So I (late 20s guy) started dating a girl (mid 20s) when I was back to my home country for summer vacation. When I think about everything that happened, it seems that most likely she was just using me for attention and did not want a relationship. Would appreciate any advice on this.
A bit of background - I am from Eastern Europe but have studied abroad and now work in a major city in Europe. I would say I am better than average looking but am a shy and introverted and have not been doing that well with women lately, save for the occasional tinder date here and there. She has also studied abroad and now lives in my home country. She is beautiful, well educated, interesting, open to experiences and actually maybe overall a bit better than the women I would typically get. She is a woman with a lot of options. We are also pretty different as she is very social, likes to have fun at clubs and share her life on instagram. She also works remotely and spends about 3 months traveling around Europe every summer. She is definitely a thrill seeker and I, on the other hand, prefer a more quiet life of work and simple pleasures. I would describe her as a great summer fling but a headache for a long-term relationship. Nevertheless, I was intent on making something work.
We met on tinder and our first date did not look that promising as I was probably not able to make her feel attracted to me. She shared that her long-term relationship had ended two months ago and we talked about general life things. But a few days later she agreed to go on a second date. It turned out to be just me picking her up from a bar where she was with some friends. We had a very long make out session on the beach and started talking about sexual things. She shared that she wanted to have a threesome with two guys which I dismissed at the time. At the end of the night, she wanted to go home although I invited her over. A few days later we met again after she had dinner with friends, went for a drink at a bar and then we slept together. Sex was great as she is very passionate. We saw each other a couple more times but mostly had sex and it was almost always a last-minute thing and at a time that worked for her. But all the time she was texting me so much I could barely put my phone down. She was always saying that she liked me, wanted to be with me and how I am the only man she can think of. I obviously wanted to believe it and responded with similar things but I had a gut feeling that I cannot trust her. Although initially she said I am the first guy after her long-term relationship, in one of our long conversations she admitted that she met another guy just before me, they slept together a few times but now were just friends.
I only had a few days before I had to travel back and she was going to a festival with her girlfriends. Unexpectedly, she invited me and I went for a day and spent the night with her. The next morning I had to go back to my hometown as I had to prepare for my trip back. We were both sad that we may not see each other again soon and started talking about her visiting me. We discussed being in a long-distance relationship and she seemed eager but would stop short of actually saying she wanted it, although she maintained I should not see anyone else.
I flew back and we were texting all the time. We would text sexy things and I asked her about the threesome with two guys as I wanted to see if she really meant it. It turns out she most likely would have done it if I was up for it. Although she said she would never do it if she had feelings for the person which made me feel bad. We got into a fight because I wanted her to admit that it was only sex between us but she said she really liked me and want to be with me, did not want any other guy, although she never agreed to be in a relationship. What she was saying was one thing but what she was showing was another. The biggest issue for me was that she maintained we should be exclusive and I should not see anyone else, but not in a formal relationship.
After a week or so she went on a vacation with a “girlfriend” and stopped texting often. Usually she would send a lot of pictures of her and the people she was with but this time she did not. I asked her about it but she was giving weird answers. Knowing a few things about her, I immediately thought that she might be with this other guy. I knew I could not trust her but wanted to make sure I give her the benefit of doubt before I cut her loose. I have a friend who was in the same city she was vacationing in and I asked him to see who she is with at the hotel. I was not thinking straight and now I feel embarrassed that I did that but I had to know the truth and whether I could trust her. Of course, it turned out she was with this other guy. I confronted her and she admitted it. Now she says she is creeped out by what I did (I admit it was not the right thing to do). I stopped responding but did not block her. She still says she wants to visit and she likes me and not the other guy but now I cannot trust anything she says.
I still think about her a lot because she is intriguing but realize there is almost certainly never going to be anything between us again.
Do you think it was obvious she was just using me for attention from the beginning? I know this is bad but can you find ANY justification for me asking my friend to spy on her? All of the trust is broken but do you think there is any hope for anything between us? Writing this out makes the situation even messier than it was in my mind.