*Apologies in advance for being long-winded*
Hi all, I have serious doubts over my girlfriend's loyalty... I love her very much and I even thought about proposing (she says she loves me and is awaiting eagerly the day I propose to her), but I'm hesitating due to her past, her behaviour, and that she lied to me twice about one of her ex's (she told me three different versions). I would appreciate your thoughts on this...
I'm a 29 (soon 30)-year-old man, I have only been in one relationship (that turned out to be a toxic 8-year hell for me) before meeting my girlfriend (26yo), who is a mother of two girls from her two most recent 'relationships' (you'll understand why I put inverted commas). We are now six months into our relationship.
My first doubts appeared when we asked each other 'that question', how many people we slept with and had sexual contact with before we met. My answer is simple, just one for both cases. She was very surprised with my sexual contact response, and said I was the fifth guy she slept with. However, on this occasion, and on one other occasion when I re-asked her the sexual contact question, she refused to answer or changed the subject immediately. In between all this, she admitted that she was 'very naughty' during her teens and early 20's. She also proudly admitted (without disclosing further details) that she did many 'dirty things' in lots of places like toilets, fitting rooms, cinemas, swimming pools, backs of cars, etc.
Another moment of doubt came from a random and innocent conversation with her and her mother. My girlfriend is fairly talkative normally, but froze and became completely silent when her mother said that she could not sleep with someone whom she does not have any feelings for (and I agreed with her mother as it is also the case for me).
Which brings me onto what she told me about two of her ex's. It's worth noting that first she was with her younger girl's father, then with her elder girl's father (and became pregnant by accident), and then going back with her younger girl's father (and became pregnant again but wasn't an accident) - before meeting me.
The first version she told me was that her elder girl's father was one of her best friends known for many years and they also had feelings for each other. Very quickly he proposed to her but she didn't feel ready. She then found out she was pregnant. They then decided to separate before she went back with her younger girl's father before giving birth.
The second version she told me was that her elder girl's father was one of her best friends known for many years (he had feelings but her not so much) and they 'tried' to be in a relationship as they were both single at that moment. Very quickly he proposed to her but she didn't feel ready. They then separated and she went back with her younger girl's father BEFORE finding out she was pregnant.
She told me this third version AFTER the awkward conversation with her and her mother - her elder girl's father was just a friend of a friend, they slept together after meeting up and got drunk one night. He had feelings for her, but she had none and kept him for a few months simply as 'someone to have sex with' until he proposed to her. She refused and went back with her younger girl's father BEFORE finding out she was pregnant.
On top of the these three different stories, she admitted that after going back with her younger girl's father, she twice secretly met up with her elder girl's father (who moved to a different country since their separation).
Between me and her, we've established that we should have nothing to hide from each other, and that includes things like our social networks. However, in the beginning of our relationship, I feel that she was very cunning with this. On a few occasions I've seen her meticulously looking through and removing some messages before coming up to me saying 'Look, I have nothing to hide'. This has stopped recently though.
Lastly, I have a suspicion that she may be still in love with her younger girl's father. They were supposed to get married in March 2020 (she left him for the second time because he cheated on her), however she kept her wedding dress hanging on her bedroom door until one month ago when she finally got rid of it, but only because 'it doesn't fit her anymore as she has put on weight since last year'. And she still has her engagement ring in her possession today!
And one final bombshell to all this, she is pregnant with my child. I really do love her but I'm scared of another disaster... this is seriously haunting my mind and my sleep. What do you think?
