joyce1412

thanks so much for your compliments, guys. i had no idea that would help anyone, i was just spurting things out, stream of consciousness. so that makes me feel good! i must admit, the attitude i displayed in my post is certainly hard to maintain. today i had a long drive to do, and i couldn't help it, my thoughts kept drifting "there," and i started missing him a little. there is still a teeny, tiny part of me that simply WONDERS if he could turn around and want me again. still, i keep reminding myself that the mind is a powerful thing, it sees what it wants to see, and right now my ex does not want to see me lovingly. i can remember breaking up with an ex and, even though he had done NOTHING to offend me and only loved me, i wanted to be as far away from him as possible. it was completely MY problem, my mind did not want to see the good in him at all. i think that's probably the way my ex feels about me now. yeah, it kinda hurts, but like another poster said (i forget whom), the person i loved has died. a new one has taken his place, and i don't think i love him. like i said, it used to have to think in dualities when thinking of my ex. "he is bad, i am good, he will suffer without me, i will prosper without him." that worked for a while, my self-esteem was great. but when i heard about him doing WELL, my world would come crashing down again. hearing that story from my cousin helped me a lot, because she gave me a real-life scenario of, "this guy i was TOTALLY in love with dumped me, he found a great wife and his career is wonderful, and it's weird to see him still, but i came out alive! and life is great for me!" it seems that both she and her ex are with people who make them happiest, and no way is she bitter about it, or wishing she still had him. good to know, right? that said, i still believe i was a wonderful woman for him and to him. i truly think in his line of work that he will have a very difficult time finding a good, true woman. it's not like i'm cackling with the knowledge that he's going to be unhappy, i simply have confidence in myself and recognize that a good woman is truly, TRULY hard to find. i simply can't lie, he's going to have a hard time replicating the success he had with me. today i heard that he has been partying lately, smoking weed, seemingly a significant amount. my friend told me because she thought it would make me feel better, but mostly i feel sad for him. i know he doesn't really want to spend his life behaving like that. but it's even more proof that we are not meant to be right now, because i don't want to be with someone who does drugs. it sounds like he's going through a big life change that i wouldn't really have wanted to be around for. ladyj--i'm so sorry your ex is being a bad person right now. surely you realize that he would be going through this crappiness regardless of whether he was with you or someone else. he sounds like an example of someone who really does have a lot of issues that are completely HIS, completely unrelated to you. i understand where you're coming from, in the past i spent a lot of time in an unhealthy relationship (of sorts) with a complicated, unstable guy. it was so hard, and so hurtful when my help wasn't appreciated. i have never felt more taken for granted, and THAT was my main source of anger, anger i spent months and months dwelling on. you say that you're upset that he never had true feelings for you. well, if it makes you feel better, i think that even the people who let their lovers down, leave them, etc. really thought their feelings for them were true at one time. some people just don't know themselves well enough, or are simply not whom you had hoped they are. that's not your fault, it's alllll his. you sound like you have been through so much, and i'm sure all the other posters would agree--this man is definitely not the one for you. we can't say who's "good" or "bad," but suffice it to say you are way too together, giving, and kind to be wasting your compassion on this guy. need2bme--i think inner peace just comes with looking at reality, and accepting all the things that come along with reality. it's the hardest thing in the entire world to do. i'm on my way, still getting there though. it might also be belief in greater good that helps you get there, but i don't think this necessarily has to be "god" or even the idea that "everything happens for a reason." i think it's simply faith that things will work out in general. and it's been said before, but i find it to be more and more true every day: you shouldn't want to be with a person who doesn't want to be with you. i think the phone conversation with my ex really got me believing this.

hey...whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better and help you move forward, do it (as long as it's legal let us know how everything goes.

all i know is, i would NEVER to this to a guy, especially not one whom i was truly hoping to be with. i don't know how to advise you on this, i just know that.

