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Desperate1

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  1. My daughter does not want to live with her father to be clear, she craves a relationship with him no matter the pain he causes her. I blame myself as instead of when i was with her dad focusing on her mental and physical safety, i put my own fear above my daughter and i will always regret that and continue to support her whatever she chooses. Myself and my family are purely worried about this toxic relationship with her dad is yet again going to end up in tears and i am helpless to stop it. I have agreed if she wants to see him, i'll accept and just be there for her. We have a therapist and my daughter seems to be better at opening up to her, the therapist also has commented that my daughter does and says things for attention, i can't understand this is i always give her my undivided attention in whatever the situation is, sadly the only way she gets attention from her father is if she creates a problem or situation.
  2. I involved social services 4 years ago as both her dad and his new wife are abusive in ways i can't understand why she puts herself through the trauma just to get hurt again. I have spoken to lawyer who has told me due to her age, the court would give my daughter her voice unless there was a serious physical or mental situation which put her in immediate danger. I have had a very good relationship with my daughter, until it comes to her dad, one minute she wants a restraining order, the next hes better than sliced bread. My daughter has seen her dad hit me, scream at me while spitting, crying pretending to take an overdose, throw things at me and abuse me in public. Needless to say the police have numerous reports regarding abuse. Once i left him and filed for a restraining order, things improved until he got back in touch with our daughter and now its like shes forgot everything he id to me or her. I don't talk about her father to her only that she texts me when she is with him so i know shes ok or if she needs busfare etc if im at work. Its an awful situation to be in as i feel totally helpless. Everything comes down to her age when dealing with counsellors or courts, it has to be her choice and if i say no to contact with him, she goes behind my back. I'm just hoping she realises before he does something she can't get out of.
  3. After almost 4 years, my abusive ex husband has decided he wants back in my daughters life. 4 years ago he had another baby with his now new wife and decided he wanted our daughter to get to know her baby brother, i obviously said no contact with him as he was really abusive with her to. One night after dancing, her dad collected her and i had a call to say she was staying with her dad now as she wanted to get to know him again. After 3 weeks she was told to live with his mam as there was no room in the house for her even though she'd never met her paternal grandmother. After 2 weeks living with her, she kicked her out as she was hard work and they cut all contact with her. 4 years later, he now wants her back which as shes almost 16 have no control if she sees him or not. My daughter knows i am very unhappy and worried about this as is the rest of our family, after being back in his life 2 weeks, she is now constantly in trouble at school, her behaviour and attitude is awful and if i say no to something, she tells me she'll just go and live with her dad. My ex pays for nothing, doesn't treat her well and when he's had enough of her, he doesn't drop her off or supply bus fare to get home. I have a restraining order from him due to domestic violence and he cant come within 25 meters of my home. I am at the end as i have no support and my daughter sees it as i'm the problem as i discipline her if she talks back to me or is nasty, i have no control as she just walks out and goes to her dads. No idea where to go from here, i have spoken to social services regarding my worries but as she is almost 16 they won't do anything unless he hurts her physically. Help!
  4. This is an attempt to see if a prior target of abuse can be conned into another cycle of abuse, so that the abusive person may reclaim the sense of power and control by causing distress (emotional and sometimes physical) to a target." https://www.medicinenet.com/what_does_being_hoovered_mean/article.htm Actually a really good read and very apt. Thanks
  5. I will never go back and the guy i am sort of dating i've known for years and he knows everything i have been through so he knows i won't be pushed into a relationship until im ready to be in one. I haven't responded to my ex and won't and know its his way of either trying to get me to help him or because he thinks i'm weak enough to go back. One of the texts i had was to inform me his daughter was being groomed online, which im not surprised at all but again i didnt reply as its nothing to do with me. I called EE last night and now have a new mobile number, he is blocked from social media and i've even blocked emails. I need to move on and learn to love myself enough not to fall for pathetic excuses of men.
