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trident

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Everything posted by trident

  1. trident
    1) Don't get anyone else involved. Only the people in the relationship matter. "Middlemen" do more harm than good. 2) Prompting him to initiate contact sound silly & childish. If you want to contact him, then do it. Only once there is an actual outcome, can you deal with it. For that matter, if he doesn't want to contact someone, then it's his choice & he shouldn't be manipulated into it.
  2. trident
    1) Use friends as personal counsel & NOT as middle-men. That's just a recipe for trouble. 2) If you want, send a Birthday Greeting. E-mail, card, flowers - whatever. Your choice. However, send them w/o the expectation of a response - positive or negative. If you do get one, then you deal with it then. Sending a greeting in hopes that it will generate an outcome you want is unfair to both of you.
  3. trident
    Yea. I'll admit it's not helpful advice. I'll agree with everyone that you have to get past the point where you're prone to illogical behavior. Just because two people "lock eyes" doesn't mean much. One of the two could be thinking "there's that jerk." Once the hurt has mellowed, and you can think rationally, then you can try to do what you think is right. There are plenty of reasons people break-up. Just not interested, wrong time, infidelity, abuse, money, etc. Infinite variations on what caused the breakup leads to infinite variations on reconciliation with respect to if and how it can happen. There is no answer anyone can give you and there are no "rules" that say if person A does this, then person B should do this. It all depends. I will note, in my meaningless opinion, that you also need to be cautious of taking the continuous mantra of NC & "forget and move on" too far. At some point, it'll make you reach a point where you'll ignore even subtle overtures for reconciliation - you just won't care. In that case, you may be more likely to walk away from a possibility than to give it a chance. Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe it isn't. It really depends on your situation.
  4. trident
    Do what you think is right. There are no rules in all this stupidity.
  5. trident
    Question: "we are still friends, right?" Answer: No Question: "have you been seeing anyone else lately?" Answer: That really doesn't concern you, but {insert your choice of yes or no answer here}
  6. trident
    Do I believe in fate? No. I personally think using phrases like "if it's meant to be" is just a method a person uses to avoid the responsibility of making a choice. I do find it interesting, however, that in viewing these posts & in talking with various friends over the years, it seems that women are more likely than men to profess a belief in fate.
  7. trident
    I would force yourself to think it's just friendship and not hope for more. If it goes in a positive direction, great. If it doesn't, at least you won't be crushed by the fantasy not equaling the reality.
  8. trident
    I'm a professional engineer & own my own company. The important thing about engineering is it teaches you how to think, so your employment chances are strictly based on your competence and your ability to pick up design practice. If you have the opportunity to take design classes, as opposed to theory, then make use of them. Also learn the local design codes - it'll put you at a better footing. One thing to note is that engineering is heavily based on experience. Knowing theory is one thing, but understanding how to detail stuff & get it built is another thing, so picking up experience will be invaluable. Finally, I'd say get the hell out of engineering and go into a field which pays some real money. If you're smart enough to be an engineer, you'd make a killing in almost any other business. You'll never become wealthy as a designer.
  9. trident
    A woman who can hold an intense, intelligent conversation w/o coming off as an arrogant snob is a treasure. Quite hard to come by in my experience.
  10. trident
    Every situation is different, so the value of any advice you get will vary. I will pass along what a close friend recently told me: "You need to get over her first. It's just the way it works. Even if you two were to get back together, it's not going to happen until you get over her." I think he's right. You gotta move on & what will be will be. Don't disregard opportunities which may arise no matter which direction they may lead you.
  11. trident
    Very True. But on the other hand, there is also the old cliche of "Nothing ventured, nothing gained." You can play it safely and close doors and move on. You can risk it all and put all your efforts into something that may ultimately bankrupt you. You can try to figure out something in the middle. Life, it seems, is all about navigating that "middle" part.
  12. trident
    Funny. If that were only true, then I'd know we both want to be back together. I've considered the "why bother" line of logic often. I've tried to put myself in their position. If there was a girl that I no longer had feelings for, then would I make the effort to go out of my way to contact her? My answer would be no & thereforeeee logic dictates that "something more" is going on. But on the other hand, there is no logic to matters of the heart. Dunno what to say. Life flows, who knows where it will take you.
