babybear

I went out with my boyfriend for two years. During that time we had a lot of ups and downs, the downs being quite terrible. Surprisingly we didn’t break up from them, and in the end my boyfriend dumped me simply because ‘he didn’t love me anymore he saw me as a friend’. That was four months ago. For a long time things were weird between us but both said we wanted to remain friends. In the last couple of months we are now normal but most of our conversations aren’t friend-like. When we meet up, if we are in town we are like friends but if we go to one of our houses we end up kissing. He always tries to take it further and I feel very pressured, I try to say no but it often feels like no isn’t really an option. I can tell he doesn’t have them ‘love’ feelings, so I don’t understand why he does these things. What makes me really mad is after we met up, he would then avoid me for like four days. I told him I thought he had no respect for me and it seemed like he was using me because of this and he got upset and since then he hasn’t avoided me after we met up. He makes me feel really bad. He will often blow hot and cold, one minute seeming to show interest in me, the next like he doesn’t give much of a damn. I feel like I should have ‘moved on’ by now, as it’s been four months. But I’m not over him, I still feel extremely affected by him which makes me feel stupid. I will wait specifically for *him* to come online and always check my phone for text messages. I never text him first but he texts me now - most nights, for a few hours. I don’t really know why I’m posting this, maybe to get some unbiased feedback on my situation ‘cause I feel quite blind at the moment. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what he thinks cause – I never make any effort to get in contact with him cause that’s what I used to do and 9 times out of 10 he wouldn’t reply so i stopped. But now he texts me quite a lot but I don’t think he realises I’m affected by him I dunno.

I went out with my boyfriend for two years. When we had been together just six months, he started regularly meeting up with a good female friend of his, one-on-one encounters. They slept next to each other one drunken night and told each other they loved each other. She however, was actually in love him and he knew this. He told me they were just friends. A few months after I found out, in realising I couldn’t handle it all I broke up with him. I still loved him though and found it difficult as he constantly came round to my house and wrote me poetry, bought me things and was extremely ‘loving’ towards me. I loved him too but I couldn’t forget what he had done. I haven’t gone into much detail about it but it seriously affected me – I constantly thought about it, it truly devastated me cause he always left me so alone when he went off to see her. We met up lots not officially together and still behaved as if we were. He was very affectionate but after a few months of this I broke it off properly and we didn’t see each other for a while. We also tried not to speak to each other but this never lasted more than a couple of weeks. After a couple of months we started meeting up more regularly. Then ended up going back out (about a year later this was now). He was completely different this time though. He wasn’t loving, he stopped ever telling me he loved me and he said it was because he found it difficult (he used to tell me he loved me during that loving period and I would tell him not to say it so he said that’s why). I felt that this wasn’t true however cause I said it to him a lot now, it was more like he didn’t feel it anymore. When we met up I felt like he didn’t really enjoy seeing me, and the only time he was happy with me was when we had sex. I argued with him constantly for the next five months, like all the time, asking him why he seemed like he never cared about me and why he never replied to my texts or wanted to see me. It hurt me constantly not knowing where I stood cause he tried to tell me everything was fine and he still loved me the same. On our two year anniversary I went to such a big effort and he bought me this £2 thing and a badge. Anyway during this period of five months I had about four incidents with drugs, which he didn’t know about. At the place where everyone was taking drugs I met this guy and started going out with him kind of whilst at the same time as my boyfriend. I met up with this guy about four times and we did nothing more than kissing. I realised I didn’t like him and loved my boyfriend quickly so I broke it off and tried to make a go of it with my boyfriend. I told my boyfriend I took drugs once and didn’t mention I’d done it a few times more and I didn’t mention the other boy. Having had a terrible time on drugs the last time I decided never to do them again and saw sense. Shortly after this my boyfriend dumped me for reasons he stated ‘I don’t see you as a girlfriend anymore. I’m not in love with you anymore, I see you as a friend’. Then he just went out constantly and just abandoned me basically. About a month later my conscience kicked in, my now ex-boyfriend started being nice and talking to me again and it seemed like he was reconsidering breaking up with me. I then told him the truth about the drugs and the other guy cause I had been feeling really awful about it. The next day I went to see him as it had been so awful. We didn’t speak of it and we just kissed and stuff. Then we met up again and same happened. Then after that he told me when I asked him, that he thinks we should just be friends. Then he basically didn’t properly speak to me. He went out lots and when we did speak he would take ages to talk to me and he killed our convos and it was like he was a stranger and he didn’t know what to say to me. He stopped having any time for me. It has been like this for about 2months now which takes us up to this day. I don’t know what to do. We meet up occasionally when it suits him and then he tries it on and tries to go a bit further then kissing. It is all his doing. Then once he has got what he wants he is all cold with me like I am nothing. Last time I saw him was a week ago, and this happened. It was an alright day there was no arguing or bad feeling but he has avoided me ever since. He is so cold towards me. He has just avoided me for a week. It makes me so depressed. I dunno what do people think to this situation?

