rascal

Echo: Probaly not the healthiest of motivators, but I am with you 100%. It's not the only thing I think about, but it does get me through the tough times. (workouts, runs, work, etc.) Whatever it takes, right?

Ok, serenity, I am in a similar situation. Much more difficult, actually. This is coming from a guy who had SEVERAL chances to marry the girl of his dreams but managed to f*** it up and not realize what he had many, many times. 8 years worth of times. To answer your question, yes. Life is strange that way. You can never say never. I don't care if they are married, there is always that chance that you will end up together. That is the happy ending we all wish for, and yes dreams to come true sometimes. However, I have to warn you, that waiting for this to happen is a dangerous game. I want you to have hope and to keep believing, but the reality is, as so many songs throughout history have been written, you can't make someone love you. I am in the midst of my 3rd month of NC. She was going back and forth between me and this new guy in June. I finally decided to ante up and pull the trigger. I bought a ring and said, "if you were truly in love with this new guy, you would not be sitting on my couch kissing me and telling me you are still in love with me. I do believe in love at first sight, and if this was the case with this new guy, you would not be sitting here with me. I tried to propose and she stopped me and said, "not like this, we've been through so much, I don't want it to happen like this. I need some time to figure things out." I told her not to call me if she was going to continue to see this guy. I didn't hear from her for a little while and she emailed me saying she wanted to come see my band play. I, again, still not having visited this site or read SUPERDAVE'S advice (oh, how I wish I had) took this as a good sign so I called her and we talked for a while, only to find out she was still confused and still seeing this guy. I said point blank, is there a chance or isn't there, and she said, "yes, but I have to go..." That was over 3 months ago. I guess I have her answer. But I have stuck with the NC through all of this. My office faces her apartment building. I have to see it every day. And every day I want to call or e-mail or go see her and say, "look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me." But i don't. I am giving her what she wants. Her freedom. If she marries this guy, well, there is not a god damned thing i can do about it. But it sucks. It hurts. And it is hell. Serenity, I'm sorry for the long response, but my point in telling you all this is to let you know, your only hope is NC. It's the only way it will ever work. You need him to come to you and say, "yes, you're the one, i need you in my life." If he doesn't do that of his own volition, your relationship is doomed. Not what you want to hear, I know. But, trust me, leave him alone. That is your best chance. I know it doesn't sound like it, but it's true. Good luck and be strong.

yea, you're probably right. accept her gift. don't be mean, just be short, and to the point. not a lot of eye contact either. let her know that you do not want to be doing this.

warrior, listen to the man...DON'T DO IT. wait. i had done NC for about a month when my ex, called me. it was around her b-day, so i asked her if i could buy her dinner on her b-day thinking surely she would think this is a date, and a possibility of "trying again." WRONG. i pushed way too hard and she ended up staying with her rebound guy to this day. i have since done 3 months of solid NC, even ran into her and her man and walked by w/o a word, it sucked. i wish i had come here sooner. i guarantee i wouldn't have made the "too soon" mistake. listen to dave. DON'T GO. yet. tell her you need some time. DON'T CAVE. we can all be pretty tough when we want to be and now is one of those times. suck it up, buddy. it'll be worth it in the long haul.

dude, you're fine. you handled it like a man. you know you did the right thing because it was so frigging hard, right? the right things usually are. i think you came off like a champ. way to go. on a side note, does anybody ever consider that any of our ex's will ever find this site? i've only been posting here for about a month, and have yet to write my sob story, but i am building up towards it. in the back of my mind, i think a part of me is afraid that she will stumble on to this site. is that bad?

do exactly what you wrote in your first post. that is perfect. good luck, and be tough.

yup, great post. i find it amazing that my visits here always put me in a better mood.

boy are you wrong.

