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Hi, I did not read the entire thread, but I will answer you're original questions: Pretty bad. As people get older, more experience, burned, and look for something else, many (but not all by any means), are not smart. Many men (good men) are the same. I know because of experience. I've said some of the dumbest stuff around women, as well as to their face. I've done some horrible things to women (never cheated, and never considered it, but blatant disrespect). Name it - i'd have girls cry for me when I would tell them to f-off, girls who would confess how much they cared when in hindsight I did absolutely nothing to show that I did, and disrespect in the bedroom as well - I had a beauty queen I dated for a time and I would constantly fart when she was giving me a blowjob because I was too wasted and wanted to brag to buddies about it. Mind you she "loved me." Did I care if any left? Nope. Just another one around the bend, and just another one to charm. Nope, you are not paranoid. You probably actually care about her - you have feelings for her. Perhaps, as some would say, you care too much. The other guy, it's hard to say. It's highly likely that he doesn't care and she's a tally, and maybe she's interested, but maybe she's not. Do you need confidence? An overrated word. That was like the 90's. Do you need looks? It helps - and many guys get women solely on looks. If you like her, just talk to her. No confidence, bravado, or shyness. Just speak. Say something. Talk about horseshoes, or yatzee. Spaceships are cool too. Whatever. Just no serious, boring stuff like "I have this degree" or "I work here." That "intelligent" conversation stuff is lame. Have fun, and be smart! Know what you want, and determine if she seems to want to same thing as you get to know her. If not, then walk away or keep her as a friend. Do not get involved. If she goes for the other guy, let him have her. Don't step in thinking you need to save her from a jerk. Let her tend to her own wounds and mistakes by herself down the road. Or perhaps, maybe they'll get married one day. You never know. Just talk. And be smart.

So true. The same rings for law school and medical school - lawyers and doctors and mbas are a dime a dozen. If you want to harvest the opportunities in an advanced degree with employment opportunities and salaries, then top tier or bust. One of my friends at work will not go back for an mba unless he gets into a top 10 school, which, makes sense. You'll waste 2 years (if you go full time) of your life, pay lots of cash, and forego opportunity cost of not working to make maybe 10-20k more? A tier 2 mba grad friend of mine is competing for jobs that an undergad can do and make in terms of salary. Not worth it. I do not have an MBA, but I'm in the same camp as he is. I'll go, but only if it's a top school. I won't learn anything more, or anything better, but I will have a nicer marketing tool and network simply because I was accepted to a top program (which presumes, by default, that you are better). You want an MBA or any other degree? I say go for it. Absolutely. Just do not go to whatever school takes you. The time and money is not worth it. I'm not detering you, or anyone else. My point is to have you think about it long and hard before committing. I have met too many people that go into programs blindly, and many with the wrong reasons, to leave with massive debt and make less than a plumber with a few years experience. And yes, I love my job. And yes, I do want to pursue an MBA one day. I've met many top grads from MBA & JD programs at clients, and spoken with them about this, as well as grads from not so hot schools, and the bottom line is: 99% of the time you're only as good as the school you went to. Sadly, I have also met smarter people from crappy schools, but many of them wouldn't get the interview at many companies because the name is on their resume.

