TheHighwayMan

yeah, I'd also reccomend reading a book. No love stories or anything that can remind you of your pain though. Just something to keep your mind off things. i know how tough nights/mornings can be...hang in there.

hey Mick I don't know how to make things better for you, I wish I could, but I can only offer my understanding. I'm in a simular sitaution myself. I can't get over my ex, I'm stuck in a hole of depression I can't get out, and I have few people to talk to about it. While on the other hand she is happy as can be, surrounded by her millions of friends and bright and shiny life that I am no longer apart of. And I have to see her all the time and be reminded of that constantly. And I know what you're saying about summer. Usually I like the season, but when you're in this condition all the sunshine and happiness around you just makes you feel that much worse. It sucks...it really sucks So yeah...I know it doesn't make things a whole lot better...but as the title says - you're not alone my friend. We just have to tough it out.

8 hours today. This is officially the most painful experience of my life. I've broken my leg, I've had many hopes and dreams in life come to an end...but nothing like this. This is cruel, barbaric, unhuman. When I get home I'm devestated and don't feel like doing anything anymore. If I go out, with whoever I am and whatever I do, everything just reminds me of her and I get worse and worse. I should just throw myself off a bridge or something.

I wouldn't do it here and now, but I am convinced that this life/world is not where I can realize my full potential. And sometimes when things start getting unbearable here it's tempting to think that one has the option to end it all and see what lies beyond...but again - it's not in my plans.

update on myself : (cause it helps a bit) sorry folks, I've tried, but I am in a state of terminal decline at the moment. Another 5 hours with her today, and more to come. She looks so happy, so full of life...while I am sinking into a black hole of depression. It's like quicksand - the more I try to fight it, the faster I sink. I don't know what to do anymore...I just can't handle being near her, especially for such a long perid of time. But I've put too much time and effort, too many people depend on me on this...I can't quit either. Christ...](*,)

I have to see her regurely because we're in this acting class together and are doing a theatre production in about a month. Although I really want to, I can't quit because I have a central role and there are no replacements...we've been preparing for months and I'd ruin everyone's long and hard work if I did. Also I do believe in the saying "The show must go on"....so although it's going to kick my as.s, I have to go through it. But now it's getting really bad. Since the premiere is soon, we'll be reheresing more and more....today for example I had to spend 6 hours with her. Although I didn't show it, I just went insane inside. Watching her, being around her, everything...it was just.... And we ignored each other the entire time. I really have no words to describe how crushed I am at this moment. And there's a hell of a lot more to come.....but dammit.....the show must go on...

...or maybe I just can't find the right road yet. It's been a month since my ex told me that she didn't love me and had feelings for someone else (the end of the relationship). We've been in no contact ever since, but I still have to see her here and there...and it's destroying me. I've tried everything. I've read many articles, listened to a lot of advice, convinced myself that she is not the girl that I thought I loved, that she's not worth it, that I have the strength to move on, that things will get better, etc etc. And yet every time I see her, even just a quick glance, that "defence-system" of mine fails automatically and I feel like I'm in a crashing plane spiraling uncontrollably down. I have no explanation for it, I don't understand why this happens. After everything that I tell myself....and then....](*,) It's unbearable and I can't do a damn thing about it. And in the upcoming month I'm going to have to see her more and more...and I can't find a way out of these feelings. But I need to. Help me, please

I know the feeling. I've always felt a bit disconnected from other people myself...I still perticipate in social activites here and there, but there's always some strange invisible barrier between me and other people that I can't really describe. I have only one friend that I can say that I have known for a long time and am very close to...and currently we're living in opposite sides of the world. I guess some of us are just different in this way...

I'm kind of in the same situation...it's really tough trying NC when you have to see the person pretty much every day. It brings back memories and just their presense makes you feel sad/angry/frustrated. It's a real sucky situation, I know...But it's for the best I think. Every day is a small step towards recovery, even if some days feel worse than others. Keep at it. :smile:

hey I'm kind of in a simular situation myself...sleeping is really hard and I've dreamed about my ex a few times too. The mornings when you wake up suck very very much. And than you remember them during the day which puts you in a funk...it's hell, I know. But we have to tought it out and things will get better.

I know the feeling. No matter how many defences or motivational thoughts you build throughout the day, in the morning all of that is gone and what's waiting for you when you wake up are the crushing thoughts of her and the break-up. It's terrible. But we have to tough it out, no choice.

