stones

(Background of my story, please refer to my previous posting entitled 'Does it have to end this way') Dear K. You've always asked me to find a solution for us. You always said the world would never accept us for the way we are. We both come from different worlds, but we fell in love and now… K, I can't find a solution. I tried. I really tired. But I can't. Everyday, we wish how it would be to have a world that accepts us for who we are- a world where race and color did not matter. A world where we can celebrate our love and just be ourselves. Yesterday was our 1st year anniversary. I tried to create that world for you. I brought us to a place downtown. My friends booked the whole thing for a private function. I didn't know everyone there, but I know most of them. And they are all like us- people who believe that everyone, regardless of religion or creed are equal- people who don't care about how you look- people who just wanted to be themselves. Why, K.? Why did you get angry? Why did you get so uptight? Why were you afraid? They welcomed us. I went through so much trouble for it. We took an hour to find the place and an hour to find parking. I went though so much trouble working out the logistics for us. Why didn't you do anything? You just stared at the video screen. You didn't want to talk to be. You didn't even want to hold my hand. As more and more people come in, you just stared out the window. That's why I walked out. I couldn't take it anymore. I went through so much trouble. I want to be with you so much. I can't change the world for you. I tried. I really tried. I can't change the whole world. But I could make a little bit of the world accept us for a little while. For that night, I changed the world for you. I brought you to a world where people allowed us to be ourselves together. And you just followed me out. And you got angry? I can't understand. I asked you to be yourself. And you said you were yourself. Then who am I? Why were you treating me like a stranger? You said you were not used to it. Really? Why...? I know we've settled this last night. I know we agreed not to talk about this anymore. I know we are supposed to be back to normal now. But I'm still hurt. I'm hurt because you got angry. I only wanted to be with you. I did everything for you. I did everything because I love you and I wanted to feel what it was like to be in a world where we can be ourselves. You keep reminding me over and over again that the world does not allow us to be together. You keep asking me over and over again how. How? I don't know how. I tried. I really can't find an answer. I'm going crazy here but I still don't have an answer. I know you love me. We dream of the world where we can be like any other normal couples. I'm sorry, but I don't know how. You asked me to find a solution or we might have to break up. I tried so hard. What else do you want me to do? I can't do the impossible. I can't change the world. Do I really have to lose you because of that? I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to give this to you. I'm afraid. I'm afraid to lose you. I'm afraid you'd get angry again. It hurts me so much when you get angry. I know you don't hit me or anything, but your words hurt me so deeply, and the thought that you might just break off with me scares me. I try so hard to make you happy. I don't know what else to do. I'm getting tired. I love you so much, but I'm tired of crying every night and I'm tired of trying to answer questions I don't know how to. I need you. I'm sorry, but I don't know how. And this thought of having to lose you someday just because I can't find a solution keeps me awake crying every night now. So I'm posting this here. Because I need to get this out of my system. You say you might explode someday, well; I'm already dying inside. You are my one true source of happiness. For all the joy and comfort you brought to my life, I'll love you forever. You saved my life. I know you love me too. I can see it in your eyes; I can feel it in your touch when we are together. I tired to change the world last night. I'm sorry I failed again.

that's where it gets complicated. we respect each other for our beliefs and such. we don't see each other as peopleof different races. but we know it is because of our religions and upbringings that shape us to be the way we are. in that sense, religion does not come in when we are together. just like the roots of a tree, it is an essential element but no one sees a tree by its roots. a tree is instead seen for its fruit and leaves and branches etc but we remember that it all stems from that all important root. but as we go into the technicalities of being together, it is a question of whether laws of religion or state would allow us. then, would be how to raise our kids. both our religions contradict. there are restrictions and things that would be confusing and he has expressed that he does not want our kids growing muslims. we both hold our reservations over our religions. but we do not talk about it because it leads to a stalemate all the time. we talk about every other aspect of life and our communication is good in that sense. we only have one barrier to being together. this is it. what to do?

thank you for the responses. i consider myself a liberal but spiritual muslim. although people may call me swayed, i have my own justifications for my own beliefs. i believe religion is up to the individual's interpretation because in the end we have to answer only to God for our own actions. i speak to God every night and i cry and i ask Him to guide me. i find religion a tremendous source of strength and comfort. but my bf does not believe in a god. he's a freethinker and he says he does good because it is the right thing to do and not because some religion says so. he feels religion weakens the individual and is too frequently abused. he believes in effort and hard work, and does not believe in fate or miracles. this is why we view that raising a family of two religions complicating. if both our views on religion differs, we'd have very confused kids.

