needafriend

How long have you been together? Long enough to get used to the distance? My last BF lived about an hour away from me and i only really got to see him on weekends - yeah i missed him, but i got used to it - there was nothing I could do!

You hit the nail right on the head! I rememeber once, a guy texted me (someone I had a brief fling with like 100 years ago!) and my BF got jealous! I literally fell off the couch... i was so shocked that i actually got a reaction out of him... I thought "Oh my god, he actually gives a sh*t!". Quite frankly I could really speak for about an hour out of complete shock. I wish i could control my emotions like him...

I wouldn't tell him... he will feel pressured. Can you move in together? I sense that you cant get your mind off him 1. because you love him a lot 2. because you don't feel 100% secure in what you have with him. Am I right?

I went through the same thing with my ex. When we broke up he told me the exact same things she is to u - i don't know how i feel, im confused, i don't know what i want... blah blah blah... meanwhile he was my first love and i would have stripped off naked and run down a busy highway screaming this if it would have got him back - NC worked - he did come back, be he still claimed to be feeling confused and kept me at arms length. believe me, this was possibly more heartbraking than the actual break up, because here I was standing right in front of him pouring my heart out and of course it never went anywhere. This has completley scarred me and I see it effecting my surrent relationship a lot, which is not fair on my boy. But it really has effected me to the point that I think it always will. Please don't let her do this to you - if someone keeps you hanging like that, putting a strain on your loving heart, they are absolutely NOT worth it!!! It took me a long time to realise this... and i lost a lot along the way, and nothing was worth it - even him.

I will put money on the fact that you have absolutely no reason not to feel 100% confident in yourself! Pleas try not to be too dependant on him - my has often told me that he wonders where that mysterious girl he fell in love with has gone - its heartbreaking but true, i rely on him to make me happy... this shouldnt be the case. For me, there is nothing that makes me happier than going to visit my family - i feel so loved and secure going home to my dads place, i go straight to the fridge, laze around on the couch, chase my dog around the yard - its so good for my soul - am he is the last thing on my mind!!! You got something like that to fall back on?

If she realises your worth and what she has lost she will come back - or at least try to - she may be stubborn (i don't know) but women will never 'the one' get away... i know i wouldnt... id fight for him until he married me!

Oh sweetie - what a horrible feeling. I have found myself in the same situation on a number of occasions with my bf (but without the tears)... but I know exactly why. I live alone (im only 21) and i dont get to go out that much and catch up with friends because i work two jobs - i become dependant on him to keep me company sometimes... This is not a good thing for you (nor i) but at least you know that you have a potential problem. Controlling your emotions isn't very easy when you are in love... its a very deep emotional thing - but the fact that you have recognised that what you are doing isnt normal... Is it that you don't feel like yourself when he's not around?

Thanks guys... your advice is golden. Why do our hearts decide who we love and not our heads! Logical thinking is to fall in love with somone that will make us the happiest we have ever been... yeah right!!!! Cheers!

Also, I always find myself apologising after I have tried to express my feelings because he does get angry (probably due to feeling attacked - not deliberate) because I get afraid that I am going to lose him. This is silly because I am just trying to communicate... its just seems so hard with him. BTW, Im his first real girlfriend...

Thanks DN. I think I have been ushing too hard lately, and he is pulling away. Actions like he would rather stay home and watch tv than come and see me, he doesnt call or text me that much... but that has never been the case (that is just what he is like) and treating seeing me and doing anything with me as a chore. It seems that Im the only one that gets excited to see him when I havent for 3-4 days. Pushing too hard is probably the case - who wants to see someone that is constantly pressuring you!!!! But I am crying out for his attention and it is just coming out in a very emotional way because I feel neglected. I have tried to communicate with him on this - much like your PM - but now its just getting so frustrating and Im acting like a whinging whiney b*tch. I don't want to be like that - but its seems like its the only way he notices me. Im aware that this isn't all his fault - in fact it is mostly mine! I just don't know how to make it better and get some of ME back!

Dn, because the majority of the time his actions don't match up with his words. This is the cause of my worries - and it makes me insecure in what we have. I know that sometimes his actions of love may not be perceived as that by me... but his heart seems so closed off to me. I feel as if Im putting in all of the effort and he is just coasting along taking it all in. I really am trying to understand him and love him for who he is, but his actions at times make me think that I am completely unimportant to him. I feel as if I just walked away... he would hardly notice and it breaks my heart.

Hi all, This has been eating away at me for a good month or so... I have absolutely no idea what my bf wants!!! It is the most frustrating situation to be in, it reduces me to tears on a regular basis... and am in need of some advice. He says that he loves me, but most of the time i have to pry it out of him (we have been together for 6 mnths), but I don't feel emotionally close to him... he isn't an emotional person and doesnt like talking about feelings at all! Its just getting really hard to take because I can't talk to him about my feelings he just closes up and i end up crying out of frustration. Its like im screaming out for his affections and im talking to a brick wall. I don't know what to do, as I don't know if he actually cares! Any advice?

