andrew05151

Seriously, this guy sounds like a huuuuuge douche bag. Seriously. And you have a daughter. Do you really want him as her father figure? I mean, you said so yourself...he's too immature to even handle a political debate.... C'mon...you can do better. You know it.

Oh yes, you could definitely be analyzing that correctly. You might just be happy you "won." You don't feel rejected anymore, now YOU are the rejecter. There's power in that feeling. And, it doesn't necessarily make you cold hearted. It just means, you don't love him anymore. ...I think

Nothing. You're using discretion. You're being reserved. You're not diving in head first. I think that's fine. The relationship is broken and it won't work out. You know that, I'm sure. I know that for my own situation. We still need to feel it out, though...

Hes probably scared to go back in head first. Scared she'll dump him again, and he'll have to go through such pain. Im just describing myself, though

Well, I kind of thought this was a cooling off period. We used to see eachother like every day, and she was very clingy before. Too clingy, really. Yet, when it was gone, I missed it terribly. At this point I think I'm mostly over it all. I'm not getting emotional like I used to. What are my intentions? I don't know...do I want her back? I don't know. I need to see her and find out for myself...if I still feel it. But actions speak louder than words...if she can manage to live out the summer without getting involved with anyone else, that would mean something to me. She's an attention * * * * *, after all. She hasn't been without a boyfriend since 10th grade, and right now she's single. That kind of means something, I guess. I don't know...I don't see a No Contact period being beneficial at this point. I want to be there for her, but I don't want to be there as a boyfriend. She knows she can always lean on me when she's in trouble, I told her that even when we did break up. I told her I won't be her friend, but I will be there for her if things get too hard for her to handle alone. She's used to being with me almost every day, she's used to my affection and love. If she talks to me, I'll talk to her. If she wants to go out, I'll go out for 2 or 3 hours, but I'll limit that to once a week or so. I think that's cooling down, isn't it?

It sounds good on paper, but putting it to practice, that's a whole other game...for me, when someonen says they need me, when they want me around....I'm not the type that can turn them down. It makes me feel terrible. I'm not going into this with positive expectations, I'm not going to try to progress anything. I'm just going to be there, I'll talk, I'll be nice, I'll just be me. Whatever she does with it...it doesn't matter to me at this point. I'm going to keep living like I have been. I'm going to keep going out all the time, flirting with other people, making new friends. I'm not letting her suck me down. But, I don't want to turn her down, either. Do you really think I am doing the wrong thing?

Yes, exactly. I can't buy into her game, I won't do it again. I won't let her trap me in her web. I'll feel the situation out today, and report back in here. I was thinking, assuming she really does want me back this time...maybe we'd just go out on little 2-3 hour dates once a week, maybe twice. To let the situation slowly grow, so it's not only me she knows...she'll have plenty of time to go out and do her own thing....yet, I won't be totally gone, either. Just an idea I had...

