pjant

Update: spoke to my partner. She said that being with me gave her the freedom that she really was unable to have in her previous relationship. She admitted that she was taking advantage of the “freedom” because she felt she didn’t know how long she’d have it. She was just doing things anytime her friends asked because she didn’t know if she’d get the chance to again (because she didnt know if I’d turn out like her ex)* but once I told her how I was feeling and why I was feeling it she said she realized that her freedom wasn’t going anywhere and that she will try to do better about remembering that. We made several compromises and really set down and spoke about the boundaries that we were holding back from speaking to each other about (mostly me doing the holding back). Thank you to everyone that gave me the push to communicate better.

Her inviting a friend over is not my issue or unreasonable to me, as I’ve stated multiple times before. I just want to know in advance, not right before I’m getting off of work. I’ve gotten the answer to my question though. I’m not a man so won’t be “manning up” but will definitely be taking everyones advice on communicating my needs better.

I want to chill in* the bedroom but she gets upset when I don’t want to mingle with them. I would not care if she didn’t expect me to entertain them.

I truly do not mind if they socialize at our home. It’s more about her telling me at the last minute because I have been ready to go home and relax all day and then there is an hour left of my shift and she decides to last minute have someone over. I don’t mind people coming over or anything, I just want to know in advance. Her telling me things ahead of time is something we have talked about before and after I talked about it things were fine until recently*.

We got a new place together.

You’re right, I did just kind of expect her to understand but I will try to have a full conversation about this. I’m afraid of coming off as controlling or anything as she was in a really bad relationship right before where she was always told what to do and what not to do(it’s way more serious than that but I’ll save the details). I’m afraid of her thinking that I want to control what she’s doing. I always get myself ready to have these conversations but back out because I don’t know how to say it right.

I moved in with my partner about 2 weeks ago. We’ve been dating for a year and a half. I work full time Monday- Friday. She does as well but she works 95% from home at the moment and often complains about not having much to do. This pretty much leads to her finding friends to hang out with during the day pretty much as much as she can. That is fine, my issue is that today, about an hour before it was time for me to get off, she texted saying she was about to hang with a friend soon. That’s cool, no problem, but then she states that said friend is going to be coming over. I got upset but was just like okay cool. I’m upset because since we are living together now I feel like I should get more than an hours notice of people coming over. I’m not sure if it’s wrong to be upset. I’m just always exhausted after work and don’t really feel like entertaining her friends when I get off. All of her friends are younger and it’s a lot of energy for me. I can just go in the house and not mingle but she assumes I’m mad at her or something when really I just don’t want to deal with people. I’m highly introverted and just want to relax in my house. And if I would have been prepared it’s different because I would know that I have to do that when I get off but they (her and her friends ) always do things last minute and she gets upset when I just am not up for it. She knows the type of person I am so I don’t get it?