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moonbeam111

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Everything posted by moonbeam111

  1. moonbeam111
    Being a mom sometimes is a full time job. Because you don't get paid for it, it does not mean that you are not employed. Women are in a big disadvantage when their careers were interrupted for three- ten years while they were raising small children. At the same time, men's careers did not get interrupted because of children and they advanced themselves careerwise and financially. There is a legal term in a divorce procedure - projected earnings - that a woman could have made if she was still single with no children.
  2. moonbeam111
    You need to go to your doctor and get tested for STD. You can't trust your partner and his wife may get infected by her lover as well. And who knows how many lovers the wife's lover has! This is a mess. You are not in a loving relationship, you are in a group sex deal. Just get out and take care of yourself. You don't want to die from AIDS.
  3. moonbeam111
    He may be cheating emotionally. He is looking for new stimulations and interests. Notice that he gladly researches her ideas, favorites, and hobbies. He is challenged and wants to improve his looks. He is in a "Hunter" mood and is excited to get up every morning because he will see her again and learn something new from her. He is singing and dancing from the excitement. He is happy to feel fully alive and engaged into discovering this young woman. Novelty. Excitement. Challenge. All these feelings ward off death anxiety that is associated with stagnation, boredom, and aging. I am not saying that there is something wrong with you or your relationship. Maybe you can look into having new challenges, interests, hobbies, and ideas too? New circle of friends, activities, etc? What about your dreams? Things you have never done before? It is clear that we can't control others' feelings and emotions. It is also clear that when people are confronted, they would often deny what they did and fight for their freedom of choice. Confrontation is helpful when there is an intention to look for solutions that are beneficial for everybody. Blame and bitterness would not work at all. Good luck!
  4. moonbeam111
    Let me tell you why women want to have security in their relationships. They enter marriage and bear children, raise children, and they get older. While getting older for men may add some spice and "dignity" to their looks, for women growing older often means becoming invisible and less desirable. It's difficult for them to find a partner after they get divorced. And sometimes divorce happens because their husbands go after younger women. So just telling her "thank you for a ride, you've been a good mother to my children and made good lasanga" it's not enough. I agree with signing a prenup. It's not about divorcing only. A prenup has to outline three areas: managing finances during marriage, managing finances in case of divorce, and managing finances in case of a death of a spouse, esp. when there are children from previous marriages involved. As long as you see her as an enemy to your finances and use words like "financial death", there is no way you can talk to her objectively and bring pros and cons about a prenup.
  5. moonbeam111
    Dear Dorsay and Bambina, I went through a month of NC with my boyfriend of three years who also did not want to commit to the future. He came back with the ring and we will be getting married next year. You are healing and giving your exes the right time to miss you and realize what they've lost. What helped me to survive 4 weeks of NC was planning new trips, holidays, getting back to my friends, and starting a new hobby. Also there is a very helpful website where women offer great advice for women dealing with commitment phobic men - link removed Good luck! It will get better.
  6. moonbeam111
    In many occasions, money is a symbol of power and control in a relationshp. Especially in the beginning, when a man wants to impress his date, he would often demonstrate his power by feeiding her, entertaining her, buying presents, and transporting her around. When people become closer, they are able to get rid of gender stereotypes of dating and discuss things, including money, in a way that works for both of them. Every couple has an individual comfort level related to spending money. It might be a good sign of moving toward intimacy and trust when a man discusses his money problems with his gifrlfriend. It's very healthy when they approach the money thing as a team, a real couple, so one person wouldn't damage his/her finances and feel like a loser if he/she can't pay the other's way all the time. Or when she/he becomes resentful because the other expects to receive the same level of entertainment she/he had at the beginning of the relationship. When there is true intimacy, an hour spent watching the movie and sharing pizza may be priceless!
  7. moonbeam111
    She might be incredibly smart and might have a learning disability at the same time. So what if she needs to use a calculator to get through the test? You don't really know but you already hate her. Is it an intelligent guess or you just measure everybody by the same standards? A large part of being intelligent is being curious and approach the world with a presumption that you know nothing and want to discover something new.