  6. I'm not communicating with him, i havent replied to anything nor do i intend to. Generally i have a nice nature where i have no problem helping people out, thats all i meant
  7. Thanks dancingfool, i totally get it and i know he'll never change and it certainly isnt love, its his way of manipulating and hoping if he's nice enough i'll play ball.
  8. I don't want him back in my life at all and my therapist thinks its because he hasn't found another source to feed his supply, he preys on my good nature and always willing to help him in situations he can't get himself out of. I won't reply and next no caller ID i will leave to go to voicemail.
  9. I haven't replied to his texts, i answered phone once and ended it as soon as he spoke, it was the message that left me a bit unsure as to why he'd think i would reply and yes its the same man. The only problem with changing my number is i am a consultant accountant and many of most of my clients are phone or emails as i'm working from home. If it becomes necessary to change, i will, i'm hoping he'll get fed up. I was firm and i haven't replied to anything but part of me always wonders if he has changed or i'm a being gullible? I have been on a few dates with a guy i actually dated before him and the only reason i didn't pursue was he was a bit full on. This guy i'm dating has a 17 year old disabled son and he is fantastic with him, loving, patient, caring and everything i'm not used to. Thanks for the advice guys, i think i knew anyway he'll be bored and need his supply from somewhere or someone.
  10. After 2 months of no contact with my abusive ex, he contacted me the day before taking his daughter on holiday, the holiday myself and my daughter were also meant to be going on to ask if i could watch his house and if me or my daughter needed b break, we were welcome to stay there. For months before we split, he was verbally, mentally, emotionally abusive and could sometimes be violent. I've had numerous calls which i didnt answer and texts i wouldn't reply too. He borrowed money which never repaid and was horrible to my daughter, after 6 years, i'd had enough. If i block him from my phone, he calls from no caller ID and as i am in therapy , my therapist calls from no caller ID so its not like i cant answer. i cant understand why he chooses now to get in touch, he knows i am dating someone else
  11. I totally agree, myself and my daughter have both had therapy and we have a very special bond, which is great. I can't move away because my daughter would never leave her grandad after he nana died, we live with him at present and he is a great support to both of us. My daughter was very close to her nana and when she died didnt handle it at all, so now won't leave her grandad and i has separation issues and sometimes won't go on holiday or weekend away incase we are away and something happens to him. We have our whole to go on holiday and won't push her unless she is happy to go. My daughter is my only concern and priority and i'll spend there rest of my like trying to make up for her awful childhood at the hands of my ex
  12. His daughter was a means to an end for his ex. His ex is a latvian lapdancer who is 15 years younger than him, she does what she wants and her daughter is always an after though. as soon as she had her they split up, now whenever she decides she wants a weekend away and my ex was away working it always landed on me, i would get 2 days notice even though her trips were booked months in advance. Having a baby meant she had automatic authority to live in this country. Yes i am in therapy as we speak, not just about this but what my daughter is going through with her dad as i feel helpless to help her as he was very abusive , she has no access to her dad as his new wife wont allow it as she fears hed want me back if we had to talk regarding our daughter. I have an ongoing restraining order from him due to abuse but my daughter seems to forget all the bad things and just wants to see her dad and her half brother but isnt allowed. Awful situation for her and with them living on our doorstep its pushed under her nose every day. I just wish i could help more.
  13. You're so right, i feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders and my money is mine without feeling the need to be careful about what i spend he case hes short. I have a busy life between work and my daughter so its not like a sit around moping or feeling sorry for myself that i didnt leave sooner. Thanks
  14. I doubt that as my number isnt attached to his contact and i have a profile pic on my phone. The truth is i have known for a while as everywhere we have been together i have story regarding his ex for every place we visited. When i split with my ex husband i was single 3 years and when i met my current ex, he made me laugh again, gave me confidence and he was supportive as i was still being stalked by my ex husband who i eventually got a restraining order from, things just changed after 15 month and i guess by this time i felt trapped and humilated that i let someone else treat me badly. He is now out our lives and i am much happier.
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