supersun

coollady is right - not all tablets can be crushed. you must check the package insert or ask your pharmacist about the particular medication you intend to crush. for medicines that can be crushed, you can buy a pill splitter to help break them. you can practice learning to swallow tablets by using candy such as m&m's. that way you can take your time and swallow as many as need be until you feel comfortable.

i believe there is a support group for people who don't have herpes who are in a relationship with someone who does have it. i bet you can find it doing an internet search. there you will likely find ideas on how to deal with this situation. research the issue and ask your doctor about the risks of contracting the disease and the consequences of having it. although you can contract herpes even if your husband has an outbreak, see if you can find info on the percentages of time this happens. the risk could be minimal, and maybe you'll decide that it's worth it to you to take that occasional risk. in addition, i think herpes is one of the std's that tends to not lead to other health issues such as increased risk of cervical cancer - BUT check this out with your doctor first - as i am definitely not a doctor and could be wrong. you may find that the only risk is that you too will suffer the occasional outbreak, and again, it is up to you to decide whether you are willing to run the risk of contracting the disease to get some spontaneity. as for passing the infection onto unborn children, if i am correct i think you need to have an active outbreak while giving birth, and if you do, you can have a c-section which i think eliminates the risk - but again, research this - don't take my words as fact. from all the previous responses, obviously my advice is in the minority here. what i am trying to say is that with some education you might find that occasionally running the risk of contracting the disease is worth it to experience the feelings you're looking for. also, i couldn't help but wonder if there are deeper issues here, and maybe the feeling of lack of spontaneity is masking something else. before i get flamed for this post, i just want to point out that i am not intending to give facts here, but encouraging the original poster to find out as much as she can about the risks of contracting the disease, and the consequences of having the disease. that way she can make an informed decision as to whether it is worth it to her to risk contracting the disease in order to get the feelings she is looking for from her marriage. best wishes, best heath, and good luck.

as to the issue with the old flame, i think you need to convey to her that it really hurt you, both because she lied and because she apparently got excited by another man when she doesn't get excited by you. hopefully you can get her to step into your shoes and understand your feelings, then maybe she will be able to make the right amends to you. as for her seeming lack of interest in you, i urge you to consider any medications she may take regularly. sometimes a woman can loose her sex drive due to medications and not make the connection. perhaps that is a factor here.

hi all wanted to give you an update. last night i confronted my husband about the emails. i told him that he left his email open and i saw some inappropriate conversations between him and this women. i said that i was shocked that he would talk like that with someone and that it hurt me very much, and that i thought his friend disrespected me and our marriage by telling him she had sex dreams about him. he was very contrite and said it was wrong of him. he said he had already discussed this with the woman and that they agreed it had to stop. he said she understands how important i am and our relationship is to him. he said all the right things, that he loves me, is sorry he hurt me, etc. he did not say anything about me having looked at his email. i nevertheless apologized and said that i was sorry for getting into his private stuff and that my curiosity got the better of me. he said don't even worry about it. well, i feel much better and i thank you all for your replies. it helped me get perspective on the situation. i'm still wary about his words - he now says that he is sorry and it has stopped, but he previously made all kinds of promises to me (including wedding vows!) that this would not have happened in the first place. well, that's all for now. at least i know i have a husband i can openly communicate with. thanks all.

i agree with southerngirl that you could suggest to her that she check with a doctor. it could be that she is naturally asexual, but it could also be something as fixable as a chemical imbalance or caused by a medication she might be taking.

thanks. i guess i need to face the music already!

i admit was really surprised that every reply here said these emails were wrong. i got to thinking that maybe i overstated the content of the emails? i still haven't decided what to do and keep going over things in my mind. sometimes i come close to saying something to him but then suddenly decide against it. here's more details on the emails. first, he writes her and says can she recommend an antidepressant that will lower his sex drive, as his is higher than mine. she writes back and discusses medications. (yes, there are issues to explore there re: depression, but let's set that aside for now). next, she writes him and says i had x-rated dreams about you. he replies and says oh give me details. i don't know if she wrote back or not - i didn't see the emails but perhaps he deleted them. in the third set of emails, he writes her and says i had an x-rated dream and spent a long time in the shower; such is married life. i don't know what her reply was, if any. i don't know if knowing these details would change some of the opinions here. sorry, i didn't mean to be misleading at all! i keep flip-flopping. on the one hand, i think that girlfriends discuss their sex lives with each other, so shouldn't guys be able to vent to their friends, even if they happen to be girls? but on the other hand, i'm irate that in essense he is telling his ex that i don't satisfy him sexually - and it obviously opens the door to racier emails, as she then felt free to mention her sex dreams. i am also becoming increasingly mad at the exgirlfriend - i think it shows a lack of respect for me, for her to speak to my husband that way. now i want to tell him that i refuse to spend time with her (doesn't happen often, as we live in different states). i'm trying to get the right perspective on this situation, and still deciding on a course of action. i do agree that i need to nip this in the bud before it goes further. i really appreciate all the input and concern showed here. you guys are wonderful. thank you

thanks all!!

wow thanks for all the replies and concern. the content of the emails really hurt me and i'm surprised as i didn't think my husband was the type of person to do something so blatantly hurtful. i got advice from a friend who said that if i don't want to get specific about having seen the emails, i could sit down with him and read through our wedding vows again. the only problem with that approach is that, strangely, i don't think he'll see the connection between the vows he took and later when he writes emails. anyway thanks again for the input. i have some thinking to do about how to approach this situation.

