imagi

Most people have some sort of trigger that is their thing that started them cutting and keeps them cutting. I know with me, my mom's family is a really bad situation for me to be in, and it was what was intitially enough stress for me to want to start cutting. Your situation makes perfect sense, and I think it's awesome that you're able to see where your pattern is and who your pattern is with. Therapy sounds like a good idea, but also learning to stand up for yourself with your mother is something that seems inevitable. You have to be able to say mom, I'm growing up, you can't do this to me at some point otherwise that trigger will stay there even with the best of counsellors. Cheers, Miranda

Hey I hope you find someone else to talk to. It's usually really helpful. I know that I use cutting as a way of dealing with my feelings. I used to joke that it was easier to cut because I didn't need anyone else.. I could work through rage/frustration/sadness/happiness.. everything by myself because I had the ultimate release. Go you for recognizing it though =). Be safe. Miranda

Letting her know that you are there for her might be enough right now. Sometimes saying this is over rated. I don't know anything about your girlfriend, but last year my best friend died suddenly. My boyfriend didn't handle the situation very well, and was trying way too hard to force conversation. I remember that all I really needed was for someone to be there with me so that I knew I wasn't alone. At the time talking wasn't a good thing.. I just.. needed someone to be around me. He finally clued in within a couple of days, and the only thing that really stuck out for me was that he ended up ditching class to make sure I was okay.. and he brought me a flower. Sorry, off topic. My advice would be just.. to make sure that whatever you do is in tune with the cues that she's giving you. If she wants to talk.. she'll give you direction about where to take the conversation. She'll know what she can talk about and can't right now.

There are a lot of people who suffer from a low sex-drive. Be supportive, and ask her if she'd feel comfortable talking to someone about the possibility of that being the problem. If you seem frustrated by your lack of sex she'll feel threatened and not supported. Low sex drive can be caused by practically anything. Maybe it's something simple like the introduction of a medication or something. I hope you guys can fix this though, 2 months is a long time especially when you have someone you really care about!

I've heard a lot of people say that "15 is the magic number" when it comes to people losing their virginity. I know a lot of girls (and guys) when that was the time that they lost it. Similarly, I know a lot of people who were mature enough or stuck to their morals enough that they waited until they were much much older because they weren't ready. I agree with goddess that 15 is that year where you make or break your personality and find out who you are. For a lot of people, developing sexually is a big part of that. I think the perception is that at that age all guys think like that, and if they aren't having sex then something is wrong with them. Kudos to you for waiting and wanting to wait, it's a very mature thing to do. Are guys easy? Not most of them. Do people expect them to be? Yeah, probably.

I find body art of all forms really attractive on males and females. It's another form of expression. tongue rings and tattoos are especially appealing to me. I think it tells a lot about your personality and it gives people a chance to make their skin their own. In the end I find it very sexy.. more so tattoos but I feel the same about piercings (as long as you aren't piercing or tattooing every square inch of your body because I find that excessive).

He sounds interested in you. And you guys are friends, so he probably wouldn't do anything to jeporadize that. You might want to just take things slowly at first because that might be part of what's holding him back. But, because you are friends it wouldn't surprise me if he has changed his mind. I'm sorry if this doesn't make a lot of sense. Good luck though!

Music means everything to me. I can honestly say that. So, I can understand how a conflicting musical taste might be a serious problem for some people. Music envelopes all aspects of my life. I look to it for comfort and inspiration in everything that I do. If someone couldn't relate to this very important aspect of my life and really couldn't compromise with me about music.. it might be problematic. And ontop of that, I have a very diverse taste in music and will listen to practically anything that's good. So for me to imagine there being someone who wouldn't like the same type of music as me is hard, but I can still imagine if it were a HUGE problem it has the potential to end the relationship.

That's really awesome that you're become more open about it, and no I agree.. people don't react well to it when they don't know you or know your situation.

