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lgirl

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Everything posted by lgirl

  1. lgirl
    i think your 'logic' is mangled to say the least! lol. your lying hasn't resolved anything - except to give her regrets. now she will look back and regret her involvement with you. there can be no peace of mind (as i know from experience) when you end up thinking that yr ex is not the man you thought he was - it really messes with yr head, makes it worse in a lot of ways. and destroys all the good memories... i'm sorry, but regardless of the situation, what kind of person lies like you did? was it just to take the easiest (laziest) way out? it reflects badly on you. the fact that she lied as well doesn't excuse it. two wrongs don't make a right. nope, but it says everything about you. makes you look shady - clearly you gave her reason to be suspicious about you already. the fact that you lied (even to have come up with the idea in the first place) suggests you are not being totally honest about the situation. there is a chance that she only agreed with the 'lies' you told her to avoid losing face. think about it: an ex tells you all bad this stuff about themselves, maybe she didn't want to look stupid in front of you, like she didn't know already, out of pride. it's quite possible she was lying to you about always having thought those things about you. she could just be putting a brave face on it, but feeling so disappointed inside... either way, it was a dumb thing to do on your part - so you won't be doing that again in a hurry will ya? PS what concern is it of yours whether she feels guilty or not?
  2. lgirl
    that was very misguided of you. your lying won't help your exgf to move on b/c now she will be doubting herself, wondering how she let herself get taken in by such a "nasty guy". are you that lazy and selfish you can't tell someone the truth? she was good enough to sleep with - doesn't she deserve your honesty? lying is never a good idea (as you will probably find out now).
  3. lgirl
    THANK YOU mystik for your words of encouragement!! it really helps to read yr perspective on my situation. haha, revenge - i have contributed to a lot of those posts!! those are exactly my sentiments, tho i have been discouraged recently by people saying karma doesn't exist and that stuff like this is never fair, so get over it but i hope that everyone around him now is a liar and a cheat; that anyone he gets involved with cheats on him or lets him down big time. i hope that's what happens, but i'll never know it's knowing that would free me. it feels like he got off scot-free in all this; i'm left paying the price, clearing up the toxic mess he left me with. that can't be right, can it? about getting into a new r/shp - i NEED one to distract me, blot out any thoughts of the ex. really need that attention from someone - someone to give me back my faith in love, in people... but i feel too messed up like i said and i really fear i will never be close to a man again and even if i could be it will take time (it took me so long to find my ex!), so at the rate i'm going, i will be at least 40. (i am 38 this Sat) nothing wrong in being 40, except i thought i'd be settled by then, maybe with a kid and now it's all gone pear-shaped. don't know what i want and have horrible fear of winding up with nothing... i can't tell you HOW MUCH i regret getting involved with him. it has put me off r/shps for life
  4. lgirl
    very sorry to hear yr ex sexually abused you (have you reported him?). don't allow his abuse to push you into a cycle of further abuse by degrading yourself and yr body and allowing men to abuse you even more for a few paltry $$s. which area of work are you trying to get into? (you say you've been trying for a year - is there any job training you could do? part-time courses?). sometimes doing work experience (ie working for nothing for a few weeks to pick up the skills you need) can be a way in. in the meantime, can't you get a waitressing job to keep the wolves from the door? or sell your car? what about your family?
  5. lgirl
    it's VERY odd behaviour and you are right to be suspicious. getting chocolates for an old lady is one thing, but why are they heart-shaped? that doesn't sound appropriate. and perfume for an elderly lady?????? i don't think so. you need to go with him or find a way to meet her b/c this sounds very shady.
  6. lgirl
    were you sexually abused? normally women who can tolerate such degrading, debasing work in the sex industry have been emotionally and sexually abused as children. sorry to hear you feel so scarred by yr ex that you'd even comtemplate this you might clear your debts, but the price you'll end up paying will be considerably higher. there are alternatives.