Dave, you really need your own tv show. seriously. How can you be so sure that when the click off the tv and go to bed (on the off night when they're not w/their new bf) that they really do think about us? do you really believe this? ?

see, you and cinnamon have just made me question my whole 3 months of NC.

depending on how long you were together and whether or not they are with someone new, there is NO WAY they have forgotten about you. they might not have gone through the hell that you have, but they do think about you. not every minute of every day, but trust me, they think of you. but hang tough, you've made it this far, don't screw it up now by calling "just to check in." don't do it.

this link doesn't work, btw, but i was wondering how he ended things with you so cruelly? (man, is that an awkward sounding sentence) i was "let go" in an insincere way after nearly 8 yrs, so whenever i see something like this it makes me wonder. i have yet to read a story as cruel as mine, but i know in a way i deserved it. anyway, if you don't want to relive all those bad memories, that's ok too. sorry about all this, but it sounds like you are doing much better. (not to take anything away from your pain AT ALL, but 22 is young, compared to me, 39) you have so much living to do.

thanks, i am trying. going on my 3rd month of NC, and I really don't think i'm going to hear from her unless i contact her. i know for a fact she is seeing someone, so i'm just trying to forget about her. but 8 years is a long time. this place does help though. it's amazing how many people have experienced heartbreak. it's unbelievable.

funny. as far as what you do now, that is indeed a tough one. whatever you do, take it slow. keep the lines open, but don't hurry. let things progress the right way. the way you should've let them in the beginning.

when i think about moving on to date other women, i know that it won't be quite as special. all my other experiences are so dilluted compared to those i had with my ex. when i think about working on myself as everyone suggests, i really don't know what to do anymore. i am devoid of ambition and desire. i know exactly how you feel. but you have to believe that these thoughts and emotions will pass. you will fall in love again. trust me. she is not the last woman you will ever love. you have to force yourself to do things now. you can't just let time take over and hope these feelings go away. make yourself excel at work, excel at the gym. let this be the fuel that motivates you to do things beyond what you thought you were capable of. i know it seems impossible. but you have to try. don't give up.

hang tough, herewego. you'll get through this. how did you try and contact her? phone? e-mail? man that really sucks. i'm sorry to keep asking questions, but i'm going through something similar. what did she say during that last phone call?

man, this is my worst nightmare. i have several questions for you. 1) how old are you? 2) why did you break up? 3) did you know she was seeing someone? 4) did you ever try and contact her? i feel so bad for you. but you have to remember, everything is worse in your imagination. you don't know how "happy" she truly is. you have to believe that sh** like this makes us stronger. if you can get through this, you can make it through anything. don't forget that. she is not the last woman you will ever love. remember that. your wife is out there. you'll find her.

you made the right move. (i don't know about f****** him last night, though) NC is your only hope at this point. I can't begin to describe to you how hard this will be, especially if he doesn't call. But no matter how painful this gets, YOU CANNOT CONTACT HIM. It is the only way to find out how he truly feels. Don't let him call and make small talk. You want to marry this guy and you want and need answers. You have invested 6 years of your life with this man. You need to know whether or not he will spend the rest of his life with you, not how your day was at work. If he feels the same way about you that you do about him, he will bust your door down to get you to talk to him. At this point only some kind of grand gesture earns your respect. Be tough, and good luck.

you have to be willing to make a fool out of yourself. if you truly love her, who cares? tell her how you feel. make the most of the moment, dude. it could very well determine the rest of yourself. tell her EXACTLY how you feel, and you'll have no regrets. good luck.

wow, dude. part of me agrees with scout. be the hero! go for the happy ending! but the other part of me says leave her alone. if you really are still her guy, she will come to you. when are you going to pick up the cat? (you still have to do this btw, cats come first)

cindy11 i know how feel all too well. it sucks. bad. but no matter what you do, don't call. i think you were absolutely right to call him after katrina, but now you have to leave him alone. you will make it. i know it seems completely hopeless, but it's not. you will make it through this.

you want the truth? are you sure? i bet you won't be able to handle it. tell him you can't see him or talk to him anymore. i know it sounds cliche (the whole NC thing on these boards) but i guarantee you if you do this he will come crawling back to you. if you don't you will never have the relationship you desire. trust me. hell, forget about me, trust anyone who has ever posted here. DO IT, it's your only hope.

don't do it. it will get back to her, and you'll feel worse. take it like a man. don't do ANYTHING right now. i know it sux, but it is your only hope. DON'T DO A THING.

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