Raspberry

I've never received a card from anyone, period. Be thankful. Still, I suppose it might be worse if you're in the USA since it seems to get a lot of exposure over there. "Down here", I am rarely given any reminder of it, except for on message boards like eNotAlone! I suppose if I watched a lot of television I might get a bit stressed. Luckily I don't.

Hell yes. Especially if men are skinny. It's very feminine to be skinny, you see, and so skinny men get quite a lot of grief about it. Like me.

That is a problem that I have: I cannot offer anything to any potential girlfriends so I am basically doomed to myself until I can make things happen. Unfortunately, I have been unable to make things happen. Unlike you, I have my licence and I do drive wherever I go, especially to university, so that is a plus. However, like you, I too have applied to quite a few places for a job these last few months without any sort of success. I am not offering you any advice but I am in a somewhat similar situation to you to show you that not everyone out there "is ahead of you in life". Anyway, I am sure that you indeed have accomplished something noteworthy in life, even if you do not see it that way. For myself, I worked my way into university, despite failing once, and now that I am in I am doing a good job of my work, so I see that as quite an accomplishment that helps keep me going. I am sure that you can think of something very noteworthy that you have accomplished in life so start doing some thinking and find what that accomplishment is. Use that to help keep you from being an "emotional wreck" and to keep you determined to work hard for that drivers' licence and keep on searching for a job. If you try and try again you should eventually succeed. Keep at it.

Exactly. That is why I think that Brahman is rightly concerned about his girlfirend's refusal to live together before the prospect of marriage. At the moment he wants to be with her for a very long time, but cannot possibly say forever because he has not explored his relationship with her fully enough to make an informed judgement. If you know what is good for you, Brahman, then you will not get married before moving in together. The warning signs are there. Not only are you not fully confident in your current relationship, which you are unlikely to solve without living together for a period to understand fully where each of you are coming from and what you expect in such an arrangement, your girlfriend does not appear to be mature enough for actual marriage. For example, one of her reasons for rejecting your well-reasoned pre-marriage living-together proposal is that of her parents not approving it. Unfortunately, if she is going to let her life be ruled by what is acceptable by her parents' standards then she clearly is not ready for marriage currently. (Take note that there is a difference between evaluating her parents' standards and then agreeing with them, which I find quite acceptable, as opposed to taking their particular niceties in order to avoid their wrath, which is not something that fills me with confidence.) She needs to find her own reasons for her choice, and that should not include a misrepresented statistic and an anecdotal generalisation.

The thing with that though is that if women are that plain in their answer then they make themselves less approachable. Catch 22.

Your contempt for (some) other people might very well be showing through. Not necessarily verbally, but in your attitude and how you treat or act towards "garbos" and "peanut-brained" people and so forth.

He wants to see you reciprocate his interest. If he does all the calling all of the time, then he will feel that you are not reciprocating his interest and will move on. He wants you to put as much into it as he puts in. The solution is simple: call him.

And especially the third guy.

I've been ingoring his calls. He hasn't called me today, but then again my cell is dead. God I hope he doesnt know where i live i never told him. Use link removed to make sure you have never put your current home address out on the internet for everyone to see, and especially look out for your address being next to your name or one of your usernames. Do the same for your cell number.

Surprise her. No need to excite her when she is already excited. Plus, if she notes this at the concert then you would have exceeded her expectations, making the whole experience reflect even better on you.

If you want my honest opinion, I don't think there is very much on or even in his mind. Much emptiness there! He does not understand the importance of time (he wouldn't work on a farm by any chance...? I'm kidding around!) and is generally ill-mannered (from ignorance, not from intent). Really, do you want to continue any future relations with someone who makes a date or meeting or whatever you want to call it and then does not turn up, leaving you stranded and confused for two hours? How do you know he will not be like this in the future? Old habits die hard. Has he apologised for making you wait for a whole two hours? Questions, questions. And next time you are going to meet up or go out with anyone, make damn well sure that there is a set and agreed time for the meet. I would never go anywhere without getting to my destination without a specific time in mind (that includes school, work, dates, anything). If I am waiting on someone else, I do not want to look a fool and spend anything more than a few minutes waiting around, wasting my time. Vice-versa, I do not want to do likewise to anyone else. Anyway, at the risk of contradicting my earlier sentiments, I say stick it out, but make sure that he knows you expect him to start making times for these sorts of things and that you expect him to be there on the dot! And that he should start taking responsibility for himself and get himself up: with an alam clock, if necessary.

That is a real possibility, but I also noticed something else, which although might be trivial, could have a slight chance of playing a part. Why didn't you call him directly, like he requested? It might have been a little "test" of some kind to gauge a level of interest. But even if it wasn't, calling him directly would have meant that he had less of a chance to forget about/ignore you.

No, men are generally more physically attracted to slimmer women because of society (or culture), and not because of some hard-coded male psyche. You only have to have one look at Lillian Russell, the most photographed woman of 1890 in America, because she weighed between 180 and 200 pounds (between 82 and 91 kilograms). Evidently, at one time, attractiveness on a general level was completely different than what it is today. And no doubt throughout the whole of human history have there been many changes in the concept of "female attractiveness" too, varying between cultures.

The notion that all men are a slave to their sex drive is ridiculous. I can tell you distinctly that he does have free will and that since you think that in your heart you can trust him, it is unlikely that he will cheat on you. You know him better than most, if not everyone, after all.

Well, in my follow-up glances I noticed no additional cuts and the cuts were faintly there, noticeable only up really close, since they were almost healed. I have no intention of mentioning it unless I see anything new back on the back of her hand, and then in a subtle way, if that. Thanks for all of your help.

