lara78

i heard from him over e-mail...still no phone call, still no plans made. At the end of his first e-mail he said he hoped i wasnt mad that he didnt stay over sat night...i said i wasnt mad at all...we exchanged a few e-mails...then that was it...

So i saw that guyI've been asking about here on saturday. I called him after this party I went to at about 7pm (as planned) and he came over. we'd both eaten already. We decided to go for a walk by the beach. So we did that for about an hour or so, then we came back to my place and watched a movie. Hardly any touching took place at all throughout it...so at the end we kissed and he said he was going to leave. Last time we stayed in the same bed. I was feeling a little weird and i guess he could tell. He said that he didnt want me to think that all he was into was just hooking up with me...i said, is that all you think i'm into and he laughed and said no. We kept kissing...he had told me earlier in the night a little on the walk that he feels like i am confusing...i dont know how i have been. He said in terms of when we make plans he feels like i am...like i question whether we're still doing something, even though it's already been said that we have been. So tonight before he left i got a little bold and told him outrihgt that i get confused as to whether he wants to see me again after each date. He was confused and said, really? i said, YES. He asked if it would make me feel more comfortable if we just went ahead and made plans for tuesday. I stupidly said, no! because i didnt want to seem annoying. He said he does want to see me again and if he didnt he would tell me...so that made me feel better. He then told me that i'm welcome to come hang out at his place after work whenever (i work close to where he lives) so he seemed surprised about my uncertainty....but i dont think he was that clear with me...i told him that he doenst seem to like to make plans, he said he thought it seemed clear that he wanted to see me again. Confusion! so i did want him to stay (ho that i am i guess) but he said he thought it would be best if he left. So i walked him out, and asked who would call who next. He said we are past that stage and it shouldnt matter. So i guess i am not going to worry about it. He said he'd see me soon. We kissed goodbye, several times. So i'm glad we talked about it...i wished he would have stayed...but the last time things got pretty hot and heavy, no sex...so maybe he was thinking that would happen again and it may have 'frustrated' him. So that's it...he said he likes me and wants to see me again. AFter 3 weeks and all this confusion i guess that's all i can ask for. I appreciated that he asked if it would make me more comfortable if we just set up a date now...but i didnt want to seem annoying...

Orlander he hadnt invited me though. He mentioned that HE might go there himself and then asked if i liked gambling. That's not an invitation...i expressed that no i'm not that big into gambling ASide from that, i asked him to do something last sunday and he didnt come...i didnt get all bent out of shape about it.

well if he's going to never call me again because i said i'm not a huge gambler...then that's pretty stupid I am feeling like he's not overly interested at this point...but what's he emailing me for then? I feel like i did something to turn him off in the past week or so but i dont know what...we had fun the last time we hung out, he was telling me he liked me told me to call him when i left...but i feel like things have pretty much s*cked this week with him I'm so tired of meeting guys like...i just want to meet someone who will call me frequently, make plans with me frequently, just want to be with me and talk to me. Im starting to get angry. Its almost embaressing...im tired of feeling excited and telling friends, then when they ask about the person agian its like, oh well he never called again so that's over. I'm truly just ready for a relationship...i'm fun, attractive, nice, smart...i just feel like no one wants to be with me for very long.

So the guy and I have known each other almost 3 weeks now. We were e-mailing back and forth yesterday, he asked me what i'm doing for the rest of the week, i asked him. Neither of us had a ton going on. He mentioned that he might drive down to this casino place on sat and do i like gambling? I was honest and said i wasnt a huge gambler, then said i've been to that place before and it's depressing and smoky. I added that i do like slot machines sometimes. I just couldnt imagine spending a nice summer day there. So i never heard back from him after i sent that... At this point i dont know what to think...if he was completely uninterested he probably wouldnt have e-mailed me asking what i was up to...but at the same time he's not asking me out. I refuse to call him or ask him out because i did the last time...what do you think his deal is?