Hello everyone. I've got another twist in my story. A quick recap: I dated my ex for about 2 years, when she abruptly left me for her ex-ex, because he "makes her feel good." Apparently, I was causing too many fights and making her cry too often. I fought to keep her for a week, then I gave up and left. A week later she came back to me. I was happy, I took her in right away. A week later she left me for him, and told me she was "faking it." "Forcing herself to have a good time." And that we need "accept that it's over." Now it's been something like 3 weeks. I lost track. But, I've really healed a LOT. I've become so much more secure, stable, and confident. She's just broken NC with me, and I'm not even getting emotional or hopeful. I kind of have a "whatever" attitude about it. Probably because I don't think it can work out right. Anyways, one of our mutual friends sent me this AIM conversation so I knew what was coming... Sorry for being lame and posting an internet log, but I'm using it to analyze. She had/has no idea that this was sent to me... Her: hey Friend: hey Her: what are you doing? Friend: eating my lunch at work Friend: you? Her: heh Her: sitting, thinking Her: and stuff that always makes my life suck Friend: i'm sorry, what's up ? Her: god, so much * * * * going through my head Her: idk, it's pathetic Her: im pathetic Friend: well that's not helping me help you Friend: but Her: haha Her: i ruined my life and others lives and my future, for what? for me to sit here and cry and feel pain that i don't want Friend: right but i don't know what you're talking about and that much isn't true Friend: and if it is, it's not a permanant thing Her: ... andrew Friend: right but that's done and over Friend: and he's doing well Friend: well, better which is alot of progress Her: oh Her: wish i could say the same for me Friend: Alicia all i can say is you made your choice, if you want to be with andy Friend: don't Friend: let him go Friend: or he'll never grow as a person Friend: he was leaning too much on you for everything Her: i feel horribal Friend: Well that's to be expected, you were with him for a while Friend: you don't feel any better for breaking up with him Her: i cna't do anything Her: i can't sleep, i barely eat, every song i listen to makes me cry, i can't watch movies, i cna't even sit in my room without thinking of him and crying Friend: right, i'll stick by my guns about what i said a while ago, if you're still confused you need to be by yourself for a while Her: yeah Her: id on't want to hurt chach, he thinks everything is good Friend: ok, but you need to do things for yourself , and figure out you Friend: before you can be with anyone else Friend: if chache really likes you he'll understand Friend: you can't half * * * a relationship lady Her: iknow Friend: it's not fair to you or him Her: iknow Her: i hate doing that though Her: telling him i cna't do this anymore Her: and i feel bad and he's upset and idk what to do Friend: right but if you're even contemplating it Friend: you should probably do it Her: i just keep thinking of how much i threw away... and it kills me Her: and that i needed him, and how stupid i am Her: and i just.... Her: i don't want to be here anymore Her: here, living, breathing, feeling all this pain Friend: Alicia do you seriously love him or do you just miss him? Friend: because no matter how much you miss someone that's not enough reason to get back with them Her: i love him, if i didn't woudl i be crying this much, or doubting what i did or seeing him everywhere? Friend: I guess not, just please think it through more before you act Friend: because it will effect andrew alot Her: iknow Her: but it doesn't matter Her: he wont take me back Her: so i guess i'll just... idk Friend: you need to just go through everything you have on your plate now, yo uhave collegestarting Friend: and starting a new part in your life Her: i know Her: but i think of all the plans we had, and everything, and knowing i wont get that chance, kills me Friend: Well here's the thing, you have to go on Friend: or take him back completely Her: i know Her: i feel like the most horribal person ever, the biggest heartless * * * * * ever, and i just want him to know that i love him, and i don't want him to forget about me and us, i don't want him to have to, i don't want to have to, i need him Friend: Lee talk to chache Friend: this isnt' fair to him Friend: and then wait it out by yourself Friend: and then if you still want andy Friend: go to him Friend: and talk to him Her: he wont take me Her: he already told me Friend: yeah they always say that Friend: i'm not going to give you hopes about it, because maybe he won't Friend: because he was hurt badly Her: i know Friend: but he still may after a while Friend: talk to him as friends Her: he wont Friend: you ARE going to the same college i mean jesus Her: he doesn't want to be my friend Her: he doesn't want to remmeber me Her: or us Her: or anything we had Her: and that kills me Friend: Alicia do you blame him? Her: no Her: i don't Her: and that's why im almost posotive that he wont want me Her: god, i've had his box open, wanting to say something to him, but i cna't Friend: don't, no you need to think more before you do Friend: right now you're just emotional Friend: I have to go though i shouldn't be online anymore my break is over Friend: i'll talk with you later lee Her: oh ok Okay, so sure enough she leaves me a message on my away way late last night. We talk for about two hours, I act caring, yet cold. Which is how I am now. I do care about her, but I believe I'm finally fallen out of love. She tells me she will "do anything for me" to "prove that she loves me and always will" and that she's so sorry and regrets it all and she threw away her life. I don't really take this seriously...she'll just hurt me again, I'm sure. But, I did agree to see her today, at the spot we had our first date. I don't intend to be emotional, or affectionate. I'll give a hug, but I don't think I'll give anything more than that. I think I'll end it by telling her that she needs to stay single for a while to sort out her problems and build herself back up, because right now she's an emotional mess and we're only setting back up for disaster.

