I'm still young (24) but I am so confused on what to do. I got married to my husband when I was 20. We lived a fine life where I realized my feelings for him weren't as genuine as I thought. We do not have a lot in common other than liking to go out together. It's not that I don't love him, I just don't love him the way I think spouses should love each other. He paid more attention to other things and left me to the side. One thing led to another and we separated around 2 years later. During the next two years I fell in love with someone. Someone who had so much in common with me except the desire to go out. I felt I could be myself around him. After about a year and a few months, unplanned but I got pregnant. We were ecstatic but I started noticing changes in my boyfriend. He stopped caring for me and treated me pretty bad. Our son was killed by a medical malpractice situation and our lives were ruined. After about half a year I realized I resented him. We broke up pretty much exactly at the 2 year mark of our relationship. He now realizes what he did wrong and regrets everything. I know I need some time to grieve properly. Our ways of grieving were way too different. I returned to my husband after this and my husband is super grateful to have me back in his life. My problem is I genuinely love my ex-boyfriend. He is the one that makes me feel the love I want for the rest of my life. But after we lost our son, he became unmotivated. I don't blame him, I lost everything. But he refused to go to work, turned to weed all the time. He became what my parents loathed. I feel friendly feelings and a different love towards my husband but he's got a future. I have no interest in physical intimacy with him. I'll tolerate it, but it's no real desire like I felt with my ex-bf. I'm at a loss. I don't know if I am supposed to be with my husband. I feel he deserves me back but I also feel he deserves better than me as I can't reciprocate his love completely. My parents tell me I can grow to be in love with him with time. They do not want me back with my ex-boyfriend. My husband offers financial security and the prospect of me fostering kids. My ex-bf offers me a true love. He said he would get a job and buy a house or do anything if I went back to him but I can't be sure of that. Any advice helps, thank you.