It sounds at this point like he likes you and is interested. I would just tread carefully since it's still early and you dont really know what he's like. It does seem like you both came on pretty strong in the beginning with all the contact you had and maybe that's why you are now confused. I would just go with the flow and dont put all your eggs in one basket yet.

well not to put a completely different spin on things, but dont you think he's a bit young for you? There's a big difference between a 26 year old woman and a 20 year old guy who is just out of his teens...He might be a great guy...but he's got a lot of growing up left in him. Do you think maybe he is a bit intimadated by you, you being the older woman and all? Perhaps he thinks anything he says will sound dumb to you and would just prefer you to be the conversational leader since you are older?

well you could even let him know that right now you are interested in someone else so dont want to string him along...and you dont feel a spark. Tell him he's a great guy and good looking too (:

just out of curiosity, what made your interest wane? I would be honest...just tell him that it seems like he is romantically interested in you and you are not looking for anything like that right now. Or you could just out with it and say that you didnt feel a spark between the two of you. Either way, he'll probably feel hurt/rejected...but he'll be fine.

no we havent had sex yet...i dont think he is inexperienced with girls and dating. I'm definitely not contacting him again...he can call me...

well if you do this, do this knowing that it will likely be just a few dates....nothing against stripper, but i'd say most of them have some issues to be doing the job that they're doing...if she's as gorgeous as you say and loves kids, what could have happened to her in her life to make her choose such a degrading profession? Sorry, but a genuinely classy woman with morals wouldnt do this And think of how your future wife might feel knowing you 'dated' a stipper. Cuz like i said...this one probably aint going to be the one.

so i need more advice. He did end up calling me on thursday and left a voicemail asking me out to the movies for friday night. i didnt get a chance to call back that night. So we went attempted to go to the movies, but it was sold out. He seemed bummed...i didnt see the huge deal, but he got over it. We went out to eat, then walked around the city a bit. He asked if i wanted to go back to his place...i went. We hooked up and while we were making out he said, i like you. He kept saying how nice it felt to be with me, he really wants to have sex with me, etc. I asked him are you just looking to get laid? He looked at me like i was crazy and said, i dont think i'm pushing that hard am i? he wasnt, but i guess i wanted to get a feel for things At dinner he mentioned that he had been discussing with people, dating stages. Like what are two people after a couple of dates, etc. He asked me what i thought we were. I said well i guess after a few dates, i'd call it dating. He didnt say much as to what he thought we were, i didnt ask. I guess i am nervous to ask. When i left his place the next morning, he said, call me. I said, today? He said, whenever. SO the ball was in my court and i didnt really know what to do with it. I would have been happy to have hung out with him again the next night, but didnt know if that was too much for him? It's confusing since last weekend we hung out 3 days in a row. I went out with friends that night, then texted him at 11 asking if he was still up. He said he was and to call him if i wanted. I did. I mentioned that i was going into the city the next day to watch the world cup, he said that sounded fun, i asked if he wanted to come, he said he maybe would and to call him in the AM. to make it short he did not end up joining my friends and I. no big deal. I missed his call, but he left a vm telling me he wouldnt be making it I called him back last night, and we talked for about 10 min. He is SO different on the phone than in person, he's quiet. He told me he hates the phone..ok fine. He said last night that he wants to be able to do it, but he just isnt good at talking on the phone. so i let him go. He said, i guess i'll talk to you later. So i dont know...i wish i had a better read as to what he feels about me...when we are making out in his bed, yes he seems into me, he holds my hand when we're out, he asked what i think we are...but then i get confused on the phone..or when we'll be hanging out again...i just like to know these things...

'I move on to someone who doesn't use me as their better-than-nothing date.' I guess i didnt word what i said correctly. He didnt mean that he was waiting for something better to come along. He jsut meant that he was not asking me to do something then and there because he had nothing for the 2 of us to do in mind. I still think we could have made plans...but whatever. He is actually new to the city so i dont think he has a lot of other options in terms of hanging out with people down here And he might be seeing someone else...he said he's not but who knows. If he is, i'm not sure why he spent as much time with me as he did last weekend...who knows. But i would say we are dating. Doesnt mean we are dating seriously or exclusively but when you've been out on a few dates with someone, made out with them, slept next to them in a bed...that's dating, even if you've only known them a week. so what do you think he is really thinking?