I got the contraception injection for the first time. It lasts for 12 weeks and during them 12 weeks I had light bleeding every single day. There wasn't that much, but enough to have no choice but to use a tampon or sanitry towls. The twelve weeks ended on Tuesday but the bleeding has continued still to this day. When will it stop?

When I kissed the guys I had dumped my boyfriend over the cuddling and kissing that girl issue. We were officially broken up and not talking but then I felt bad about it and got back in contact to tell him cause it made my feelings change towards him a bit or something. I don't know it was like a year ago. I am pissed off about the boxers cause y'know he wore them in the past he told me and then he met up with me and wore them! And he was all "wow how cool". I asked him to throw them away but he will not; says that is rude as they are still a gift.

My boyfriend and I have been together two years. The other day he was wearing some boxers that I had never seen before; they were the Simpsons ones and so were novelty. I asked him about them and he said they were bought for him at Christmas this year by a girl friend of his. I know of the girl because a year ago, on our 11month anniversary (we always celebrate each month) he met up with her to revise instead of seeing or talking to me. Anyway this girl used to go out with him before me and they have been good friends ever since. Since around September this girl has been going out with my boyfriends best friend so he thinks I shouldn’t be mad about the her buying him underwear because it means nothing and also because they are novelty and not sexy. I still feel really pissed off that she did it though; does anyone else find it weird?

we just had an argument over something trivial because I don't remember what it was over we just would have been mad at each other.

No we haven't separated we are still very much together. We had an argument a few days ago which he told her about at the time. Then when they were texting she just asked him if we were better now.

Yesterday my boyfriend started looking at my phone so I looked at his. He had around 10-15 text messages from a girl he is friends with. It was nothing flirty just some conversation, though he did ask her about her love life, and she replied asking him about me. She asked if we were a lot better now, which I was confused by so I asked him about it and he told me it was because when we had an argument he told her about it. I was very upset with him because I have told him before that I don't like our problems shared, least of all with some random girl. I know people will justify him though and say well maybe he needed to talk to somebody. But what really upset was that he had text her that amount of messages. It was only on one occasion but I still feel he shouldn't have been texting her like that just to chat. It made me feel insecure. Am I over-reacting?

My boyfriend, like you sees no problem in remaining great friends with his ex girlfriends, seeing as they were his friends before I knew him, I can hardly come in and tell him to cut the ties. But one thing for sure is that I feel very much like your boyfriend and if my boyfriend even met up with one of his ex's alone at his house to 'hang out' i would end the relationship. If he had one sleep over I would definitely end the relationship and be distraught that he could be so careless towards my feelings. You two both seem to have very different views of boundaries, maybe you would be better off with a guy who did not hold firm boundaries and thought it was OK to meet girls and ex's and be great friends and whatnot.

My boyfriend and I have been together for a long time and throughout our relationship I have always found his close friendships with ex girlfriends difficult to deal with. I'm not sure why it bothers me but it does and I am always suspicious of them really. He dated a girl for a year and they are not friends and I don't give her a second thought. But girls he dated for a month or so and are best friends with him get to me. Do I have some kind of control/trust problem?