I know what being 14 and suicidal feels like. People tell you that it passes but they never tell you how it passes. They never tell you where to find meaning and they never tell you how they got through it. I don't want to sound like the people that told me that (because I really hated it), but there has to be something that you like doing in your life. If there isn't anything in your life find something. Whether it be writing or a sport or walking outside under the stars. Find something small and build on it. I know that sounds corny, but there has to be something for you.. even if it is just you. Don't ever think that everyone will get over it if you killed yourself. I know a lot of people think that the people that care about them will get over it really quickly because they 'don't care'. My best friend committed suicide a year and a half ago, and I'm not okay. People aren't okay when someone as young as you dies. Someone in your life cares about you, and if they don't you've got people on this post who now do care if you die. If you want to talk messege me. Keep yourself around, it'll be worth it in the end. I promise.

I think you should sit down with him and be very clear about what you posted here.. you have no intention of cheating, you like your job, you like that you can contribute to the household and you like being able to support yourself. It sounds like it was his idea that you got the job in the first place. You might want to bring that into any conversation that you have with him about this because it was obviously important to him that you got a job to start with. Be gentle but firm with him. What if he lost his job? You having a job would be important then. And it does make you happy. Jealousy is a weird thing. You may need to sit with him and force him to talk and answer questions until you can get to the root of the problem and have him express it outloud. Cheers, Miranda

It's good that you've found a psychiatrist who knows and you feel comfortable talking about your family history with. That's probably the best thing to keep doing for the time being. I was sexually abused by a female who I was close with when I was young too. It doesn't mean that makes you a lesbian. I know for me that it made me question my sexuality ALOT over the years, but it doesn't form sexuality. Don't worry about that. As long as you're comfortable with your sexuality, then you'll be okay. This is something that your therapist would be good to talk to about. I don't even know what to say about your history with your step-sister. I can't even imagine going through that, and I congratulate you on your strength to be here today. That's a lot to go through as a child. I hope that being able to talk about it with your therapist and being comfortable enough to work through your memories and feelings with your best friend will be helpful to you. Miranda

Haha. I like the chocolate bars. I hope that's not offensive for me to put haha I just found it really.. amusing in a good way. I'm sure the chocolate puts some endorphins into the system too. I'm going to try to not go off on a rant here. I think that alot of the problem that people face is not being able to open up and not being able to deal with admitting that they're cutting. So, kudos to you for being able to admit it. It's a big step to do that alone. But, there's so much shame and negativitiy attached to self-injury, that it becomes even more shameful to be doing it. I don't mean negativity in that it's harmful to you and those you care about because that's obvious, but people twist it around so that it becomes something completely morbid. If your friends are willing to listen and are wanting to ask questions that's a good sign. It probably means that they'll be able to deal with whatever you can tell them, so to stick to what I think you orginally posted.. tell them what YOU feel comfortable with telling them. If they don't cut, they probably need to hear things in doses or they might get scared/not understand. If you have people who are willing to listen to what you have to say though, and are caring and responsive to you, then give them a chance, but feel comfortable with what are saying. Kudos again, Miranda

If you have darker features, look into darker frames. If you don't have darker features as a general rule of thumb stay away from them. Darker frames are good for wardrobe choices too because (and not that glasses really clash with clothing) they fit more into the sophisticated look. Shorts are a casual thing. Dark jeans are good (as mentioned above). If you really have money to invest into a new wardrobe, you might get a pair of loose cut jeans for more casual events. I agree about buying tighter cut jeans but not tapered jeans or jeans that could be mistaken as tapered after a couple of washes. They look terrible. Jeans don't look as formal or whatever as khaki's ever. Mix up your clothing selection though. Black is always a good colour to buy when you are looking into pants. Polo shirts are very in. Buy several colours. I hate seeing guys that have ten million shirts but they are 2 different colours. If you're looking into buy shirts that are collared with cuffs, ensure that you buy some t shirts to put under then so that you can button down when its casual. Funking up your look is always good when its not business. Roll the sleeves up a wee bit and unbutton a button or two (t shirt permitting). Stripes and solids always look good on guys. Don't buy too too flashy of prints unless you feel confident in wearing them. Blazers always look good with glasses, as long as you can wear them and feel comfortable in them. They have really become a way of spicy up your wardrobe and being semi-formal at the same time. I also agree with the belts, but make sure that you find a belt that isn't too too flashy and that you can wear with multiple things. If in doubt, keep everything very very simple. My best friend is literally in a program called "Fashion design/communication" I hear a lot abou this. Cheers, Miranda