Some of you might remember my post from last week, i was worried about this guy i met the weekend before not calling. Well he did call, and we ended up going out thursday night, friday night, then spent all day together saturday and saturday night. So it seems he would be interested right? We just went out to dinner thursday and friday night, then saturday we went to my family's beach house. It was a very romantic date that day. We have slept in the same bed, made out, but nothing really sexual has happened, which i guess is a good thing. On Sunday morning we drove back home because he was going away with friends for two days. On saturday night he was saying things like, i think you're great, I'm glad we did this, I really like you. At this point I'd known him just a week so i thought it seemed sorta fast to say things like that, but we had spent a lot of time together. He was also asking lots of questions about my past relationships, would i marry a guy like this, blah, blah. He did however say at one point that we are not dating. I knew after a week werent dating, just getting to know each other, but if a guy feels the need to say that...does it mean he would never want to date the person they're saying it to? So when he left sunday he said Ill talk to you when I get back. He was coming home tuesday night. I didnt hear from him tues night, but didnt think much of it, firgured he was tired. I got into work wednesday and had an e-mail from him. He was saying how he had fun when he was away, how was the rest of my weekend, etc, then he said, talk soon at the end. I wrote back to him, but never heard back from him for the rest of the day. So last night comes, i dont hear from him. I did think it seemed sort of of weird, and i hate wondering what is up, so i sent him a text message. I said, hi, how's it going, are you still awake? He wrote back right away saying, just getting in the shower what's up, call me in 15 min if you want. So i called. He just didnt seem all that friendly on the phone. He wasnt saying a heck of a lot. I even said something about it jokingly. He said that he is talking and i shouldnt overanalyze everything. Last week he just seemed more happy to talk to me...last night he didnt. We talked for about a half hour. He asked, so are we going to hang out again? I said, yes were you going to call me again? He said he had planned to. It just seemed odd in terms of making plans, he said, maybe we can do something friday, i said, ok we'll do something friday then, then he said, well that's a possibility. Then he said, well maybe you can show me around the city on saturday. He said he really had nothing planned so he couldnt ask me out right then and there. So when we were hanging up he said, well let me know if you want to do something sometime. I was like, huh? when you put it like that it sounds like you dont even know me. he just sighed and said i was difficult. Am i??? I just think it's weird that we spent lots of time together last week, then this week he seemed distant, on the phone anyways. It irritated me. I hate it when guys are inconsitant, especially when you're trying to get to know them. I truly felt like he didnt really want to be talking to me on the phone last night...but last week it seemed fine for him to call me when he felt like it. At one point on friday i had been in the shower, came out and had 4 missed calls from him, and 2 voicemails. He was trying to be funny i think...but then i feel like i annoyed him calling him once after not talking to him for almost 3 days. Why can men be so fickle? When we were hanging up he made some comment about us going out again and i just ok, well give me a call. I really feel turned off from calling him again.

how long have you guys been seeing each other? It sounds like he is not over his ex. I dont keep pics of my ex around and i certainly would not want a new person to see pics of him. So it makes me wonder why he has this need to have pictures of her around The fact that he's leaving for 3 months is kind of a big deal, esp since you guys are not official yet. Maybe you will meet up again when he gets back, maybe not. Things can change quite a bit in 3 months SOrry to sound negative, but that's just how i see it. I think you are selling yourself short by putting up with someone who is still quite attached to their ex and is leaving the country for 3 months. If it's mean to be, it'll be...but it doesnt seem that way to me.

if you just got out of a 2 year RL you're probably on the rebound...

yeah i do tend to just be this way...once i meet someone i have interest i have no desire to meet anyone else. Sometimes meeting one person is hard enough. Ahh so now i'm happy that he called and that we're e-mail, but the real question is when the heck are we going out? boy oh boy...

so he called last night...we ended up talking for an hour, had a good conversation. I posted on another board and everyone is adamant that he likely just looking to hook up with me and wont take me on a proper date, etc. honestly i didnt get that impression. This is kind of a tough weekend to get together since it's the 4th, he might be going away, i might be going away, but he said he'd like to get together. we havent set a date yet, but we've been e-mailing back and forth today. So i feel better about things. I'll just see what happens i guess.

yeah i mean if a guy is interested...they will call. I could understand if i seemed uninterested...but i called. In terms of me saying i dont go out much during the week, i didnt mean i never do...plus he coudl have always said (if he was getting at asking me out) how about the weekend?

i think it's pretty customary that if you call someone, it's then the next person that received the call's turn to call back...and that really is how it seems to be with dating. Otherwise the datee is often referred to as looking desperate, stalkerish and all types of not nice names...so this is why i dont feel comfortable calling again. Yes the conversation was weird. Perhaps he thought i'd ask him out? i was thinking that MAYBE I would send a text message on thursday if i havent heard from him just to say, how is your week going, anything good up for the weekend? I figure he texted me so it shouldnt be unheard of to him.

so do you think i should call again, or wait for him? I'm confused...agh.

