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lgirl

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Everything posted by lgirl

  1. lgirl
    okay, good for you. but it sounds like he's got plenty of red flags which you're ignoring b/c you sound so impressed by his involvement with the music business (nothing to be proud of - it's a sordid industry when you're inside it). well, good luck is all i'll say!
  2. lgirl
    "Very into his mum,a mummies boy very into his family (nieces etc), spoke of his relationships and he came accross like hes always been 'the nice guy" that's what my ex was like AT THE START!! there is no such thing as Mr Nice guy - it usually masks a dark side and is mainly an act b/c the person 'swallows' all their true feelings to come accross as nice. my ex gave me to believe that he was always the nice guy in r/shps, always got treated badly, came off worse, friends & family and exes always taking advantage of him etc, but guess what? it turned out to be pure lies! (he was Mr Cruel Guy at the end) if i'd known the terrible price i'd pay for that false image of my ex - i thought he was THE Mr Nice Guy to beat all nice guys - i'd NEVER have got involved with him. also the mummy's boy thing is whack! again, it usually means the guy is very controlling (as i discovered) + it's not a healthy attitude to have (trust me, you don't want his mother as a 3rd partner in yr r/shp). but sadly you will only find this out when it's too late. my advice? don't go there! get yrself a man, not a boy!
  3. lgirl
    we don't forgive either - whether it's emotional or sexual, they're both unforgiveable. one-night stands are only slightly easier to forgive b/c they are ONE OFFS and with strangers... but both situations mean it's over
  4. lgirl
    i hate to say this and i don't mean to sound harsh or judgemental, but you are WAY TOO YOUNG to be tossing off a guy in the cinema - do you know how cheap you sound (especially when you say it like that)? maybe you think it's funny, but it sounds like you're not valuing yourself. to put it bluntly, if you don't know how to communicate these feelings with him, then you're not old enough to be taking things further. also, you should know that a woman's womb doesn't stop developing until she's about 17. so you have plenty of time to grow up and have sex then, otherwise you risk being more prone to getting infections. it sounds like you should be following yr guy's lead and take it slowly. he's trying to show you some respect, so why don't you try acting like you have some respect for yourself?
  5. lgirl
    monsieur, but that could be ANY day!!!! hormones do influence how we feel, but they don't CHANGE how we feel. ie the effects are only temporary. the point is if a girl isn't interested in you, her fluctuating hormone levels won't change that. also you cannot predict how a woman's going to feel: we are all different. i really think if you're relying on picking a 'good' day with this girl, then (sorry) but it sounds like you don't stand much of a chance in the 1st place. also, as i said before if she found out you were even taking this line, she would be seriously OFF YOU. you are barking up the wrong tree and making yourself sound freaky...
  6. lgirl
    okay, one final bit of advice and i mean this in the nicest way: BACK OFF from her periods. it will irritate the hell out of her if you start getting involved in them. i used to have a friend who would tell me when he thought i was getting my period b/c he became fairly adept at knowing when. this would BUG me to death whenever he said it, so if you want to put her off you, keep going on about her cycle - you will talk yourself right out of a date!! lol. let her OWN her periods herself. let her initiate conversation about them, but if i were you unless you're in a long-term r/shp with a woman, stay out of it (i'm telling you for your own good!)
  7. lgirl
    you got it! but in order for you to 'track' the 'best' time you would have to obsessively chart her periods, monitor them for a few months to see what pattern her cycle has etc, and that is plain SCARY and TOO WEIRD for any man to do, no matter how interested he is in a girl. you would scare her off BIG time if you took that approach and look like a total PSYCHO. if i were you, i'd save this info for when you're in a r/shp and can show yr understanding to yr gf. your intentions are too open to misinterpretation, which could really screw things up for you in the long term. i cannot emphasise enough how freaked out any woman would be to discover you'd been monitoring her periods. capisce?
  8. lgirl
    for your age (15), it's not uncommon to have an irregular cycle, especially when you first start them. how long ago did you start getting yr periods? it doesn't sound like anything to be worried about (in fact worrying + stress can actually delay menstruation) - but go see your doctor so he/she can put your mind at rest.
  9. lgirl
    generally speaking, 2wks before menstruation women's sex drive goes UP, UP, UP (it coincides with the body's last-ditch attempt to get pregnant that month!); one week/few days before menstruation you are just NOT interested in men, love, relationships (period! no pun intended!! lol). it's like you go off it as your womb starts breaking down its lining and bleeding starts (of course being raddled with painful water retention, swollen breasts, and your whole body generally s-l-o-w-i-n-g down + spotty outbreaks and mood swings kinda gets the majority of women out of the mood); during menstruation you feel closer to your partner and need lashings of TLC. hope that answers your question HOWEVER, it varies from woman to woman. you cannot 'get in' as you put it, depending on where a woman is in her cycle: she either likes you or she doesn't - you can't influence the outcome and any man who thinks he can get the better of a woman's menstrual cycle is a FOOL!! it's a loser's game, pal, LOL. these are hormonal changes we're talking about, not complete mind-personality changes.
