sweetharmony

she sounds a lot like me. i recently broke up witha great guy. why? b/c he started talking about the future. he was wonderful-always surprising me. like always, i find something wrong with the ones who are wonderful. but now he's not so into me, i realize i made a huge mistake. i realize my childish behavior and need to face up to them. perhaps my fear stems from insecurity and an emotionally abusive relationships in the past. or my inability to let go of the past. every time i get close, i pull away. i couldn't even tell my last bf of a year i loved him-for fear of vulnerability. it's hard b/c i don't want to be hurt. yet i keep choosing the very men who will in fact hurt me...and those that are too nice, i reject. i'm learning to see this inevitability and until i get help for it, i can't be in any relationship. i will continue the same patterns. i can't speak for her, but the same thing goes. she's not ready for a relationship. she needs to work through her fears-counselling. i believe she will come back. you sound great and she will miss you tons. but she will leave you again, as seen through this neverending cycle. until she can get help or sort through her emotions and realize you're not going to wait around forever. or until she just grows up a little.

wow, such a longwinded question. i see life as a series of challenges and lessons that we must face and conquer. and of course, birth, love, death, birht and all the lifecycles are all meaningful aspects.

she sounds as though she has sel esteem problems too. the only thing you can do, if the two ahve you ahve talked openly and honestly is to let go. tell her one mroe time that you can't go on like this and until she wants an adult relationship where there are no games, then you can't wait around for her. give her some time and only take her back one more time if she proves herself. what else can you do? you allow her to gt back together break up-you continue the cycle-even though you don't initiate it. let her realize what she lost without you. but don't allow her to walk all over you either. be patient, but firm. you can't continue this cycle over and over again.

by the sound of your relationship, it sounds like she'll come back. it does sound like she loves you, however, she is scared and freaks out at every interval of commitment. i know many people say for him not to call her, to let her come back, but sometimes, those weho are scared may be fearful of letting thier guards/walls down of letting people in. maybe she needs a little reasurrance. you need to have a mature discussion about where you're going. tell her how you feel. maybe her texting you was a sign for you to take the lead. don't play games back. just tell her, "i really care for you and want to try this relationship. if you need time, i'll give it to you. if you want to try again, let's be open, honest and communicate. if you get scared, let's talk first before breaking up-b/c i can't go through this anymore." if she can't give you a straight answer or can't work on it maturely, then you have to let go. how many times can you do this to yourself? tell her you ar thre for her and that relationships go through ups and downs. mayeba little reassurance is what she is lookign for. mayeb the no contact on your part isn't what's going to work. it sounds in your situation that she wants you to chase after her-but that's not healthy either. i can tell you, i made the mistake of breaking up with a great guy b/c i was scared. i have the chance to try and work on things and i'm messing up b/c i'm scared. i'm not taking the lead, b/c i'm stubborn and feel thigns should be the way they were-when he was pursuing me and surprising me all the time. now, he's taking a backstep and seems unintersted. so, i'm unsure of where to go and now even more fearful. i try to see if he wants to make plans, but he doesn't really ask or commit to a date? do i ask him out. i don't want to be the fool, now. am i wasting my time, is he stringing me along b/c he has noone else now?

it depends, who divorced whom? was there cheating involved? it all depends.

he did finally kiss me the day before we broke up. it was short, odd and uncomfortable. that's when i decided it wasn't going to work-prematurely. it was after i met his parents at the two month mark. when he was leaving my apt. after we shared photos of his trip, he asked, "well, aren't you going to kiss me good bye" it was just weird and unusual and not passionate. but, him being 30 yrs old, and me 27, and mind you-he's looking for marriage, he was being old fashioned, i guess. we talked about it and he wanted me to know it was unusual for him, but that he really saw potential with me and wanted to wait so that we could build a relationship that would last-he always talked about wanting us to last and he's aske me to join him at his cousins wedding in israel in june-even recently-but i'm still getting mixed signals. he's into me, he's not. he says the next long-term relationship will likely end up in marriage and he was crazy for me...but now i feel like he's playing games. or mayeb being cautious. finally we did have a real passionate kiss and it was nice. the atraction that was lacking is there-not completely, but somewhat-it's nice, just not overwhelming. about the relationshi. he says it should be back to where it was if we're meant to be adn that in a month we should realize whether it's there or not. but i disagree. if neither is putting any effort, than it can't possibly get back to where it was. should i do more? or just let him take the lead now?