my husband left his email up on our computer and i poked around. i saw emails to his friend (who also happens to be his exgirlfriend) where he complains that we don't have sex often enough. he tells her when he's had a sex dream and masturbated about it. she in turn has told him that she has had sex dreams about him, and he pressed her for more details. i am not worried that he is going to cheat on me with her (though maybe i should be?). however the problem is that i am hurt that he talks about our sex life with another women, and that he instigates conversations about masturbating. i think it would be wildly inappropriate for me to email a male friend, tell him that my husband doesn't give me sex often enough, and keep him apprised of my masturbating. it is out of the question for me to mention to my husband that i saw these emails. he already thinks i am a snoop so i don't want to go down that road. i suppose the most rational thing to do is just talk to him about whether he is happy with our sex life. however i also really want him to know that those types of communications really hurt me. any ideas on how i could do this? also do you think i should just let it go - are these normal and/or innocent conversations that i should not let bother me? many thanks!

wow that's a bold move! it took enough nerve for me to say i was jealous that he seemed attracted to her! i don't know if i could ask him this. thanks for all the comments. i'll have to think about what you've all said. thanks

hi all i could use some advice. i am 34 and i have a friend who used to be my best friend but i've pretty much pushed her away over time. i got married a few years ago and i have an irrational fear that my husband is interested in her. in general we have a very good marriage and we trust each other. i've asked him if he is interested in her and he says no way. despite him saying he is not interested in her, whenever we see her he seems to remember every minute detail, for example months later he'll bring up something she said or mention what she was wearing. he doesn't do this with anyone else. plus they both have a love of sports and they've talked about playing softball together - and i'm not interested in this. i don't think the problem lies with my self esteem, which i think generally is very good. i think i'm attractive, kind, honest, etc. - but my friend has all these qualities too, so it's not crazy that my hubby would like her. maybe the problem is lack of control - i want to be in control of my close relationships and i'm afraid theirs might spiral off together without me being in control of it? that's all i can think of since i don't think it's based on self esteem. anyway i'm tired of blowing her off and being afraid to hang out together. any ideas? thank you!!!!

when i moved to a new city i didn't know anybody and had noone to hang out with. i decided i needed to pursue a hobby and then researched on the internet whether others were also into the hobby i chose. lo and behold i found a thriving social scene of others with the same interest. i am shy but started going to some of these gatherings and meeting a few people, and over time i came to be a part of a group of friends who go out together. so my advice is, think of something you like - it can even be joining a bowling league or dart league, or reading club - whatever you're into - and find others in your area who meet to enjoy the same thing.

I think you are right but I guess I am not courageous enough to say "I don't consider you a good friend anymore." thanks for your reply.

hello all. here goes my long story. thanks for your consideration! for many years my best friend and i were inseparable. about three years ago things changed. i had broken up with my long term boyfriend at about the time she moved in with hers. we began to hang out less and less because i wanted to go out but she didn't. we would often make plans to get a drink or dinner and she continually blew me off at the last minute because she was tired from the gym or fighting with her boyfriend, or whatever the excuse. if i wanted to hang out i had to go to her apartment; she wouldn't come over mine. basically if we hung out i felt it was always on her terms. our phone conversations dried up - our relationship for the past few years has consisted of quick emails every couple of days. at some point i realized that i could not really count on her as a best friend, and so i started emailing less frequently and making my replies to her emails very curt - i ignored her questions and gave the shortest replies possible. also whenever she asks to hang out, i made excuses about being busy. it was my way of subtly telling her i don't really want to maintain our friendship. the thing is, she never got the hint. i assumed that based on my responses to her emails and my declining her invites, she would realize that our friendship was waning. but it seems that she is clueless, as on a two occasions, she referred to me as her best friend. this happened years after i considered her my best friend, or even a close friend. lo and behold, i just got an email asking me to be in her wedding party, for her wedding which is happening more than a year from now. i thought about telling her that i really didn't consider us friends and so that i would have to decline. but then i thought that hey, if she considers me her friend, that is her business, but it doesn't mean that i have to consider her mine. so i accepted her offer. i am also expecting an invitation to her engagement party which is rapidly approaching, and a while back she sent a group email asking everyone to save the date. however, i have no interest in reviving our friendship to what it once was. more importantly, it really hurts me that she doesn't even realize my feelings towards her have changed over time. how can she think we are best friends when i haven't confided in her in over three years, and always say i am too busy to make plans with her? obviously the thing to do would be to sit down and talk to her about this. but, i don't want to. we are both very emotional and there would be a lot of tears and blame, and i don't want to go through that. a few months ago i told her that our relationship really changed over the years, and the emails we exchanged in reply to that were awful. i also once told her that i am not inclined to hang out with her because she always cancelled, and she tried to blame the cancellations on me, saying that because we had never picked the actual bar we were going to, we never had the plans in the first place. anyway, i'm just not up for the back and forth that talking to her about this would entail. i have other relationships in my life (including my marriage) that make me feel good, and i am ready to walk away from this one. i guess i just feel like i can't get away from it because she is not realizing my subtle hints, and i am not willing to be more confrontational. any thoughts? sorry to jump in here on my first day on the board, but in light of the long weekend i wanted to get some opinions before folks might be going away. thanks for your consideration.