  10. lgirl
    she is a guilty secret - but she is NOT your responsibility; her welfare is her responsibility and you 'enabling' her will only make her worse. it would not be 'callous' to let her do things for herself - for all you know she spins this kind of bs on every man she meets... you are embarrassed to tell your family she is a liability who will drag you down with her it is staring you in the face why you shouldn't have anything to do with her, but you feel you can't cut her off. are you sure it doesn't give you some kind of kick having power over her like this? (it IS a r/shp based on inequalities). i am just playing devil's advocate here b/c i think you need to ask yourself if you're being honest with yourself? are you sure you don't feel superior? is it a way for you to subconsciously rebel? do you find her 'danger' attractive? be honest with yourself about the REAL reasons you can't let go (is it an ego-boost for you to be with someone so less fortunate or capable?). i guess one lesson you've learned is not to rush into things so fast, huh?
  11. lgirl
    she is a guilty secret - but she is NOT your responsibility; her welfare is her responsibility and you 'enabling' her will only make her worse. you are embarrassed to tell your family she is a liability who will drag you down with her it is staring you in the face why you shouldn't have anything to do with her, but you feel you can't cut her off. are you sure it doesn't give you some kind of kick having power over her like this? (it IS a r/shp based on inequalities are you being honest with yourself? are you sure you don't feel superior? or are you sure subconsciously you're not trying to rebel?
  12. lgirl
    no, you don't sound needy, but you DO sound aggressive/angry with her. you just need to change the way you present your points (which are all valid). try and write from the heart, with some affection at least.
  13. lgirl
    the bottom line is you are incompatible + you are getting 'gut feelings' that something's not right - trust your instincts. you know the answer deep down, so don't let familiarity and force of habit confuse you into keeping her in your life. if she really intends to turn herself around, then hook up with her 6 months from now when she's in a stronger position. but it sounds unlikely. more than anything you are an open, affectionate person and you say she's not demonstrative. sounds like you need someone who can show you their affection, not leave you to guess/assume. don't settle for less than you give yourself. you can do better - and you know it.
  14. lgirl
    are you trying to increase your power or your speed? my coach sometimes gets me to wear weights on my wrists to improve my form when i do padwork (which is great - very effective!). is there a boxing gym near you? you could ask they guys there
  15. lgirl
    mystik - i swear to goodness we are twins!! lol i totally get where you're at
  16. lgirl
    FCTex - thank you for your words, but i must correct one of the things you said: i do not have any good times to look back on with my ex b/c what he did to me has tainted all the special memories i would have had, that's why i want to forget. yes, he was a great guy during the r/shp, but the way he went about destroying what we had is what did the damage, has left me feeling damaged and i can't think of any of our special moments without the poison seeping in. he killed every last happy memory by making it all seem so meaningless; there was nothing left to hold onto by the time he finished with me! so i have nothing to remember; nothing 'good' to take with me, memories to make me smile, as you say. all those good times (and we had many) have been ruined; he destroyed everything, and they now only bring me pain - which is why i don't want or need to remember them! the fact is i made a terrible mistake ever getting involved with my ex and i just want to put it behind me and FORGET. there is nothing i can take from that awful experience except the lesson that i will never trust someone like that again. yes, you're right that what i will look for in a 'significant other' (if i can ever be convinced it's worth getting close to someone again!) has been influenced by this r/shp: i want someone who doesn't lie, cheat, isn;t treacherous, weak or sleazy as my ex turned out to be. but then, he wasn't like that at the start or i wouldn't have got involved, so i don't see how this bitter experience has helped me at all. it's just made me wary as hell and left me feeling terribly bruised. i don't want it to be part of me now, even tho the memory of him feels like some nasty stain i can't get rid of no matter how hard i scrub. i resent the fact it ever happened. so thanks for your kind words - i appreciate the spirit you meant them in - but i do not want to 'live in those memories' as you suggest - the very idea makes me feel suicidal! sorry, but that's how i feel. it was a nasty, damaging, brutal experience and there's no getting past that or casting it in a 'good' light for me. no taking any 'good' from it b/c there is no good
  17. lgirl
    really inspiring post, very perceptive and encouraging comments - altho' i'm struggling with the concept of not pushing away the memories as you suggest FCTex b/c i DO want to forget! the knowledge that i am permanently scarred by the behaviour of my ex is not something i want to carry around with me. i do want to push it all away (tho' i can't) b/c it's making me sick being haunted by it; i have been so depressed b/c of it - there have been times these last few months when i've felt i would sell my soul just to have avoided ever getting involved with my ex that's how much i regret it. how do you get past it if you don't find a way to push it away? sorry, i guess i am feeling very let down by the slow progress.
