mmmending

big turn on edit: deleted some bits, an act of conscience about kissing and telling

.. and to make an admission like this also shows that you are honest, truthful, insightful and clearly able to articulate this awareness i gather that you are a man, how then do you face situations? go easy on yourself.. you are likely not facing situations in a way that someone else has prescribed you "should", and you have come to believe it.. and now that critical voice that lives in you, and in all of us for that matter, is having a serious go at you today - a day, i might add, when you're feeling especially down and vulnerable be gentle with yourself today, show yourself a little kindness in whatever way is meaningful to you

if he wishes to get a divorce, and you don't.. it might be easier on you in the long run not to do anything that would appear that you are going along with it.. to return the rings and the marriage cert. is a gesture that seems like you are cooperating with what is apparently his choice.. also, speculating here, but a clever lawyer might be able to twist your actions that in some way down the road may put you at a disadvantage if he wants to get a divorce, then maybe just let him do all the legwork to make it so.. all the rigamarole involved might give him cause to have a sober second thought about this it's late, you're upset.. go easy on yourself

yep.. spot on

hard to speculate, but i wonder what his response would be if the tables were turned.. bottom line, you are hurt and distressed about this, and this is important information.. i think it's safe to say that it's cheating if what he is doing has crossed a boundary for you i agree with Dgirllamius about talking to him.. be clear and specific about how much upset this has caused you.. if he deflects, defends, or tries to downplay your feelings, then, depending on what you can put up with, you may ask yourself whether the upset is worth being in this relationship.. good luck

cover by Ian Tyson and Sylvia Fricker (written by Bob Dylan) If today was not an endless highway, If tonight was not a crooked trail, If tomorrow wasn't such a long time, Then lonesome would mean nothing to me at all. Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin', And if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin', Only if she was lyin' by me, And I'd lie in my bed once again. I can't see my reflection in the water, I can't speak the sounds that know no pain, I can't hear the echo of my footsteps, I can't remember the sound of my own name. Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin', And if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin', Only if she was lyin' by me, And I'd lie in my bed once again. There's beauty in the silver, singin' river, There's beauty in the sunrise in the sky, But none of these and nothing else can match the beauty That I remember in my true love's eyes. Yes, and only if my own true love was waitin', And if I could hear her heart a-softly poundin', Only if she was lyin' by me, And I'd lie in my bed once again.

beautiful question.. i read in a yoga magazine an interview with krishna das, an american singer of kirtan, or indian devotional music.. in the interview was this juicy little insight: "when you fall in love, what you are really seeing is your own beauty reflected in someone else's face at that moment." the falling in love part seems to be the key to this, in so far as it reflects in some measure a form of unconditional love.. there is a kind of purity when you fall in love, you can't help it, it sort of comes without strings so, love or be loved? i think i'd rather love - freely - as in the two times when i can truly say i have been deeply in love, i love that feeling of having that person as a loving presense in heart and mind.. there is also something very special about the energy of loving that seems to bring love your way

