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Cute Band Rat

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Everything posted by Cute Band Rat

  1. Cute Band Rat
    **Note to self** Do NOT email ex on his birthday....or any OTHER holiday. He has MY phone number dammit...
  2. Cute Band Rat
    Good luck Pedro, it IS hard but it's possible. Stick to your guns and we can get through this together. Keep your chin up.
  3. Cute Band Rat
    I think this is a "control" issue more than anything. Not feeling in control of how a situation will go is likely to make you feel insecure. You can't control if your b/f talks to other women, or if they talk to him...so stressing out about it is likely to make things worse then they really are. Have faith and trust that your b/f is doing right by you and for you as a couple. It is exactly this mentality that keeps women from trusting each other and being petty. Don't always assume other women are up to no good.
  4. Cute Band Rat
    Me too Beyond...I think in addition to this forum I may go to a meeting everyday. I think it would help me being around other people who's lives have become "unmanageable".
  5. Cute Band Rat
    Thank You Beyond....I will indeed take you up on that offer!!! What do you think going to a 12 step program would do to help me with this? I am not an alcoholic, but aren't the principles the same? It's about serenity, and focusing "one day at a time". I am seriously considering this as part of my "recovery".
  6. Cute Band Rat
    Well, I DID receive a $50.00 certificate to a clothing store "New York & Company" because I have paid off a lot of credit card stuff...and they rewarded me with this. I think today I shall go out and spend it..and get a pedicure. I might as well start off looking and feeling better
  7. Cute Band Rat
    I read the suggested book "Its Called a BreakUp Because It's Broken"....so I guess this forum will be my "Breakup Buddy"....sort of like a sponsor for an alcoholic when the urge to drink hits. Only it's the urge to contact him. How sad that I am comaparing him to an addiction, but in a way I suppose that's what it is. On MY end anyway....so whoever wants to be my Break Up Buddy...I need ya!!!
  8. Cute Band Rat
    I agree with you BTS... I am not looking for a reconciliation, but it would be nice to know he won't be relieved that I am out of his life.
  9. Cute Band Rat
    Thank you BTS...and Robo. I don't look forward to the "emptiness" I will feel by not being able to talk to him , because I know as bad as it got there were a lot of things I DID love about him. Unfortunately, those moments became far too fleeting , and the bad ones lingered way too long. I'm not looking at this as a way to slavage "our" relationship..I'm trying to salvage MYself before we DO completely hate each other. Do you guys believe that absense truly makes the heart fonder...even in a situation as mine? Can someone really miss you after such a falling out?
  10. Cute Band Rat
    Blured, rather than be unhappy with how you are...embrace it. There are a LOT of "outgoing" people in the world who are also loud, obnoxious, need to be the center of attention.....being introverted has it's GOOD qualities. I am more in the "middle" Sometimes I'm introverted and sometimes I'm extroverted. Depends on the situation. Rather than try changing who you really ARE, embrace your wonderful qualities. I bet you are a great listener. That is an awesome quality. Also.....maybe you could focus on being "adaptable" to situations..rather than trying to change altogether. It takes practice but it's doable.
  11. Cute Band Rat
    Patience...I posted 'The Day Start Over"....and today is that day for me. After my reactions yesterday, and how crappy I felt about myself, I am ready to stop the madness. I need serenity in my life. I'm not going to get that with my ex. I have realized that once all the drama is over..ie, the fights, making up, arguing, make up sex....there's really nohting left to talk about. I realized it's the silence I'm scared of because then I will be forced to look at ME and how I have failed....as long as I am looking outside myself... don't have to face my OWN issues. The reality is..I need to stop doing that, and work on ME first.
  12. Cute Band Rat
    Yesterday was a BAD day for me. I lost my mind for a while but today I am ready to clean the slate and look forward. It will be hard, but I gotta do what I gotta do to end this vicious cycle I've created by constantly going back the misery of my ex. When I'm with him I love him and I'm content...it's the NOT being with him that makes me crazy, and act like a total psycho. I've realized that I need to live my life as if I am in a bubble for a while..and completely go within myself. Focusing on MY life, what I want and make many improvements. One thing I have an issue with is control. I tend to try to control to go MY way..when the reality is, I can ONLY control ME. As much as I want my ex to love me, want me need me..that is completely unreasonable, because he is NOT me. He has a right to HIS thoughts , HIS feelings, and his OWN life. I have never given us the opportunity to really be without each other, so truthfully I don't know what his reaction will be when I'm REALLY gone. Maybe he'll be relieved, maybe he'll miss me , maybe he simply won't care either way...but as long as I am there, he never has to live without me. I'm ready to see what life without him is like, because life with him hurts more than it helps..and truthfully nothing else has worked. All the fighting, cajoling, arguing.....maybe I will find that there is much more communicated through silence than I will ever know. That said..I'm ready to start my journey. I will probably need support...so I appreciate any that comes my way. Wish me luck...
  13. Cute Band Rat
    Hyperia thank you for that analogy. It helps a lot....I will DEFINETELY use that next time I feel the "urge' to call him. Thank you again so much!
  14. Cute Band Rat
    Patience...First of all, I agree with Hyperia. Second to answer your question..I have only gone 1-2 weeks with NC..it sucks but I am willing to try anything at this point.
  15. Cute Band Rat
    Put toothpaste on it..it will dry it out.
  16. Cute Band Rat
    Yes Patience....my ex is EXACTLY like an addicton In fact he IS my addiction. Sooo sad but so true. I am proud you have made it 2 weeks....please please please keep going. I need strength..and maybe just maybe you and I can do this together. Post here once a day so I know you;re ok and have not gotten weak. I too will do the same.........post if you need support and do NOT contact him!!!!!!!!
  17. Cute Band Rat
    Tell ya what Patience...if you can stick to 2 weeks more of NC, and help me through my FIRST 'official" 2 weeks of NC.......I think we'll be well on our way...
  18. Cute Band Rat
    Patience, you have my empathy. It sucks to be betrayed but waiting for validation is probably the wrong way to go. Assume you will never hear from him again..and keep NC. I too am struggling with doing NC...and believe me I KNOW it's hard. I hav backtracked WAYYY too many times...but I am starting fresh tomorrow....please be strong and I will be here to encourage you.
  19. Cute Band Rat
    DN I'm just messin wit cha you are cool....thanks for listening to my craziness today.
  20. Cute Band Rat
    Tee Rae thanks for your support and you too teddy bear I will be here for your encouragement. It will help a LOT.
  21. Cute Band Rat
    LOL DN is not just "dude'..he the "old dude".....
  22. Cute Band Rat
    Deal, and I promise not to call you 'dude" if I make it a month
  23. Cute Band Rat
    Thanks DN. You're alright for an old dude I must warn, f I get weak I may need to vent on here often, so please don't get sick of me. Give me a month to get over the worst and I think I'll be ok.
  24. Cute Band Rat
    Thank you DN, I appreciate that. Maybe I should view it as an injury rather than as something wrong with me.
  25. Cute Band Rat
    Thanks Tee.. I really think you're right, and I think sometimes he is as addicted to this relationship as I am....otherwise why would HE keep going back too? One of us has to end this cycle.....it is terribly unhealthy. I know it's a matter of just NOT starting with that first phone call, because once I do...the cycle repeats. I would feel so good about myself if I could just hold strong for a while.
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