  7. lgirl
    thanks mystik, it's funny you say i have hope in my future when that's exactly what i feel i'm missing!! i wish i did have some hope, then i'd feel so much better about things. i'm only 'soldiering' on b/c i'm not ready to commit suicide - i have to try this first. if this NY 'project' doesn't work out, then who knows... this isn't what i wanted or where i want to be at this stage in my life; it feels like it all went wrong and i missed the boat and now i'm scrabbling to find something, stem the wound; i hate feeling the way i do and i feel like this pretty much every day; have been for the last 11months... i feel my spirit has been crushed and yes, i'm trying to move forwards but only b/c there is no other way to go - it's try this or kill myself - not what i call a positive attitude. i can't go back and change things, so i have to try this, all the while fighting off depression and trying to move on with no closure (i still don't know why he destroyed things). yes, i am doing it to avenge myself in a way; show that i got back up after his emotional battering; i want to make him look a fool for having let me slip thru his fingers so casually, but i have no way of knowing if he'll ever know if i succeeded, so it's a very empty, unsure feeling i have. this is not where i want to be right now; he wasted 2 years of my life or rather I wasted 2yrs of my life on him, a loser! even though i recognise that in a perverse way this could be the making of me, i resent i am having to go thru so much pain to reach my 'destiny'... it's not that the r/shp ended, it's HOW and WHAT he did that was so damaging for me i don't think i'll ever get over his cruelty, even tho' i'm sure i'll be over him in time, b/c i will always bear the scar - he scarred me for life and the best i can hope for is that i feel less bruised than now. but i won't trust anyone like that again. i wish i could do the same b/c that would really be good for me; wished it had happened already, but the reality is i'm too messed up now... sorry for sounding so negative. i keep trying to focus on the 'positives' (like in my work; things that i'm making happen), but i can't seem to shake these feelings. i think if i knew he was paying for what he did, i would feel a ton better!!
  8. lgirl
    Juha, thanks for your kind words of support. the thing is i started out from a point of not trusting and hoped that thru my r/shp with my ex that i would learn to trust more and i thought i was (his love encouraged me to open up); it felt so right with him my barriers started to come down - only for him to abuse that trust in the most callous way. now i feel as tho' i'm back to not trusting, keeping the defences up, which i realised a while back isn't a good place to be. i feel so much more wary than i was before and it saddens me greatly to now think i will always hold back, never get attached again - r/shps without meaning, without true feelings just depresses me, but i can't take that risk again. the saddest thing no one's worth it. i have lost a lot of hope in ever having a loving, healthy r/shp anyhoo, it's good to know i'm not the only one - thank you! at least you're having a good time while you get thru it guess i'm still terribly bruised...
  9. lgirl
    it's good you can see how superficial and immature he is (hair gel for valentine's? is he latent gay do ya think? lol) and that he's not for you. you've definitely dealt with it better than i would. i agree we can learn from our mistakes, but i feel i didn't need to learn the lessons i have learned so bitterly; i don't see why it had to be through such painful circumstances and yes i have learned stuff, but it has left me feeling damaged with issues i never had before - surely that's not how it's supposed to work? as for future r/shps i feel way too messed up to even contemplate one, yet that's precisely the distraction i need like i said before i dread it; i can't shake what a bitter experience this has been and i definitely got burned. think i 've developed an aversion to r/shps now! so as far as i'm concerned, screw learning from your mistakes - look where it's left me emotionally! i just want to feel better as opposed to bitter, ya know? it's good you can see yr ex as decent, the good impression i had of my ex when we were together (i even used to feel he inspired me to be a better perosn, can you believe it??!!) has been completely destroyed. i see him now in the most negative way - a callous loser, a real s*** i got him sooo wrong.; anything 'decent' has been tarnished by his inexcusable behaviour at the end... PS no i don't take anything and i'm not seeing anyone for the depression. just trying to soldier through it. i'm not pro-meds and i am sceptical about the benefits of therapy. trying to fnd my own way out of this and so frustrated i'm still not over it. am hoping the NY trip will be a big enough distraction to keep me occupied; i have to do it even tho' it's not easy and i have all kinds of conflicting thoughts about it (+ fear of the unknown etc) b/c then he really will have robbed me. (BTW it's May-July i'm going) i guess it's slowly but surely... 2 months ago i couldn't see a future. now i'm taking steps to get one. just have to get past this 'anniversary' and hopefully i'll be on my way (can't take much more of this to be honest)!
  10. lgirl
    temujin, cause and effect: exes who act like an a$$hole, thereforeeee their actions (cruelty, unkindness) will come back on them - if you put negativity out there, you will get it back. that's what karma means - you do someone wrong and wrong will be done to you at some point; do something good and good happens. if you hit someone, sooner or later someone's going to hit you. i'm putting this simply, but that's the net effect. cruelty never goes unpunished by the universe, you should know that. PS if it was so easy to move on, this forum would be empty. why does it bother us that we want our exes to suffer/pay the price for what they did? b/c they did wrong and they hurt us when they could have avoided it (ie cheating, lying) - in my exbf's case he was unspeakably cruel and he will pay for that - his karma, the consequences of his behaviour will come back to him (he has lost me for one). that is cause and effect.