right now, i feel really really lousy. it's a little past midnight. i've been crying for the past 3 hours and i'm quite certain i'l be crying till i have sore eyes tomorrow morning but i so don't know what to do about my situation. it started last year after i graduated from university and had to move back in with my parents. i could not find a job and well, i didn't have the most excellent relationship with my family. largely, it was because i don't think they're very happy about who i've become. we're muslims and my parents are rather conservative. don't get the wrong idea. i'm not badly wasted. i don't smoke, i don't drink and i graduated with top honours. i just have a very broad and liberal perspective of the world. by the time i moved back in with my family, i've travelled most of asia and australia. i've seen many places and met many people. my horizons were expanded beyond small towns and villiages. i was perceived as outspoken and rebellious and i just plain asked too many questions. being at home drove me crazy. i was frustrated, miserable and depressed. what did i do? i moved out. i took a job up north- a good 8 hour drive from home. after i left home, my relationship with my family was okay again. it could even be considered good. mom and dad argued less and that was important to me. the job was slow paced and did not pay too well, but it got me out of the house. the salary did not matter. i had hardly any expenses anyway. i left everything and everyone i've ever cared about thousands of miles away. my friends called me the first few weeks, but hearing about their exciting lives made me even more miserable. i was on a tiny island with no friends and no one to talk to. eventually, i drifted away from them too. i spent my evenings staring at the beach. all my colleagues were old and the locals were... different. i was very alone. that was when he came along. he came to me, sat down, and listened. he was 2 years older than me and also came from a small town thousands of miles away. he works at the same place i do. we became fast friends, speat every waking moment together working, or walking at the beach, or having meals, or just hanging out. eventually, we became a steady couple. months later, he asked me if i would marry him, and i said yes. what's my problem? he's chinese and does not want to convert for me... with makes out marriage an impossibility. the religion does not permit it, the laws of our country doesnot allow it, and my famly would never stand for it. i would never ever force him to convert if his heart is not in it. what's the use of pretending to be faithful to God if he does not believe in the religion? we both realised the complexity of our situation but we were deeply in love. we were the bestest of friends. we understood each other so well and everything clicked. but like it or not, we had to separate. he resigned from the company and moved away. i took a company transfer and moved back to an area about an hour's drive from my folks. i rent an apartment and go home twice a month for dinner. my heart bleeds to lose my love. i found out at the beginning of the year that he lived quite near where i now work..!!! in fact, out apartments were just 15 minutes away. as hard as i fought it, our hearts found our way back to each other again. i don't know why, loving him fills me up with such a heightened sense of happiness. caring for him made me feel complete. being with him made me feel safe. we want to be together so much, but we know we can't. we still do, though. he'd quite certain that he does not want to convert. so we tried to break up again. i cried every day and night. i was either sleeping or crying. i was wrecked and my colleagues said i looked awful. i almost went insane when i found out what he did. he went and started cutting himself. he did not eat and fell sick often. i went back, took care of him and this made me happier also. i was caring for the man i loved. now, why am i crying? tomorrow is our 1 year anniversary from the time we first became a couple. i was with him just hours ago and the topic ofour relationship came up again. we usually try to avoid this issue, but it came up ok. how long are we going to go on like this? it seems so hard to let go of each other. we love each other tremendously- how can we break up because of that? we never cheated, we never lied, we were there for each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. this seems impossible. but holding on in such a relationship and loving each other more everyday makes it even harder to let go. we both cried and the issue just drowned again. we are still together but it's only a matter of time before we bring it up again. i cry because i don't know where this relationship is heading. i need some sort of certainty. we are both very insecure- not about our feelings, we love each other- but for the future of our relationship. is this really a losing battle? what do i do?

I cried reading your story! I know how it feels to lose your best friend and soul mate and some you absolutely adore. My heart goes out to you. Remember, the one we love is never lost forever. I'm so sure he is still loving you and is waiting for you in heaven. I'd say, be strong. Life does not stop. I understand you miss him very much, but he has not left you. He's watching you. I'm sure he'd want you to be strong and be happy. I will pray for you and his memory.

You said that you are scared of being alone, then why do you want to break up with him? Would you be happier without him? Maybe what you can do is suggest fun things you both can do together. If he is determined not to lose you, perhaps you should persuade him to join you in things like shopping, movies, clubs etc. I think both of you should spend more time doing things together.