He just thinks that I'm sitting around all sad and lonely waiting for him to come home while he's on business trips and he feels guilty for that. Which is so not true! I have been leaning and depending on him A LOT lately, I have surgery coming up later this week, so I do understand why he thinks I get upset when he's away. But, I DO have a life besides him!! prove him wrong. fill your life with things you love, pick up hobbies, work on your career, spend more time with girlfriends, and become your own best friend. no one wants a needy lover. you say you have a life, and he's not seeing it, so just be extra good about SHOWING it. i think i understand your situation. my ex frequently traveled for work, and had a very 'important' job. when we talked on the phone, we were talking all about his workday, and when he came home, i made it allll about him, dropping my activities to hang out with him, etc. i thought he loved it. and, of course, whaddya know...when he breaks up with me, he tells me that he felt "bored" because i didn't "have any passions." he was wrong, i DO have passions, but i was definitely investing too much in his life and not being enough of my own person. maybe you have the same problem: he thinks that you won't be okay on your own, and that you're not a self-sufficient woman. and perhaps he's also getting a bit of an ego and feeling like the 'star' of the relationship since he seems to view you as being so down-and-out. i would recommend that you make a point of discussing all the cool things that you're doing in your life, and work on trying to be positive. no one can resist a cool, happy girl who's doing cool things. also, the fact that he wants to be 'friends' might work to your benefit--not real friends, but friends in name. your ex wanting to be friends with you means he'll be checking in on you, by phone, email, hanging out, whatever, so this will be the perfect opportunity to talk about the brand new you...who is really just you with a few improvements to the system! good luck!

i agree with everyone that she is worth investing some effort into. it doesn't hurt to stay in friendly contact and let her know that you're there for her. that little effort might go a long way. i hope she doesn't disappoint you...it always seems that the commitment-phobes out there are the hardest to figure out, as well as the hardest to date.

yikes, need2bme. i don't mean to knock you, but that's definitely not the kind of closure i'm looking for...that must have been tough. i'd say it's always, 100% of the time a BAD THING to put yourself in intimate, affectionate situations with your ex when you're not sure you can get back together. if closure is going to happen, it should be on neutral ground, and you should stay FAAAAR away from any boundaries that would hurt any party if they were crossed: being affectionate, talking about new relationships, et cetera. there definitely have to be parameters. i'm so sorry though! that sounds so hard. keep posting about it if you need to.

i agree with both icemotoboy and vjg. it's true, i DO want to look back on my relationship lovingly, but this guy does belong in the garbage. i'm disappointed he wasn't everything i thought he was, as you said, but i suppose it's a good thing. now, the only thing i have to feel not so great about is that i actually DID give over a year and a half of my life to this guy, thinking he was so amazing. bleh. and icemotoboy, that's funny, i was just thinking that today: if my ex really didn't care, he would be indifferent. in a way, knowing that a) he's doesn't totally not give a crap about the relationship, and b) he clearly has issues that are beyond me, is good. though his meanness might ultimately be a blessing, i still do not condone it...

i can also relate to your difficulty trusting men. i'm still pretty young, so i'm probably bound to come accross some likewise disappointing men. but i also know a lot of good men--friends and family--who prove me wrong when i get TOO disheartened. it IS hard to isolate the feelings to one person and not carry the hurt over to ever new man you meet...maybe in dating it's better to have a bad memory, eh?

whoa! did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed today? i think you misinterpret me greatly. first of all, i used the word "suffer" only in that i thought he would miss me a lot as we had a really strong bond. i never spoke of responding with hatred in my entire post. i am in no way after revenge. revenge = bad! BAD! plus, the initial feelings of not wanting him to be better off without me--to "suffer--were just that, INITIAL. it was a reactive feeling, reacting to the hurt of the breakup. happy or sad, his life is of no concern to me now. (not to mention the whole "suffering" thing was supposed to be ironic anyway.) as for the rest, i don't think i'm a goddess as you suggest (heck no!), i just think that i have a whole lot to offer. my post was written in a "you go girl!" kind of spirit, i don't actually think i am above others. i know i have a whole lot of weaknesses, too! i was, however, an excellent girlfriend, and i think he'll have a hard time finding a girl like me, and i'm lucky enough to have a lot of people who are supportive and agree that i was really great for him. to be honest, i think your post was a little rude. this board is for support, not putting people down. so, that's all i have to say about that, i don't plan on responding to anything other input you might have.

hey dcmann, best of luck to you. personally, after an enlightening day i've had, i would recommend for you to go expecting to get closure. i now firmly believe that it is best to expect nothing, best to expect that you are going to move forward and not get back together. but again, good luck.

