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sunny_daze

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  1. sunny_daze
    Thanks guys, I appreciate it. He is not looking at anything strange or out of he ordinary so at least I know he is into normal sex. If he was looking at something strange, I would definitely ask him about it. And to clarify, he is looking at sites on the internet, not movies. I do not think any man can ever be satisfied because they want sex all the time. Which is fine, but between working and sports which keeps us both very busy, it just doesn't happen as much as we both would like I guess. But it is still frequent and still awesome. Thank you for helping me understand a bit more. Sometimes it really makes me feel insecure but I know he is 100% committed to our relationship long term. Any additional feedback would also be appreciated.
  2. sunny_daze
    I need feedback from the guys here. I'm not 100% against porn. I just would like some answers from the male population. My boyfriend looks at porn on the net daily. He says he looks at it to keep his sex drive up. He says it doesn't make him want other women. It makes him want me more. It makes me feel inadequate and wondering what he is not getting from me or our relationship that makes him "need" to look at porn every day. We have a great sex life and relationship. We have openly discussed the situation many times and I have not asked him to stop looking. I would just like some feedback so that I can understand a man's need to look at porn. Men and women are very different. I get that. I am just trying to understand as it really bothers me and I do not want to feel this way nor do I want to start telling my b/f what to do based on my insecurities. Thank you all in advance for your feedback.
  3. sunny_daze
    Jetset, the pain must be unbearable. Like other posts have suggested, time will eventually heal the pain. In the meantime, you have to live through it. I feel really horrible for you. I know that pain and each minute or each day seems to last forever. The pain seems never-ending right now. My suggestion would be to get busy. Do all the things you have been putting off. Do as many of the things you have always wanted to do. Put yourself first. Keep busy. Try something new. Make a to do list of items that need to get done. Make a list of all the things you would like to do, commit to yourself that you will do a specific # of these task per day. Maybe a new job so you will not see your ex's car? If you do not know what she is up to, it won't hurt as much and the pain won't last as long. As you become more busy, you will start to heal because those minutes of pain will not drag on. I wish you all the best. Don't forget to put yourself first and you are the one who had to live through this pain. Unfortunately even your closest friends and family can't take it away. But they can help and listen.
  4. sunny_daze
    Oh Kittengirl, I feel badly for you and the hurt and confusion you are going through. I do not know the whole story and who knows if something is going on with this other woman or not, but he expressed that the spark is gone. You will never know what is going on and you will never trust him again. Without trust, what is there? It does sound like the circle is repeating itself. Cut your losses and move on without him. You deserve better than this guy especially since he seems to have a history of doing this. 5 years is a long time to spend with a person and it takes a while to get over him and stop missing him. But you will. Time is a wonderful thing. In the meantime, don't sit around and mope, it will only make things worse than they need to be. Start fresh, decorate your new place exactly how you want to and keep yourself busy. Maybe start a new hobby. When I split with my husband I started dragon boating because it was something I always wanted to do. It was the best thing I did for myself. I was busy, I was getting exercise and I made lots of wonderful new friends. 4 years later I have a wonderful boyfriend but I haven't given up dragon boating because it has become one of my passions. All the best to you. Know that you can get through this and you will be better off without him. Talk care and put yourself first no matter what the outcome is.
  5. sunny_daze
    I struggled with that too. Especially when it was someone I really liked. Sometimes the easiest way to keep a conversation going is to ask questions. Open-ended questions not jut ones that will give you a yes or no answer. This also does many things. It shows her that you are interested in her because you are asking questions to get to know her. Also, after asking her many questions, she will have questions and then it becomes a conversation naturally. Now the hard part, what questions? Maybe write some down first so you have them in your head. You know she likes dogs and horses (for example what types of dogs/horses, have you ever had one, when, names, characters of them, etc). Ask her about those. What about friends and family? Everyone has those. Ask her if she has travelled, been to summer camp as a kid. We were all kids once. Ask her what her favorite colour is. Then when she says "blue", ask her why. Her favorite tv show and why. And after you get to know her better, you can ask her about her fears, hopes and wishes. Be ready to share back though. Do not ask her a question you are not ready to answer yourself. I hope that helps. Good luck, I know it's tough.
  6. sunny_daze
    Your relationship didn't sound healthy. You deserve to be treated way better than this. You made the right choice to break up with him. You sound like a strong person so keep on with the positive thoughts because you are right. It sounds like he has a lot of growing up to do. That takes time and you cannot change him. You shouldn't waste your time on someone like him. He doesn't deserve you. I'm not necessarily saying he is a bad person, just someone who needs to grow up. Some people take forever to grow up but you cannot wait around until he does. Start focusing on yourself and your needs and eventually, over time, you will start to heal. It sounds like you are on your way. It may seem like you will not get over him right now, but you will. Take this experience as a learning experience and grow from it. Don't ever let anyone disrespect you like this ever again. Chin up girlfriend.