Dear Cobro. I understand what you must be going through. My boyfriend is working full time and studying part time. His job demands him to work from early morning until late in the evening. Even when he comes back to his apartment, he brings his job home. I'd be lucky if I catch him for dinner sometimes. On weekend, he studies and attends classes. We hardly ever go out etc. He pays for his university fees himself and is very independent. You know what, this is all okay with me. I'm working and studying too so I understand his and your constrains. Though his job is demanding, he is able to squeeze some hours with me sometimes, go out for dinner, go bowling, catch a movie etc. It's not that he neglects me altogether. We both just realise that in order to have a comfortable life, we need to make an effort. Certain sacrifices need to be made for a better future. We can't go lavishing time and money because at the end of the day you'll have to look back at yourself and need to have that sense of achievement. Hence, as to answer your question, there is no such thing as a perpetual fantasy. Time goes on and on and when you eventually look back, you want to know what you have made yourself of. I have not read you last posts but I suppose your ex does not have a job. I don't know if she is still studying. But I don't think she appreciates how hard you've worked at earning your money. Money is not everything. But appreciation and respect is. She seems to be hopping from one guy to another just for the money. Like a parasite. One day, she will realise that reality is a little harder than that. Work hard, study hard, Cobro. Love is someting money cannot buy.

Reading the arguments of the other posts gave me a headache so I'm just going to make this as simply as possible: 1. DO NOT RUN AWAY! Running away is not a solution to be considered ever. Suicide is stupid too, so don't even think about it. 2. NO ABORTION. ABSOLUTELY NO ABORTION. According to some religions (I don't know which you are) the unborn child will wait for you at Heaven's gate and ask you why you killed him. If you don't have an answer for him, don't do it. 3. GET YOUR BOYFRIEND OFF DRUGS OR GET RID OF THAT GUY. Make him go to a decent college. If you are still on drugs, STOP IT. Go to a rehab if you have to. Quit alcohol too. I think it'll do you good to stay sober for awhile. If you and your boyfriend really love each other and plan to marry and live together in the future, you must learn a little responsibility. Getting pregnent is not a good sign. But the mistake is done. If you don't want to break up, seriously consider learning to be mature. 4. SOLUTION 1: You said you and your boyfriend will get married when you are 18. THAT'S FOUR YEARS AWAY, dear! Read the forum on break-ups... lots of relationships don't last that long. Most girls realise by 18 or 19 that they need time for some soul searching. I don't want you to regret your decision years from now. Plus, your child cannot be without a father that long. If you want to keep the kid, marry the dad (Yes, now). But with one condition. Both of you quit drugs, quit smoking and alcohol. 5. SOLUTION 2: Adoption. Seriously consider if you are spiritually and financially able to support a baby. I bet you're still living with your parents. I don't think they'll be very happy with the newcomer. 6. YES, TALK TO YOUR MOM. 7. STAY IN SCHOOL. GO TO COLLEGE. Even if you decide to keep the kid or not, stay in school. Don't quit school. Ever. I'm sorry that you came to be like this. 14 year old girls are supposed to be shopping, chilling with friends, catching movies and such, not worrying over the idea of being a mom. Think properly. Are you really ready to be a mom? GOOD LUCK.

To all who are in search of the strength to stand up again someday. I know I am one of them FIGHTER -Performed by Christina Aguilera When I, thought I knew you Thinking, that you were true I guess I, I couldn't trust 'Cause your bluff time is up 'Cause I've had enough You were, there by my side Always, down for the ride But your, joy ride just came down in flames 'Cause your greed sold me out of shame After all of the stealing and cheating You probably think that I hold resentment for you But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong 'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through So I wanna say thank you 'Cause it makes me that much stronger Makes me work a little bit harder It makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter Made me learn a little bit faster Made my skin a little bit thicker Makes me that much smarter So thanks for making me a fighter Never, saw it coming All of, your backstabbing Just so, you could cash in On a good thing before I realized your game I heard, you're going around Playing, the victim now But don't, even begin Feeling I'm the one to blame 'Cause you dug your own grave After all of the fights and the lies Yes you wanted to harm me but that won't work anymore Uh, no more, oh no, it's over 'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down So I wanna say thank you 'Cause it makes me that much stronger Makes me work a little bit harder Makes me that much wiser So thanks for making me a fighter Made me learn a little bit faster Made my skin a little bit thicker It makes me that much smarter So thanks for making me a fighter