I've been with my boyfriend for two years. In about four months we are applying for university. For the past year now my boyfriend has said he wanted to go to the same one as me and live with me at a student thing. We've had some real problems and split up for a long time but still carried on doing everything a boyfriend and girlfriend do except without the title and we didn't get with anybody else. I used to say I didn't love him because he broke the trust a long time ago. He always tried to win me back, he wrote me poetry and little notes and bought me presents and got really depressed when he lost me. He told me he really loved me and he just wanted to be with me. A couple of months ago we got back together officially but recently his affection towards me has died down a lot I feel. Now he's telling me he's unsure if he wants to go to university because he thinks it might not work; that we might fight a lot or just grow differently. I'm really saddened by this because it's not long left til we apply. He used to behave like he was really really in love with me but now he's basically saying he doesn't know if he wants me anymore. He also said to me "do you really want to be with me for the rest of your life?" when I replied "yes" he said "really?" in a very shocked and disbelieving tone. He used to tell me if he was to ever be with anyone else they would always be second best to me. I don't know where I stand with him.

He goes through my phone and lets me go through his.. I wasn't being sneaky

he knew about it apparently cause after i grew cold on him he looked at his phone for some clue to why but didn't mention the picture until about an hour later.

I was browsing through my boyfriend’s phone (with him there but not watching what I was doing) anyway I started looking at pictures and he had this one of this girls legs with tights on but very revealing; you couldn’t even see her skirt just very high up on her thighs. I was so shocked I just put the phone down. Then the moment had passed before I could say anything. I went all cold on him however to the point where I could barely talk to him. He kept asking me what was wrong but I felt unable to tell him. I’m useless when it comes to communication and it hurts my pride. Due to the fact that I was fine up until I started looking at his phone he asked me if I was upset because of something on it. Then he got his phone started looking through it for some explanation but then put it down again and kept asking me what’s the matter? An hour or so passed and I was still being cold with him and stuff had been said but I hadn’t admitted to what had saddened me. Anyway I eventually asked him if he had any idea what I might be upset about and he got nervous and said is it about a picture on my phone? So I said what picture? And he was nervous and then was like if I show you please bare in mind I’ve never seen this before I just saw it earlier when I looked at my phone, I’m just showing you so you’re not later on saying what picture? So then he showed me the picture but kept insisting he had never seen it before and that people take his phone and just taking pictures. The picture had been taken recently. I dunno whether to believe him.

I did a pregnancy test today - a clear blue one. It was negative. I'm hoping this is accurate. It said on it that if in the early stages should be done when you go to the toilet the first time of the morning. I didn't do that but I'm hoping it's still accurate. It's been five weeks since my last period so I'm hoping that won't matter. Hope75, in answer to your question, when we first had sex we used condoms but sometimes didn't and then I'd get the morning after pill. Then I went on the pill but it didn't agree with me so I came off it and we just used condoms. Sometimes when we don't have any we'd just use the above method and seeing as taht worked OK for a while well it just became more frequent.

I'm kinda thinking that I must be. I was reading about abortions and they are just monsterous. Does anyone know how common infections are from having the baby sucked out like that?

I'm about a week late from my period. I'm 16 years old and do have regular on time periods. I have signs that I'm about to start my period from a few days before such as spotty skin and greasy hair and stomach cramps. I am almost a week late and have none of these signs. My boyfriend and I for the past month have had a lot of sex without a condom but he has never ejaculated inside me, he has always taken it out. I really can't be pregnant, I have just read about abortions and its turned me into a nervous wreck. I don't want to have one cause they look so incredibly dangerous. Is it very likely I'm pregnant?