Hi, I was dating a guy for about two months. he was nothing but great to m. but he hadn't kissed me yet-only asked me out once in a while, but all special surprises. brought me back gift from vacation. even asked me to join his family for his mother's dinner b-day. but i wasn't feeling the passion. I gave him the "i'm confused speech" he wanted to work it out, but i needed time. he was so understanding and patient and great about keeping communication open. a few days later, i realized i neded it prematurely-day after new years and i called him. we've been slowly working on things, but it's not the same and i don't expect it to be yet. but he doesn't offer to make any plans. i'm the one always trying to set a time to meet up. well, last saturday we were suppose to go to jersey to meet his friends for lunch. the plans were messed up b/c of me having slept at a friends the night before. but we hadn't confirmed a time, etc...so he got upset. it seems that now all there are are misunderstandings and too much talking about "us". i know he's still angry. but i miss him calling everyday from work and surprising me. will it ever get there again? or am i deluding myself? i'm not sure if he's just not into me anymore or playing it safe or letting me take the lead. i'm more than happy to initiate if he's willing to give a little too. but should i always be the one initiating? apparently, his last gf spoiled him-which also suffocated him. so i'm cautious too. is it futile to continue this? i'm feeling he just lost interest. yet he called me yestrday morning. i called him back and he hasn't called since. he uses to call back immediately or withina few hours.

okay, update. i think he's still intereted. I'm giving him space. the communication lines are back open. he's being receptive, but cautious. i'm staying positive-no games and i'm going to be more equal. we haven't made firm plans-as he is a doctor and worked overnight last night. so hopefully when we talk today as we planned, we'll set something yp. usually, he does all the planning-all our dates were surpriseshe went all out to amke them special, but this time, i'd like to surprise him since I really haben't reciprocated much yet. should I cook him dinner-or b/c we're still in friends zone, should I just make it less romantic and let things play out? or should i let him take the lead and offer something. I want him to know I'm serious but not overly eager and desperate. i've been keeping our discussion lighthearted and fun like beec said-no discussion of where are we or we are we going. i'll let him take the lead but also show equal footing.

thanks for the replies. day by day i guess. we'll see what happens. i guess he needs to know i'm for real. he told me last night. he wants to be with a girl who will love him and not question her feelings. i don't blame him for pulling away. i just hate being the pursuer now. i'm afraid since i am oursuing him, he'll lose interest-like all guys do.

derek, you really think it's over? should i move on? it's not like i cheated or anything. i just needed a little time to sort my feelings. and he understood that or so i thought. i'm willing to fess up to my mistakes...i've ben in long-term relationships (4 1/2 years) and I'm kinda scared. but i'm about to lose something great. don't people make mistakes. it was just that i needed some time. it was going fast and i needed a breather. when i commit, i commit. is the trust really so broken? we haven't even got to know one another yet.

I've recently moved back to NYC after 9 years in FL and have been stressed out by the move. but i've been making new friends, etc... and trying to establish my roots again. I started dating a guy back in November who is great. we have so many interests, life goals, similar values, same ideas about religion, upbringing, background, etc... i just moved (i'm 27 will be 28 this year) and of course I want to meet the one!! he's too good to be true, but we both decided to take it slow b/c we wanted this to last. he even told me he's not looking toplay around. he's been wonderful to me. I even met his family, friends, etc... well, one problem. he hadn't kissed me until our fifth date. at that point, i was starting to feel uncomfortable-waiting and it was just awful timing. and i had just met his parents and he is already asking me to go to Israel with him in June. I got freaked b/c I thought, oh my gosh. this can't be it. so i gave him the "i;m confused let's be friends for now speech" I was afraid, scared anbd right now, I want to have fun and make friends, considering I just moved here. I was afraid of losing my identity again and becoming enmeshed in a person. i made a mistake b/c i miss him. so, i invited him to an art show last night. we had a great time and the attraction is there again. but now, he's cautious and wants to be friends. gosh, why did i start the game playing??? it's so childish. FOR THE FIRST TIME, I meet a guy who's ready for commitment....and with me and he's not playign games. I trust this is my gut and now i blew it b/c i'm childish. he want to continue to see where things gow, but now the tables have turned. now i have to be the one putting all the effort in, when he was the one calling me every day at work and coming up with surprise dates and inviting me for dinner with his family. i know it should be equal, but i feel now it's all on me. how do i redeem myself without chasing him

