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Cute Band Rat

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  1. Cute Band Rat
    This is tricky. You sound like a wonderful partner for someone...but chemistry is a funny thing. it's either there or it's not. It is something that cannot be forced. Yes...you SHOULD have had all the right "ingredients" for a relationship..but passion seems to be what was missing for him. I recently learned that someone who dumped ME..is actually VERY attracted to me and feels chemistry..but he doubts he can trust me because of things that happened in the past. Will the "chemistry" outweigh the other things? I don't know...but what I DO know..is the heart wants what it wants. I think feeling a 'spark" with soemone is instantaneous..or its not. Hard to light the fuse once it's almost burnt out. Sorry I couldn;t be more helpful..but it sounds like he doesn;t feel that "spark".
  2. Cute Band Rat
    Hmmm how about BLOCKING her and telling her to leave you alone?? Have you told her that already? Being honest with someone is the best policy. If you are simply blowing her off..thats wrong. At least tell her you are no longer interested. Maybe then she'll get the message.
  3. Cute Band Rat
    Thanks everyone for all your replies. I'm still elated today. I never knew how strong my feelings were until now. I'm grinning from ear to ear. I am so happy he finally opened up...and I mean he REALLY opened up. Without provocation. I just kept things REALLY light, and flirty. When I called him he admitted to haVing an UNdeniable attraction to me...but he doesn't know if he can trust me because of whats happened in the past. I listened intently to what he said....but I basically agreed that he was right...and I apologized sincerely for what happened. I didn't try to change his mind about me..I just enjoyed our conversation, and I think he did too. Now, I CERTAINLY don't know whats going to happen from here. I am by NO means an expert, and will not preach NC..because as I said, I DIDN'T do strict NC...what I DID do was lower my expectations, didn't talk about the past (HE did)...and I didn't pressure ANYTHING. I truly believe the dumper is the one who needs to lead with reconciliations or ANY type of relationship talk because otherwise they are going to think you can't relax and "let it go". Pressure is not attractive. I still have a LOT to learn....and if things progress I will certainly keep you all posted and help on the the boards as much as I possibly can. But for now...I'm living in the MOMENT....which is the best advice I can give. Thanks for all your support I appreciate it!!!!
  4. Cute Band Rat
    Heheheh Coollady....maybe "chubby' ladies..but no FAT ones
  5. Cute Band Rat
    I mean I was nasty towards him. So he blocked me with good reason. I'm shocked he asked me to call him hahaha. Maybe those pics helped!!
  6. Cute Band Rat
    I don't write about my OWN situation much on the boards..but I would like to share some recent events that has taken place. Without getting into TOO much detail.....the person that initially brought me to these boards..for I don't know, advice, knowledge or whatever seems to be coming around. Our situation is a bit unusual because we were never "together". Basically things never quite got off the ground..lol. Anyway....after a pretty ugly ending last year...I went through a lot of ups and downs. Asking various people for their advice and pretty , much doing NC. I won't lie..I slipped, MANY times...but I finally was able to stick to it for a couple months. I think THAT was the turning point. I then resumed LC..but my approach this time, was to not CARE if he replied. Part of me wanted him to know I was OK..and another part of me simply found comfort in keeping in touch with him...because I KNEW he was not over what happened before...and I knew he was at least reading my emails. So..today...I emailed him wishing him a Happy 4th...etc.. and I causally sent him a couple of recent pics, to which he replied..because my hair is SO dramatically different, and he liked it. Anyway...that email turned into more than a dozen back and forth. Remember: This is a guy who would even blocked my email last year (with good reason..I got ugly) LOL....So..anyway..we actually FLIRTED with each other for the first time in a LONG time. He finally asked me to call him..and I did. We talked for about a half hour..and he then asked me to call him again when he gets back in town . My head is spinning....but truthfully I am really glad we talked. No I am not expecting anything..but I am happy he at least explained himself to me. It was quite nice. So at the very least..we WILL be friends..and truthfully i am happy with that. If I had stuck to strict NC and waited for HIM..we would have never browken that barrier..which is SO important if you are to EVER move forward. Anyway..i just wanted to share the news Don't give up.....it ain't over till the fat lady sings!!!
