sweetharmony

i recently started dating this guy who's new to the area. i've known him for two months now. first we started off as friends and then he's interested. I've sensed something odd about him- he's hot one minute and then cold the next. he calls a few days straight and then doesn't call for a week and half. I am attracted and interested in him, kissed him a few times. i've told him i want to be friends. I am attracted to him, but i feel that our relationship could go nowhere- he doesn't seem to be attentive or interetsed in things i have to say sometimes, his attention span small... so i sort of gave up on him. i didn't call or return his calls. then he e-mails me saying he misses me so much. doesn't mention it's his b-day (but i remember) so i e-mail him with an e-birthday card. since he's new to the area, i thought it would be nice to offer to take him to the movies (so he wouldn't be alone- he doesn't really have any friends yet). we go the movies (he insists on paying) before the movie begins tries to kiss me. i assert my position and say that i only want to be friends. we get into a conversation about las vegas and then he offers to take me there (all expenses paid) and begins to promise to take me to all these places (the best restaurant in town, disney, etc...) is this guy for real? or is this some bait and switch ploy? his promises freak me out. what kind of tactic is this- we're not even dating? i don't want to be that pathetic rabbit with the carrot dangling before her eyes. i want to assess the situation before he attempts to manipulate me. i am very attracted to the guy and perhaps i am overanlyzing (i tend to do this often), how can i tell?

i think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be attracted to a gril that you date. I completely respect you for being so nice to this girl- perhaps a little too nice. Don't beat yourself up for not ebing attracted to her. Liek you said in your message, looks are a 6 and personality is a 9. if you aren't physically or at least mentally attracted to the person you're with, it will probably not work out. It seems that this girl's perosnality isn't attractive to you either. anyway, if you don't want to talk with this women, be honest with her. tell her that you are just not interested in her that way and that you wishe her luck let her know that it would be uncomfortable dating a girl that your friend dated. i respect you for not "shagging" every woman that you meet. waiting for the right one is a good quality. don't feel bad for not being like your friend. but you need to be straight with this girl and tell her like it is.

i want to thank all of you for your advice. i guess the consensus is to let guy know, but how do i do it in a nice way? i've already mentioned that i feel uncomfortable kissing him b/c we have different styles. but he insists on trying again and every time, it gets worse and worse. but i am hesitant to give up. in response to Gilgamesh: But i do have a question, are you saying he kisses you by, engulfing your whole mouth with his then sucking? like a plunger? or is this what you are looking for? he kisses me like a plunger, opens his whole mouth and engulfs mine. then throws in a fast tonsel hockey or something nad then a peck (like grandma) and he kisses my face too with pecks - i'm really not sure. can't follow it- nor do i care to. this type of kissing isn't my idea of nice by any means. i prefer a little tongue kissing. where you kiss on the bottom lip first and then a little tongue and then move to the other side, etc... a combination that i have really enjoyed. i'm not saying this guy is a bad kisser, because everyone has their own style, and i give everyone the benefit of the doubt- but i just can't imagine anyone would liek this style. now the ? is, how do i tell this guy nicely that his kisses make me sick to my stomach? yes, they are that bad for me. if it were only the tonsle hockey thing ( to each is own), then i wouldn't be that sick.

I really like this guy I recently started dating. He's everything that i would like to find. he's successful, intelligent, we have similar backgrounds and we are both very attracted to eachother. I am not new to kissing. i have a particular way of kssing- not that i'm an expert or anything, but my style is very different than this guy's. I've had some pretty bad kisses before, but some men you can teach. so i gave this guy the benefit of the doubt and kissed him a few times more. I have never had a kiss as bad as this one. i mean it was the worse kiss ever. i'm not saying that it's his or my fault, we just don't mesh. i'ver tried several times to lead him the way i want to kiss, by trying to take control, but he just doesn't get it. the kiss basically feels like a suction cup covering my mouth and then he kisses me like a wodpecker in such an aggressive manner. i can feel the sexual chemistry b/w us, but the chemical kiss is more liek two people dancing with two left feet. should i give up on the guy or is there a nice way to explain and teach him the way i want to be kissed? I am 25 yrs old and he is 28 yrs old. i don't want to hurt him and i'ver tried to tell him in so many words- like "i feel uncomfortabel kissing you b/c we have different styles"...but he just doesn't get it. i asked him if he thought our kiss was natural and he thinks we kiss fine. do i tell him or just move on? thank you!

I recently met this guy who I think is incredible. We have been friends for a month now and I am physically attracted to him. I get butterflies in my stomach when i'm near him and our moral values, desires, backgrounds are similar. I know he is attracted to me and has kissed me. There was absolutely no chemistry in the kiss. it was the worst. i just didn't feel it, but i was also very nervous. but yet i dream that there might be chemistry at a later point...is this possible? i think perhaps one reason i was nervous was that he mentioned (before we went on a few dates) that he wasn't looking for a relationship. this scared me from the beginning. a 28 yr old guy who is not looking to commit raises red flags. i am 25 yrs old and not looking for marriage or anything, but I don't like to doom a relationship from the beginning with such stipulations. i just don't want to get hurt- i feel as though i could fall in love with this guy, but i need to take his hint at face value..that he's not looking for anything serious. needless to say, i've pushed him away since the kiss, yet I really wish to pursue him. can i ever feel the kiss though it wasn't there the first time... or am i wasting my time, since he's not looking for a relationship. thanks

I know exactly what you are going through. I separated from my boyfriend of four years (6 months ago). We lived together and I know he still loves me and I him. I was the one who severed the relationship, but after a two months, I desperately missed him and begged for him back. i cried and obsessed, b/c we still spoke and were friends. finally after i humiliated myself enough times, i said enough is enough and i knew that i could not heal if i spoke with him. finally, i severed all contact except e-mail. it's been two months since we've spoken over the phone, and i must say, it gets easier day to day. if you are so dependent on this relationship, you must not speak with him, b/c each time you do, you want to break down. i was the same. Be strong, because you will let go. it's important to for your own mental and physical health. take care.