hi, i know the games very well. i used to be needy, but I'm the exact opposite now. my gosh, yes I am a cancer and a book cancer. the only thing being, i now have a thick shell to hide my soft center. i am very insecure and freak out when my bf (or ex) doesn't call everyday. but i never call him. idon't want to act needy or seem so clingy. that's my biggest fear-to eb that crazy, needy girl. so, i'm the cold hearted #$%%&. i guess not much better. i fear getting hurt. i've ben in your position, and it makes guys disrespect you. i would say, take two steps back. don't be so needy, but also, don't play games. playing games ruined my last relationship-which could've been good. i was so afraid of seeming needy, that i was the exact opposite-cold, mean, unromantic, unreciprocating-just so damaged. i have a wall that doesn't let anyone in, depsite the fact a that i ache so much inside for love. i completely lost faith in love, b/c it seems that everyone always has to play so many games-in order to keep it intersting. but little games are quite necessary. where do you draw the line?

thanks for the reply. but if i pull away again adn stop calling and acting so into him, then I'm playing games too. do i want to be in this push/pull relationship. how does that foster intimacy and getting to know each other-when neither of us are into each other at the same time. how long do i go through this? he made me this love CD-with all intense love songs, he acts intense around me....and i tell him to be quiet b/c i don't uy his bs (i say it jokingly). but he persists ans then when when we're not together-he's cold. and then he basically makes me feel like I'm the intense one-totally turning it around. this is crazy. maybe it is me????

I started dating this guy about two months ago (met through a friend)-i just moved to a new city. I've been keeping my distance b/c i just moved and I'm scared of getting hurt again. so, he's really into me at first, great first few dates, now he's planning all these future events, takes me to nice places, cooked me dinner last week for landing a new job, etc... then he tells me he wants to be exclusive, take me on vacation and be there to support one another-that he never gets past a few dates and dates a lot and that he knows what he wants and it's me. I've been very cautious, but i really like him. he was pushing me, saying that he doesn't want to invest his heart if i'm not into a relationship and if I were to give him any indication that I want to be in a relatiosnhip with him, he's right there with me. so, i say yes. and then...fast forward-he's not as into me and now he's not acting as a boyfriend-calls are rare and we see each other at most-once a week. so, i'm confused and i bring it up. now he denies ever saying any of these things. did i misinterpret what he was saying?

just relax. maybe give her eye contact a bit and if you sense she is interested, then walk up to her and say something nice like I just noticed you and wanted to talk with you. Is it okay if I buy you a drink? don't give cheesy line or anything. confidence is very sexy, but cheesy, pre-fabricated lines are not. i know it's dofficult to get the courage, but don't fear rejection. Everyone gets rejected at one point or another. it's life and not everyone is going to be interested in.

My ex and I have sporadically kept in touch since we broke up in Dec. I officially broke up w/ him b/c our break-up was inevitable. He's moving to do his residency in NY (we lived in FL) and I asked him about out future and he told me he doesn't see us together and would not ask me to move w/ him. We had been dating a year at this point. he really wanted to remain friends, but I told him I needed time. he's kept in touch with me from overseas (he's been doing rotations in other countries and staying in NY for interviews) and now that he's back (3 mos later) he wants to hang out. I am not interested in him anymore- i've moved on, albeit still hurt. I feel okay w/o him, but probably b/c I accepted him leaving long before we broke up and I never got too close tp him-except towards the end both of us started to fall. I want to hang out w/ him b/c I do care for him deeply, but I'm afraid it might take me a few steps back. He's a great guy and fun to hang out with and he always wants me in his life. but I don't think that's healthy. i don't want to take steps back. He just wants to hang out as friends and I'd like that, but I don't know if I'm ready. right now, my feelings are closed off, but like has happened in the past, they might come rushing back when we see each other.

