SooSad33

A guy saying 'love' is not for real.. Not after only 3 months. Real love develops over time... in the beginning it's always so great! ( honeymoon phase). That comes to an end, then you get to see the real them. As mentioned, you have posted concerns before? Pay attention then. He sounds insecure. And if there are concerns after just 3 months, is best to remove yourself from this guy. He sounds needy and insecure here. And in that case, nothing you do will ever do him enough good... Could end up him accusing you of things ( no trust), etc. IF you can't figure him out & he behaviour is uncertain, then just put an end to all of this - for your own good!

You need to give yourself time. Maybe avoid getting involved with anyone for a while, knowing how you can be. And do NOT be using them for fun, as you know you can hurt them. Remain single for a while and NO expectations with anyone. You probably feel some sort of attachment to them, since you let it linger on and on, in which case, you can end up with a little emotions this way. So, IF you are done with them, then just be done. And as for getting involved with 'friends', how about not? Is best to keep friends as just that and don't cross those lines. In time, as you figure yourself out, you may just have that mentality to feel you are actually really into someone to where you feel 'ready' to be fully involved ( considering your own mental ability). You're still young and have not fully matured..yet. Slow down.. give it time.. and remain on your own as you learn & grow and I am sure someday you will feel right with someone special! If you do find it doesn't change for you over time, then consider looking to seek some counselling on this issue.

about her life & choices? if so, she may be seeking a little too much attention & reactions... validation etc. As mentioned, she already know how you see it all. No more reason to discuss it. If she is too much drama, maybe avoid too much interaction? Some people are draining 😕 .

You just respectfully leave her be to do as she pleases. Nothing you can do or say, as this is how she acts. you just do your best as a 'friend', to chat with etc. No more. you are correct, she may know it's not right, but is up to HER to make any changes.

Yeah, no need to respond. She walked away admitting some issue's then just leave all alone now. If you're not friends (which is often for the best), then I don't know what she expects? Move on.

Then is up to YOU if you can accept no kids in this. ( just hope no resentment surfaces over this). My brother never had kids.. he's almost mid 40's. Not everyone has kids.. BUT, for you, if you are really yearning for kids of your own, this may cause some problems, eventually.

I am sorry for ALL you have experienced 😕 But do NOT bother him anymore.... He has pulled away and is not giving you anything more.. so just stop trying... Stop reaching out to him. And don't expect 'closure'.. that's got to be within you. Do you have friends you can talk to.. vent to? Sadly, it sounds like you two never really were able to build anything stable enough for HIM to get invested in this relationship- and was easier for him to just walk away. Maybe consider some therapy for yoruself if you feel so lost and struggling. One day at a time.. Believe, things will be okay again ❤️ .. and you will move on.

IMO, If you have never met ( not sure if you actually have)? You know as much as any of us would.. which is nill. Your experience begins when you get there.. It WILL be quite an adjustment for everyone involved. Transitions can be difficult, so expect a few challenges. In the beginning it will be exciting, so things will eventually surface between you all, in time. No one knows IF this will work out.. It's the chance you're willing to take. Only you know what he is like.. Just take into account, all seems great at this point. And hopefully will continue after you arrive & have been there for a time. As it's often a challenge in itself trying to have 2 families blend and all be 'smooth'. I figure, what some are saying is to also consider the fact that things may become challenging, since you don't even know IF you're truly compatible until you actually become a true couple ( and conjoined families). So, yes, expect challenges over time as you all try to accept what is, settle in, etc. Either way, good luck, hope things do work out, for the effort you're giving.

You say you are autistic - high functioning? My youngest is as well 🙂 . To quiet the mind can be challenging. I guess, as for many, it can be a battle at times. Worst place to be is stuck.. in your own mind, lol. I find it helps to keep a good flow by keeping up with 'positive' vibes. Do things you enjoy, whether it's funny shows or some crafts? Get out & have a coffee with friends... self care at home.. relaxing bath, nice smelling candle. Also, I Journal a lot. I open my Word pad on my PC or write it all out in my booklet... Anything to just 'get it out' another way, when things start to build up on me about some things.