  11. lgirl
    NJRon - thank you for saying that - i hope so!!! i really need the NY thing to work out for me, tho' i'm trying to look at that just getting there even if it's for a coupla months is an achievement in itself - one that i didn't think i had any hope of realising, even just 2 months ago i couldn't see a way forward... Dako - yes, i AM angry - my ex has more than incurred my wrath for what he did to me and i will never forgive him. i hope he rots in hell!! haha. as a guy you have nothing to afraid of unless you're the kind of a$$hole that lies and cheats and i don't think you are as for trust, i'm done with all that - look where it got me! hey mystik, your ex sounds immature to the hilt and a real loser - that was a really crappy, selfish thing to do to you. how come you don't see it as cheating on you? emotionally and physically - that's tough. you ARE better off without an idiot like that!! that's how i feel - i can handle the fact the r/shp ended, what i can't get over is his cruelty. all he had to do was talk to me, yet he betrayed me in so many ways. took something that was healthy and clean and special and dragged it down to gutter level, ran to others with our 'gripes' (god knows what he said - i was criminally misrepresented), people who have their own agendas and were jealous of his r/shp with me, and he let them help him destroy it publicly. they knew it was over before i did. then to cap it all he betrayed me with a woman he had previously told me a whole year earlier that i would laugh at if i ever saw her b/c she's so fat. he told me how seeing her with her on-off bf (his friend!) cracked him up b/c she can hardly walk she's so big!! even tho' he said it was a mistake getting with her, he muddied the waters further by still going round to hers as a friend (to avoid being at home with his jehovah's witness mother going on at him to get a job), but letting everyone else think differently - she was desperate to get with him (depserate to have any man really)... i could go on, but you get the picture. so that + the fact i can't believe how wrong i got him have left me so bruised. it has been a LONG road to get to the part i'm at now - ie trying to get myself to NY - and i have felt incredibly damaged by the whole experience. i'm still struggling with depression and now i face the 'anniversary' of it all going sour + the bust-up. i am hoping that once i get past march-april, i will finally be on my way to putting this painful experience behind me. i still can't accept how one person could bring me so low and that i made such a huge msitake
  12. lgirl
    hey mystik, hahahahaha, i WISH you would kick his * * * * *!! thank you so much for saying that!! i know exactly how you feel - i think we pretty much feel the same (oh twins!! lol) and it saddens me greatly that this is now my perspective - ie any hope or optimism has been wiped (i am usually a romantic-idealistic kinda gal - but look where it got me!). i am only now just managing to keep the resulting depression it caused at bay, but it is touch and go (and a few months ago i felt suicidal b/c it all looked so bleak). i too look at couples now and notice the small signs that will some day result in them breaking up - it's like, yeah, they might be in a r/shp but see how she's more in to him or vice versa; i really check the body language these days - even today at lunch noticed a couple and she was holding his arm and all i could register was he's not that into her or he'd be holding her hand, making more effort... it never occurred to me before - i'd just assume they were in a r/shp and would wonder how they found each other etc. what a joke, eh? hahaha, yes i would be scared and mad at myself, but i think i'd have to. i can't tell you how much i DREAD having feelings for another guy or hearing him tell me how in love with me he is. i think i will have to break the habit of a lifetime and NOT let sentiment blind me (as it did with my ex), not worry about someone else's feelings as i've always done to my own detriment. put mine first for once!! of course, now i have issues about infidelity which i never had before, so i feel screwed on the r/shp front. i think if any guy ever approaches the cruelty my ex showed me, i think i'll end up killing him (for real!). the bottom line is i will never let anyone hurt me like that again - it's not worth it and i refuse to pay such a high price again. wish i knew what the answer was. right now i'm trying to focus on my plans to move to NY (where the a$$hole lives, tho' i'll be avoiding his neighbourhood) from London - if i can do that and experience some success (actually just getting over there even if it's for a few months) will be my revenge; making a success of my life will be the best revenge i have finally realised, tho' i am still tempted to get revenge in negative ways, but i am trying not to sink to that level (the tempation is great tho'! lol). almost one year on and it's me who's in the stronger position - he still hasn't got a job i hear and there i was working myself into the ground doing 2 jobs at one point last yr, but that's how i made the $$ to get over to NY this may (fingers crossed!). it is very scary for me b/c i'm now doing it on my own (i was supposed to marry the ex and move to brooklyn) and now i don't know anyone there... but i have to at least try or he will have robbed me of that dream too and it was a dream i had long before i met him. so what's the deal with yr ex - he sounds like a s*** as well?