My best friend and I are very .. different. She went through this when we were in highschool. I know it really bothered her when people spread rumours about her or were rude to her face because of how many people she had slept with. It was hard for her, but I think she looks back now and doesn't actually regret any of it. It's something that she NEEDED to do with her life. If you ask her, she regrets some of the things that were said or done, but she really doesn't regret that phase of her life at all. It is a double standard. When a guy does it it's cool. If a guy says its a phase he needed to go through, and he had to proverbially sow his wild oats people pat him on the back. When a girl claims the same she's branded as bad and treated with disrespect. I think I've gotten off topic. Miranda

In Ontario I know the law is that if they are under 16, there parents have the final decision on duration of stay. However, if a therapist/ anyone in that position feels that they are a SEVERE threat to themselves or others they have the right to use involuntary committment. I thought that the first term of committment was over night and then 72 hours and then a week and then 2 and then a month etc etc. I think the only way that they could legally use that length of stay is if the person's guardian agreed to it, it's a severe threat, there is no guardian (and they are under 16 or deemed unable to make their own decisions), or they've committed a crime and are deemed unfit for trial. If your friend's therapist thinks that involuntary admission would benefit your friend the most, they might inact one of these terms in order to help your friend. It might be that they think it's the best way to help them. I'm a bit of a psychology nerd and took a class that talked about this. The laws are pretty similar throughout the provinces, but they do change some from place to place. Miranda

I have a lot of friends that have either been addicted to heroine or coke or who cut (as well as myself). I think the one thing I've learned from observing us is that addictions don't care what type of emotion. It's the intensity. The strength of the emotion is where it kicks in. My other theory is that when you're REALLY REALLY happy, something clicks in your unconscious which puts you into that state where you need to cut because there's a fear that it's all going to go 180 and start sucking again. You sound like you really want to stop though; that's what matters. Miranda

My boyfriend and I were together for four years. He was with me through the worst bought of cutting that I've had, and he stayed with me through the best bought that I've had. We had a rocky relationship together though, and whenever it seemed like it would be over.. I needed to cut more than ever. I don't really remember what switched inside of me to make me start finding non boyfriend related ways of coping with things so that when we would fight I wouldn't want to as badly, but I thought that I would let you know that it happened. People have an enourmous amount of potential to be stronger than they've ever imagined. I know that sounds corny, but it helps me when I'm low to remember that. You sound like you're at one of those moments in your life though, where you're at a crossroads. Getting into university is insanely more stressful than anyone ever imagines. I can relate. I guess the best thing to do is for you to find something that makes you happy and lets you relax. For me it was writing, and it's slowly morphed into writing/meditiating to calm me down. Try something zany that you'd never imagine doing for the relax factor. If you do, it'll be easier (not for certain) to calm yourself down the next time and the next time and the next time. Messege me if you want. And congratulations on stopping in December =)

Your poem is really beautiful and very true. I think you'll think about it everyday for the rest of your life even on the best of days, but five months is amazing. Congratulations

I agree about finding someone or something that you can run to when the urge hits you. Find someone, even if it's online.. just someone who will listen and talk you down when it hits you. Turning inward is the worst thing that you can do in that position. Create a ritual that you do when it gets bad. Anything. It can be simple like taking the time to do something completely off the wall or something you would never do like.. colouring a picture or meditating until it passes. At least until you can get into see someone who has professional expertise. If you want to talk, you can messege me. Be strong even if you think you can't. I know that sounds corny, but it's down there in you somewhere.. it's just a matter of finding it.