HE is straight out abusive. 😕 Okay, but he has shown NO respect, or understanding on YOUR behalf 😕 ...as you struggle too. What to do? YOU need to get yourself out of all of this! he is slowly degrading you to the point you're losing your own mental stability. Enough 'feeling sorry' for him. He's got some big time issue's and you can NOT be his therapist or punching pillow! I had some emotional abuse with an alcy but I didn't stick around to tolerate that forever. He NEEDS to seek help and get himself under control. I can't see him improving too much, he's become too dependant on his alcohol. So, is best, for your own well being to remove yourself from this whole mess. Can you get out with help from a friend? Get a place of your own or stay with friends somewhere? And no matter what, do NOT accept guilt trips, negative responses.. his nastiness.. Nothing!

Yes, 5 years is a good while, so is not like one can just push it all aside and say they feel nothing. You two were involved... you tried, you had issue's. Sadly, there is no guarantee when it comes to relationships. There are expectations and it draws your energy. You two came to realize it wasn't working out anymore. It takes two to make things work out.. and can be especially challenging if her mental health is challenged 😕 . I am sorry this is not working out, but is maybe best if her heart isn't in it anymore. And yes, it best to just back away and respectfully let her be now.. I am sure it's difficult for you both to work on accepting what is and heal. Distance is what will help you do this... Take time and take care of YOU now. Be easy on yourself.

I think because even though he is abusive towards you, this is all you've known for so many years. Plus, you've been emotionally invested in him & this relationship for so long? It can be very hard to leave it all. Although you really want to and know you should. As mentioned, seek some help from other's out there. Speak to a counsellor & friends, etc. They can listen & guide you to some good idea's on how to start the process on getting out of this & get going again on your own. Good on you to act & realize you don't deserve this treatment.

Wow.. so sorry for this 😕 . Unfair it is. But, do commend yourself for getting this far! ❤️ You have no other friends or family you could room with for the time being as you get out into the workforce? If not, look at getting work then try to at least rent a room? If you feel your parents are this toxic.

Well, we can't help those who don't want to help themselves 😕 , We can only do so much.. So, IF this is her only solution, instead of trying again, then is there any way you can support her with at least looking at renting a room to start? Explain you two can look into something like this, BUT she should maybe push her studies aside for now, because IF she is wanting out, then she should look for a job.. in order to get out of this... and for YOUR own sanity. ( I'm not sure if she were to get a gov't grant to do her studies - or if this is available?) . If so, then she may be able to get by with this assistance.. Not sure? Either way, if this is done, is time to consider more distance in order to work on accepting & healing.

Okay, did you explain this to her? Many do enjoy porn, not all do. So, if you explain this much.. but maybe if she still does not approve, then, can you discuss getting into porn, possibly together? Many couples enjoy that bit 'together'. My first ex did and I'd watch on occasion, but I wasn't always that into it - but it didnt bother me much if he'd watch some.

No , no... We should NOT all have to follow a 'timeline'. We are all different and we go down our own paths. Yeah, I had kids at a young enough age, but my sisters were different. One had only one kid, later in life and one has a couple like me... My brother didn't 'marry' until he was in his later 30's ( and was single for about 10 yrs until then) They don't have kids.... If you don't want kinds, that's okay too. I have several friends who never married or had kids. The right thing is doing what you want... You are looking out for you and doing it all at your own rate and preferences. So, no worries, I think you are doing right. 😉

Yup, I agree with the fact that her past is just that and has nothing to do with your circumstances now. So what she's 'had a few', this is normal. I was with my first ex for almost 10 yrs and yes, I had previous bf's through high school but none of this mattered. After our split, within 2 yrs, I began dating again, until I met up with my next long term BF. Again, my past nor his mattered. The concerns here is trust. WHY you'd even consider something like marriage after only 6 months together and with so many concerns is crazy! I say no, you don't marry her, BUT if this is your child, and she keeps it, yes, you ARE responsible for helping with raising it. ( if you split, then you should get some access and pay child support) . I don't feel your 'relationship' is on very sturdy ground as nothing has been too positive with her to you and your relationship has not really grown into something 'stable'. Anyways, choice is yours. - take a good hard look at all of this. Because of her past and what you feel are lies, is best to not stick around this one. Be smart next time, and use your own protection for a good while, so this does NOT happen again. ( is really sad that she's no got 3 kids by 3 diff father's and at least one of them is with someone she barely knows.. right?) 😕 .