  8. moonbeam111
    This is your right to pursue your dream and get married if this is your dream. I don't think that nagging or putting pressure on him would work though. It's too bad that your relationship became toxic because you are not getting what you need and became resentful of him. He is not evil if he has decided that he did not want to have children or marriage. Talk to him respectfully about his goals and your goals. You also may want to visit a very good website for women in your situation link removed
  9. moonbeam111
    Well, she probably talks to her girlfriends. They tell her what to expect and what is right (because they read bridal magazines!!!). She is a little dizzy and disoriented now because of the wedding, marriage, and all that stuff. Tell her how much money you would have left every month to pay bills in a future if you bought a very expensive ring. Tell her that you two would only eat out once a year if she wears that ring. A little reality check. With love.
  10. moonbeam111
    You may want to visit a very good website for women in your situation link removed
  11. moonbeam111
    You are torturing yourself while he is getting love, warmth, and sex. And an ego boost because he sees love and begging in your eyes. You deserve better! Please stop putting yourself in this humiliating situation. Think about STD because he is open to date other people. It's not healthy. I am sorry you are in pain.
  12. moonbeam111
    Broken heart, googled it... came here...
  13. moonbeam111
    Annie, I posted because I wanted to share that NC actually works! Again, even without my boyfriend getting back with me, I was able to feel better about myself after about a month of doing NC. In my case, NC has been empirically proven to be the best condition to change my thinking, behaviors, and feelings.
  14. moonbeam111
    Thank you annie! A month ago I found this website and spent hours and hours reading posts. Caveat, Icemoto, and SuperDave's posts on NC. Also major's and some others. Oh, and redmage's thread on letters to the ex... it was the best therapy! It was like living someone's story and experiencing the same feelings because my story was so similar. I remember reading posts for 4 hours strait! Midnight, early morning, afternoon... My friends were supportive but they did not know how I felt. NC was an entirely new concept for me. I said to myself over and over that I should think with my head, not my heart. Let my heart bleed and cry, but don't act out on it. Regardless of the outcome, I have grown during the NC period and I will never go back to submitting my life completely to another person. Annie, it's interesting what you wrote about being strong and independent. My ex/soon-to-be husband was surprised that I had so much going on for me and looked so happy when we met. He said "oh, you were busy and had a lot of fun...". I have been a lurker on this website for some time and learned so much from people who are not afraid to talk about their pain here. I suspect that many lurkers benefit from your support guys. You never know...
  15. moonbeam111
    I have a success story. I have been reading posts in this section for about a month now. My boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. We have been together for three years and I felt that it was time to move forward or part ways. I nagged and pressured him into marriage and he freaked out. We broke up and I started doing NC. Thanks to this website and some others, I stayed strong and moved on with my life. Had a few dates, signed up for classes, and planned a few trips with friends. Well, last Saturday he called and begged for a meeting. I felt strong enough to meet with him and say final good bye. Guess what? He proposed! He said that being away from me helped him realize how much he loved and needed me. Now I want you to know that we have broken up before. And every time I would get anxious and start begging, calling, and driving to his house to talk about our relationship. This time I did nothing. NC. 100%. We will be getting married next year. Another thing that I learned from NC. You need to stay busy. Physically, emotionally, and mentally. We are back together but I don't plan on dropping any of new activites I started while on a break.
  16. moonbeam111
    Hi Olena. Sorry you are hurting. The best thing for you to do is to move on with your live regardless of the outcome. Do not give him the power over you and your choices. You don't have to live from day to day wondering if he comes back to you. Expand your social circle and start new hobbies and activities. Go to the gym, learn a new language, and fill your schedule with exciting events to look forward to. Take care of yourself.
  17. moonbeam111
    Yes just tell him that you noticed "BY CHANCE" that he emailed his ex about your sex life. Do not blame him or accuse of anything. Be curious.
  18. moonbeam111
    It's emptiness and sadness that you see in your dreams. And it has his face because when you were with him that emptiness was fulfilled with something like relationship, even if it was bad. Please don't contact to him. He won't fill your craving for connection. You deserve better. I know it because I have the same feeling and pain. I daydream about being with my ex.
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