thank you so much! i've really appreciated your words, and everyone's words. i have found new peace today, even though i haven't really gotten to discuss the real 'meat' with my ex. i will not let him sweet-talk me, don't worry. i used to consider it a fault, but one thing i have always been big on is standing up and trying to right what i believe is 'unfair'--sometimes at high costs. i know it's going to be hard seeing him, seeing his face again, the face that i looked at and loved for so long. that's the only variable to which i'm not sure how i'll react, and i'm a bit nervous about how it will make me feel. but other than that, i think my ex will probably--PROBABLY--be somewhat gracious about whatever i have to say. i think he knows what he did, deep down, and can't fully acknowledge it yet, and maybe never will. but i believe he understands that he should do for me whatever it is that i need to feel better. i'm not looking for answers as to why it ended...i'm completely uninterested in what he has to say on THAT matter. not only have i heard enough of his side, i think he's mostly wrong or misguided. so in that way, i can't be disappointed. the only way i can be disappointed is if he continues to make himself completely unresponsible for his terribly rude, tacky, and unfair actions. but even if that were to happen, i'll know i did the best i could to sort things out and make myself feel better, and that always counts for something. i think i would highly recommend this to other dumpees who essentially went straight into NC after their breakups...i feel like it's putting my healing on the right track. of course it's different for everyone, and some dumpers might not be willing as mine to participate, but the only other time i've had my heart broken, i got the closure of speaking to my ex VERY late in the game (he denied me the first time i tried to get it). though i can't say for certain, i think i probably went through months more agony and craziness than i had to.

it's been a little over two months since my ex broke up with me. and maybe i'm just having a really optimistic day, but for the first time i think i'm really okay with it. and more importantly, i think i'm okay with it being over FOR GOOD. it really did make it easier in the beginning to harbor illusions...though, of course, i didn't think they were illusions at the time. i felt like i had something magical with him, and no way could either of us give that up. how on EARTH could he walk away from that, right? plus, i have pretty high self-esteem and self-worth...everyone who knew me, who knew us, expressed enormous shock that he would ever leave me, and EVERYONE said he would regret it. i believed it, too. i'm great, i'm one of a kind, so how could someone leave me and not kick himself later? i know some people discourage this on the boards, but i called my ex for 'closure.' i had made a vow not to talk to him, to go complete NC, which i was doing religiously because i hoped it would bring us back together, and if not, i wanted him to have to "suffer" because he didn't have me in his life. but i was still waking up in the morning feeling upset because of all the things he said to me (mean things) and the things i never got to say back. it was the verbal and emotional equivalent of him slapping me in the face, spitting on me, and running away while i just stood there. so i called him, and we're meeting for coffee in a few weeks, once he gets back into town. the conversation hurt, sure, but the one thing that i DIDN'T feel that surprised me was, "oh god, hearing him talk, he's so brilliant and awesome, just the sound of his voice sends me over the moon!" we had a weird, uncomfortable conversation, and with that, the power of the conversation, the conversation that i knew we would eventually be forced to have, was taken away. yeah, it was weird, it was a little awkward, but i survived, and it didn't make me miss him more. in fact, it made me miss him less. we were rather distant with each other, and i don't know...i can hardly even explain it. maybe it was a dose of reality: we HAD magic, but the magic was no longer there because he shut down months ago, and i knew it, and i was alright with it...still hurting, still missing what we HAD, but knowing that it was something we HAD, not HAVE at the current moment. this afternoon i also hung out with my cousin, who is getting married next month to a man she adores. she had a similar relationship to mine before her fiancee, and a similar breakup as well. so she was able to assure me that although it devastated her--and she admits it's still hard seeing her ex with HIS fiancee--she feels that she's better off. sometimes things just don't work out, and that's life. but she also assured me of other important things: that no, my ex really WON'T find a better woman than me, because i am who i am and i was also willing to endure a lot for this guy, more than most women who would not be so accepting of his circumstances. and that i was great to him, and that there was a time when he was totally in love with me and i was totally in love with him. these were all things i had heard before, but for some reason, hearing them from someone i'm close to, who's REALLY been there, was so comforting. i'm ready to face that my ex wasn't the one for me, and that it will be fine, better than fine, if we do not get back together. and that i'm going to find a man who can be with me every day (NOT on the road all the time), who will adore me and never hurt me. i still long to be in love, and miss being in a relationship, but it's going to come to me at some point. many of these are semi-trite things that you would roll your eyes at if i posted them on one of your threads...but they're said because they're true.