I'm sure she's thinking of you. She's probably not going to post something publicly that gives away her inner thoughts. I'm sure as soon as she read that question on the survey, she thought of you...and thinking of you may have hurt her, angered her, so she responded with the nope. It probably made her feel better to post that, knowing you'd read it. That's my take, anyways. Those surveys are so stupid, anyways.

Also, I don't know how much into music you are or what...but if you have Limewire or something, some songs I was listening to which I should share (and they're not inspirational...) Just Surrender - I Can Barely Breathe Number One Fan - Nothing Will Change The Fray - Over My Head (Cable Car) Motion City Soundtrack - LG Fuad The writers of these songs surely were going through the same feelings/emotions/thoughts as we are, and to hear it played out in music, in melody...it hurts but it heals me at the same time. Maybe it'll help you, too...I don't know. If you like those I've got more I could post... Good luck, stay strong.

I havent checked up here in a few days because it was too painful for me. I just read this entire thread and it made me pretty much cry. Ice, I know what you're going through, man. I went through something sooo similar. And, she told me the SAME THING! I love you but not the same. It took all my strength to say goodbye to her after hearing that. Because, what's the point? Everyone is right, no matter what we do...it doesn't change anything. She's set in her ways, in her feelings...and it's all we can do to just accept that. Maybe she'll come back, maybe she won't. If she does, so what? I'm just going to say no. It's not fair...look at what they are putting us through. Even if we do love them more than anything else, they're putting us through hell. It's not fair and I'm sick of the abuse. Your situation is better and worse than mine at the same time. Better because she's single, mine is dating that other guy...I think. I haven't checked up because I really don't want to know. But, yours is also worse because she's getting into drugs. That, for me, is not tolerable. It's all the more reason to let go. She's been negatively influenced, and if that's how she wants to live...why stick around and put up with it? We're just beat down dogs, with our tails between our legs...and we keep running back to the master for the next beating. Screw it! I'm done playing like that. No more of this.

Yeah, probably. When the semester starts I'll have to take a look around, I guess. This feels like I'm just wasting the entire summer, now....ugh

Hah, yeah...I'm on campus. I work here at IT for my university. I am an information science major, and treasurer of the Info. Sci. organization...but you don't find many girls around in that... And I'm white, and agnostic.

Well, I am back to feeling totally alone again. I feel like I make some progress throughout the day, but as soon as I lay down in my bed and try to sleep...everything gets worse. This seems backwards, the guys are supposed to be strong...but I'm the one that's an emotional wreck. All the movies have a happy ending, once the man starts putting forth a decent amount of effort and makes his love speech. The movies lie... Cherry, I'm sorry to hear you are going through something similar to what I am going through. I wouldn't wish this level of torture on anyone. When I want something really bad, such as an expensive piece of hardware...I know all I have to do is keep working, saving up the money...and then I'll be able to buy it. There's a comfort in knowing that. When I have a difficult final, I study for it, and I know that as long as I try to learn the material...I should be able to pass. Sure, it's stressful...but you can work to accomplish your goal. But, when it comes to trying to get your ex back, when another human being is thrown into the mix, there's no logical formula for success. That's where a lot of the pain comes from....you feel so helpless. Everything you try ends in failure, and perhaps it's time to just give up. I'm rarely a quitter, but she's beat me down so many times. Neolithic is right. That was the problem with me all along. She was putting in more effort than I was, and she got sick of pulling the weight. When she came back to me, it was vise versa. I was putting in all the effort....we never hit our balance. This has indeed been a learning experience. Unfortunately, any knowledge and strength I've begun to gain has come at such a steep price. Any suggestions on how to meet new people? Not that I'm particularly looking for a new girlfriend, but I need to be able to go and meet new people. I'm sick of sitting behind a computer screen and feeling like dying. But, I don't want to go to a bar where all the slutty party people are. I prefer the more classy, reserved people...but they're the hardest to approach. If I'm in the library, I can't just walk up to someone doing research and say "Yo, what's up?" I'm somewhat isolated from my old social network, as I sacrificed it for her....

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