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joyce1412

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Everything posted by joyce1412

  1. joyce1412
    wow. never say never, right? how do you feel? do you think you'll give him another chance? as much as some of us want our exes back, i wonder if it's really that easy. seems hard to allow yourself to get that close with a person when he/she has hurt you more than anyone else.
  2. joyce1412
    ugh...that sounds awful OCD. "space" after 2 years? mine was kind of the same deal, only a year and a half. i really couldn't tell you exactly why i thought it ended, but the space issue did come up, and i was like, "...what?" ugh, terrible. i feel the same way, though, i'm almost positive he's going to regret it and i know SOMETHING is going to work out for me, if not him. but still...i hope!
  3. joyce1412
    i can sort of relate. i got a surprise kiss two days after my breakup!...it was unwanted on my part, mind you. it hit me really hard for a few hours because i'm loyal to a fault...even though my ex dumped me, my heart was still with him, and it felt weird to be intimate in any way with another guy so soon. it's natural to feel like this. HOWEVER, it is NOT logical. you were dumped, and as a consequence, you owe your ex nothing but civility and general respect. you're single. and besides, it's only a kiss, right? remember...if your ex really cared about you kissing other girls, she wouldn't have given you up in the first place, would she?
  4. joyce1412
    hey there. wow...it seems like your ex wants everything on her terms. she's allowed to bully YOU into telling her that you love her--which you shouldn't necessarily be doing, because it probably doesn't feel safe for you to lay your feelings on the line right now, does it? but when you want to discuss issues with HER, she seems to think she's allowed to just dismiss you. NOT cool. that said, it probably wasn't a good time to talk (late at night, post-party). do you think it could have gone any better in a different context? was it just bad timing and a bad mood, or is she always like this? you've still made yourself extremely available to her even after the breakup. maybe it's time to have a little space, huh? you don't have to stop returning her calls without any explanation. just say that you think it would be a good idea for you (or the both of you, however you want to phrase it) if you had a little space--which is what you are supposed to have after a breakup ANYWAY. it sounds like having time to get a little perspective would really help you out. if anything, you two could both cool down a bit. you've tried one method for these 3 1/2 months, and it seems it hasn't worked...it sounds like it might be a good time to see what NC does for things. plus, you've been letting her have so much control that taking some for yourself might also be personally empowering. good luck!...let us know how it goes.
  5. joyce1412
    that's cool. i couldn't see myself wanting to be just friends with my ex. i want all or nothing. sounds extreme, but i can't handle the in-between stuff. i deserve more. plus, i've got a lot of friends already, and none of THEM have broken my heart...i think i like it that way. i don't know. i get that we can't be together right now. but everything about the relationship when it was good (which was everything up until a few weeks before the end) makes me unable to let go of these hopes because we did get along so well. but maybe that's everyone's story, right?
  6. joyce1412
    i understand what you're saying, and of course i'm curious because i wonder if the people seemingly very committed to breaking up, like my ex, DO come around eventually. i'm three weeks out of a relationship...can you blame me? i'm also kind of interested just in a scientific way. like, how often do these people who were sooo intent on getting you out of their lives turn around and say, "i was wrong! forget everything i said!" because there clearly ARE some of those people out there. humans are strange creatures.
  7. joyce1412
    bowski, i too have decided on NC for what was a long-distance relationship. like icemotoboy said, it will probably be easier for you to operate and move on since you are used to living daily life without her...unfortunately, the same will probably be true for her, too. i am finding that my daily life has changed very little since my breakup, and that life is surprisingly okay. however, it is hitting me hard that he is absent in my life. i really relied on those late-night phone calls. and there's no one who can replace him...i miss having him as the person to whom i wanted to tell everything. i miss his humor, his unique perspective, et cetera et cetera. so don't kid yourself that just because you're not in the same city, your absense is not a loss for her. it's a HUGE loss for her. you had a really unique place in her life. she's going to miss your voice, she's going to miss hearing your jokes, she's going to miss not knowing what's going on with you...these are all palpable things. that said, i'm sure you see how NC is helping you, too. you can start focusing on the life you live, the life that exists in one city instead of two. i think NC is a good way to go even in your (our) case.