I'm quite confident they are not cat scratches, although I could be wrong, so I will further describe them. They are all of the same kind, only single (i.e. none were accompanied by another one going in the same direction), there are several of them, and they go in all different sorts of directions. They are only on the back of one hand, and she had her arms exposed too, which looked fine. I've read of someone cutting in exposed areas before and not making very good attempts at hiding them, on this very site or forum I am sure, so that is why I ask. I have no intention of asking her about it, like I have already stated, although I did consider asking in a very casual way what they were after class yesterday after class, but decided not to because I felt that it was not right for me to put her on the spot. It still concerns me though, since I am on good speaking terms with her, relatively speaking. Anyway, whether she is cutting or not, it doesn't look too serious on her hand, because they are fading and looked not very recent. Thanks for your reply.

Excuse my ignorance of this cutting "phenomenon", but I have not known anyone who cuts, nor have I observed anyone who has cut in the past, so forgive me any display of my ignorance on the whole subject. The reason why I posted this topic is because I observed someone (who I usually sit with next to in one tutorial class and speak with quite well and comfortably, although we do not speak much out of class) who appeared to have what I would describe as "healing cuts" on the back of her hand. The healing cuts were on the back of her right hand, and so I take it that this might be relevant information because if she is cutting, she is doing so with her dominant left hand and I suppose it would be unusual for it to be otherwise if that was the case. Another thing I noticed about these healing cuts is that they were no ordinary scratches, because they were not consistent. They were going in all sorts of directions, some long and some short, and they all seemed to be done purposely, because there was no evidence of any sort of rogue scratching, of the kind that you would receive from going through a prickly bush. They were quite precise, but did not all look that bad, because as I said they looked like they were healing and in a very good way too. Now, I would like to know the opinion of anyone who comes accross this post as to whether she is cutting the back of her hand? This is what I want to establish. The answer might seem very obvious to some, but I am confused and would like to know. Just to clear my intentions, I am asking this question out of interest (not intending to do anything upon an affirmative or negative answer), but it does concern me a little because I find her quite an intelligent person and would hope there is some other positive explanation.

Could have sworn it said Japan on your location? Anyhow, I will dispute your claim, because I didn't think it was correct/relevant to joe45's situation at all. My empirical experience has seen that contradicted many times, particularly at my university (in Melbourne!), in two months alone. Nothing "indecent" about those "girls" (i.e. women). I find it hard that the cultural divide is so big between two cities so close. Of course, you have to take time and place as an indicator as to a woman's motivation: a night club is vastly different to the local hobby/sports club, which is where joe45 has been going to meet people. ===== Anyway, joe45, why not take a punt and try to "open doors" with people. In my experience, I have found that people have opened doors to more friendships/acquaintences by striking at conversations with people. For example, when trying to find a book in a bookshop on campus for one particular subject this year, I asked someone in the section where the history books were where the book I needed was. They just happened to be doing the same subject and he started blabbering on about the subject and the lecturers. Now I see this person now and again and say hello and chat a bit. It's not much, but doing (initating) these sorts of spontaneous conversations "a lot", like the guy above, could really increase your chances of having more friendships, male and/or/female, and who knows, maybe further?

That advice might all be very well and good, but I must point out to joe45 that if you are living somewhere like the USA, then advice relating to experience in Japanese culture is unlikely to be helpful. That also goes the other way around too.

In actual fact, we all dream every night, a few times too, and so do you. What is actually happening is that you are not remembering many of those dreams, which is perfectly normal. I have the same dream-remembering count (two to three times a year), and I'm not worried. In fact, I think it is good that I don't remember so many dreams to think about. As I understand it, dreams are said to be a way in which we deal with unresolved issues, rather than merely stories (we act out solutions in our dreams...nightmares are dreams in which we fail to conclude an issue). And as for your dreams being laced in metaphors: quite a lot of things come in metaphors in dreams, apparently, so there is nothing wrong there. (Or, as Sisterlynch said above, a dream itself is a metaphors!)

My ultimate goal for the year, to get out of my depression, will be helped by carrying out the following New Year's resolutions: - Do well in my higher education. - Get some sort of casual or part-time job. - Develop my social skills and try to mix in more with people. - Exercise more and eat well, while putting on a little more weight.

About him saying that he is gay? What is there to say, really? The fact has been established, so there is nothing more to say about it. I find it surprising that you are upset that he didn't tell you about his sexual orientation. Homosexuality is hardly overly accepted in "western" societies, so that can make it extremely hard for some people to admit and practice their homosexuality. Secondly, he might have delayed telling you because he did not know your views on homosexuality, or did not know how you would react. Sometimes, people can lose friends and family because of this, even though they thought that they "could tell them everything". The best thing you could ever do, especially for Jon, is to start talking to him again and continue your friendship with him.

Have you ever watched Seinfeld, particularly The Contest episode? In that episode, the four main characters (Jerry, George, Elaine, and Kramer) have this contest where they see who can last the longest without masturbating (or having sex). Jerry makes a certain remark in which he says that masturbation for a male is like a bodily function, like going to the toilet. I think that is very true, at least for most men that have started masturbating. I believe, Steffie, that you should not worry about the fact that your boyfriend masturbates. It is something that he has always done and is very normal, done without thinking twice, even if having any sort of sex. The pornography he consumes is merely what he uses to help him in this personal process. What I would worry about, though, is if he withdraws his sexuality with you, either fully or by a substantial amount, as a previous poster mentioned. Also, worry if your general relationship with him stops going so well and starts deteriorating. There is no need for jealously. As yet another poster mentioned, take advantage of masturbation by introducing it into your own sex lives, if you want, which could possibly add excitement to it.