so on friday night i went out with some friends. My friends boyfriend was there with a cute friend. Cute friend and i talked all night, it was obvious we were intersted in each other. at one point he asked if i wanted to go somewhere else. We left. We walked around a bit, i was in search of a bathroom. He stopped me and told me that he'd really like to take me on a date sometime, i said sure. He had taken a cab into the city so i ended up driving him home. I ended up going in his place...i ended up staying over. We did not have sex, just cuddled/kissed. I just felt comfortable with him, but i do realize that i should have just left and should not have stayed. The next day we talked a lot about all sorts of things. Some of questions were quite forward like, when was my last relationship, what was my longest, how many people have i said i love you too...but he seemed to be interested in me so i figured that was why he was asking those things. We got to know quite a bit about each other i suppose. I stayed until 2pm. We just cuddled, talked, made out, etc. He made several references to us hanging out again, said he felt that we'd hit it off, i agreed and said i'd like to go out again too. He even said that we could go out and do something that afternoon. problem was i was wearing the clothes i had on the night before, it was rainy out, blah blah. The part where it got tricky was when he picked up my phoen and dialed his phone number. He then said, ok now you have my # so you can give me a call. I didnt really want to be the one to call first...and i said so. he said he didnt see the big deal and was i not interested enough to call him. I said i was, but i dont like to be the one to call first, what if he didnt really want to talk to me etc. So he calls my phone right there and leaves me a message saying, hi lara, i'm calling you, now it's your turn to call me back. I was just like, ok i'll call you then. I know this seems silly, esp since i'd spent the night, but i guess i just prefer the guy to call. Maybe i made a big deal, but he also easily could have just said, ok i'll call you, he seemed to not want the ball in his court. So we basically said we'd hang out again, but did not make plans then and there. I left and basically said talk to you soon. this was saturday, i woke up on sunday and saw that i had a text message from him. It said, i guess you were too good to come over last night. I assumed he was kidding, but it was sent at 6:30 am. I went back to sleep and about 4 hours later i texted back, should i have just showed up at your door? He wrote back, well at least called, haha. so this confused me...i ended up calling him that night...not sure if i called too soon? We talked for about a half hour, he mentioned nothing about us going out though. At one point he did ask what i had going on this week in the evenings. I said, nothing, then i felt a bit nervous and rambled on that i dont really go out during the week. He didnt say anything else about it. He ended the phone conversation saying he was going to get back to some reading. We hung up, he said nothing about calling me this week or making plans. I must admit i was a bit put off. Yeah i know i could have said something about plans as well...but i felt that since i had called, it was showing that i was interested ya know? It just annoyed me that all day saturday he kept saying that he wanted to get togehter again...then when he had the chance to show me further interest (aside from talking) he didnt Am i reading into things? Should i give him until maybe thursday of this week to call me? I dont know that i feel comfortable calling him again to ask him out...things were fun when we hung out...but i feel like they got weird as far as the calling went...any thoughts?

I think it totally depends on the people/situation. I was married and my huband announced he wanted a divorce. 4 weeks later i met someone. Stupidly i got involved and we were together for about 9 months. I think it was because he was comforting towards me and quite frankly i was pretty messed up. The relationship did not work out. Looking back i would have spent time on my own before getting involved. I would have qualms about dating someone who was still married...esp if they hadnt filed yet. If you are looking for something serious, a still married person is not the person you want to go for. If you want to have fun, then sure go for them.