  8. joyce1412
    hey all. i keep reading all these posts about your ex-lovers getting in touch with you after breakups, even after you have imposed NC. and i just want to understand...how often does this actually happen? my ex was very firm with me in the breakup. we were together for a year and a half. he was vacillating for weeks prior, saying maybe we should spend time apart and then taking it back. he was even saying "god, i wish it were four years from now so we could just get married!" (i am 21, he is in his mid-twenties, so marriage is not in our immediate future.) however, in the final breakup phone call, he actually wished me luck with "the end of school and summer" and said "best of luck with life." he also said no when i asked if he expected to get back together anytime in the future. needless to say, i was NOT very hopeful about him calling me again, and it was pretty easy for me to decide on NC for myself--i felt like i was absolutely, definitely REJECTED, and i might as well go for NC because he seemed to imply he wasn't looking to talk to me anytime soon. his resolve seemed very strong, so i decided that mine should be, too. so maybe you can see why i'm struggling with the thought of my ex calling ME after a breakup. i guess i'm just curious...did any of your exes try to get in touch with you even after a very firm dumping? are people really that weak even when they seem to be so sure that they want to be rid of you? basically, does this REALLY happen?
  9. joyce1412
    bacci--just wanted to say that i feel for you. i'm lucky enough that my breakup doesn't involve the complicating factors of children and marriage. i hope everything works out for you! your situation reminded me of a one i read about in "it's called a breakup because it's broken." it's written by a husband and wife, and the wife was previously married to another man, and they had a very problematic relationship, plagued by infidelity and other things. when she would ask him what he wanted to do about continuing or ending their marriage, he kept saying he didn't know, wasn't sure, didn't want to make the decision yet, et cetera. he kept asking for more and more time to "decide" what he wanted. eventually (she says) she had to realize that his indecision and ambivalence were decisions in themselves, and although it broke her heart, she left him. there is definitely something to be said for trying to keep your family and your relationship together, and that is 110% respectable. but maybe you can chew on the aforementioned? i'm sure it doesn't feel good to have someone who continually says that he's not sure about you. i know it hurt me greatly in the last month of my relationship when my boyfriend did this. best of luck. i really do hope you get your happy ending, whatever that is.
  10. joyce1412
    her little internet "messages" sound really manipulative. if she was a real woman she'd just tell you how she feels and wouldn't need to broadcast it to you AND others. she probably knows you're seeing them and flipping out over them, so don't give her the satisfaction. by being public with these statements, she's BEGGING people, particularly you, to pay attention to her. i had someone who did something similar years ago, and when i realized what he was doing i just had to shake my head and laugh at how pathetic it was. just feel sorry for her that she feel she needs to resort to little internet tricks. i also think the reasoning for your breakup sounds very weird...she chose a friend over you? you shouldn't have to break up with your boyfriend to maintain a friendship. i don't want to be harsh, but try to forget about this girl. she doesn't sound like she's worth your time.
  11. joyce1412
    oh man, do i know what you mean about the songs. thinking "oh my god--this song is my LIFE!" actually, there's this john mayer song called "wheel" that i've been listening to a lot lately, but not in a wistful, "i miss him so badly and i'm so overwhelmingly sad" kind of way. i highly recommend listening to it...it's just comforting, thinking that having people come and go is sad, but it's just the way of the universe. it's a little hopeful, too. again, HIGHLY RECOMMENDED! stay strong in that NC!