Hi, My friend, who I've been friends with since Jan. is a lot of fun. He goes out practically every night and often I join him. However, I notice he is an alcoholic. It's really bad. He goes out every night (he has to work at 9 am) and stays up until 5 or 6 in the morning- so he gets no sleep and then the next day, same thing. I need at least a few days to recover. But every day he calls me drunk, telling me these things, promises. I know he's playing around, but he's crazy. he often pops pills on top of the alcohol- oxycontin, xanax, pain pills- whatever he can get. the next day, he doesn't remember half of our conversations. even within the hour, he doesn't remember calling me the previous hour. He'll call me eveyr few hours while he's drunk and not remember each conversation. then he proceeds to forget what we're talking about while on the phone- and he sounds drunk. talks slurred speech/ half falling alseep on the phone. can't keep a straight convo. talks in circles- not knowing what he's talking about. it's really bad and I want him to get help. I've mentioned before how I feel, and he doesn't deny he drinks too much. but he gets mad that I keep bringing it up. it's like he's in denial. i've never met anyone who gets so messed up. what do i do? i'm really worried about him- i mean i can't imagine how he functions evry day like this- i mean every day. and then when he's not drinking he complains of these migraine headaches that won't go away. but he doesn't complain when he's drinking. i keep telling him they are caused by withdrawl from alcohol and pills- it's like he doesn't see a connection.

well, apparently he wasn't that interested in me, as I suspected. I haven't heard from him. Although he was the last to call, I think if he were really interested, he would have wondered if something was wrong and tried to call back apolgizing for cancelling the second time. Well, good riddance. At least we wouldn't have prolonged it for the sake of being alone. i'm too old for that now. Luckily, after prolonging relationships that weren't going anywhere for fear of being alone, I finally learned my lesson. It just isn't worth my time. I staed in a four year and many two year relationships that were so-so. Not anymore. I'm not getting any younger. I am now free to date someone who will really be into me. i'm glad I didn't call back. just prolonging the inevitable.

I've been casually dating someone for about a month now. the only thing we've done is kiss. We've hung out maybe 6 times or so. both basically splitting the costs when we go out. at first he seemed really into me. i get confused, b/c he plans things for us in the future (indefinite), but then he calls me last minute to hang out. now, he's really only asking me out to bars to hang out with his friends. i'm getting the sense he's not as interested, but not sure. he hasn't asked me on a real date since the beginning. this weekend we were supposed to go to a film festival and he left a message cancelling on me- said he's having surgery on his foot monday and wanted to rest and had a lot of things to do this weekend since he's be out of commission mon and tues. he left this on my voice mail thursday. i haven't called him back-not because I'm mad or anything, it's not like i don't believe him, but he shouldn't have cancelled on my voice mail- he should have in speaking to me (at least) and maybe suggested another date to get together. also, i was working thursday and friday night and busy sat. i just get the feeling that he likes me, but is just not really interested b/c he usually calls me last minute to come hang out at a bar. but maybe he's that kind of person? so was I wrong not calling back? should I at least call him back or just forget it. i don't want to be rude. and I feel bad, b/c he is having minor surgery (he's pretty trustworth). and a common friend introduced us. but if he's trying to give me the hint, then i don't want to keep prolonging this dating thing- whatever you call us. how do i resolve this- i'd like to be his friend b/c we have a lot in common.

I am a Discover magazine junkie and I have to agree that from a number of article I've read, chemistry b/w people has a lot to do with the chemistry of your brain. I'm not going to repeat the info already presented about pheromone attraction. one thing to note is that the pheromone power only lasts b/w 6-18 months. once that wears off, the chemistry b/w two people is not so high. it reaches a plateau. that's why a lot of people "fall out of love." the high you get when you are first dating someone is like a drug, as dopamine is released. basically, falling in love is like taking a drug, it produces the same checmial reaction int he brain, albeit a little different. however, why do humans stay together, when we are non-monogamous animals? researchers realized that the hormone oxytocin, is the bonding chemical, one that is released during significant moments and adheres memories and feelings. when a mother gives birth, oxytocin is released and also duirng intercourse. this is a feel good hormone and is not the high like dopamine, but just a feeling of comfort and satiation. this idea is still speculative, though. hormones in the body regulate all types of feelings. i read another article that noted male armpit sweat can reduce anxiety in a female. my ex and I used to joke about that- can you imagine? also, people are typically attracted to individuals whose immune systems are different then their own. this choice ensures that their children would have a combination- the best of both worlds- survival of the fittest. it's interesting to study body chemistry and why people are attracted physically and chemically- through pheromones. i alos think that a couple can develop love through bonding- the oxytocin and never have the exciting love. is this better, perhaps. perhaps you can develop that as well. there's so much to think about and I LOVE THIS TOPIC. thanks for bringing it up. it's something I ponder often.

