twentyOnE

jsx730, Dazzerg, great post. thanks. it makes me feel a bit better and I guess I can see where you're coming from. Any advice on how i should approach this? I mean, I don't see any signs that she's gay/bi or change in the relationship - but can there be a chance she might take it the wrong way and lose trust in me? I don't want her to think in the back of her head that i'm always going through her stuff behind her back. thanks again.

btw, these are videos. and i don't think that's a mature way to approch this.

should i confront her about it? explain how I came accross it?

well I saw some of the dates that it was created. it's been DL since 2005 and up to the current date. Honestly, it doesn't make me feel like a good enough man/bf for my gf to be watching pornography.

Hello fellow people. I've had this bottled up for about one week and it's eating me up inside and I'd like to get your opinion before I actually act upon my situation. background: I'm 24 and my gf is 26. my gf let me use her computer while I was over at her place, and I also use it to download certain things. well I accidentally deleted one of her picture on her desktop instead of what I intended to delete so I went into her recycling bin to take it out and I see deleted pornography(videos). I found straight up male/female sex, female/female sex, and male and multiple females. but no female/multiple male. current situation: I really don't know how to approach this... Is she bisexual? I'm a male and I would never watch male on male videos but she has girl on girl videos... If not, is it likely she can turn into one? Why would a straight heterosexual female watch to watch a girl on girl scene? does it turn a girl on? I don't know how to approach her with this. I don't want her to think I was snooping around her computer behind her back when it was totally accidental. But I am planning to confront her bc it's tearing me up inside and giving me second thoughts about her. I'd really like if someone can share their experience and explain why a heterosexual female would be watching girl on girl videos. thanks.

Hi, Currently i'm 24 years old and I know I've never had any libido/sex drive issues but I'm seeing a new girl and when we get intimate, I feel that I don't have that sex drive and I can not get a solid/firm erection. The thing is, I just broke up with my Ex-GF a month ago and she's a very wonderful person. I just felt that it was my time to leave and she was left heart broken. We agreed to be friends and we stay in touch almost daily. I don't have any feelings for her as a girlfriend but i do as friends. I don't know if this may/may not be the case but is it possible that I have some kind of guilt being intimate w/ another girl(i know i shouldn't) that prevents me from being aroused? Last time I was intimate with the new girl, my ex-gf popped into my head and I felt really guilty for some stranggggge reason... I was thinking about telling my ex-gf it's better that we don't talk for a while and keep her out of my head... anyone ever have this problem? or have any suggestions? I want my libido back! thank you for listening....

My ex-gf and I are both 23 years old and I was her first(at everything!). We broke up a week ago and she's been crying almost everyday until this past sunday because I decided to meet her. We had wine and drank and talked. She was telling me how much she loves me, missed me, etc. She wanted to hold hands and do all the bf/gf things. We kissed, she cried, and so on and even had sex. So last night I asked her where we're going with this whole thing and she told me she did not know. After wanting to act like bf/gf, she doesn't know whether she wants to be with me or not b/c she feels like i'm young. She is old fashioned and she thinks that I should marry a younger girl and her a older man. She keeps telling me her heart is telling her she wants to be with me, she has to talk to me b/c she is in love with me. But she is thinking with her head about all this marriage things and her future which is confusing her. I even asked her if she thought about us or me during the week and she said she doesn't know; she was only thinking about how sad and depressed she was. Do you think maybe she wants to just be with me without being official bf/gf to make her feelings better while slowly forgetting about me and moving on? That's what I'm scared of the most. I feel that I should just stop giving her attention and talking to her to cut everything off. When I did that when we initially broke up, she broke down. She's a girl who loves me, while is confused/scared of the future. She told me today that she may need 2 weeks for her own time BUT she said she can't do it without seeing me everyday. What am I to do and what are girls thinking in this stage in their lives???

what's NC mean?

