Jump to content

mmmending

Members
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    69

  • Joined

  • Days Won

    1

mmmending last won the day on May 2 2006

mmmending had the most liked content!

mmmending's Achievements

Contributor

Contributor (5/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges

3

Reputation

  1. mmmending
    Thoughtful, and beautifully articulated post, charley.
  2. mmmending
    .. for that matter, without practice and the kindhearted patience for self that comes with practice, how could I be expected to investigate anything to know it? Sorry, a little self-referential on my part, taken from another thread of yours, but, you sound very hard on your case in recent posts.. please have a look here, too.. gentle, gentle.. m.
  3. mmmending
    AntiLove, Maybe this is simplistic of me. We, as humans, seem to ignore that we are the sum of our parts - it is what it is. We get so spun out into focussing on parts of the whole, most often, the negative ones. Here, we enable conditions which lead to pure suffering, and become so attached to that suffering we just cannot or will not see what is kind, happy, tender, helpful and so on, about us. Perhaps the concerns you raise are a matter of never having been shown how to do any of these things? Do we expect babies to just walk without guidance and practice? We have so little patience for ourselves and each other at times. We.. in honesty, I expect myself just to spontaneously "know". Without experience, how can I "know" anything? Please be kind to yourself.
  4. mmmending
    The ethical dilemma isn't that you have something in common. Rather, it is a matter of whether your involvement with him would place you in a situation of preferential treatment vis-a-vis your grades. It appears that this power dynamic is clearly no longer a factor in your relationship. If I understand your post correctly, the richness of your rapport really didn't begin until you were in different locales anyway, and began online correspondence. As for the long distant aspect to your question, I don't have a specific opinion about that as a phenom. as such. What I would suggest, however, is that you get very specific with yourself in youself (yes, I meant to say it that way) about what a relationship satisfies for you, and get very specific about what you can tolerate in an extroardinary relationship such as a long distance one. For some, the separation, lack of physical contact, fragmented communication is very difficult to sustain, and leads to a lot of suffering. Hope this helps.. m.
  5. mmmending
    Antilove, Oh.. I hear your suffering, yet through all of it, and truly in spite of BPD, the soft, thoughtful, articulate, insightful, frank and fearlessly vulnerable woman emerges in the forefront. Clearly, despite its affliction, BPD isn't "you". "You" are so much more than BPD, AntiLove. Please take good care.. m. Itsallgrand puts it so beautifully...
  6. mmmending
    HEEEE!!! .. tho' at times, truth is stranger than fiction. Fun, thank you!
  7. mmmending
    This question is sitting with me. Over the last week in particular, I've been wondering about this, too. I'm baffled about my own circumstances, and wonder about my behaviour at the end of my relationship, as well as about my ex'. Simplified version, I initiated the breakup and see that I spoke very unskillfully to her in our last conversation. I can "rationalize" why and list all kinds of so-called reasons - nevertheless, it doesn't change the fact that I spoke in a very unskillful way. What hurts, is that I hurt someone whom I love very much. What hurts is that I could see myself literally dying in her eyes as the conversation ended. "What" I needed to say was important and worthy. "How" I said it really ensured that I was not going to be heard. I'm having trouble letting go. I'm grieving in a big way. If I can come up with any coherent insight, I'll post it back here, or PM you. Edit: clarity
  8. mmmending
    For many reasons, the pap smear is important to women who smoke, who started using the pill prior to age 18, who have had unprotected sex at any time, who consume more than two alcoholic drinks per day. A pap smear can also detect an STI, emergent as a health concern in women, called HPV (Human Papillomavirus). One strain of which can lead to genital warts. It is also a very prevalent virus, having many variant strains. HPV is transmissible through vaginal or anal intercourse. Apparently, "no protective effect has been associated with condom use." (See link - Sarah Giles, author - cmaj.ca). Oral sex is a low risk activity for this. HPV can, in some cases, cause what are called irregular epithelial cell formations on the cervix. This can lead to a condition called cervical dysplasia. CD can be a precancerous condition. It can also spontaneously go away. There is no screening test for men to detect HPV. This is not something to worry about, per se, but it is something to be informed about. Internet Resources: link removed link removed link removed