we had our talk this morning...SOOOO weird. it was so distant. we were both being nice, cordial, and cool, but that sense of intimacy that used to always be there was completely gone. it was almost alarming, it felt like i was talking to a completely different person. he agreed to meet for coffee, played it very cool. at least he did that, i feel a little better. but he did mention that he was "waiting for me" to get in touch with him, like waiting for me to make the move and say we were okay, which PISSED me off. so he breaks up with me and is a total jerkoff, but i need to be the one to call HIM up to make sure we're okay? he was really going to sit on his * * * and not try to offer me any kind of apology? now THAT was pretty damn appalling. i'm still upset about that. thank god i got in touch with him now and not later, seeing as he was completely putting any reconciliation in my hands. GRRRRR. it was the little things...i mentioned that our last conversation (in which he rudely dumped me) was "less than polite," and he kind of half-chuckled--not laughed, just a little, "ha." yeah, SOOOO funny, right? it's soooo funny that the mean words he said to me have been replaying in my head a thousand times for the last two months, right? ugh. jerk. i know he's being cool and casual about it because he's still resisting feeling guilty, so i get it. still, i continue to feel as if he's being rather heartless. it's a big change, because when we were together he was always so sensitive, so caring about the feelings of others, mine in particular, of course. who IS he now? the positive result, though, is that we will be meeting, so i'll get to say my piece and be done with it. plus i get the feeling that he thinks i want to get together so we can be 'buds,' and what i'm really going to do is address all the crappy things he did and refuse to let him deny what he's been doing. i'm not going to be crazy and accusational, but believe you me, i will stand up for myself, and i think he's going to be rather uncomfortable unless he's in complete denial. it will be interesting to see how he reacts. if he continues to deny responsibility i will be SO pissed. the other nice thing is that we really had a rather lame conversation. naturally, it was that way because we're both purposely handling each other with distance, but at least i didn't hear his voice or hear him talk about his travels and fall in love with him all over again. you know? it was a hard conversation, but it was okay. i think seeing him will probably be a good reminder as to why i shouldn't love him anymore. i think our meeting is going to happen in about a week and a half. i'll let you know how it goes.

My ex had NEVER thought about settling down before me (perpetual bachelor type) and his best friend (who just got engaged) was telling me last night that he'd NEVER seen my ex ever care about anyone like he did with me. This has been told to me by everyone in the exes' life (including his mother). I can't help but wonder... doesn't that level of caring count for anything? Could he just be scared of a relationship that was becoming serious? He'd never even lived with a woman before me and we not only lived together for a year and a half, we hopped around different countries together... the only thing that remained consistent in our lives moving around so much was who we woke up next to every morning.. and we were perfectly happy living that way. boy, do i hear ya. i can't tell you how many people--friends and mutal friends--have told me that stuff: that they'd never seen him so happy with another girl. everyone said we were the perfect couple, that we seemed to have the most stable, loving relationship. and in his new career, with all his traveling and new experiences, we were the one thing that was always consistent, and like you, i thought that really "counted for something" that i was sticking by his side, there for him, and keeping him grounded. so WILL it count for something? maybe. it's not like it's never happened that a guy has pulled his head out of his butt and realized that he used to have it all and let it go. but sometimes, because life just isn't always fair, it may not ultimately bring you two back together. i was talking to a cousin of mine who kind of had a similar experience to mine, she was the first girl he had talked about getting serious with, but now they are not together and are both engaged to different people. so it didn't work out with them, but it's not like she's not better off now anyway. unlike you, i'm having a pretty good day today. i talked with my ex this morning for the first time in two months, and we were so distant talking to each other--friendly, but distant--that it felt weird, but i feel okay about it. i was afraid i would talk to him and be suckered back into loving him all over again...and it hurt, but i wasn't pulled back in. it will be okay for you, too.

iceman is right, it's going to be SO HARD to be light and casual, but if you're anything but that, you're going to just kick yourself later. if you want the relationship to get back to a place where you're BOTH feeling good about each other, you have to put in the effort to make HIM feel good at this moment. i'm a little worried that you're putting so much effort into looking good...only because it means that your expectations must be really, really high at this point. if things don't work out the way you wanted--and i hope they work out for you--at least you know it's due to his issues, not yours. depression is a very crippling thing for a person, and i bet it must be even harder for men since their tendency is to want to solve problems on their own. best of luck dear.

