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  1. Just a general question If a person in their 50’s has sexual fantasies about someone in their 20’s does that make that person a pedo even if that person has no intention of ever pursuing it because they know it is wrong and or they really care about the person and know it would be wrong (Yes I am talking about my past that is over but there are things I am trying to learn from and grow)
  2. Maybe this will help maybe it won’t . You are in no contact because you are hoping to get your gf back right? Well I can’t say I was in no contact because I was not trying to get anyone back. I was in no contact with a former friend I worked with because I was obsessive and toxic In other words You are in no toxic hoping for a result Her to come back to you. I was in no contact not hoping for anything and long story short she saw my changed behavior and too my surprise forgave me and even offered to rekindle our friendship but while I was happy and grateful for the forgiveness but I declined
  3. Yes the mere fact that I got way too emotional with another woman whether I meant to or not means I emotionally cheated. We do not verbally abuse each other, She verbally abuses me and I do not set boundaries. I talked once about being responsible for my own actions and I asked her once if I am responsible for the way she treats me and she said Yes I am and she has a point if I was not so forgetful too selfish about sports where I left her alone to go to all those games whem we bought the house it is understandable her abusive behavior and on the flip side my therapist told me that I wes so st
  4. Hi this post is going to have nothing to do with another topic that I posted ad nauseum about 2 years ago I am noy going to make this long. This has been going on before and after the story. The biggest mistake I ever made in my life (Yes bigger than my other story) is when I fell in love with my wife I opened too much about the past. The worst thing you could ever do to me is yell at me. Yet I do know there are times I deserve it when I make a mess or I get absent minded about something she has told me over and over again. I keep things close to the vest so to speak but when I fell in love
  5. I had a friend (non romantic) that in short I became toxic and obssessed about People on this site even warned me but I did not listen until I almost learned everything. Bottom line I finally worked on changing and left her alone and focused on working on myself (I still am in one way or another because self improvement is never ending) bottoon line this friend who wanted nothing to do with me forgave me which made me happy and wanted to be friends again which I declined because I was of afraid of undoing any improvement. You will be okay Just give yourself time, As for missing her, Whenever I
  6. I have been reflective this week because it has been one year since my former friend I went out separate ways I do not know if there are more blessings but getting the chance to see how wonderful with my life could be like if I continue to grow and waking up to my self destructive porn addiction is enough. I could NEVER talk to my wife about some of the things I talked about. At least I feel that way right now and that is a lot of fear talking. Maybe in the future although I do not see it now that day will come and I will talk about all those things like the Goodbye ceremony and breaking my p
  7. After she left and I started my job life went one, The falling back in my life blessing was still there but there was still problems. I could never talk about things I did in other comments with my wife. She was convinced I was a lecherous person who just wanted to have sex with her and as I stated previously even though I never looked at my former friend sexually when our friendship first started and even if I did I would never act on it for two reasons I was married and even if I was single I would have never acted on it because I really cared about her and I knew if I went that route becau
  8. Before I begin If my wife knew I did what I am about to share it would end my marriage and I of course would regret it but other than that I have no regrets because as much as I wanted to be as kind and loving to my former friend What I did I also did for myself because I wanted to let go emotionally and basically put things in God's hands so to speak. First I walked up to my former friend and the mutual friend who had given me the message to leave her alone but in her own right helped me grow and mature. I showed then a card I had kept for over 20 years that an ex gf gave me, I told them the
  9. After she forgave me but I turned down her offer of friendship. Things got better as I mentioned in another reply we still left each other alone but the tension was gone. I knew there was a good chance I might get transfered in 2020 I was number 2 but my confidence in that fell when I actually thought it fell to 3. I still thought I would go eventually but I lost hope I was going to go soon. I had debated and talked to my therapist about if when that day comes should I tell my former friend what she meant to me and how she was a blessing to me (without going into and thing how in my marriage o
  10. So I went to Therapy and while in there I came to the realization that if this thing never happened my wife and I may have gone on in a dead marriage or until one of us left. We talked about how I said One day months before she cam to the job I woke up one day and said I can't feel nothing and how my friendship with her started just after my transfer at that time fell through. I truly believe God put her in my life to bless me and made her young enough to protect me to make sure I would not brealk my moral compass) All I know is that when I realized in my mind I loved her actually more than I
  11. I am not going to rehash the whoile story back when I was obssessed but it got to the point two years ago where I tried to make amends and one day a mutual friend of the girl and I came to me and said that She does not want to but if you do not leave her alone she is going to go to HR. In that moment all my obssesiveness went away and I had no desire. Yes people on this site had warned me and I did not listen. I was so lost and I never saw it coming despite the fact that you guys basically jumped in front of me waving signs, I don't know why but I told my wife everything and after listening it
  12. One year ago today was my last day on the job. Nothing was said between my former friend and I for two reasons I knew that a lot of people I worked with over the years would want to say goodbye to me and I wanted it to be a a light hearted day with smiles and laughter (What I was not prepared for is that they threw me a going away party which was very nice) As for my former firend at the end of the shift I said something corny (I tried to keep it funny because if I did not I felt like I was going to cry) I said When you have a book signing when you write your book I am going to come. She laugh
  13. He (the friend is a member of my wife's brothers church and Yes that is good advice.
  14. One of the reasons I did not want to resume the frienship (my wife divorcing me being the main one of course) is that I did not want to stray off the path of learning from my mistakes and growing
  15. I appreciate your responses and you are correct but I think you misunderstood It was not I who wanted to resume the friendship. It was her and while I was happy she forgave me I just thought it was for the best to make a clean break when I left the job last year. It’s funny when I was in that obsessive state when I first started this post almost 2 yrs ago I was so desperate to save the friendships but then after hitting or almost hitting bottom and doing my best to learn and grow and change I said NO when that same friendship was offered back to me and what made it easy for me to say No was lo
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