Remarkable post. I made a great deal of mistakes when I was in high school - countless girls, drugs, poor grades, suspensions, etc. - very poor decisions on my part. After a couple drug offenses I got "clean." I'm not some bible thumper nowadays, nor do I abstain from alcohol. However, I have learned from my many mistakes, and most importantly, watched how the decisions that many of my friends made destroy their lives - unwanted pregnancies and STD's because of sex, drug and alcohol related deaths and suicides, hurt feelings about a significant other, dropouts from school because of partying, etc. There have been exceptions, but for the most part just poor decision making. I have offered solace and advice to some friends along the way, however, people rarely accept this advice. What they are usually looking for is some sort of response to justify whatever it is they are deciding to do. With more time, I have lost my compassion for these people that make these choices. I don't think "poor you" or "that's horrible," instead I think "deal with it." But every now and then, I come accross someone who is genuinely looking for advice - and they take some of what I may have to offer and leave the rest. I don't think I am better than these people, however, I do think I make better decisions about my life (nowadays) than many I have met. Along the way I have been called gay by girls (because I did not just rail her that night), boring (I don't go out much, meaning, I don't go to bars and clubs much), and "smart" (I work hard and save my money) which is code for boring. People have also told me to live in the moment more. HA! My living in the moment almost cost me my life back in high school: facing expulsion from school, drug induced jaundice, and a felony offense at 15 that, for some reason, the judge decided to send me to an inpatient hospital rather than juvenile hall. That inpatient hospital is where I began to turn around, yes, at 15, with a felony, two misdemeanors already under my belt, jaundiced skin, multiple drug related diagnoses, and absolutely no future. It all started with some casual sex and just smoking a little weed. That's why I am "conservative" on many topics nowadays. I have been on both sides of the fence, and the grass is not greener on the other side, even if I am angry, bored, stressed, lonely, etc. on the side I am now. Always tempted, but I learned how to play the tape all the way through and realize where this will lead me if I act on it. In fact, much of it is really common sense. Life is not short, it is actually quite the opposite. Especially if you make some very poor decisions early on in life, then you better strap in for a long road ahead. Maybe I was lucky, maybe I was "saved," heck, I don't know why, ten years after facing that judge, I graduated college with honors, and went on to law school, to where I work today, but I cannot say the same for the people I have buried, people that I know with STDs (one girl that had sex just once & her first time with a random guy who was "hot"), friends who have unwanted kids or live with regrets of abortion, or those who dropped out of school. I'm far from perfect, and I still make mistakes, but my "conservative" life nowadays has brought me tons less trouble than when I was "liberal" and what I used to consider "just fun."

Hi, A lot of people tossed around culture in this thread and I believe that that is exactly what it boils down to. I was born in America, but my parents and extended family are from Europe. I have traveled quite a bit as well, and I have seen crystal clear differences between cultures. Go and visit a foreign country (like one in Europe) and you will find a set of rules for dating or seeing someone. The game playing does not happen like it does in the States. It's more the traditional courting of taking it slow, getting to know one another, etc. It progresses slowly. If you are seeing someone else at the same time, then it is not something which people compete for, but rather, utter disrespect, and not worthy of seeing them again. In the States, I see people's interest go through the roof when one party is seeing others as well. It makes them look more attractive. There are exceptions to this of course, but more so than not, that is the way it goes. I have meet people from Europe that were in long distance relationships and living on different continents. One was in Europe, and one was in the States. They had no problems with it at all, just not being able to be together sooner. I know women from Europe that are married at 21/22 years old, and have no problem finishing college, and then going on to grad school while being married. And then starting a career, and having a family whenever it is right. This is next to impossible for most people (men & women) in the States. Point of all this is, is that there are differences due to culture. Neither is right or wrong, but the culture has a set of rules which you must follow, or you're an oddball. I like the comment that someone made about an arranged marriage. Fact is, they do work if you subscribe to that culture. The majority of arranged marriages are statistically happy and do not end in a divorce. Reason being is compatability. You have the same background, upbringing, values, and beliefs which are bestowed upon you within a certain culture. You can be arranged with someone you never meet before and live out a life happily married to them because you are compatible (think/work the same way) and it fosters love. The chemistry develops over time. Speaks volumes to me. My parents dated 3 months, and are now married ~30 years. Doing it backwards, strong chemistry and hopefully compatible is a crapshoot. Great sex for a couple of weeks/months, but then... Don't want to get hurt? Then don't get physical. Date someone by getting to know them first, then later get physical. People in the States do many things backwards from most cultures: sleep together right away, then let's get to know them.

Like NJRon said, it's about progress - not perfection. Best of luck to you.