completely agreed with you, lvlyldy. i don't care how the dumper is feeling at the moment, he can always muster up the energy to be kind! and, i hate to say it--the mean behavior seems to be much more common in males. sorry, guys. but i didn't wish he had been nice so we could be friends...i simply wish he had been nice because i want to be able to look back on this relationship and feel good about it, and not angry, bitter, or slighted. each time i've been in love (total of two times), it has ended with the guy being a sorry jerk. it's a pretty sad way to remember my experiences of young love.

brickchamp-- THE BEST REVENGE IS LIVING WELL! i think this is so applicable in your case. you said you don't really want to hurt him, you just want him to stew in regret for a little. it's a revenge of sorts, though not the kind of revenge that the posters were discouraging. you want healthy, non-psycho revenge. i would never fault you for wanting this kind of "revenge"--in fact, i support it. why? 1. because moderate anger is healthy, and gives you a break from grief; the sooner you feel the anger, the better, because it's simply reality soaking in, and 2. it can get you moving your * * * on things in YOUR life. this brings me to my point about "living well." i know from experience that the absolute worst, most jealousy-inducing thing an ex can do is have a great life. i have gotten guys re-interested in me, guys whom i thought would NEVER come around, by letting go of them and above all being generally awesome. invest yourself more deeply in hobbies, really get your studies or career (whichever is your current focus) going. get an awesome new haircut, do a little retail therapy and get some clothes you love. hang out with friends who intellectually stimulate you and help you grow. the reasoning for all those goes hand in hand with why you should look like you're having a fabulous time when you run into your ex this weekend. first of all, you are outwardly projecting how great you are with these new changes in your life, because they will probably be visible in either your appearance or attitude, or your ex will get wind of them (this is especially probable if you have mutual friends, especially some cool girlfriends who are willing to slyly spread the good news about you!) also, the more you act fabulous, the more you FEEL fabulous, so once you get through a couple weeks of kinda-faking it, you'll really get there yourself. win-win: you feel like you're doing great, and your ex sees (with regret and jealousy) that you're doing great.

thanks for all your responses! that really helped to hear that i wasn't totally off my rocker for breaking NC, though i do believe i have a good purpose for it. i made the call tonight...i had to leave a voicemail. i won't deny it, for a little while afterward i was KIND of dying inside. i'm afraid he'll totally blow me off...it wouldn't be the first time a guy has denied me closure. if i knew my ex was still the same guy i knew before we broke up, there would be no doubt in my mind that he would call me back...he was a dependable guy, always wanted to make people feel good, had good karma. but considering his actions as of late, who KNOWS how this could end up. i think he's going to respond, but if not, well, at least i tried. i tried to sound lighthearted/casual in my message, no scariness or attitude...still, i think he's going to be totally caught off guard. will this work to my advantage? maybe, maybe not. sigh...it was really weird hearing his voice on the machine. weird and hard. i hope this whole thing doesn't set me back or get my heart set on reconciliation again. wish me luck.

Someone above said that when someone shows you who they are, believe them. That is very true, but very hard for me to live by. I always tend to give people the benefit of the doubt and am too trusting. I'd like to think people can change. I've always been a nurturer and hate that I've allowed myself to get caught up in the bad boy drama... I always found myself saying that they aren't jerks.. they are just complex.. So either I'm right and my ex is using alcohol and his bad habit friends/new fiance as therapy to numb his insecurities and hurt, or he just loves getting trashed and is a plain old jerk. Either way, he still acts like a complete jerk so I just need to go with that theory. well, as for the first part, i totally feel you. i try to avoid chalking it up to "complexity," but i am forgiving, or at least really want to see the good in people if i really, truly believed it was there at one time. people DO make mistakes...and i have to say, i had one guy really hurt me a couple years ago. i won't go into details, but he absolutely crushed me, and it was even worse because we'd been friends for ages. it was a long road of hurt, not only because it took him way too long to apologize, but because i wasn't sure i could ever forgive him. so yeah, it took a long time, but he truly regretted it, and i truly forgave him, and i'm so glad we're able to be friends--not lovers, but good friends--now. i like to think it was worth the struggle...and i didn't do it for him, i did it for me. we had a history and i wanted him in my life, so i made it work for myself. and about this ex--screeeeew him. anyone who turns to alcohol to cope with life and invests his time in "party friends" is an unexcusable loser in my book. i don't know him, but i give him the automatic write-off!