  7. Cute Band Rat
    Alphonsepha I don't think your feelings are stupid at all. This girl obviously impacted your life somehow. The heart wants what it wants, but I think what I am seeing is you wanting to be the one to "rescue" her..you keep referring to her past and the "dirtball' she was with. Maybe she thinks you feel disdain for her and are always comparing yourself to her past partner. Thats a major turnoff. Stop doing that. Her past is her past....not yours. She has reasons for feeling for her ex the same way you do about her. If you think about it...an outsider could think YOU are as crazy for still wanting to talk to HER as you think she is for not wanting to be with you but with the "dirtball". See the cycle here? Be happy for her in your heart that she is hopefully doing well. Let it go.
  8. Cute Band Rat
    So basically the short version is you wanna twist yourself into a pretzel for someone don't even know all that well. My vote is NO...you change youself for YOU and you alone. If you guys cross paths in the future and you click, then maybe it was just a bad timing thing. Get "hotter" for the person in the mirror, not for some guy who already passed on you.
  9. Cute Band Rat
    Do you think you would EVER be open to a friendship with her? I am asking because I also wanted to remain in my ex'es life even if just as a friend. I have never went 4 months of NC, yet but I hope one day he will want me in his life again.
  10. Cute Band Rat
    Good points Annie. I think if there is at least a "spark"' of interest in BOTH people a little chasing is NOT such a bad thing. I think it's bothersome when one is CLEARLY not ineterested and never was.
  11. Cute Band Rat
    So tell her the same thig you told us. Its not YOUR job to make her not feel like !! She wanted things the way she wanted them, now she has to deal with the consequences. Period. Tell her eventually you MAY be "friends" but it's not possible now.
  12. Cute Band Rat
    Theres a difference in chasing someone who is "hard to get"..and chasing someone who is IMPOSSIBLE to get. Therein lies the part when it's plain DUMB to chase someone. of course there has to be SOME reciprocal interest...I would never chase someone who NEVER seemed interested. Thats what makes it fun..the key is getting to know WHEN to give up, and cut your losses.
  13. Cute Band Rat
    Ok I'll throw in some honesty here and say YES I enjoy attaining that which is HARD to attain. Not because I'm a masochist but because it's the competitive part of my personality. Lets face it..we ALL want a prize and if something is just handed to us, or falls in our lap, we generally tend to NOT appreciate it. It's human nature..be it man or woman. Even if you get something easily and like it initially...chances are you will begin to grow bored and antsy with it, simply because you didn't have earn it. Strange but true.
  14. Cute Band Rat
    Ok I want everyone to REALLY pay attention to what I am saying here. First of all, being dumped is like being fired from a job you love..but someone has decided you are NO longer "eligible' or qualified for. How do you feel? Most likely you are distraught, hurt and want answers of WHYYYYY you can no longer work there. They give you some generic answer..to keep you calm and to "cover their asses'. What is your initial reaction? To PROVE you CAN do a better job and fight for it? Or do you immediately resume looking for empoyment ELSEWHERE where your services will be MUCH more appreciated?? Do you keep calling the boss that fired you....demanding or begging to be hired back?? OR do you privately give them the finger..and think "I'll make you regret letting ME go"......... I think being let go from a job that has defined us is NO differnt than being let go from a relationship..and if we could apply the SAME logic we may....just MAYBE would be in a saner place. Thoughts?
  15. Cute Band Rat
    Thanks all. GH: About the Hallmark card idea. I would consider that...but I don't know WHEN it would be a good idea. I don't want to boast about being "changed"...I would rather he see it for himself. If I did this..I would not do it to provoke a response. I would like to say some things and let him think about it for a while before I do anything else. If nothing else...it will give me some sort of closure and knowing I was able to walk away a bigger person.
