I just recently broke up with my boyfriend of 1.5 years. We met at the beginning of the pandemic and he was unemployed (like a lot of other people) so I didn’t think much of it. He was working as a head chef at a restaurant previously.
We are both 30 years old. I live on my own and pay all my own bills. I’ve worked the entire duration of the pandemic. He lives with his parents and decided to file for unemployment which was understandable. Over the last year or so he basically just continued to collect unemployment (which his mom filed for him weekly (I found out recently she was doing it). I also found out he doesn’t pay any bills - no rent, cell phone bill, insurance, etc. as his parents pay it all. His mom has also filed for him to receive food stamps even though they live in a $700k house. (She uses his grandma’s address as his residence) This had really started to turn me off and bug me. I was working my butt off this entire time and he was just collecting unemployment, playing Xbox, smoking weed with friends, and hitting the gym every so often.
One productive thing he did the entire time was quit drinking. That’s about it. He didn’t even save any of his unemployment money, he spent most of it on a new motorcycle.
Anyway, I started voicing my concerns to him months ago (when it hit one year mostly). He would get defensive and tell me there is no need for him to get a job when he has money from unemployment. I started to become very frustrated and upset and I guess I became irritable and sometimes not the nicest. He told me that I made him depressed and my nagging for him to work was condescending and mean.
We ended up breaking up last week and for some reason, I feel really down and I feel guilty for sometimes being a little mean. I realize he is probably depressed but I never saw any improvements. He was completely reliant on his parents and the government for 1.5 years. I felt like I didn’t have an equal partner in the slightest. I even offered to help him on so many occasions! I revised his resume, I encouraged him to follow his heart, I offered to help him create a LinkedIn. I even offered to go to AA meetings with him since he quit drinking alcohol as I thought maybe even that could help. He never wanted help, he told me it was suffocating him.
Any comforting words of advice? Has anyone gone through something similar? He was a really sweet, genuine person, just highly unmotivated 😞
I guess deep down I know it was the right thing to do but I just feel empty.