Ok this will be long, but I'll try to keep it as short as i can. Kelly and Liz are my cousins, they're 25 and 29 (i'm 27). We've pretty much been friends for life, have always been close. When i was 23 i got engaged and moved out to CA, we're from MA. I lived there for a year with my finance, then he decided he didnt want to be with me. It was very hard, i moved home, back in with my parents. After about 6 months i moved in with my best friend. Kelly and Liz and i are still close and go out. I"m more close with Kelly, her and talk on the phone daily for the most part. So after about a year after my broken enagement i guess i started acting out a bit. I was going out, getting drunk, and a couple of times i went home with guys after a night out (i will say that i knew these guys, they werent strangers) It happened 3 times. On one occasion i did end up having sex with i was not happy about. I guess one of the worst nights i had i can barely remember, i ended up throwing up on the floor of the bar but got home safely. I still dont remember getting sick on the bar...but this is what i'm told. So this happened in Feb. Noone said anything to me about it. I notice that kelly and liz arent talking to me so much. I had noticed even before this incident that i wasnt hearing from them as much, and it hurt me a bit. I kind of figured they were annoyed at me for me getting drunk that time in feb but no one was saying anything. On 2 occasions there were family functions and they gave me the cold shoulder-they were polite, but cold. Again i felt hurt, even my mom was feeling hurt by them. Finally in april i e-mail kelly. She wrote back a fake e-mail of, oh i know i'm sorry i havent talked to you in so long, i've been busy, etc. I was like, please...so i write back, well it seems like you're annoyed with me. So she writes back adn goes off on me. She said how i turn into a completely different person when i'm drunk, it went on and on. She said that night in feb i was being very flirtatious with a guy she had slept with last summer-he had been rude to her or something, yet he is still friends with her sister liz. I apologized and said i felt bad, there were a few times i'd been quite drunk, but i just wished she had said something about it rather than ignore me. So we ended up talking on the phone and she brought up a few other incidents where i'd been drunk-one was when my brother got his head hit with a bottle. she said that was my fault because i'd been dancing with someoen, my brother in a drunken stupor said to stop then the guy i was dancing with got mad and hit him over the head. That was apparently all my fault. My brother is fine and he even says that it wasnt all my fault. The thing that upsets me too is that I have seen kelly very drunk on many occasions even at family wedding where she threw up in her parents car and all over the house and i have seen her go home with guys too. SO for her to be preaching the choir to me and judging me really hit a chord with me. I listened to what she said and i did get defensive. I said, yes i know i've been drunk on a couple of occasions, but i know i havent been the only one. SHe seemed to think my behavior was worse than anyone else's. I told her that i thought her and liz have been very rude to me the past few months. This was on sat. on monday i get into work and liz had sent me nasty e-mails about my drunk behavior, telling me what i did and that i wasnt acting normal by being so drunk and that she has ended friendships with peopel for far less than what i've done (she ends friendships like it's going out of style) i really didnt have a lot to say back to her other than i was sorry for my terrible behavior, but i did feel like she was overreacting. This was in april. since then i've seen liz twice, she acted fake, i basically didnt speak to her. I ended up telling my mom about my drunk behvior, she was furious, but still couldnt understand why my family would be treating me this way, esp because they are no angels. Kelly had/has an eating disorder and had to go to a mental hospital at one point. We were all there for her and couldnt have been a better support system. she was embarressed about the drunkeness at the wedding, again we were there for her tellig her it was ok. I just couldnt believe they would be so cruel to me esp after what i'd gone thru with my ex. I'm not saying drinking is an excuse, but i think it could have been easy to understand. I am just SO ANGRY about this. I want to say, um did you forget about all the times you got drunk and hooked up with guys??? part of me feels like she was really upset about me flirting with that guy she slept with. That's what seemed to set her off. One night her mom wanted to try to patch things up with us so we all went to eat. It went badly. Kelly ended up telling me i had acted like i had no self respect (after she's the one in the mental hospital) and that she was better behaved when she was drunk. I ended up just jumping up from the table and leaving (this was in june) I just have no desire to be friends with them. I have changed my behavior, i still have gotten drunk since then, but not to the extent that i had been. I was talking zoloft this past winter so when i drank it made it much worse. Liz apologized, but after those e-mails she sent and the way she treated me i could never be friends with her again. My feelings for them have completely changed, i feel hate towards them for being so judgmental and unforgiving towards esp when kelly was doing the same thing! Our mothers are very upset about this, so last night kelly and i went out to dinner. We didnt mention anything about these incidents, we just talked about what is going on in our lives. Kelly mentioned she has been dating someone who is still married...he's been separated for 2 years. I didnt say anything, but um this is coming from the person who told me i have no self respect for how i acted when drunk. Who does have self respect when they're freaking drunk? Urgh. I just want nothing to do with them, but unfortunately they are my family and i am constantly thinking about this. we have tried to talk about it, but we dont agree. Kelly seems to delusion and thinks she never did anything to the extent that i did when she was drunk. Even another cousin of ours said kelly has no room to say anything because every time he sees her she's drunk. My parents agreed that they think she's nuts for acting like this, but that i just need to fix this because its' upsetting everyone. But i'm so angry about it.. comments? SOrry i know it's long but i had to tell the whole thing. I'm basically expected to go to dinner with kelly tomorrow night and I DONT WANT TO!

i just wanted to say i went thru the same thing-i was married, waiting to be divorced and i still dated. I told the guy i was dating right away and it didnt bother him-we dated a year, but i ened being not ready to be with someone...so we broke up. But i guess the point is that he was ok with my still being 'married' and waiting to get divorced.