  16. Cute Band Rat
    Thank you Comets..I needed to read a post like this tonight. It gives me hope that things will get better...and maybe ..JUST maybe my ex will come back one day. Thank you
  17. Cute Band Rat
    Today I am very sad. I realized I am someone who brought a lot of unhappiness to my ex'es life. This really really hurts me. What hurts more is knowing there is NOTHING I can do to change that or how he will forever remember me. In one of our last conversations..he said that he did not think I treated him very well, and while I didn't agree at the time, I think back and wonder exactly HOW horrible I really was? I am working on myself and though I'm getting better..I wish my ex could see the changes in me. I wonder if it would matter to him or make a difference. I have a tendency to be very impatient and want things MY way. I know this caused a lot of problems in our relationship. I used to blow his phone up if he didn't answer. I would say mean things to him in the heat of the moment. I would say i was sorry and it would happen again. So today I am reflecting on how I contributed to our demise. I am sad to say the list is longer than I'd like to admit, but it is. I'm not beating myself up. Whats done is done. I just miss him terribly and wish I could be the girlfriend he deserved.
  18. Cute Band Rat
    Hey Aman, she sounds interested in you as more than a friend to me. I certainly DON'T IM OR text a 'friend' that often. It sounds like you guys are afraid of asking the SAME direct question..which is: are you interested in me??? I don't think she is "shooing you away when she makes referances to other girls. I think she is seeing if what you will say..or if you ARE seeing another girl. Again..I would never INSIST a "friend" go out there and "get numbers". Truthfully..if it were just a "friend" I could care less. She likes you my friend...much more than just as a "friend". I would suggest you STOP being her "buddy" if you want this to move forward. Next time she asks you if you've hooked up or whatever...tell her you have a date, and be very mysterious about it. No details. She must not think she has you at HER convenience. I would not answer ALL her texts or IM's right away either. Her reactions will tell you ALL you need to know. Good luck!
  19. Cute Band Rat
    I know the title sounds deceiving...but it's not. When you first start getting to know someone, you usually know within the first month if you WANT something more with that person or not. I have a tendency to "play games" as to not get hurt..by playing games I don't mean I lie or deceive anyone...not intentionally. I DO find however that I downplay my OWN feelings a lot as to not push the other person away..thus creating more anxiety for myself. It sucks. So I feel like I AM being dishonest. Most people say NOT to tell the other person how you feel, but to SHOW them. What if I am not GOOD at showing affection? Or what if the OTHER person isn't? Some people simply take more time to "warm up"...so it's possible I may get the wrong idea and assume the other person simply isn;t interested. I am way too open and honest for my own good sometimes. i always lay my cards on the table..and expect the same..always to be disappointed. I also don't think I am choosing the "wrong" people. Maybe I SHOULD play games and deal with the consequences later. I am so frustrated. Does anyone else feel this way?? Do you all play games or are you like me?
  20. Cute Band Rat
    By the way...off topic..Annie I sent you a PM..not sure if you got it.
  21. Cute Band Rat
    Weasel..maybe you're seeing conflict where there IS none. I tend to do that with authority figures. If she's a "competent" boss..she SHOULD tell you if she is mad or disappointed with your work performance. Maybe you could ask HER....so...how would you rate my job performance"? Or ask her for an honest appraisal of what you've done.
  22. Cute Band Rat
    Good advice Annie. I'll remember that!!!
  23. Cute Band Rat
    After a while of No Contact with my ex..I have decided to lay it all on the line, and not ask for him to come back, but to tell him how I feel..and it is up to HIM to contact me if he wants me in his life. I will then wish him well and start REALLY moving on with my life. I need to make sure he KNOWS how I feel about him, and what I want, but I will survive if it doesn;t happen. I am planning to send him an email..not right now but most likely within a few weeks. I am just shy of one month NC. I feel stronger and better everyday. By the time I mail this letter, i think I will be in an even better place.
  24. Cute Band Rat
    Andrew put yourself in HER shoes. She gave you what YOU wanted when you had it, but as you said now the roles are reversed. How can she trust YOU won't get "creeped" out again and push her away??? You can't have it both ways. Have you told her you regret pushing her away?? Have you expressed remorse?? You cannot expect her to just go back to the way things were. She is doing what you wanted...and not being so clingy. That is a healthy thing to do.
  25. Cute Band Rat
    I think it's normal to think those thoughts. I would keep doing what you're doing though. He was trying to provoke a reaction from you, so good for you for not giving him one. You don't have to ignore someone to get your point accross either. That shows you still care what he thinks. Best to just be indifferent and short. Good job.
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