Hi, Please before you read this conversation i had with her online, I want you to know how she thinks and what her mentality is. My ex-gf and i are both 23 years old and we are co-workers. We just broke up yesterday after 10 months of being together. I am her FIRST boyfriend, and FIRST love, and FIRST man she slept with. She always thinks with her head and not with her heart, and she's the type of person who's always reasonable and logical. It's always black or white and never gray and there's always a scientific reasoning to everything. I am so confused on what she means by all this!! she says she still has feelings for me, but does she still love me? Will she forget about me and move on? what can i expect? I am so heart broken... ***this is pretty long so you can just get an idea and skip if you need*** Her: How was your evening? me: heyas me: good. Her: what did you do? me: i studied my brains out Her: good me: until my brains oozed outta my ears Her: I am happy to hear that me: your computer working well? Her: yes Her: my mom noted how quiet it is yesterday Her: no Sunday me: ah great. Her: so thank you me: if u have any more problems let me kno me: you have a lifetime warranty on those Her: well my printer is not working... Her: and I am pressered to fix it me: ah. miyan i couldn't do it then Her: no no I will try Her: thank you Her: for the fan me: np Her: and the wireless stuff Her: okay have a good night and see you at work tomorrow me: nite nite me: what u do tonite? Her: nothing Her: stayed home me: did u work out? Her: read yer book Her: checked yer xanga Her: keke Her: nope Her: and cried me: cried? Her: normal breakup stuff Her: yes Her: naturally Her: yes me: there's no rule Her: i know me: you don't have to Her: well Her: it happens Her: naturally Her: so me: yea... me: i yawned once me: but that's about it Her: =) Her: i see me: yea me: yawned.... Her: well that makes my everything whole lot easier Her: so Her: anyway me: what makes everything easier? Her: its a good thing we wrok together huh Her: so its not as sudden me: wats not sudden? Her: well if I stopped seeing you all of a sudden Her: it would be so hard me: oh that u see me at work? Her: yes me: oh... Her: i dont know thats what i think me: so you like seeing me at work? Her: i guess Her: its better than not seeing you Her: which is normally what would happen if we werent co workers NO> Her: ? me: ofcourse we won't be able to see each other if we didn't work together Her: yea that what i am asying me: so this is what you wanted. Her: to see you at work? me: no. not to be together. Her: i suppose Her: thats probably why we had that convo Sunday night me: you mean monday Her: umm Her: not sure Her: what time it was Her: i thought it was sunday Her: night me: no. me: it was last night. Her: yes me: so you thought it was better to end it now than later. Her: today is tuesday bc its past 12 Her: i guess me: b/c you don't see me in your future. Her: no Her: that is not why me: then why is it better to end it now than later? Her: bc I am uncertain me: uncertain of? Her: i would rahter be certain me: your future? or us? Her: of us of life the future Her: yes all of that is involved Her: my future and us me: how do you suppose there will be an us if we're not together? Her: then there wont be I DONT KNOW me: i'm just curious to how you thought. Her: i am unceratin Her: i have doubts me: you have doubts about us. Her: yes Her: i think its matural Her: natural Her: i dont think i am such a bad person for ahving doubts me: natural for you. me: just know how i feel about you. me: don't forget about me. Her: yes i know Her: no i cant me: i mean don't forget your feelings for me. Her: you were my first Her: i cant ever forget Her: all women are the same me: i mean you are trying to forget and move on right? Her: they never forget their first me: i'm not talking about being the first or whatever. Her: no i am not trying anything Her: i like to lok back Her: reminisce Her: and cry about it Her: its thera putic me: really? Her: yes Her: i feel like all the energy is drained out of me me: it's just stressful/hard for me. Her: after I cry alot Her: so in a sense its theraputic me: so you cried a lot today? Her: yes me: oh man... Her: why? Her: its normal me: yea i guess. me: i haven't cried in a while. me: only yawn. cuz i'm a guy. Her: yea bc you are a guy Her: yes Her: girls can cry Her: yup me: well i hope you will be able to know what you want for sure. me: about everything. Her: yes Her: i hope so too Her: and