So, I don't really SI like I used to. I used to cut everyday almost for a year. occasionally, before that and for the past 5 months I haven't cut at all... That's not to say I haven't thought about it, because I do pretty much everyday.
How I stop myself from cutting is by writing. Sometimes I write just random thoughts and sometimes poems. I find that ficusing on SI'ing without actually doing it causes the same emotions I would experience had I cut, so it's an alternative, maybe not a good one, but it's better than cutting, tho I do miss it. Here's a poem I wrote that I'm sure everyone can take to heart:
Enemy Am I
Throw them away
These feelings I keep.
Tears no more
Shall I weep.
Rivers no more
Shall I flow.
I'm trapped in here,
Inside my head.
Spinning 'round
Pain to be bled.
My sadness lingers,
And my love lets fade.
Void of feelings
Am I now.
Sick of patience,
Awaiting deliverance.
Horrid are visions
In my mirror.
My scrapes and cuts
Prove the horror.
Self-inflicted,
Motives unknown.
The enemy am I,
And I am alone.
--------------------
I know none of us are truly alone, but you know, sometimes you can be in a room FULL of loved ones and still feel so completely alone. It's like when people you love don't know you SI, you feel like you're lying to them so it's like you put this big space between you and them so they can't find out, and so, they're there, but you're still so alone... don't we all know it...
~Ren