okay, so everyone's already told you that your ex is a loser, don't worry about it, blah blah blah. but you know what else? rebounds have the lowest success rates of any relationships on the planet. she really is just going to fill the void you left, as it was said, if there even is a "she" to begin with. anyway, this lucky girl is going to get the benefit of constantly being compared to you, his last love--SOOOO lucky, right? don't be jealous of the new ho, it's seriously pointless. when i first started thinking (with horror) of my ex hooking up with other girls, it drove me up a wall every time. but the trick was, i started to make myself FOLLOW THROUGH all the way with those fantasies. for example, i COULD think of him having sex with some random chick on the road (he's a musician), and it being spontaneous, exciting, whatever. but then i thought about how it would go afterwards--the awkward putting-on of the clothes, probably accompanied by a lot of drunken stumbling, the half-hearted offer for her to stay the night, him feeling ridiculously lonely and empty afterward, having to leave to another city six hours later...et cetera. and that's not fantasy, that's REALITY. so, was i really going to sit around and be jealous of THAT? please. you can sort of fill in the blanks and make your own storyline...point being, any girls he gets with for the next few months will just be a PATHETIC hookup, as most of them are, but breakup hookups are particularly pathetic for both parties. you can even be GLAD that he might be seeing other girls, because he'll probably strike out for a while and remember how rare it truly is to find a girl as great as you. don't kid yourself about the relationships he's going to have anytime soon, because they're going to be empty. period.

ugh...man, do i miss it. i wouldn't go back solely for it, but that doesn't mean not i'm DYING for it!

...and come to think of it, i think i might have an easier time with meeting than he will. i have accepted who he is, warts and all, in this time away from each other, while his actions have led me to believe he is the victim of "cognitive distortion" (thanks icemotoboy, haha), or making me out to be the bad guy. he has tried to move on by making me into a different person that he doesn't like, so he's moving on by living a lie. does anyone have any suggestions for how to call and broach the topic with him?

sorry ladyj, that sounds terrible. i guess i would first need to figure out what i really want to know. i'm not looking for answers as to "where it went wrong," because i've found most of them in myself. and plus, my ex was very keen to blame everything on me, and i know it's not my fault. i think i need closure, or some form of closure, because a) the breakup was over the phone, so it was hard to make 'real' in my mind, b) some of his actions after the breakup have been disrespectful and even vengeful, so i need to get straight with him why he is acting out, and c) i just want a kinder goodbye than the one i received, and i think since we have both had a few months to simmer down and have time alone this will be easier and less emotionally wrenching, and because it will be less difficult emotionally, i believe (or hope) he will be in the mindset to be more fair and giving. and there's something about seeing him that i think will help me close the book on it. after all, the last time i saw him about three months ago, he was showering me with kisses and telling me how much he loved me. i need to get our new "relationship" (meaning NO relationship) straight in my head, if that makes sense. and if he says no to meeting with me, well, then i'll just tell him he can call me when he's "ready to be an adult about it," and never call him again. then at least i can go out the classy one, and i believe this is what he will have the hardest time facing: that i'm actually NOT the 'problem' he wants to believe i am.

p.s. don't worry, i AM seeing his flaws...the breakup has given me a lot of perspective, believe it or not. i think i had a really idealistic view of him before/immediately after the breakup, but the veil has been lifted. don't you worry!

okay, okay, i get it. i can totally see why you think this guy has absolutely no merit based on how it ended, i totally getcha and respect your opinions. there are a lot of 'relationship police' on these boards and you saw the red flags in my breakup (which makes sense, because it was a sucky one!) but--i say this totally respectfully--the only two people in the relationship were he and i, and to me it was great and loving, despite our problems. i thought so while i was in the relationship, and looking back on how it was BEFORE the three or so weeks leading up to the breakup, i still feel the same way. it's beside the point anyway. this isn't about him, and unfortunately it doesn't really do anything for me to have people knock his character. i'm concerned about getting closure, and having a nice, rational, peaceful end to my relationship, because the weirdness and crappiness of how we ended is what i continue to struggle with--not the end itself. i have begrudgingly accepted that he is not the guy i will spend my life with, but to me, it is important to be able to look back on this relationship lovingly, and to graciously accept that it had its place and time. i don't know if i can get to this place without meeting him for closure.