  18. lgirl
    kellbell, thank you for your kind words of support. it really helps to know that others are experiencing the same (tho' obviously i wish none of us were!). i am finding it hard to accept - i don't know why. i still can't believe what happened to be honest - a part of me is still in shock (his treachery and cruelty was SUCH a shock i walked around like i had concussion for months, no exaggeration!); i still can't reconcile the person i thought i knew with the person he showed himself to be... and i can't figure out how to just drop it. i don't know how to free myself from these feelings - i truly would if i could SEE how; it's like i have no vision, can't 'see' my way forwards, if that makes sense? how does a person free themselves? how do i get rid of this anger? nothing i try seems to work. it feels like i'm going around in circles, it's driving me mad becky23 - it was good to read what you said about our exs' behaviour not being normal. i guess part of the problem (certainly for me) is that you think surely they must know they were cruel, you wonder if they regret it and how they could treat someone they loved so badly? even tho' we'll never know it leaves you with so many questions, which just makes closure harder. it really makes me hope that there is such a thing as karma! anyhooo, good to read your positive attitude - that's the spirit!
  19. lgirl
    hey girls, i am in the same boat - i can't understand why i still think about, still want to hear from my awful ex - his cruelty at the end (mr nice guy in the r/shp) totally devastated me and i can't get past his many betrayals (including infidelity at the end that he said was "a mistake") - i just can't get over that he would betray me like that. it is the 'anniversary' of all that happening one year ago today i don't get it. even understanding how and why he did what he did to me hasn't freed me. i have read all the sites on narcissism and passive-aggessives (he's text book pa!) and none of it frees me. why do i still 'miss' someone who s*** all over me then rubbed my face in it. all he ever had to do was talk to me! ii have tried to imagine what it would take for me to have treated him the same way and the only thing i can think of is that i would have to truly hate and despise him to have shown the same blatant disregard for his feelings as he showed me it makes me really worry that my self-esteem must be on the floor to even have written this post - though it's REALLY helped me to read you guys are feeling practically the same. what's the answer? (pls don't say time!)
  20. lgirl
    speak for yourself ta ree saw! lol people who have to put on an act, pretend they don't care - as advised by poco diablo - just come off as sad losers. life is too short to play games
  21. lgirl
    counting calories will make you fat b/c you become obsessed by the total calories you consume, which is unhealthy in itself. but it also makes you gain weight b/c the majority of people on calorie-controlled diets end up binge-eating. the most common cause is that they are trying to stick to a daily total that is too low - typically many women try to lose weight on 1,000 calories a day, which is not enough (a woman's daily requirement is at least 2,000, depending on height etc). when you don't eat enough, the body goes into starvation mode and holds onto any available fat. also 4-6 weeks after starting a 1,000 calorie diet you will hit a plateau and be unable to shift any more weight. the only way to lose weight will be to reduce calories again. this is how a lot of women end up starving themselves on 500 calories a day. b/c they can't naturally maintain this, many will go on to starve themselves and not eat at all. either way it causes most dieters to end up bingeing when they go just 20 calories over their self-imposed intake. also once you start to control your diet this way, you have to stay on it for the rest of your life. so my long-winded answer is basically saying that following calorie-controlled diets leads to an unhealthy r/shp with food and yr body, it more often than not leads to binge eating and can trigger bulimia. in the long term you put on more weight than you lose - just look at all those Weight Watchers 'success' stories. 2 years later, they've not only put back on the weight they lost, but in most cases end up weighing more than when they started the diet. don't bother with calories or food portions. eat healthily and well and avoid junk, processed and refined foods (+ take follow all our advice)and you will lose weight easily and naturally - and you will keep it off!
  22. lgirl
    oh, PS, sorry - assumed you were female!! calorie intake for men is 2,500-3,000 daily. you should find it easy to lose weight, just concentrate on building/improving muscle tone (muscle eats fat) to tone and lean your physique, tho bear in mind it weighs more than fat so the scales will show you're 'heavier'. (tho i recommend not bothering with scales - base weight-loss on the inches you lose overall and how your clothes fit/feel).
  23. lgirl
    the simple answer is eat less fattening foods and do more exercise! DO NOT COUNT CALORIES!!!! you will end up gaining weight in the long-run. if you can't resist being calorie-conscious, then you should be consuming at least 2,000 daily (for grown women) + take regular exercise. cut out all refined carbs, boost your protein intake + drink LOTS of water and green or nettle tea. snack on unsalted, raw nuts (not cashews!) and you will lose weight. your goal should be to re-educate yourself about food and choose a healthy eating plan you can follow for life, not some quick-fix diet that will mess up your metabolism. good luck
  24. lgirl
    the good news is that you have realised what a complete jerk he is and you are moving on, instead of feeling sucker punched and taking months to reach the same conclusion (as i have done with my ex!). well done, now you're free to live the life you want!
  25. lgirl
    excellent post Dave (apart from the christian element). forgiving ourselves seems tp be the hardest thing - it seems easier to distort things in our minds and make the ex the better person even when they have behaved appallingly. you're right, if yr ex had a problem with you, it was her problem not yours. you can't change yourself,only how you react. that really resonated with me and more. here's to the rest of your life!
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