so much of experience is viewed through conditioned categories of good and bad, positive and negative, fair and unfair.. we build cases against others, and often, most often, judge ourselves so harshly with little compassion, understanding and love.. it's amazing how we manage to thrive at all.. i have a shareholders' meeting of judges and critics who remind me constantly how i messed up, make comparisons and so forth.. all this serves to do is make me feel sad, lonely and fuel doubt.. this only adds to suffering.. there is also that conditional thing happening; 'if i have this new , then my life will be better'.. and then we blame ourselves for being deficient, that in not having that is somehow proof of our unworthiness.. it's weird but again, the amazing thing in life, that although there is no lack of suffering and judgement, there is also some great consolation that nothing ever really stays the same.. things change, sometimes feeling worse, but often for the better.. more specifically, things change, not really for any moral or deterministic reason (although there are those who would have us think so), rather, things change because they do.. full stop.. i am constantly in awe of this realization.. take thoughts for instance, asking our mind to stop thinking is like asking our body to stop producing enzymes.. it's not possible.. think of those 'aha!" moments where you out of the blue recall feeling a certain way about something or somebody, but in that moment realize now you feel completely differently about things, and say to yourself 'why was i so upset about this?!' ..or any manner of shifted awareness, whatever it may have been i didn't read your post in the 'breaking up' category, tho' what i so clearly hear in this one is your suffering.. you have spoken very frankly about your situation; your vulnerability has expressed itself in such statements as you ' "cheated" 2 times'.. how odd that we only have a very deprecating language around such actions.. nobody has any right to judge you for this.. your involvement with someone else may well have and likely did include(d) sweet tender love.. and no one has the right to scrutinize or valorize those conditions which led you there.. how easily forgotten that so-called infidelity can and does take on forms not merely limited to friction sex what i hear most pressingly is that you need to treat yourself with kindness before anything else.. consider seeing a therapist, get close to those with whom you have connection and trust and be open to the extent you can be with them so that you don't feel lonely and isolated remind yourself, as difficult as it may seem right now, that you are not the only one who has felt this way.. you are not alone in the meantime, have a listen to this, i heard this on the radio in the fall of 2004, and i found some comfort in it.. grain of salt.. link removed take good care, be kind to yourself

clearly he is giving off something, tho' not necessarily anything that is indicative of being harmful, ill-intended, or symbolic of a hidden agenda.. intuition is telling me that his being so forthcoming with the praise, might be an attempt for him to find a voice for some insecurities he has in himself, a kind of overcompensation, if you will, for a poverty view of how he feels about something in him.. in my own behaviour, when i am gushing, overexplaining, overextending - it is so often an attempt to compensate for some lack elsewhere on the radar in my life.. something tells me, that by the fact that you haven't met his friends, family - that this is sort of the litmus test of that theory.. he may not be outright ashamed of them, but he may feel awkward about, or doubt their worthiness - kind of anticipating your reaction - and in turn, may be afraid that you will reject them and judge him over this view - a view, i might add that, if true, would exist only in his imagination sort of a scary prospect, tho' if you're feeling bold and really want to know the answer to your question, perhaps ask him, let him know you want to meet his friends, get specific about it, and suggest a day and time when you'd like to do that.. this would be a supportive gesture extended his way, and would show an interest in the broader aspects of his life.. be as open as you can be when you go to meet them, and see what comes up.. good luck

how timely and beautiful.. what a sweet, generous, tender, honest and helpful insight.. thank you! i found in your post a kind of container in which to grieve over the departed lover and friend who, too, challenged me, but with and for whom i had that deep, deep loving bonded connection.. a person with and from whom, i received so much - and in spite of their absense, the grief, pining, sadness, anger - continue paradoxically to learn from

you mentioned having 'bought into the philosophy that the girl should not ask'.. but ask yourself, how is this really of benefit to you - to both of you, for that matter? so often we adopt what appear to be productive strategies to go about things, but in the end, they may create more suffering than good.. a philosophy cannot love you from the inside out, nor is a philosophy a true sign of your personal dignity - it's just a construct that prescribes a way to behave, and not an accurate description of how you really feel about a person, this person.. you have noted that he appears to get really nervous and hasn't asked you out; perhaps, this 'philosophy' you have adopted is the mirror that reflects your own nervousness about asking.. you mention having bought into something, does this thereforeeee relieve you of having to act in a way that is true to how you really feel - let you off the hook so to speak? i recall my own feelings where i have felt this nervousness, and very often it has been a signal to me that i am afraid that my affection will not be reciprocated, and so in an effort to control the experience, and avoid an imagined and anticipated heartache, i don't act in a way that is consistent with how i truly feel, send mixed messages and so forth.. remember, the fact that the object of one's heart's desire may be unable to receive our love, is in no way a reflection on the worthiness of that love; simply put, they're just not ready.. in my view, there is no 'coming on true strong' when i, at least, am true to my feelings and act upon my higher instincts in a manner that is compassionate and kind (read: i include myself in that equation of compassion and kindness, too).. definitely, give youself some spaciousness around this - and - honour how you truly feel about him.. i hope this helps