you too me: i'm not as confused as you are. Her: hah Her: thats good Her: well Her: then me: i already have a path planned. Her: i see me: just need to take some more initiatives. Her: business school? Her: and then Her: what after? me: gmat, bschool, and intern while in school, and then get a job. Her: i see Her: you are really on the ball me: yes. after my life will be my family. Her: yes well thats a lucky family me: job is #2. me: i can always get a new job but never a family. Her: you have got your priorities set straigh Her: t me: that's just the big picture Her: well it is a nice picture me: it's harder said than done. Her: i knwo Her: everything is me: but that's just an outline. Her: you said it baakwards me: i just have to fill in the white space. Her: yes Her: you know what though Her: you never know me: what? Her: what wil lhappen me: yes i know me: no one will ever know Her: you never knwo waht life will bring you me: anythign can change in a blink. Her: yes me: exactly me: so i the outline is just what i follow. me: then i just go with the flow. Her: i see me: yes. life doesn't always have to be this or that me: who knew u were ever gona meet me at work? me: of all places. Her: yea me: very unexpected i must say. me: even for me. Her: yes me: you liked the diary? Her: i did me: sorry i coudln't finish the whole diary. me: i thought i'd have enough time. Her: no Her: its hard to write Her: every day Her: or on an eveyrday basis me: yes it is... me: very amusing short entries? Her: yes me: it's been so long i don't even know what i wrote except the last entry. Her: you write this is the last entry Her: i hoep you made the right choice me: yea i wrote it. in the car. Her: i wish all the ahpponess fro you Her: happiness Her: work hard Her: etc Her: it was very touching me: yea i only remember the last entry. Her: touching Her: and how you were thinkgi about cali Her: yesterday me: me: i was. Her: interesting Her: why was that? me: why do you think? Her: i dont know Her: why would you think of cali all of a sudden? me: sometimes thoughts just pop in and out of my head me: i do think about you a lot. me: alota memories comes in and out. Her: yes me: sometimes i have to stop and think deeply to remember certain details. Her: oh me: i just wanted to think of happy times. Her: so what deatil were you trying to recoveryesterday me: that's what i do when i am sad Her: you were sad yesterday? me: ofcourse. Her: in the after noon? me: because i knew. Her: how Her: what did i say me: i just knew my wifey so well. me: you didn't have to say a word. Her: i see Her: why? Her: how? me: i guess you weren't that deeply focused on me than i am on you. Her: i guess so me: i told you how much i am crazy about you. me: i can just sense it. me: it's like a sense you have for your loved ones. Her: yes Her: i see Her: you tell me how crazy ou are about me and you know me so well and you tried your best Her: but i was still unsure me: i tried my best me: BUT me: it's the best i could do at this moment. me: at the stage of life i'm in. Her: yes me: for what i am now and what i can do i tried my best. Her: i see Her: thank you Her: for teaching me Her: what love is me: what is it? me: i think you taught it yourself. Her: a lot of things Her: a great big conglomeration of a lot of things molded into this one big unexplainable feeling me: yea... me: it's more of something you can feel, not explain. me: i hope you know every morning when i saw your face, i just fell even deeper in love with you. it's what kept me going and made me stronger. Her: i know Her: you will fall deeper in love Her: with the final one Her: and I am jealous of her me: so you are saying that we have no future. Her: who knows if you love someone and yu let them go Her: and they come back to you then its meant to be Her: have you heard that saying? me: yes Her: me too me: so we're letting each other go... Her: i thought that was establisehd yestrday? me: that's what i meant. me: so we let each other go me: it's more like i let you go. Her: thats the impression i was under Her: that we let each other go me: no. it was more like i let you go. i never moved an inch. Her: same thing Her: you there? me: yes... me: just yawned a bit. but i'm here Her: well my purpose was to say good night thats why i signed on me: thank you. Her: and we have gone off on a tangent me: guess we couldn't help it. Her: yea Her: you meet the right person at the wrong time and the worn person at the right time Her: i guess timign is everything