  13. lgirl
    hey mystik, although i said i won't ever be frightened of losing someone again, what i mean is is that i will never care again about anyone so deeply or invest in them to be frightened of losing them; i won't allow myself to get attached again. and if i do get involved and it ends i won't cry or ask for a 2nd chance as i did with my exbf. i don't see the point of getting involved anymore - why put yrself thru all that, investing in a person, getting close - for what? nothing lasts and i'm not prepared to put myself thru all that bs again; you end up hurt one way or another. why get involved if it's not going to last? i am beginning to think r/shps are overrated and most people i've observed only seem to get involved so they don't feel lonely - what kind of reason is that? it's not love is it? i admire your attitude mystik - and i wish you the best of luck. unfortunately my experience/lesson has taught me that even the sweetest, most caring man can turn around and inflict extreme damage a little way down the line and there is no way to predict that, seeing as so many people are on their best behaviour for the first 6 months at least... and of course, just as bad is that i can no longer trust myself so there's no way i want to feel 'this is so right' again - think if i ever do i'll have to end it immediately b/c i now have such bad associations with those feelings. why do you have to hate the world around you just b/c there's no love in your life? i might be disenchanted and bruised by love, but i don't hate the world around me - just my a$$hole ex!! LOL.
  14. lgirl
    sadly, the bad times seem to last longer than the good
  15. lgirl
    mystik i guess that's where we differ. my experience has left me feeling too damaged to contemplate having a r/shp. i don't think it's worth the risk. i can no longer trust myself - how could i have got it sooooo wrong? like you, it felt so right - i'd never experienced that before. but i not only got it wrong, but i paid the cruellest price for that mistake. yes, i've learned from it - but it has been too high a price for what it was and if i could go back now i would NEVER have got involved. i truly regret it. but i am not going to make that mistake again, i will never trust a person like that again or let them in like that (i had trust issues before him, but thought i was finally on safe ground. sheesh!) and i will never be frightened of losing someone again. no one's worth it. maybe love will find me again, though the thought makes me sick now, but i will never give it the same importance or take it seriously. nothing lasts - not even good times and certainly not love...whatever that is.
  16. lgirl
    mystik, i know exactly how you feel. i wasn't the marrying kind until i met my exbf; used to think what will be will be etc. cut to the vicious way he treated me last year when he smashed up our r/shp (it wasn't a break-up, he destroyed it all) and i can't ever imagine trustng any guy again -i can't even trust myself b/c look how wrong i got it i now DREAD being close to a guy again and i am terrified of having any feelings/getting attached, yet i know i can't live my whole life alone like this, but i have lost all faith in others... sorry i don't have any answers for you, just to tell you you're not the only one
  17. lgirl
    Diggity Dave i know exactly how you feel - at one point i felt so sick from it, it was making me ill, i don't understand why i'm still thinking about my ex (it's less in the mornings now, but every night when i'm in bed either i dream about him or remember stuff or my brain just gets replays it all) after all this time... i have done all that feeling the pain stuff and i still haven't got a clue how you let it go - how is it we don't want to feel this way yet we do? if i could take a magic pill and forget it all i would! at one point i wanted a lobotomy to erase all memories thoughts of my ex. so i don't know how all that works b/c this is sticking to me like mud on a pig. i'm sorry i don't know what the answer is. the only thing i can tell you from my experience is that it doesn't go away all in one go (i wish!), but it does seem to fade a bit and the moments in between thinking about them get longer. but it does seem a cruel twist that just as you think you've made a step forward you end up going back 2 steps hang in there - nothing lasts forever, so hopefully this won't too
  18. lgirl
    something to bear in miind: in Europe, (especially Italy + France), American girls have a reputation for being super-easy (yes, really! only english women have a worse reputation!! hahaha). just remember that and don't be in too much of a rush to get close to him. the french are very charming and will flirt with any and every woman, so get to know him first
  19. lgirl
    but do you speak the language of love? LOL, hahaha just let it unfold naturally. of course, you could always try learning French (get him to teach you)!!
  20. lgirl
    if you keep focusing on your looks, how will anyone know who the 'real' you is?
  21. lgirl
    if ya say so boys. now THAT is the last word from me!! heheheheheheheh, touché away all ya like!
  22. lgirl
    think that was you NJRon
  23. lgirl
    wow, someone really wants to get the last word in, hahahahaha. just tried to be lighthearted with you, but you are sooo defensive. (ever heard the expression, don't give advice until you're asked?)
  24. lgirl
    try thinking of him as a person and not a "foreigner" might help. a man is a man is a man - regardless of his country of origin. the signs are all the same
  25. lgirl
    ya win some, ya lose some such is life - like i said don't take it personally
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