Whether it is wrong or not - I am not one to judge....but I can fully understand the feelings that can lead a person to want to end it all. It's not a "good" thing obviously...but again...when you reach that point you're not exactly following reason and logic. It's a complicated issue IMO. Self-injury though - I do not get at all. How would it help you to cause yourself even more pain ? It's a mystery to me.

hey, another little update on myself I'm happy to report things are going well. I've really dug deep and found the will in me to get me through this. I won't let this crush me, I won't let it bring me down. I just refuse to do so. Seeing her is still hard, I won't lie...but again - no choice. I just have to keep my composure and carry on. I don't know how long this new-found "strength" of mine will last...but I'm just happy that now I know that I have something in me to help me. So yeah...to anyone who's been in the same waters as me - keep on fightin' and it is possible to get through these hard times.

For me it was actually the other way around. I didn't really care or think about relationships for a long time in my life, and nothing ever happened. Than I met this girl who I liked more than anyone else, tried to get something going, and succeeded, atleast for a while. Now I'm back to not caring at all, and I really doubt that I'd meet anyone again, but that doesn't bother me. So I guess that tactic doesn't work for everytime

Not long ago I was asking myself the same questions...and there was this quote I read somewhere that really got me thinking : "Solitude is not the hovel of a recluse, but the Mansion of a Master." Just some food for thought.

I know how difficult it is trying to get through this pain. Often it feels like it's more than you can handle and you don't know how you can go on. I feel for you, I'm in these murky waters myself...but keep on fighting moment through moment, take it one step at a time, and you can get to the shore. If you think the Dr can help you, than go for it too.

I'd say confront her and tell her that you're feeling this way and you're not happy. Her reaction should tell you what to do.

I can definitely relate to a lot of that...that article hit straight home. There are also other interesting ones on that site.

The thing that sucks is that it's too late...we're doing a small play and I have one of the main roles ("Midsummer's Night Dream", I play Oberon, who has the power to make people fall in love....the irony, eh ?), we've been preparing for it for a long time...too many people depend on me and I can't quit. Unfortunately, there's more. Now that the premiere is just a bit more than a month away, we're starting to see each other more and more for rehersals and everything. The last couple of days for example I've seen her here and there in different parts of the day. This hurts more than I thought it would (and I knew it'd be pretty bad). She seems like she doesn't have a care in the world......while I can't stop thinking about her. Whatever I do, wherever I go....I can't get her out of my mind. 24/7 I'm in a state of anger, frustration and sadness. It takes a lot of mental energy just to get through each moment. But I have hope that eventually things will get easier, as I do hear a lot that time heals things....I just want it to happen sooner because I hate feeling like this

Final update on the situation : Yep, Monday went just like I thought, only worse. After the class we spent probably an hour talking about the situation and at the end it was just completely obvious that it will not work. She says that she likes me and that she does realize that I have done everything that I possibly could for us (and she is damn right)...but she truly does not love me or have any deep feelings for me. She said that the problem isn't me...that she finds me attractive, has fun with me, etc,....yet she can't describe why, but she just does not love me. Which is so ironic really, as I like her so damn much, more than anyone I've ever liked or probably will like...and I'm in the same situation - I can't describe how or why I feel this way, I just do. But if that wasn't enough, she pretty much pulled the trigger and shot me dead on the floor when she said that she also has "feelings" for another guy. Nothing serious she assured me, and nothing would happen between them, but she "liked" him the same way she "likes" me. Then she proposed again that we remain friends etc etc, but as you can imagine, I was quite pissed off at that point. So I acted quite negitevely, I must admit. I mean here I was, telling her how much she means to me, giving her everything I can give her...and this is what I get in return. I'm not angry at her exactly, more at the situation and how things turned out. I did my best, and it just wasn't enough. So at the end we agreed to stop having contact for awhile (everything I have of hers, phone, e-mail, cards, w/e is going bye-bye, no questions asked) and said goodnight. I don't know what to do anymore. With her it's over, that's for sure...but right now I'm just very confused, tired and sad. I'll write more later, as it really does help a bit. Again, thanks to anyone who reads/replies to my ramblings.