I am very sorry for you and absolutely disappointed of this girl. She seems like a totally ungrateful b*itch to have the guts to throw you out of your own house. I hope wherever you are staying now is safe. You eventually gotta get your house back, man. She can't kick you out and just take over the property. I don't even care if she goes back to her abusive folks. She appears to deserve that sort of treatment for all that she has done to you. Reading about her makes me sick. Importantly, you gotta get this woman out of your head. After all this, it's SO obvious that she's just not worth it. Get this in you: SHE DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU. SHE LIES. SHE'S SELFISH. SHE'S INCONSIDERATE. SHE DOES NOT LOVE YOU. SHE HATES YOU. SHE WANTS YOU OUT OF HER LIFE AND SHE NEVER WANTS TO HEAR FROM YOU EVER. Oh, one thing I can tell is that she's a fantastic actor and you are a sucker for that. WAKE UP! It's okay to be angry. It's okay to be sad. You sincerely loved her. but after all this, she really isn't worth it. Be thankful that this crazy woman is not living with you anymore! Take your house back. If she's nuts over this other guy, tell her to go move in with him (before he moves into your house with her- which I think is her next move). Take it from me, girls like these are d*amn hard to change, if it is ever possible. But if she does someday (I reckon it wouldn't be till several years), she'll wake up one day ugly and bloated, realising that she had missed the oppourtunity of a real love years ago. And you... you'll be happily in love with another girl- one who really respects and appreciates you.

Thank you for the advices. I really don't have an outlet for all these feelings so i'm just shooting it off to people around me. I normally keep to myself now and it's really ruining my social life. I'm still easily ticked off. I go for long drives with the speakers blasting. I seem to have an ear for very loud music nowadays. But most of all, I'm frustrated and I'm lonely. I'm an angry person and it seems as if this feeling will go on forever. It's not getting any less as the days go by.

i know exactly what you mean... i have this terrible tendency of just breaking down and crying just so suddenly. It takes nothing but just a thought of him to trigger my tears... and you know what? i absolutely hate myself for it. i hate crying, i hate being so weak. no, i can't stop thinking of him either. you are not alone, kerrio. people from all around the world cry for broken hearts. i cry everyday now. my eyes are swollen but my heart's never tired of crying. i've tried everything i can to work things out with my bf, and now, i'm trusting God to hear my cries and take care of me. then, i know, though i cry, i never cry alone. it's not your fault.

It's been a coupla weeks since I've posted my story here. In short, my boyfriend proposed to me. We agreeds to get married, but because he won't convert to my religion, we can't marry. Our country does not allow it and out family is not ok with us moving to another country. I'm still seeing him but we don't know how long we will remain together. We love each other dearly and the whole situation hurts us deeply. I have started to become a rather aggressive person. I don't know why. When I'm with him, I'm pretty happy and ok. But when I'm out by myself (which is most of the time now), I'm quick-tempered, I'm fussy and I'm just irritated at everything ! I scold people and I shout at them over little things. Yesterday itself, I yelled at the attendent at a petrol station because he's so damn slow and I shouted at guy who stood in my way in a shopping complex . I was really that close to hitting someone. I don't know what's happening to me.I can't stand slow people, I can't stand people asking stupid questions and I'm finding EVERYONE just plain irritating. I can't stand people anymore. I really, really feeling like hitting happy people . Then, when I'm by myself in my apartment, I cry . I can't help this either. The tears just come and I can't stop myself from crying. I cry till I cough and choke and I usually end up falling asleep and waking up with a terrible headache (which makes me even more cranky!). But about three times a week, I meet him, and I'm okay again. It does not matter what we do together, he'd make me laugh. We'd take care and comfort and love each other. I know this insecure relationship is hard on him too. Trying to let go of each other is the hardest thing I've ever tried to do. Please help me. I'm starting to become a real b****!

You THINK you have the guy you've always wanted, you THINK you are the most popular girl in high school and you're proud of his 6.5 inches. Grow up, kid!

Now is not the time to abandon him. He needs you more than ever now. Be supportive and give him time to ease up. Nevermind if he is not ready to talk yet. Maybe it stresses him not only from the trauma of war, but also that you are expecting all these pretty things from him. Be understanding, most of all, be there for him. You can tell that he still loves you. Hang on to that!!! Don't lose hope and don't judge him prematurely. Don't pressure him into talking if he is not ready. I know it's hard, but you have to be the stronger one when he is down. He needs your strength now. Be that for him.