She just detaches herself sometimes. She just acts like a friend would whenever she is in a dilemma. It doesn't have to involve me. I'm just afraid she thinks we're not meant to be but I do. But I think when she alawys gets confused about her future and what she's gona do with her life, she tends to stay distant from me. I don't know how a person can be so cold at times. It seems to me that sometimes it doesn't bother her if she doesn't see me for a few days or even call. Once she went to Domincan Republic for vacation and didn't call for 5 days! haha. i was so devastated back then... but then she told me that she thought it'd be okay b/c her friends "told" her that I knew she was in DR and that she's just having fun. But for me I feel that she shoulda called me when she got there to let me know she's having fun safely. Maybe it's just her menality and how she thinks i need to work with and try to get accustomed to it?

hello, i am writing to you about my relationship with my girlfriend of 10 months and we are both 23 years old. I am her first boyfriend, first love, and she lost her virginity to me. I have had serveral other gf's in the past and I believe she is so meant for me. Our relationship was going really great until a month ago that she didn't know what to do with her future. She was thinking about her future a lot and about us and she has been questioning our future together. She once wanted a break from me to know if she really wants to be with me or not about 2 months ago and it turned out she came back to me. For a few days now, she's been very cold, not giving me any attention and i feel that maybe in her head she really feels that we are not meant for each other in the long run but we are good for now. It seems like she is not really into this relationship as she used to. She used to love always being with me and being on the phone but now I am just confused. She told me last week that she is "physically tired" always trying to cater to me. I have no idea where she came from! She is the only girl i see and the only person i think about and i'll do anything for her. Our relationship in the pats was really good. She would give me all the attention, wouldn't mind just spending time with me only, and would tell me how much she loves me, etc and etc. Can you people also tell me maybe if something's wrong with me? I feel that I'd rather be with her and spend my time with her rather than anyone else but for her, she's fine just hanging out with her friends and it doesn't seem to bother her if she doesn't see me for a few days. Is it just me? Am I at fault for feeling that way? When she's hanging out with her friends, she just forgets about me until whenever. One more thing is that sometimes do girls get in a phase of being all lovey dovey and when she's scared of something she detaches herself? She's the type of girl who runs away from her problems hoping it will disappear. She did this a few times and distanced herself from me when she wanted a break.

sorry it was KISS

Hello, I am currently in a really great relationship with a girl/coworker for 6 months and we are both 23 years old. My girlfriend has never been in a relationship, had any sexual experiences so she was a virgin(i was her first), and she's always thought men as pigs(until she met me of course). I always thought perhaps she is a very naive girl who was raised in a very strict house, but she told me that she has been a victim of sexual harassment ever since she was a little girl. At the age of 7 a random man would call her house and claim that he is a doctor. He would ask her what color her vagina is, and try to manipulate her to thinking that she has a disease there. She would just hang up the phone and never talked to this man again. During high school, her tutor would forcefully try to kiss her at her own house. And when she resisted, he would grip her arm really hard and tell her to stop. She couldn't tell her parents because she thought it would break their heart. And during college, a professor kept taking random pictures of her and writing her creepy emails. He would often invite her over to his house to watch a movie together. Ever since she declined he would give her a hard time in class by not giving her the grade she deserved. This happened at an Ivy League school. I don't know why she didn't report this to anyone but she told me she didn't want to jepordize her school work and relations with other professors because of this incident. Last night we had a department dinner for our company and we were both late. My director asked me why i was late so I told him that I had to go home and shower. He made a comment "I wonder what you did that you needed to shower." (subtlely saying we had sex) My girlfriend after hearing that was very disgusted. She hates men who make those comments to her due to her past. I'm here trying to support her but I don't know what I should do to make her feel better. I'm just confused to what I am suppose to do as her man. I wanted her to report her professor and the tutor since they're still out there in this world commiting more sexual harassments to other innocent girls. I told her that if she took action now it can prevent other girls like her to become a victim but she doesn't want to do anything. She wants to just forget and move on. Please give me some advice on what I can do for her and how I should handle this situation. Thank you.