My boyfriend and me had been together for five months when he dumped me for reasons such as we live quite far away so only see each other once a week. That same night he told this girl who was his friend that he loved her. The way it was said, it was meant in a friendly way – however they had never said it to each other before and were most likely both wondering if the subtext was different. This girl liked him more than a friend and so flirted with him, which evidently he responded to. Unfortunately I didn’t know this girl even existed. The next day however, he asked me back out so I said yes cause it seemed he wanted to try and make it work cause breaking up with me upset him. His friends though, seemed to think he dumped me for this girl (though he never told HER this or me for that matter) but according to him his friends were just making it up because they thought he liked her cause of the flirting and he never told them that. A month later he got drunk at a party, which I wasn’t at because he never invited me to parties as I’m not friends with his. Anyway he got really drunk and told this girl that she was his guardian angel for looking after him (something he called me), told her he loved her about twenty times and asked her to sleep next to him at night time, so when all the people slept in the living room he did too just with her on the floor and they lay together hugging all night sharing his quilt, during this he definitely kissed her on the hand (apparently in a jokey way) and possibly on the cheek – he denies this however. The next day that moring they sat together and he gave her about five hugs and their friends later commented that he was “all over her and blatantly liked her”. However he did not break up nor tell me anything about this. I still didn’t even know she existed. She never told him she liked him just made it obvious. A week after this night she said they should meet up more cause they were good friends, so they went round to each others houses about once a week for the following three months. He always told me he had seen her once he got back so then I knew she existed. Then after a month of them meeting up he received a text message from her in my presense which was very flirty. He got all nervous and quiet around me because I read it with him. I was very suspicious of them but never said anything cause of my lack of proof but eventually I found out that they had slept next to each other (not through him) and told him I knew and was upset. He then broke off all contact with her and said that the reason why he did everything and sent messages to each other that were more than friends was because it made him feel good like an ego boost but she didn’t mean anything and they were just friends. I accepted what he said though unsure what to believe because he got really defensive and made me feel stupid and so I said no more and thought I would be happy now they had broken contact. I thought it would end there but it didn’t. The whole thing ate away at me like a cancer and eventually I broke up with him and told him how I felt. We kept getting back together though on and off. For the past six months we have behaved like an item but in fact have not been. Sometimes the pain gets too much for me and I have arguments with him where I throw petty digs at him. A couple of months back when we stopped talking I kissed a couple of guys and told him but he says he forgives me and wants me back still. He never kissed that girl; I hacked into her journal to find out everything that had been going on, he had told me many lies and I had only just found out the whole truth a couple of months ago from the journal. They never actually did anything more than friends, they just slept next to each other. I don’t know why I can’t handle it because now it was all a year ago now but it still tears me up and I can’t believe he loves me or cares about me. For the past couple of months we have only had three arguments but then two nights ago I got drunk and started another one with him. Now he’s barely talking to me and keeps making me cry and is really rude to me. He says he can only take so much abuse from me – cause of how rude I am when we have these arguments and that I’m as bad as him practically because I’ve kissed a bunch of people and more and he’s never kissed anyone while he’s been with me. He and the girl’s friendship lasted 3monts before I stopped it but now I’ve been punishing him for it for over half a year. I just don’t know how to cope and I would like to be back with him but its impossible cause I just don’t forgive him for treating me so badly. Should I try and stop talking to him and finish it for good or... I don’t know try therapy to help me cope and forget it and then hopefully be able to be with him or what? Please offer any advice, I really need it and I’m sorry this was so long. Thank you.

Don't beat yourself up for not feeling the way you do now back then. You can't control your feelings and I don't understand why Dave was so rude to you when he said the "whatever". I don't think that was on at all. I don't have any profound insight to your problem but I believe that your friendship has probably changed now. Perhaps Dave has a fear of rejection from you since you rejected him before. I guess you just have to bide your time and see what happenes; whether Dave admits feelings for you; youe feelings go back to the way they were; or you lose or gain back your friendship with him.

I think it sounds like rape. You told him you didn't want to so before he did this he should have asked you again to check if you wanted to now not just go ahead and have sex with you anyway. This was a form of rape, it may not be violent but you did not consent it.

There really is no time limit. You cannot pick and choose who you fall in love with nor when you fall in love with them. Do not worry.

She might be scared of losing what you have now. Relationships can change friendships and despite the fact that you went out before she may still be scared. Give her some time and try not to worry and if she decides she just wants to remain friends, try not to feel discouraged and do remain friends as she may always change her mind in the future.

Maybe you shouldn't have continued to meet up with her despite being friends as this probably would lead your girlfriend to believe you liked her as more. Why did you sleep next to her if you didn't fancy her? It's very hard, once trust has been broken, to regain it again, but this isn't to say it can't be done. I don't think you can prove you're trustworthy, you both have to rebuild the relationship. Have a serious talk and then start again. It's good you are making the effort to sort things, but you do need to reassure her about everything so it's all clear. Losing trust in a relationship can be likened to breaking a mirror - you can stick it back together but you will always see the cracks. One day you might not notice them anymore however you might never stop seeing them.

You can also take comfort in the fact that there are alot of other people like you who find things like this difficult. The first kiss will seem the hardest but once you have kissed her once you will want to kiss her again and again and it will come so naturally to you.

Dark features always attract me.