Hi, I've been casually dating this guy for a little over three weeks. met through a mutual friend. we've beem talking for several months now, but i guess both taking it slow, both just out of long-term relationships. he's been asking me to hang out every weekend now and making plans for this weekend trip a few months from now. It's all overwhelming, but nice nevertheless. We have good chemistry, but I'm just not sure of a long-term future. I told myself I wouldn't get involved unless there was potential. i'm also afraid of getting hurt, esp. when a man is so into you right away. often, when they get excited that quick and too ahead of themsleves, then that also burns out quickly as well. so I knd of hinted that I wanted to slow things down, by saying that I wasn't sure about all these plans, etc... and I didn't want to think so far ahead. we left our last date, with him asking me whne we were going to see each other again. he ha even asked me to go out with him this weekend (this was Friday night). I told him maybe. I've been waiting for him to call me. I guess I should call him? I'm not sure what to do. i guess I'm a little old fashoned. but I don't want to play games either. Maybe I'm a little insecure too, waiting to make sure the guy likes me. but also, since i don't see a future with him, am I wasting my time? this guy is 30 and has indicated that he's tired of the dating thing, relationships that don't go anywhere. Oy, the first one I've heard. it should make me happy, but makes me more scared, considering my last boyfriend- who I accidentally fell in love with told me there was no future. I kept my guard up for months until he finally, after 7 months broke it down, only to really tear my heart out whne I was finally exposed.

Hi I am recently back in the dating scene. This guy and I have gone aout a few times, not really formal dates, but dates. just some drinks and art galleries, not too much to oay. I bought one round of drinks each time, no big deal. tomorrow eve. he's taking me on a formal date- to a play and dinner. i'm nervous about the paying situation. I've always been uncomfortable with that. if the guy has a really cushy job and can afford to pay for everything, then I have no problem letting him pay for everything. but this guy is a student and works part time. i work full time and probably make more than he does (although i make #$%^ pay working in non-profit). but tomorrow is going to be rather expensive for people like us. dinner (prob $20 ea) and theater tickets at $25 ea. and drinks, etc...I'm afraid if I don't offer to pay for anything, he won't ask... and if I do offer, maybe I'm not letting him court me. HELP! what is proper ettiquette. also, he wanted to pick me up, but it's way out of the way and we would be late for the show, so i told him not to worry- that I'll drive to his house. the past few times, i always go up to his house (half hour a way) just b/c where I live there's nothing to do and he lives in the city, so it makes more sense. But he seemed to really want to do it, to make it formal by picking me up i told him it was okay if he didn't. Am I not letting him court me enough. Should I allow him to do these things if he wants. It always makes me feel bad, b/c it's just pointless, extra driving and out of the way. am i making the dating thing too easy for him? will I just encourage him to take advantage of my kindness and my being so easy going.

thanks, PrincessLinzay. Technically, I broke up with him b/c he would still continue to date me until he leaves in May. But he's basically gone for the next two months anyways one month in NY for for residency interviews then a month to London for a medical trip. I figured I was wasting my time as he had a girlfriend to pick him up from the airport and be there for him when he's in town for the next five months. I figured it would only prolong the hurt. I'm actually planning to move to NY anyway, bc my family and friends are up there and he knows it and possibly wants to continue at some point down the road (meaning, if I can't find anyone better). nad he really thinks I should move there anyway b/c my parents and friends are up there- it's where ai grew up and he thinks I would love it. But Iw atned to mvoe to San fran where my married sis lives. but i'm having doubts about that too. not knowing anyone but my married sis and her friends could force me to cling onto her. but would i be following him? and since i broke up with him, does the no contact rule apply? He thinks i don't want him to contact me.