  12. joyce1412
    lvlydy--i was reading this and realized your relationship/breakup and mine are eerily similar. can you commit to giving him some space? it sounds like that would give you both some clarity. i wonder if you wanting to be "friends" with him rather than nothing at all might be because you're just scared about your relationship to him having no lasting significance. does that make any sense? maybe you don't want to let him go because you can't stand the idea of having him not be an influence in your life at all, so you're trying to wean yourself off of the relationship. if you really want him back, i'm sure most people here would agree that you have to just leave him alone, and tell him that he should only get in touch with you if he wants a relationship again. and also that until then, you both need space from each other. i think i'm doing pretty well since my breakup (about three weeks ago), and this is pretty much what i have committed to doing. let him miss you. and in the meantime, work on yourself and make yourself even better. he may come back to you, he may not, but the more you better yourself, the more you'll be able to think, "what an idiot he is for leaving me behind." i read about all the apologizing you've been doing and how he hasn't done likewise--exactly my situation with my ex--and i really feel for you. in time he'll probably realize the things he did and see that it wasn't all your fault, and you'll see it, too. but again, it sounds like above all, he needs a little SPACE and TIME to straighten things out in his head. you're in college, as am i...don't worry, if it doesn't work out, you've got plenty of life to live.
  13. joyce1412
    that's great! good for you. you can see that you're making real, tangible progress even now. pretty soon your husband's going to be wistfully thinking, "dang!...she's doing really well." and maybe that's a small consolation, but it seems like you're already beginning to see your strength. keep it up, you might blow yourself away with what you're capable of. finding a good friend who's able to "carry" your emotions also helps a lot. i hope you have someone like this already, or can find a friend to "fill the position." but anyway, be proud of how well you're keeping it together.
  14. joyce1412
    i can relate. i was broken up with three weeks ago, and while it's devastating and still shocks me, i feel like i'm impressed with myself--the way i've handled it, the improvements i'm making and have already made. i, too, feel like if he called me tomorrow and wanted me back, my impulse would be to say yes. but i would have to take some time and really think about whether it was right for me, simply because i've re-focused on myself so much in the past few weeks. having a life where i make every decision based on whether it's good for me and me alone is an exotic feeling, but it's great. now i feel like my ex and i would be better for each other sometime down the road--in a few months, years, whatever. i don't think it's dishonesty with yourself or fear that's the case here. i think you're seeing how you're becoming a whole new person, and while you love your husband, you see how important it is to continue your growth. so you want both: to be able to grow alone and build your life for a certain period, and to eventually have your husband back. it's basically the ideal situation, so why wouldn't you desire it? your improvements WILL NOT go to hell. you're living for yourself, doing things for yourself, working hard to make YOUR LIFE better. they have nothing to do with your husband aside from the fact that your breakup has spurred the desire to make them. if you don't get back together, it's not like all the great things you've done for yourself--like that great new job--will disappear. you've started to get in the habit of living for yourself, and the habit will only cement itself. you're not making your life better for your husband, you're making it better for you!
  15. joyce1412
    again, i very much appreciate the suggestion. it helps to hear from someone who's been there.
  16. joyce1412
    nice...i like your method. thanks for your response. but one question...you don't think it would imply, "i'm just too broken to see or speak to you right now?" just a thought. coincidentally, another thing just came up--ugh. a mutual friend of ours is having a birthday party in two weeks. she's better friends with me, but still...i fear he'll be invited, and this kind of goes against the whole NC concept. but she is a great friend of mine and it would probably be rude not to attend. do i go or not?
  17. joyce1412
    hi, i'm new here. my boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks ago because of various issues that go along with being in a long-distance relationship. the only contact we had a couple weeks ago was regarding getting my stuff back (done via text message), we had very civil and restrained communication and i told him to get in touch with me about it next time he's in town. well, before i visited these boards i thought i wanted to see him, have him come over, talk it out, blah blah blah...but after reading about NC i really want to commit to it--unless he were to change his mind and wants to get back together, hence the reason this is on the "getting back together" boards. so yes, i can't deny that the NC and my actions are somewhat motivated by wanting to get back together in addition to wanting to take care of myself. so my question is: i want to get my things back--probably via him dropping my stuff off with my roommate, because i don't think i should have to go to HIS place and get it. he'll likely text me in a few weeks asking when he should bring my stuff over. how should i handle this? should i email him with instructions on getting in touch with my roommate, and just stick to the topic at hand? should i be strict about NC and have my roommate call him and set things up? i'm all about remaining a "challenge" and i don't want my current state of weakness to be visible, but i don't want to seem bitter or like i just can't handle speaking with him. so if anyone has recommendations for how to handle the "exchanging of the things" gracefully, i would really appreciate it!
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