  7. sunny_daze
    Nothing weird about it girlfriend. Don't feel weird or guilty about it. I bet you almost all of your friends are thinking the same things. If you were to ask them, they might not admit it because they are feeling the same way as you are. Don't beat yourself up over it.
  8. sunny_daze
    I finally did it and "attempted" to break up with my boyfriend last night. I went home (we live together) and told him I was breaking up with him because love shouldn't hurt this much and two people who supposedly love each other shouldn't hurt each other like we have. He said he will do anything to keep me. There are still tons of unanswered questions. I don't know what to believe. I do not know if I will ever believe or trust him again. BUT I have my sanity back. Either we work this out or we don't. I hope we can and I hope to be able to trust him again, but I will not live my life as I have. Not eating, sleeping or being able to focus. My whole world has been totally consumed with wondering if he has been cheating on me. Life is too short to throw away my health and peace of mind just for a guy. Call me selfish, but I'm more important than that. So where that leaves us, I have no idea but at least things have come to a head and a resolution will come about. I do not know what that will be but a resolution is what I need and I am going to get it.
  9. sunny_daze
    He might have had a good reason for calling at 8pm instead of 7pm. It was only an hour after he said he would call. If it was at 9 pr 10, well that would just be rude. Also, maybe he misunderstood and thought he was to call you at 8pm. Maybe he was nervous about the whole thing since it was your first date. You don't know why he called late. I think you need to call him and find out and probably apologize.
  10. sunny_daze
    The first time, let alone, many of the first times, are always ackward for both people. you're probably trying too hard and not just going with what feels right. Not having sex before you have to listen to what your body is telling you. Is he hard enough? Are you wet enough? If no to either question, you need more foreplay.
  11. sunny_daze
    That would be my advice too. Just come out and ask your parents why they do not come to as many basketball games as they attend your brothers hockey games. Tell them how that makes you feel.
  12. sunny_daze
    Pink, relax is the #1 thing. If you want to have one that badly, it's not going to happen. I didn't have one until I reached 30 and that was because many reasons. One is I became confortable with my own sexuality. Secondly, I found a man I was in love with and comfortable with. And the last thing, I just think I needed to come into my prime before I was ready. It's all very complicated. So few women have orgasims. I think only 30% of women have them. Something like that. You say you cannot orgasim with a vibrator. Have you tried other vibrators? One thought could be get a little egg vibrator for your clitoris and another vibrator for your vagina. Turn then both on, full blast and you may be surprised at the end results. But be comfortable with yourself and relax.
  13. sunny_daze
    Hmmmmm, my ex husband didn't have much of a sex drive. Once every 3 months maybe and then it only lasted a couple of minutes. At the time I got so used to not having sex that I didn't miss it either. Notice I say ex-husband. There is more to a relationship or marriage than sex BUT it is an important factor, especially if one person feels they are not getting enough. It sounds like you have tried everything and you are definitely an attractive woman. My only suggestion, and something I should have done, is to go to a therapist together. Talking about it with a mediator may make things clearer for both of you. He's a man for god's sake, he must have a sex drive somewhere in there. Something is bothering him and it could be anything. He probably doesn't even know what it is. In the meantime, while you are trying to work this out, get a good vibrator girlfriend, it will restore your sanity a bit. You do not want to be tempted by a man who even seems sexually interested in you. You are attractive so I bet there are tons of men who think you are sexy. So get YOUR man to a therapist. You need this for your relationship.
  14. sunny_daze
    Hahahaha, I haven't gotten to that part yet. I figure that we both must have a twisted idea of what love is. If I loved him enough to trust him I wouldn't have hired a PI to read emails. If he loved me, he wouldn't have cheated on me and/or set me up to think he was cheating on me to test to see if I was reading his emails. People who love each other do not treat other like this. Now I just have to tell him. .................
  15. sunny_daze
    Thanks Xandra. You weren't being blunt just honest. I appreciate that. I wish more people were like that. I have finally come to a decision and I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. It still hurts just as much but I know I can't go on living like this. I can't going on wondering when and if and not trusting someone I had planned on spending the rest of my life with. I had found some peace but know there is a rocky road ahead. But I'm pretty tough and I know I can get through this. Now the healing begins. The key word being "begins" instead of continuing under the immense stress, hurt and anger I have been under for 3 months. Life definitely is too short for that. My decision is final and now I can move on. Thank you all for your posts and feedback.
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