Yeah, the frustration is just too much at times. I'm not sure how I'm doing right now. There are parts throughout the day when I try to convince myself that it's not that bad and I can get through this...but then a new wave of mysery hits me and I just stop functioning. Moment by moment is how I'm trying to go on. There is something that is a major setback though - I can't do the popular No-Concact thing. I mean yes, I'm done calling her and have deleted her from any chat programs...but every Monday night we have an acting class together, and at this stage there is no possible way to get out of this. I can't begin to describe just how much that is going to suck. On one hand I'm angry at how things ended up and I just can't deal with seeing/talking to her, yet at the same time I'm not the kind of person who plays the ignoring game. Now I'm starting to imagine all the things I want to say, try and find some way to fix this between us...and yet I know very well that she's not interested in this continuing and I'll just end up looking like a desperate idiot. And in the same time, if we just engage in the formal "Hi, how are you?" talk, and at the end leave like strangers that barely know each other, it is going to be even more frustrating to me. There really is no way out of this...no matter what happens, whatever I do or say (or don't)...every Monday night I'm in for one hell of an emotional * * *-kicking. I was never much of a sleeper...but now I rarely sleep at all. It's cause for me when I try to go to sleep all defences I've build up during the day suddenly disapear, and all I'm left with are these thoughts that I can't get rid of. It's a nightmare. And I don't know what to do about anything.

Thanks for the support guys. Unfortunately, I've got some bad news. The relationship came to a pretty nasty end today. We talked on the phone, and she informed me that once again she was leaving for a week somewhere. That, to be honest, was a bit too much for me to take. I've been patient long enough, but this was just crossing the line. I told her that I really didn't see any point in trying to continue any sort of relationship, because the way things stand I'd be lucky to see her 2 times a month (if not less). She pretty much agreed and then proposed that we remain friends, to which I told her that I really didn't want to continue anything with her for the time being (I was (and still am obviously) really hurting at that point. And then she said something that really annoyed me. She said that although she had fun with me, I "looked a bit too serious or unhappy" whenever she saw me. Which is so damn wrong. Ok, I admit, I'm a person who on first glance doesn't seem to be bursting with positive energy, but especially when I was with her I tried to be the complete opposite of what she accused me of...and I was pretty confident that I was succeeding. But I guess not, eh ? I don't know...I really tried my best. I really did. I then told her that if she ever was in some big trouble, I would be the first person to help her, but we should end any other communication. We said goodbye and that was that. So now that it is officialy over and all hope is lost...I don't know what to think. I mean yeah, it hurts majorly, but atleast now the guessing game is over, which is a bit of a relief. Like many others...at the moment I really don't know how I am going to get over this...but I've got no option but to try, eh ? Listening to my favourite song (Guns N Roses - Sympathy for the Devil) is alteast getting me through the current moments...so that's good.

That really sucks, I'm sorry. I know the feeling when you start planning or imagining a future in your mind only to find out the other person really doesn't want that. How to ease the pain ? That's a tough question...and I'd really like to find the answer myself as well. I guess the best thing to do is take it one step at a time. Don't ask yourself "how am I going to get through this day/week/etc ?"...but occupy yourself with things that make you feel good and concentrate only on them. It's tough...real tough...but you can get through this.

wow...that does sound truly painful. I know how hard it is to take when you thought someone was truly "the one" and then something like this happens. But it must be a whole lot worse when you've had so many years together....I'm sorry man...that's all I can say.

Last night, (just in time, no ?) my "girlfriend" said that she doesn't love me and our relationship has no future. I've lived in many differenct corners of the world, but she is the one girl that I have truly cared for. Noone else, not even anywhere near close. I mean I loved everything about her, too many things to mention right now. She seemed perfect to me, the only person I could possibly be with. When we got into the relationship, to be honest even then it was obvious that chances were it wouldn't work out. It's because she is such an extremely busy person, and it's like she wants to do everything before she leaves to study abroad in the summer . She pretty much never has time for me...and yet, in the short time we do get together, we spend it wonderfuly...which I thought really meant something. So last night, after almost 2 weeks had gone by since we last saw each other...we talked about these things...and the situation become clear. Once again I told her how much I liked her and how I was willing to wait for her if the feeling was mutual, to which she replied that it was not. She said that she likes me, but to a certain degree...nothing she would consider "serious". And once and for all she made it clear that whatever we have will end in a few months, because she is leaving and I can't follow. I could tell it was hard for her to tell me these things...but I guess it was for the best that she said the truth. She proposed we continue doing what we had, see each other in the rare occasions that she has time, and just have as much fun as we can have for the remainder of our time together...to which I agreed. Yeah, I know, big mistake will say most...but I don't know. I guess I just want to make the most out of this, cause I seriously don't see myself being with anyone else. She was like the one and only exception it seems. But it's true what they say - it hurts. BAD. I mean I've been in some nasty physical pain before...but never like this. And combined with all my other problems, and to top it off today is Valentines.....I feel like I've hit rockbottom. Sorry for the whining, but I just had to type this out somewhere.