My ex and i broke up a little over a week and half ago. He's leaving for medical residency and I'm afraid of getting closer. He wants to move to New York alone and experience it as a bachelor. Then, he says he would love for me to move to New York and experience it with him. Then he says, "but I want to move alone first." he's driving me crazy. He says that if he thought about us with his heart, he would stay with me forever. But his head tells him otherwise. He confused me, but has stronger feelings for me than anyone ever. and that he feels the exact same way I do. I know he loves me. I see it in his eyes when I meet him. I know we get along just greaat. We never argue and when we do, it's just because I get emotional about him leaving and so I want to break up for fear. It's been me who's been unsure about him. But we come from the same religion, and same religious denomination, similar socioeconomic backgrounds. He's from South America so different culture. i guess we're not talking right now. we haven't spoken in week. He didn't call to wish me a happy new years or anything. then he sends an e-mail with a link to his happy new year's photos from his vacation in key west. him having fun. the link was separately sent to me, not to a group list- the link was only sent to my e-mail and there was no "hey, happy new year's...check out my photos" there was only the link? what the &*%^? Why would he do this? is he trying to be nice? it's really not nice, sending me photos of him and his friends partying and having fun, while I'm heartbroken and hurt. do i e-mail him back. technically, he wants to be friends...and really friends (i don't doubt it, it's not a line). he really is my best friend. I told him I coulkdn't be friends with him b/c it hurst too much, and he is upset b/c he doesn't wwant me to throw away what we had since it was so beautiful. yet, he doesn't want a relationship w/ me. He wants his cake and eat it too. Our sex life was great and I can't see not doing that as friends. So in reality, we cannot be friends. I don't know what to do. because he jus doesn't love me enough. Do i e-mail him back or just leave it? thanks

Last night, my boyfriend of almost a year were sharing personal stories. I don't know how we got onto the topic, but we started taking about men who become infatuated with women and want to buy them things and take care of them. Well, i decided to share a story with him that I never share with anyone b/c I think it's a little unlike me and it sounds a little crazy. Tell me if I'm being hard on myself. He's know me to only have serious relationships and sleep with relatively few who are close to me. Needless to say, I've had this one crazy relationship. During my senior year in college, my boyfriend and I broke up. I met someone who lived out of town (who used to live in my city) at a bar. We had great conversation- he was intelligent, artistic, well-read, good looking. He asked to take me out to dinner the next evening and at first I told him it wasn't a good idea since he was leaving to go back home and that I wasn't that kind of girl. Well, he promised that he wouldn't try anything and then I agreed. Well, we had an amazing time and then we kept in touch for two months over the phone. He kept begging me to come and visit and I told him no. I was just about to graduate from college and he offered to fly me out to visit him and he wanted to take care of everything. For a while, I deliberated, wondering if this guy was a psycho. I talked to his parents, sister, friends, etc... over the phone to make sure this guy was okay. Plus, this guy had been friends with one of my exes friends who I knew well. I set ground rules before I left. Gave all of my friends his parents number and his, etc...and I told him I would not sleep with him. He agreed. He told me he felt something very strong and he wanted to explore our relationship a little more. Plus, his parents were married within three days of meeting and they are still in love together. and i guess I was a little restless and on the rebound. So, after a long time of him asking me to come out there, I did. He paid for everything. I was only supposed to stay for two weeks and then it turned into a month. I had an amazing time. But I was on the rebound and wearing rose-colored glasses. I was stupid and this guy was asking me to move out there, etc... which I told him was crazy. I feel kind of embarrased- almost like he bought me to go out there. Even though we didn't really do anything, I feel stupid for even letting him pay. I think I shared a little too much detailed info with my boyfriend. He kept asking questions about what we did sexually, etc... and I couldn't lie at this point. We didn't have sex but fooled around and slept in the same bed and my boyfriend kept asking specific details. My boyfriend is conservative when it comes to women and is a little religious. he's liberal in other respects, but he thinks women should wait until they get married and really conserve their bodies. he also knows I have a tendency of rebound relationships. He now says that it's a habit of mine not to be alone and I jump from one relationship to another. I'm sensing he thinks I'm a little pathetic in that regard. I also sense he's pulling away a little, thinking that he's not special since I have fallen prey to stupid men. On the contrary, I am very picky, but yes, fear being alone and stay in relationships that are going nowhere. As you know, men like competition and he thinks I just settle to be with anyone and I feel that he thinks he's not special. Well, this is not true! Yes, I've had a few rebound relationships which were complete mistakes, but that was to heal. Yes, it's hard to be alone. but those I get involved with seriously have always been great people. Needless to say, I think he's beginning to lose repect for me, which is now a huge issue in a relationship. how do I regain his respect? A lesson to everyone. Don't share stories about your past with current boyfriends. Honesty doesn't bring you closer- it only drives you apart.