meli
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you seem like you need help... I think you should talk with a professional about your behavior and why you would have such a breakdown over nothing... there has to be some deeper issue here and instead of dealing with it your making issues that are really nothing extreme breakdowns instead. What do you think is really the issue with him??? Maybe he isnt there for you enough emotionally and you need to have more special intimate time together so you feel important..????? what do you think?
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I think you sound codependent on him.... try your hardest to focus on yourself and get help for you
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He has a drinking problem - now what??
meli replied to whatsagirltodo's topic in Relationship Advice
I am a child of an alcoholic father and I am very self destructive like your friends boyfriend. I am trying hard to change and be NORMAL all I have to say after reading what you wrote is that he is the only one who can change things. There is nothing you can do to make someone realize they have to get it for themselves and even then with therapy and support from others it is extremely hard.... we are who we are. -
thank you both... I really appreciate your thoughts I am 29 years old. I talked with him about my concerns... He believes its unfair that I compare him to my dad... and yes he knows about my dad... even though he never met him... he gets it. My boyfriend has alcoholism in his family (his grandfather) and he is Irish like me... and with how they say women with alcoholic fathers seek a mate unconsciously who is the same is scary.... I am very stressed because this is the rest of my life and these are serious decisions I must make.
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thank you so much ... yes he knows it bothers me and its an issue... I have never asked him not to drink... I have asked him not to get drunk.... and he agreed... its so confusing and upsetting I really dont know what to do.. we have been talking about marriage and I want to marry him a lot ... now I am scared I dont want to marry an alcoholic... but I really dont know if he is.
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this is weird something similar happened to my boyfriend but not as bad as your story... I think you are completely right... something is definitely weird about your man... does he think he cant find good friends that will treat him with some respect. I mean really strange. You need to show him everyones response and make him see the situation for what it is
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If this is a reoccurring problem you are having with girlfriends I think that should tell you something. like its probably not the girls... and its more likely a problem with in yourself... maybe you were never taught as a child that its okay to express how you are feeling... like the little boy who is told never to cry because boys dont cry... in our society it should be okay for all children to express themselves. I agree it shouldnt be constant but hey if you cant open up to anyone.... you will be a very very lonely man
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I know someone like that..... You need to be yourself and not let someone else rule your life... she really isnt a quality friend anyway... if you lose her it wont be a big loss....if you feel differently though maybe you need to have a serious conversation with her.. if she respects you by making efforts to understand you then everything should work out
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okay, I have been in a relationship for 2 years. I am sitting here right now with a conflict that causes me great stress. Its Monday night I just called my bf at 10:00 at night having not talk to him all day... Mondays are his busy day he goes from work to school and then to the gym with his friend followed by a few drinks back at his apartment with his friend. I call he says he will call me back later when his friend leaves. I immediately feel abandoned. I feel like what the hell ... first we havent spoken all day... yet he would rather drink with his friend rather than even talk on the phone with me for awhile. I feel like I did when my dad would drink when I was a kid and he would neglect me (my dad was an alcoholic and he died from it) so now I sit here and wonder does my boyfriend have a problem that he cant come home from a long day and just relax.. why does he have to drink on a Monday night????or is it just a casual drink.. no big deal.. however, ,my boyfriend does get drunk regularly.. I dont want to be in a relationship with someone who cant offer me the emotional security that I need... I want someone to be there for me completely... I dont know if he can.. he also has many interests that take him away from me often... like for entire weekends.... I always feel abadoned... I know I have issues... since my fathers death I feel abandonment and there are issues surrounding this that I might need help with??? do I sound crazy... very insecure or what... am I simple making a big deal out of my boyfriend simply hanging with a friend or should I be worried... thanks for your help in advance melissa
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to put it nice and simple.... get out of this relationship while you can find a nice normal person who is honest with you there is a reason it was off and on again, because its not meant to be good luck have faith that you will find Mrs. Right and you will know it for sure when you find her
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Hi, I would like to say I have been dating my man for 2 years (not engaged yet) but I couldnt imagine him not calling me for even one day... We talk daily usually a couple times a day or some text messages. I think you should just tell him that for him to meet your needs in this relationship he has to understand you and if that includes getting a phone call even if its short... he should want to call you because he should want to make you happy... also, I would try and stay very positive,,,hopefully by you being happy and being confidant in your love he will see what a great thing you two have and hopefully things will be okay. good luck
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I think its normal...............do not become obssessed with it..........keep it in check and love the one your with even more because of it... and do not even think of telling him about it.
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Got dumped, followed NC rule, now he emails!!!!
meli replied to melly2006's topic in Breaking Up Advice
Hi, I have two important points to make... First, I believe that if someone dumps you... then move on... I would want you to be with someone who couldnt imagine his life without you and would never even think about risking losing you.. maybe he is just not at that point in his life where he is willing to do this So, if you have been dumped ... realize that he is probably hanging onto you for another reason like he is lonely, scared to be alone, or just wants to use you for you know what. However, I also think people do occasionally make mistakes and dumping the one they love can help them realize that they cant live without them. But you need to distinguish whats going on here... why is he sending these messed up mixed signals....tell him to be real with you... and its got to be one way or the other... none of this confusing nonsense that just messes with your head. Good Luck -
I am almost 29 years old. but thats not why I want to get married. I just want to be with him everyday. and it really upsets me that he doesnt feel the same way.. i feel like i cant wait... i know its going to be so fun and great and we are going to be so happy and I want that to be soon. I am tired of communting back and forth (we live 45-60 minutes away) and not seeing eachother as much as we would like ... I want to take it to the next step. and the fact that he isnt anxious for these things hurts me. thanks for your response Meli
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I need some marital advice... Please.
meli replied to ronnyc's topic in Marriage/Long Term Relationships
You should go on the ride if you really want to...its as simple as that sometimes you have to be independent and sometimes you have time alone