Jump to content

trident

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    68

  • Joined

 Content Type 

Everything posted by trident

  1. trident
    Good assessement in Part II
  2. trident
    I guess resist in the sense of not looking at all. I'll only be able to look at her stuff once I've forgotten her & she truly means nothing to me. Based on past experiences, that's usually a long time coming - this one especially so given that she's the first one where "marriage someday" even crossed my mind. I'd also venture to say that when a person reaches a point where they can look and not feel anything, then there really is no point in looking in the first place. I still have no clue why that heartless b***h looks at my stuff. Could be mindless "clicking" where she looks at everything regardless of who posted. Could be she still has feelings. Could be she just wants to tourtre me. Who knows. She essentially told me she didn't want me in her life - the "not ready for committment" line - but she looks at my postings. If she doesn't want to "see" me, then stop "seeing" me!!! It's very frustrating to know she's still connected to my life, but not vice versa. Ultimately, however, I think it's better to be able to reach a point where you can handle it rather than hide from it. The site is called "Multiply" - like MySpace but you have the ability to place tighter restrictions on your posts (ie. the whole internet can't see it) and it provides a listing of who looked @ what and how long ago. My posts are typically restricted to "contacts only." She's a contact because I re-invited her, like an idiot, after she sent post-dumping birthday greetings. I could cut off her access by deleting her again, but that would just show her that it bothers me and would only be a momentary satisfaction for me. It also just seems petty & I think I'm better than that. True it makes it harder to "forget," but on the otherhand it seems to force the process of "not caring."
  3. trident
    1) For instance, did you beg, cry, promise to change etc?? What was your ex'es reaction? Aside from instance noted in point 4, which was countered with a firm 'no,' I've tried hard to give her the space she wanted. Obviously I failed at times. 2) Whats different in your life since No Contact? Has there been any progress? Life continues to move, same as before I met her. Slowly learning to forget her existence. Takes a long time to reach that point. Doesn't help that I'm sick of getting jerked around. 3) Has there been ANY reaction on your ex'es part? Be it..seeing you as a different or changed person..or pursuing you? Who knows. Don't communicate. 4) How many times did you break NC before you became strong and got it right? Half dozen or so. Worst instance, was at a bar celebrating a friend's birthday. Over did it with the liquor & tried to kiss her. 5) How long have you been in STRICT NO so far? About a month, sort of. I don't contact her. She continues to view my posts on a MySpace like site. Since she booted me out of her life, don't really understand why she bothers to keep tabs on me. On the other hand, I really don't care why she looks anymore.
  4. trident
    Temptation is always there. My ex is still on my contact list on a networking site similar to MySpace. Actually, I stupidly re-invited her after deleting her. She checks all my posts, I check nothing she posts. Here is my philosophy: The ex's web posts or views of your site are similar to a vodka shot being placed in front of a recovering alcoholic. If you can look at it, resist it, and walk away from it w/o feeling, then you've conquered that "poisoning" aspect of your life. Not easy at first, but eventually you really don't care. Once you don't care, their views are as meaningful as views by your average John or Jane Doe. In short, they're not.
  5. trident
    It's likely because of the strong connection you had. I was plagued, if you want to call it that, by the same intensity after my last relationship fell apart. It reaches "normal" levels after some time..
  6. trident
    It's childish, but get angry. Hate them long enough to stop caring about them. You don't have to hold a grudge beyond that point, they just won't matter enough for you to waste any emotion - hate or love - on them.
  7. trident
    Lonely. It doesn't necessarily make you super happy, but at least it's on your terms.
  8. trident
    Maybe an old thread, but relevant for me personally. Something to think about.
  9. trident
    I just re-read your post and I feel like I'm in pretty much the same situation. Found a girl and fell in love. She stopped the relationship becuase it was not the right time for her. Is there hope? Is it really over? Can the relationship restore itself? Those are all questions I've asked and I'm sure other people have also asked themselves. There really isn't an easy answer. One thing that I feel strongly about, it that if you really care about the person, then you need to respect and try to understand their decision. If they need space, you need to give it to them. It's a cliche, but sometimes if you truly love something, you need to have the strength to let it go and hope that it will return. In such a situation, however, I don't feel that full NC is the way to go. Essentially, I think the situation calls for a form of limited contact. You can't pressure the person. You can't continue with full blown conversations. You can't pretend as if there are no feelings between the two of you. You can however, continue to let the person know that you are around and that you're thinking of them. Give them the environment in which, should they choose, they can return. That's the last point. You need to accept that there is the possibility that they may never choose to return. This doesn't mean that you need to look for someone new with abandon. In fact I'd argue that if feelings are strong that "right thing, wrong time" can transition to "right thing, right time" at some point, then you should put some effort and time in allowing that to happen. However, if a new possibility crosses your path when you're waiting, you should be willing to explore it. Not much help. Sorry. Like I said, I'm in a similar situation where something that should be has hit the breaks. No one can give me an answer in the same way no one can give you an answer. You can only do what you think is right.
  10. trident
    Love. A job is just a job. Not matter how important you think you are to the a company, you're just another cog in the machine. They got along fine before you got there & they'll get along fine after you're gone.
  11. trident