hi, this may be a long topic but this type of confusing dilemma was the first to ever occur to me. I need your advice. First off, i'm dating a Co-Worker. I have been working for 2 weeks now and already we hooked up. She works in my Dept and I see her everyday. Now secondly, she tells me she's a VIRGIN. She's 23 years old, never had a boyfriend, and never kissed a guy when she was sober. So last night I wanted to make out w/ her but she didn't know how to. The thing that really confuses me is that when we were really drunk, she was all over me, hooking up w/ me and was telling me that I'll be her "first" etc etc etc. But when she's sober, she tells me she's so embarrassed to do those kinds of stuff and doesn't know how to even open mouth kiss. Do girls really get like that when they're drunk? Do certain things that they wouldn't normally do when they're sober? I mean she was a totally different person when she was drunk. I just don't want to be lied to and played with and getting hurt later on. thanks for reading and i really appreciate your inputs. twentyOnE

we broke up b/c she's 19 and i'm 21 and i guess being in college she wants her own freedom in a way. She's saying that she's "satisfied" with her life right now but i feel that sounds like when her life becomes boring/sour, she'll run back to me which is kinda messed up. we've been together for 2 years and after we broke up she mite have had a guys but nothing serious. Well for an *update* she really does want to come for my birthday which is this friday and she'll be spending around 3 days with me. When i talk to her online, it seems like there's no "us" or she's not interested in me. i duno wat i should do when she comes. make a move? yes? no? do nothing about it? act like friends? play hard to get? ugh... i want her back so bad tho.

hi, well last night i had a chat with my ex-gf(gf of 2 years, we've been apart since august.) online and it started out because i invited her over for my birthday party i'm having on friday the 13th. I asked her to come b/c i did miss her and i wanted to hang out so i decided to go snowboarding the day after. She really wanted to come and to the looks of it, she's coming. She IMs me later and she's saying that she's confused... and i thought she was confused whether or not to come but it was about US. here's part of the chat and i don't know what she wants, looking for, and what she's trying to say to me. Even tho i DO want her back, i don't want to make the wrong moves. any advice woulde be helpful. thanks. HER: u kno i still have feelings for u ME: no i didn't know that HER: well. i do HER: as much as im happy to see u HER: i feel bad too ME: feel bad? about ? ME: about being there? HER: for all the shit i've put u thru in the past ME: wueva. thatz life HER: im satisfied w. the way things are rite now ME: that's good. i'm happy 4 u HER: i feel like u are the one for me HER: but then i'm not ready for it ME: how do u know that? HER: and i feel fukt up ME: u said u didn't know anything before. HER: i meant it the first time i said it ME: this was the first time u said it? HER: the first time i ever told u that you are the one. ME: and why do u feel fukt up? HER: i feel like i've hurt u too much to even think about getting bak w. u ME: yea i understand ME: and yea i know that you feel that way ME: so this is wats confusing you? HER: yea ME: u know wat? just don't think about it. ME: i just wanted to celebrate my bday and snowboard HER: i can't not think about it ME: i'm not asking u to do anything u don't wanna do ME: i just invited you cuz it'd be more happier w/ u there HER: i dunno HER: it juss hurts me when i see u

my ex gf and i have been broken up for 5 months now and we've been going out for like 2 years. Well this is how it all STARTED, i don't Instant Message, Email, Call her because she is the one that didn't want the relationship. So one night she IMed me and asked me if we were friends, I replied yes. She then said back Love you. She called me that night several times but i didn't pick up because i wasn't still over her and she left me a voice message saying that she just wanted to talk to me. Several days later without talking to each other, she IMed me saying that she was "sorry bout the other night". A week later, she decides she wants to spend the weekend with me, she comes over, we talk, cuddle, fondle, but she will not kiss me in the mouth nor have sex. Well before she had to go home, we hooked up, no sex, but she started to TEAR from her eyes lying there while i was doing my thing to her. remember no sex, no kiss in the mouth. I don't know what these signals mean? it's very confusing with the tearing, no kissing in the mouth? She never calls me on the telephone, she only IMs me. She knows she hurt me ALOT when she broke up with me and she may have had another bf but i don't know what's going through in her head. IS SHE PLAYING GAMES??? thanks.