  9. mmmending
    Hi AL_SS I guess what I'm getting at, could you approach the psychs. for a letter to build a case of "extenuating circumstances".. I mean, the circumstances are real.. It's not being clever or anything.. you're depressed. I imagine this has had a lot to do with how things have gone for you at college (I mean that, besides the fact that college can be completely poncified at times.. but anyway).
  10. mmmending
    Hi AntiLove SuperStar, I looked through some of your old posts to see if you are in the care of a therapist, or a psychiatrist, but didn't find if this were so. I see you mentioning being depressed, and I also see you being empathetic and urging others to seek help for their depression. Why I ask, I know that universities in the UK will accept what is called an "Aegrotat" which is basically a certificate or doctor's note that states that a student is ill. It can be for physical or psychological reasons. If you feel ok having something like that on your student record, you can get what is called an Aegrotat Pass, or even a deferral to submit work. What happens often is that the uni will convene a panel who will assess if you have made "substantial completion" of your term work, and often will just grant you the pass. It is done on a case by case basis. Contact the registrar of your college to see if this is so where you attend. Depression and mental health issues are a disability. They cannot ethically, if even legally, discriminate against you for your suffering. I've seen you offer thoughtful advice to others. I hope you can offer yourself some of that same thoughtfulness in this moment. ..m.
  11. mmmending
    Hi Wanda, How difficult, W. I'm so sorry to hear this.. hmmm.. may you be safe and protected, may you live with ease. Are things with mum at a stage/comfort level where you and your son could temporarily stay with her until you got together the money for your own place? And, would you feel secure that she'd treat your son well? My sense is, that by considering your options, starting to save, reaching out to others and talking about your circumstances - that your choice to wander and find better way is perhaps a sign of you discovering the fearlessness in you to walk your true path - your own way.
  12. mmmending
    Hey Spugly, Yesss!!! I have experienced love at first sight. But love at first sight is not a guarantee to perfect love. Could that even be real? Humans grow up in conditions, patterned behaviours and carry that stuff around, often unaware of it, and as familiar conditions arise, that stuff kicks into gear. I believe that it is living a conditioned, attached love, which is the main culprit leading to the vitality in love to die. I agree. This approach seems very conditional, and controlling in a way harmful to the person doing it. I see emotional feeling, or pain as having a function much the same as physical pain. You don't deny your thumb hurts once you've whacked it with the hammer, any more than you'd try to reason that your thumb is really a nail. Indeed, what is the benefit of applying a similar strategy to painful emotional feelings? They need to be seen for what they are, rather than what we think they are in order for healing to take place.
  13. mmmending
    Hey Wanda, I remembered your story from a month or so ago, and went back to look at your early posts. What stood out for me was what you were saying about your husband's violent tendency. In your earlier posts where you talked about "Bob", you had mentioned that you had grown up in an abusive and violent home, and that with your mum, there was a lot of instability. I'm wondering, have you ever received counselling for the abuse both at the hands of your mum, and your husband? Concerning your husband's abusiveness, have you gone on the record with anybody such as a doctor, a therapist, the police? It was nice to see you sign by name. I don't think any of us is "dazed and confused by destiny". I think we get dazed and confused by circumstances which lead us to make choices that add to our suffering.
  14. mmmending
    Aporia, Beautiful sentiment. Thank you.. m.
  15. mmmending
    Possibiliti, I just reread your post, and have a question: are you describing the situation where either one member of a couple, or both people.. lose the vitality in the relationship, and see that as falling out of love, so move on? Or - a couple splits, and as a fasttrack to healing, one or both parties dismiss, or undermine the feelings they had for the ex?
×
×
  • Create New...