. I do know that when we start new meds, it takes some time to 'work up' to req'd amount and to feel any real difference. ( eg. 10 mg for a cpl weeks, then up to 15 for another cpl weeks, etc). I looked it up... How long does new medication take to work? You may need to be at the right dose for at least two to three weeks to start to feel better. It takes longer to see how much your feelings improve with the medicine over time. My doctor (therapist) once said, no matter what, your anxiety will always be underlying. Yup, true. If something sets me off, it's there 😕 . So, try to learn again how to take extra care of yourself, do things at a slower pace, les expectations, give yourself time to 'mentally prep' for events, etc. Get your rest, eat well and take med's at same time every day.. Give it time.

I'm sorry, but I don't feel you can be happy again. Sounds like you are both struggling with your mental health... in which case s a good idea to look for some professional help to work through your struggles. Is common to fall back and lean on something to help us 'cope' with rough times... BUT you do not want to remain there. I feel she's emotionally withdrawn from her relationship & feelings for you. Sadly, we cannot make someone 'love' us. 😕 . if it's gone, it's gone. It is very hard, I know.. been there a few times. And yes, therapy did me well, as well as something for anxiety ( was on it for a cpl of years.. weaned off it then dr put me on a 'mood stablizer'.... I am much better now. But it is a process. I think it is best to consider selling what you've bought.. and her to find her own place. ( she went to a friends for a while?). What about her family she went away to visit? Would she ever consider moving back there? Either way, is time to work on accepting this is just falling apart.... and IF she is at all willing to try , it would be a good idea for you two to attend couple's therapy, so ask her if she is willing to do that. ( because this hot & cold is showing clear signs on uncertainty). Like I said, it hurts, yes, but we can't make someone love us, if they've fallen out. it's all a process to work on accepting & healing. This is how things go when we get involved.. Sadly, does not always work out.

Okay, good you are dealing with a therapist. I guess you are doing this for good reason. In ways, because you are 'an adult', I don't see why your mom is treating you like a child? You have your own choices to make in your own life.... So you want to go 'home' which is back to their place? Why is that? You don't like it at your sisters? In ways, I can see how your mom is looking out for your best interest, but eventually yeah, this needs to settle down some. At 22 my parents would not have my phone.. yes, I had issue's after a BU, but it was all in my own control. * How long has it been since your BU - 6 mos? * Why would you reach out to your ex ( which mom thinks is wrong - was he abusive?).

I'm sure you did, lol. Exactly. So, wanting to get involved with a co worker is never a good idea ... What if things don't end well.. then you're in a tough situation with a lot of awkwardness. Is best to remain as you are... and give a little distance to 'get over' the crush thing. There are sooo many other women out there. Don't complicate the work place. Should only be a place to work.

How long have you two been involved? If a short time, I suggest you do NOT plan on just moving to her.. yet. Especially if you feel off about her. ( chatting with other guys etc). But, does not mean she is cheating.. I know a few people who still have dating profiles. They may go on, but they don't contact anyone.

Ok, so YOU are living in an uncertain/ uneasy environment with her? That's not so easy... How long have you two been involved? Because if it was not long that she got involved with you, since her last 'damaging' relationship, this is not a good thing - because it almost sounds like she is still affected from her past... Communication is necessary in a relationship, and you can't feel like you are walking on eggshells.

Then you need to explain this to her... Yes, communication is necessary so BOTH of you can try to 'work through your issue's;. This is an adjustment for both you right now, so some things need to be ironed out. ......................... Okay, so she knows the kind of person you are.. But, how about the kind of person SHE is? You both need to try and accept how each of you two work. As mentioned, you can say HI then move to your own space..this is how things can be when 'living' with other's.

Did she actually say to let her continue this or she would hate you? Whoaa 😮 . K, that'd do it for me! She has shown you lack of respect there. Does any of this make YOU feel okay? Her actions and behaviour? I doubt it.... She'd rather continue on with some guy ( who she has apparently never met?) AND is being like this with you. No, you do not deserve this kind of treatment. As mentioned.. maybe she ( you two) should not have gotten married yet. I don't think she's really that into it anymore 😕 .