  13. trident
    In that case, just open up a friendly dialogue. Standard small talk touched with the familiar since you know each other already. Movies, books, museums, school, work, school, etc. NO pressure. Don't try to be crafty, just talk. With enough comfort, honest answers will come. I'm in a similar boat. It's been 8 months of limited contact & long stretches of no-contact. Heck, I even did the "try to kiss her when drunk just to be told no" thing - figured she'd never talk to me again after that. As of now, we're talking again. A few messages here & there. Not a daily convo like it used to be, but atleast we're staying in touch. Ultimately, it may be nothing more then a friendship, but I won't squander the opportunity to keep communicating with her if she's willing to reciprocate.
  14. trident
    To be honest, I'm confused as to whether you only want friendship with this guy or you want something more. 1) If you only want friendship, but are worried that he wants more, then I would suggest sending an e-mail that makes that clear in a non-abrasive manner. Something like "I'm glad we can be friends blah blah blah" 2) If you want to get back together, but you're not sure what he wants, then that's more difficult. It really depends. Ultimately, you'll only find out thru communication and you may not get that answer for awhile. Go in "guns blazing," so to speak, and you may get a defensive response rather than an honest one. The thing is, if you really have nothing to say, then why are you worried about communicating? Seems like you have no desire to.
  15. trident
    Ugh. This shouldn't be as if you're negotiating a cold war treaty. I wouldn't spend time looking for hidden meanings etc. You can consider "the lines of communication open." Where will it go? Who knows - might not go beyond friendship, maybe the communication will cease, maybe you'll get back together. There is no way of knowing, but at least if you keep commuicating you can let one of those three options evolve naturally w/o making a one sided decision.
  16. trident
    Sent her flowers for her birthday. She replied that they made her smile and she thanked me very much. Didn't change our "status," but she appreciated them & that was enough for me.
  17. trident
    If you're gonna send a card, you need to send it without alterior motives. Don't do it to set up a future conversation or to force a reaction. Send it because it's a nice gesture, period.
  18. trident
    That's a pretty shallow view.
  19. trident
    One thing I've realized is that it is a wasted effort to search "for some way to get over" a person. You just have to force yourself to try and live each day as best you can. Life just flows & you have to go with it and explore the possibilities it tosses out at you.
  20. trident
    I wouldn't send that letter. Period. Writing stuff like this is good for one self since it forces you to organize your thoughts. It is highly unlikely, however, that it will precipitate a change in the relationship. If anything, it may slam a door. All I know is that I wrote one & stuffed it away in a drawer. It would have slammed a door that I couldn't bear to close. Instead, I chose to try and respect the ex's reasons for ending it and to leave them be. I failed in that endeavour several times, but otherwise tried to limit contact. 8 months have passed and I have realized that all you can do is try and do your best and try to have some confidence that life will work out. I can say that since my break up, I've had the opportunity to meet others. Just recently, the ex and I started communicating again. What will happen with them or someone else? Dunno. We'll see.
  21. trident
    Like I said @ the start of the thread. I don't believe in fate. We make our own decisions and those choices lead us thru life. With each choice we chose a direction. My friend believes in fate. It was quite a circular discussion because you can attirbute a "choice" from one position to be "fate" from the other "position" and vice-versa. Just curious. Nothing more than a topic for discussion.
  22. trident
    Had a discussion with a friend over the weekend over "Fate". She said it exists, that each of us has a plan laid out for our lives and that certain things are meant to be. I disagreed. We make our own choices - free will & all that jazz. What do you think?
  23. trident
    Not impossible, but difficult. The minute both sides explore a romantic connection, however, I think you've moved into "nearly impossible" territory.
  24. trident
    Realize you do have some control over the situation. She can ONLY see what YOU post. DON'T post anything that let's her clue in to how "depressed" you may be. Let her only see the "happy" side of whatever you're doing - and we all know there is a happy side to alot of the stuff we do even if it's small.
  25. trident
    When you want to click on it, force yourself to click on something else instead. Sure - easier said than done, but look at it this way - Not clicking is completely separate from the "desire" to click. "Not clicking" is totally within YOUR control. You'll gain strength to battle the "desire" with each succesive time you stop the "act of clicking" by tell yourself "NO - not gonna do it."
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