Hey there. Im sorry you have to go through this type of emotional trauma. We have all been there and it SUX! But for us to give you our advice on the situation, i think you need to give some more ifo. Like... Who broke up with who and why? How old are you?

I think you did the right thing. I would have done the same. I know exactly how you feel when you say, your heart longs for her back but your head says that its not worth it. Exactly the same as my situation! You didnt break the no contact rule by seeing her and not talking to her. I think you should continue with the no contact and try and heal yourself, soon you will realise that you can do better. Heal and then find someone more deserving of your love...

hi rich, i have been following your posts im sure evrybody has. now im going to be very blunt here and give you my honest opinion. you sound like a fabulous guy, loving, caring and commited to your relationship. she does not deserve you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AT ALL!!!!!!! I am a woman and Im sure every woman here would agree that what she is doing is selfish, childish and just downright rude!!!!!! A woman DOES NOT need a set amount of time to decide whether she loves someone or not or whether she wants to be with someone. Im sorry if this hurts you (i know exactly how it feels babe) but she is just stringing you along incase someone beter comes along. sorry in my opinion, you should call her and say that you deserve better than to be put on hold like this and deserve someone that loves and respects you as much as you do them. this is not fair on you. trust me, i know whats its like to be in love with someone in a situation like this. as much as i did love him, i had a gut feeling that he was just stringing me along in your case so i cut all ties with him - as much as it hurt and now it has been nearly two weeks without contact i already feel so much stronger!!!! also, i have someone that likes me and made me see the light in how IM supposed to be treated!!!!!! if you dont agree, or have any questions... im here you are being very strong about the situation as gut wrenching as it is and i believe that no matter what the outcome, you will be better off in the long run. chin up my dear

Hi guys, I am after some honest advice here. A little background information. He broke up with me about 3 months ago after being togeter happily for a year. We were in love. I was heart broken when he left, and still am because of this situation. We started seeing each other again about 6 weeks ago. Things were fantasic and he made a lot of effort to get back into my life. I was happy again! But things havent gone the way I had hoped. We havent talked about getting back together and even though we have been sleeping together and doing things as a couple it seemed that we were still only friends in his eyes. I wasnt sure. I lovee this guy, with all of my heart and it hurts so badly not to know where I stand. The past couple of weeks have been tough for me. It seems thaat he has lost interest... and I dont know where I stand. Should I just come out and ask him?? Im afraid of the out come, cos I dont want to lose him again. In my heart, I dont see him asking for another chance, and I dont think my heart can deal with breaking all over again!! PLEASE HELP ASAP

Our situations are almost exactly alike!!!! Uncanny!!!!!!! Me and my ex broke up for what it seems the same reasons about 5 weeks ago. And what I have realised is, that if you love him - don't cut him out of your life. I agree with the No contact rule partially, true- make yourself scarce, go missing. But if they make the effort to call, see talk to you, always, always make them know that you are still there for them. You guys shared an amzing bond that will never compare to anything else you both have. I think you have done the right thing, I would have done the same!' Do you want this guy back???? Or are you just trying to make sense of the situation and heal your heart???

Well, you have to ask yourself if you want her in your life. She made it clear that contacting you wasnt trying to get back with you. So you have to make the decision whther you want to cut her out of your life or not. Do what you think is right. Let me know what you decide.

Hey. Im so glad to hear that things are working out for you. It must feel fantastic to have the person you love come baack to you. I think it is true that sometimes people just do need that whole 'time and space' thing to sort out their feelings. We all do get confused by our feelings at times. How long were you guys broken up for?? Did you have any contact with him?? Im meeting my ex in a week thought not to reconcile (only if there is a miracle!!!) and i can understand how nervous you are!!! Maybe we can coach each other through it!!!!! if you havent already left!

I am in the same position as you girl And all I can tell you is that, you get over the breakup, you get over the rejection/abandonment, you get over the pain, shortly you will get over the hope, but you never really get over someone that you have once fallen in love with. Sucks, i know but true. Right now, just try and focus on yourself. Do WHATEVER you want to do!!! And just be hap hap happy!!! Even if you feel acting happy is forced for the moment, it will start to come naturally and new and exciting things/places/friends will unfold before you!!! Is it possible to travel?!?! Bdub, you say that if the love is strong he will come back, do you really believe this??? Just curious...

Why did you guys break up in the first place?? I would do whatever felt right. In your head and in your heart. If you only feel complete when he is around and you truly love him. True love always deserves another chance.......

The last line in your post I think answers your own questions sweetie...

In reference to the saying... If love someone set them free, if they come back they are yours. Do they ever seriously come back?!?!?!?!!?!?! Some inspirational stories would help and personal opinions! thanks

but she is straight darlin!!!! I dont get it!

You can't help who you love! It sucks, but its true! Now, people are going to tell you things like. "You are crazy!!", "Why would you want to be with someone who treated you like that?!!?" "Find someone else that will treat you better!" In part I do agree with these comments, but I know how it feels to love someone that you can't have. And you cant tell your heart what to do. Is he happy with is new life?? If he his maybe you should be happy for him and love him from afar. Sometimes we want the ones we love, just to be happy, even if it isnt with us!