hi, i just got out of a relationship w. a girl i do want to be back with but it's just not my choice. Well i do still really love her and i feel that we're meant to be and i want to get a tattoo representing us. Even though i am not sure she'll be back to me i feel that it's a way to express my feeings. 3 years ago i got a tattoo on my shoulder after this girl broke my heart, but that tattoo had nothing to do with "us". it only represented my new life and a new person that i was becoming. Does anyone ever gotten a tattoo of a person they loved?? do you regret doing this in the future even though they don't come back to you? twentyOnE

I broke up w. my ex-gf I've been in love with for 2 yrs since may and I started seeing her again a month ago. We'd hang out on the weekends at each other's place since we live far away. The reason we broke up in the first place is because she didn't want to be a relation after 2 yrs. When we hang out, we act like we're still together, she still tells me she loves me, and we still hook up. So basically when we're together it's like we're back together but then when I go back home she doesn't really call and doesn't seem like she's interested in talking to me. Because she doesn't call me, I try not to think about her and I don't call her. Sometimes she'd ask me why I didn't call her or why my phone was off and sound interested and other times she doesn't call me either. Right now I feel that she doesn't give me any attention that she used to give when we were together. I also noticed the way she thinks. Like she wouldn't really plan anything to do with me and keeps telling me she doesn't know about everything. When she comes to visit me, I'd make sure to leave my time free so i can spend it all with her but it's not really like that for her which also makes me feel bad. Now, i don't know where we stand and what to expect in the future. Yes i want to be with her and i know she's the one for me. She tells me she's very comfortable when she's with me and i'm still the closest person to her. Why is she acting like this? Is she playing dumb? If we ever did get back together is this how she'd act? If so, I see no point of getting back together because it will only hurt me more.

my ex-gf is 19 and i'm 21 we've been broken up for 2 months now and I haven't seen her in a month. We talked on the phone occasionally and we decided to meet up and hang out this weekend. My problem is that she told she she misses me, but misses me as she misses her "friends", YET she still says that she loves me and has feelings for me. She also told me that she's very "comfortable" in the position that she's in where she's not in a relationship. The reason that we broke up was not because we didn't love each other or lost interest but she had personal issues and she was stressed and I guess couldn't or didn't want to deal with relationship issues anymore. So what does this mean? what can i expect from such answers she gives me? So if she's comfortable the way she is, does that mean she has no interest of being with me again? when i asked her if she plans to be w/ me in the future all she can answer was "i don't know".

Nicely put Cobro!

I have gotten out of a 2 yr relationship about 2 months ago and I'm starting to talk to my Ex again, and no i'm not over her and yes i do want her back. Why is it that ex's always say they'll call you again later and they never do? is it something they say because they still love you in a way and is used to saying that? I feel like a dumb ass sometimes waiting for her to call and yet she doesn't. And yes i do try to forget about it, she's said that to me alot of times that she'll call me later and does not. 21

YOU CAN DO IT!

my ex gf had like 80% of her friend be all guys so she always chatted w/ guys. In a way it bothered me but if you earn the trust then it does get better. Just talk about the issue with him and make sure he's not trying to mack it to other women. If he says he's not, just trust him. Trust is one of the foundations of a relationship. 21

yea i agree with hotchkiss, people do go through changes and like heretic said, some people want to be single. My girlfriend and I broke up 2 months ago for the same reason. She's 19 and she doesn't know where her life is going and she just didn't want to be in a relationship anymore. It's not that uncommon. Listen to Heretic, he's helped me out a lot, gives good advice.