oh-so-qt

I'm going through something very similar - trust issues, his secrecy, puts everyone & everything ahead of me, even lived with me rent free (tho he make 3x as much as I do) for 10mos to help him out while he works on his own things - I feel your loneliness and pain - you're last post is even making me cry (more). But so far, it seems like you've had the best advice. We broke up a almost two weeks ago, and after walking out on me, he sends me an email to tell me he's miserable, that he loves me, but that I'm the one that has to accept who he is. I can't do it to myself anymore. And it hurts anyway. You're not alone.

I'm having a terrible time with my recent break-up. I haven't stopped crying, haven't been able to eat, and actually feel physical pain. We have had a very volitile relationship & keep doing the break-up/make-up cycle. I really think that it needs to end because I can't trust him, but this is so hard. I been through many break-ups (even divorce), and it just keeps getting harder and harder. I just need some support - someone to tell me it gets better - I just need to hear that I'm not the only one - that sooner or later there is going to be someone for me.

Why not just try it? IT GROWS BACK. It's not about what he wants - it's about you... it's YOUR body. Maybe YOU'LL like it better! That was really good advice about trimming first, and go to a PROFESSIONAL - if it's done wrong, it can actually cause scarring on the most tender parts (dear lord). You could always do a trim first and try a bikini wax, just to get the idea. One way or another the first time you do it hurst like a SOB! It does hurt less the more times you do it. Good luck.

Flowers never hurt. How about asking her what she wants before hand? And show up with the flowers anyway. Making a girl dinner is a welcome domestic display that make women automatically think "long term" - if you can't cook, get some decent take-out but use a decent place setting and dinnerware (ie: don't serve it in the container!). My b/f when I was 17 did the dinner thing - and I still remember what he made for dinner to this day!

From my experience and talking to my Phillipino friends (similar with Thai friends), gender bending, cross dressing and the like is accepted quite readily for the most part. Being gay does not mean that a guy doesn't still want to procreate - but what you have to ask yourself is if you are willing to share your partner. Likely, if he is gay, it will be unsatisfying at some point to be in a hetero relationship for both of you. It will open other doors for feeling guilt and shame - imagine what it will be like when you want a close physical relationship... what then? Can you sleep with other people? Can he? How is that going to make you feel? Don't sell yourself short in having a true partner - one that can share everything with you - including a bed. His being gay is not your fault, and it's unfair of him to ask YOU to be in a relationship that will be unsatifying for YOU. It doesn't mean you can't be friends, but make sure your eyes are open to the long term challenges.

When do you see him again? I'm dying to know what it is - I love prezzies! Go get it - it belongs to you. M/b he's creeped out at the display from his parents, it kinda cements things in a guys mind when mom starts getting mushy about the gf; for some strange reason, they suddenly think about the relationship as more committed (generalization - but my bf and I had this discussion right b/f xmas). But it's still your present.

Are you sure you aren't with MY ex-husband? Sounds WAY too familiar... I actually ended up putting a hammer thru our monitor once (not the best reaction, but was it ever satisfying). I understand the hurt inside - it only goes away if you remove the dagger. Take some time to think about what it is exactly that he is doing & if it's something he would find acceptable if the tables were turned. Highly unlikely. Tell him that you know what he's been up to & your guilt for snooping - he'll only get angry if he has something to hide.

Put the shoe on the other foot; if she cheated on you, would you be able to rekindle the relationship? Obviously, you and I (and likely, she) don't/doesn't have the same expectations for "adore". Leave her alone to let her find someone that really does adore her.

If you haven't heard about this book - go out and get it. It's hysterical, but too true. Check out pg 34 of the hardcover. Never in my life has any bf told me they don't think about me enough to afford a quick phone call to say hi.

...hey, i never noticed those fuzzy things before - don't girls wax there? May work in a few situations of fuzzy parts. Take it from a girl with dark hair & waxes (a lot more than upper lip, and thank god I'm not as hairy as most girls I know), she knows it's there, she probably doesn't know what to do about it. Before you say anything, call a salon or spa near you and see if they do upper lip waxing (usually under $10) - that way, you can say you know someone who does it and point her in that direction. Pretend that you just noticed - like an "oh, hey". If you're sixteen, she's likely the same or younger - electrolysis is pricey & it hurts, skip it till she's older. Women should NEVER shave their faces - shaving cuts the hairs at an angle that makes it feel harsher when it grows back. Waxing is the best bet - fast, easy, cheap, lasts about a month. I hope that helps.

Similar situation with my mother - but it's all about people (esp men) taking advantage of her. The only thing you can do is be honest about how you feel & let her know how it is affecting YOUR life. You can't change her, but you can ask her to change behaviours that affect you, and let her know you are concerned for her safety. If she's anything like my mother, it won't make a dent - but at least she know how I feel.

My roommate turned boyfriend after 4mos/6mos/8mos (neither of us can put a date to it – and he pushes it out further than I do), and I are having huge problems after being together/living together (he's been "staying" with me for 9mos while he does renovations on his house) for just over a year. I've become what I never thought I would be – the insecure and jealous girlfriend. Never before in any of my relationships (or marriage), has anyone ever accused me of these things. All of a sudden I realize, with him I AM. Here's why I think this is effecting me the way that it is; first, he's a porn junky and doesn't make any bones about it – and I really didn't have a problem about it before… we'd watch together (though that stopped because it was only ever girls/women on display type porn – not couples kinda stuff), I'd do all the dress-up stuff that he liked so much & at the time I thought was fun, and sex has always been great. Secondly, whenever we go anywhere he ogles other women (I mean the whole head spin and checking out the * * * business), and when he tries to contain himself it just looks pathetic (his eyeballs can only move so far in his head). He's not the most affectionate person (certainly no PDAs of any kind), but I have seen him hug & kiss his female friends (and even the neighbour of 3mos) and I am finding it very difficult to take. To go along with the lack of physical affection, he NEVER talks about his emotions towards me or anything relatively certain about the future. When I have talked to him about it before, he tells me I'm being ridiculous and over sensitive. He always says he loves me, and I certainly believe that he does – the above is only one aspect of our relationship. Here's the kicker – I am a very attractive (not being stuck up – but really I am: 5'2, 115lbs, 34x23x34, long dark hair and green eyes with olive complexion), reasonably successful, interesting and passionate woman. Recently, I have become over critical of myself – obsessing about my weight and measurements and perkiness of my breasts – and worse yet, critical of other attractive women to a point of meanness. My boyfriend hates this obsessing, lack of confidence and display of low self-esteem and calls me on it when I say something to him about these other women (usually the one he's eyeballing). I have started having anxiety attacks when I go out with him in case I say something that gives away my awkwardness and pain. I know that part of this is that I feel I'm getting old (though I'm only 30 – but the clock IS ticking away), and I try to tell myself that I need to get over it – he's only looking – but I just CAN'T. He's young for what I usually date (he's 30), and maybe it's partially his lack of emotional/relationship experience. It makes me feel TERRIBLE and I can't turn it off! It's killing our relationship – he's moved out a week ago to give each other space (this isn't the only issue we're having but the others are, I believe, easier to overcome). We've agreed that we should talk about it when we both calm down. I'm not calm – I can't seem to get over it. Please advise.