    The best thing to do is to focus on yourself. It's not to distract, but rather to stabilize yourself. Not to forget, but to remember without going to pieces. Holding yourself together won't effect him as much as it will you. From experience, even if you still care for the person, you'll feel much better if you hold yourself together and take the high road vs. falling apart.
  12. trident
    There are no easy answers to any of these questions. We all seek answers because absolutes are easier to deal with. "Yes" or "no" allows you to choose a definitive course of action vs. a "maybe" where you just have to gamble & accept the results. Are you making excuses? I'd guess it's not so much that as trying to take "gray" events and place them either into a black or white category. You're looking for reasons that will justify his actions and which you will understand. perfectly normal. How can he say one thing, but stick to his decision? People will often do what they think is right for themselves even if it conflicts with what their heart tells them. Logic over emotion. Doesn't mean they're right or wrong. It's just a choice. I've been hurt by someone I care about when she made such a choice. Although I don't agree with her decision, I understand and respect where she was coming from. Not much more you can do. To take care of yourself, you need to find those elements that will make you feel happy about life. No easy answer there. To each his own. As far as him coming back, that is entirely dependent on him. All you can do is choose how you behave if you encounter him - you can either be mean or cordial. You're choice. See where it leads
  13. trident
    Somtimes, the only road to "Not Giving Up" leads thru the land of NC or LC.
  14. trident
    I'm in a similar "right thing, wrong time" situation. There is no easy answer. However, you need to honestly decide for yourself whether the romance is over and you need to accept your decision. Telling yourself the romance is dead when you don't believe or accept it will just lead to pain and confusion. Not that I can follow my own advice. Good luck
  15. trident
    Anything is possible. However just because a "good breakup" happens where one side doesn't hate the other, doesn't mean that raw feelings and some form of heart break don't exist on one side or the other.
  16. trident
    No point agonizing over it. You can either take comfort in the fact that the person may care enough to want to be connected to your life in some manner or think of them as being no different than all the other people that looked @ the site. Either way, does it really matter? You'll only know what they're thinking if *they* tell you. You won't divine it.
  17. trident
    No. I agree with you in concept. All I'm saying is that situations present themselves where you need to make a decision on what course of action you want to take. Maybe it's letting go & maybe it's not. Depends on the people and the situation. It's no different than asking a girl out on a date. Some kind of relationship may be "meant to be," but you'll never know unless you get up, walk over and ask her out. As far as NC. It's a good way to step back & all yourself to reasses the situation and then make a decision.
  18. trident
    I was never partial to this statement. It reminds me of a joke I once heard: The flood waters are rising & threatening a home. The home owner refuses to leave on his own because he believes God will save him. The flood waters rise and the Police come to evacuate him. "God will save me" the man declares & refuses to go with the Police. The police leave the man at home. The flood waters rise even higher forcing the man into the upper levels of the house. The National Guard comes to evacuate him. "God will save me" the man declares & refuses to be evacuated. The National Guard leaves the man at home. The flood waters rise even higher. The man is force to the roof. The Coast Guard arrives to evacuate the man. "God will save me" the man declares & refuses to be evacuated. The Coast Guard leaves. The flood water engulf the home. The man drowns and goes to heaven. There he sees God and asks what happened - "I thought that You would save me." God replies - "I sent the Police, the National Guard and the Coast Guard to evacuate you. What more did you want Me to do?" The moral is that some form of destiny may provide the situation, but it is still up to us to put in the effort to make things happen. Just my 2 cents.
  19. trident
    It depends entirely on how you really feel about them and how you broke up. I was in a similar situation. I broke up with a woman I care for deeply. It was a "right thing - wrong time" deal. Ultimately I deleted her from my contact list on a social networking site because it was too painful. Lasted about two weeks. I received b-day wishes from her & after some thought decided that I would rather have her connected to my life tangentally rather than eliminated. In my situation, I think it was the right thing to do. It all depends on what you're gut tells you is right.
  20. trident
    It's comforting to hear that there is always the possibility of a second chance. It gives me hope.
  21. trident
    I just read this post & it struck a chord with me. About a month and a half ago my developing relationship with a sweet woman "stopped." I say stopped and not ended because everything that was said between us on that last day amounted to "this is the right thing, but the wrong time" for her. On that day, as now, I realized that there was nothing I could do but let her go. The only common feeling despite these weeks of confused emotion has been that my gut has said to "wait". Give her the time and space she needs. After all, she didn't close any doors. It's incredibly painful & difficult. I'm still unsure of how to do it. However, I suppose I can take comfort in knowing that other people in similar situation say "don't give up." Have hope.
  22. trident
    Do what your gut tells you. In my opinion, trying to remain "just friends" after the relationship has failed is just a way of not letting go and accepting what happened. Anything is possible, but there is a reason why "I hope we can still be friends" is one of those cliches that always rings hollow and signals the end.
  23. trident
    Is your purpose for sending the card to "activate anxiety" or to just say "happy birthday"? If you're trying to be malicious and play with her emotions, then it's wrong. If you simply want to recognize a day with a nice gesture from the heart, no matter if she responds or not, then there's nothing wrong. Again. The point is your intentions & not her reaction.
  24. trident
    Wrong reason to do something like that.
  25. trident
    The questions to ask are what are your intentions? If you want to send a card simply becuase it's a nice thing to do, then waht's the harm?
×
×
  • Create New...