship I thought we had, I feel like an awful person. Just for context, I am quite shy, moved through several schools, and have struggled socially for a long time. This boy is much more popular and attractive than I am, so my definition of a friendship is likely different than his. My question is, how can I move on from such a crush, who has a girlfriend and has little interest in being my friend? How can I move past knowing that I have been inappropriate and wrong with asking for his number and messaging him? I will very likely see him again next year, so is there any way I can clear this up with him, knowing he probably has a strong distaste for me?