Great comment MoneyGod. Back in college I had a finance professor who would go off on tangents as this particular class was tied in with politics and social issues, not just the fundamentals, and one of his tangents tied into this - we all hop around for something better, and it is destructive more than beneficial. Many of the other professors would tell us that if something better comes along job wise then grab it, and cast the old one aside. The rational - you're smart and you deserve it after working this hard through school. Take something better which is more money, easier, less boring, etc. Of course, he elaborated on this mentality and how it spills over into other areas of our life, such as relationships with partners, as well as with friends. Everything is disposable, because you deserve the best. Well, that "you" is not only yourself but everyone sitting around you as well. I've had bosses like this as well, but when I was in high school working for some spare cash. Once you get into the "real world" and begin to work, you should keep the big picture in my mind. Some things will be mundane on a daily basis, but peoples livelihood depends on these mundane tasks. There are many jobs out there that people are not passionate about, however, people need to live and support themselves as well as families. These people also depend on you for following through. This should apply to every area of your life. It's like taking that one class in school which is required, but you hate the topic, or the professor, or the students, etc., so when you do poorly, you justify it as boring or maybe it's not even relevant to your major. Taking that mentality with you through life will not lead to much success: following through with what you began. In today's world, a college degree, a masters, a PhD, a law degree, or a degree in medicine are not considered a ticket to a great job. Decades ago yes, but nowadays no. Graduate level degrees are tickets only if they come from a school ranked in the top half of the first tier, and even then you'll need to be pulling good grades and rank. Education is important, and formal education is great, but in the end the degree is nothing more than a tool which can help you achieve what you want. Figure out what it is you want, or at least have a pretty good idea of what it is you want. I took a personal inventory of what I enjoy, dislike, & seek to help me figure things out and I believe it was a great assignment. I've had assignments in school and on the job that I did not want to do, and I worked with people that I did not want to work with as well. My solution? Change my attitude. I am not dodging bullets or bombs, starving or homeless, or being persecuted in any way or stranded in a hostile environment. A little gratitude helps me focus, and before I know it the assignment is out of the way and finsihed.

Hi, This topic reminded me of Justice Scalias interview the other day. He reaffirmed his stance on affirmitive action, among other things, and I can see both sides of the issue - I myself am not sure which side I am on. I guess I just refuse to select. I truly believe that any reverse discrimination be tossed, I don't care what gender, race, creed, religion, etc. you are. It's fallicious logic. Only accept the best. And if the best is male, or female, or white, or black, then so be it. In the same light, however, I also have a heart and with that I truly believe that many blacks and women should be helped out, even if they are not the best (I am not implying this is your situation). Society has done enough against women and blacks to set many of them so far back it's disgusting. The very least we can do is offer some form of pseudo-reperassions. I am not a feminist (just an average guy), but I do believe that the system has been set up for the white Christian male over so many centuries. Tearing down those walls will take a long time, and I don't think it will be an easy task. It's too charged of an issue. That being said, congrats on your acceptance to the PhD program. I have a couple of friends who are engineers - never quite understood how their mind works - 4 dimensional planes, circuitry, mechanics - way beyond me.

Hi, That's a tough call, and does not look good to prospective employers. What will you say when asked, "oh, you just started at XYZ?" They will likely consider that you don't know what you want. Employers hire full time for the long term. They invest a lot of money in new hires, and the return on investment takes a while to yield positive results. I've been working at my firm for a little over a year. It's a good job, pays well, great experience, but not my passion. I will wait until I have a solid 2 years of experience before I hopefully make a lateral move within the sector, just different industry. 2 years shows dedication, commitment, loyalty, etc. Could you be able to get a solid year at least? Maybe some more details of your situation would help. I've dealt with recruiting (minimally) and the one thing I found out is that employers look for consistency. You can explain gaps in resumes and inconsistencies as long as they are not extreme and well planned out when discussing them. What sort of work are you looking for?

Hi, I bumped into 2 different girls I dated within 12 hours, and, I felt pretty uncomfortable. Last night I went out because a friend was in town from school and there was a group of us that met up at a bar. This one girl I dated was there with her group, and a guy she is dating. I'm happy that she has been with this guy. Her and I were never "serious" but dated on and off. She's a good girl, just not my type (drinks too much, smokes, college dropout, etc.). Well, she kept looking over at me after I spotted her, as she was just a few tables away. I noticed that it was happening every 5 minutes or so after one of my friends kept nudging me about it. We didn't speak, or say hi to one another. But this creeped me out as it was happening all throughout the night - just blank stares. No emotion. We locked eyes a couple of times, but more of the same, just creepy blank stares. Maybe she wanted to talk? I'm not sure. We have not spoke in like a year. And today I was walking out of the mall when I spotted a girl I was serious with before. She was looking through some clothes and with a guy - right near the exit. So as I was walking to the door she looks up at me - a hard blank stare. I turned away pretty quickly and I just wanted to freeze or run I felt so uncomfortable. We have not seen or spoken in a couple of years and things ended very, very badly between us (lot's of fights and tears at the end, a break up that was pretty much a big F-U fight between us and neither wanting to see the either.). Seeing her, and her just staring at me made me want to puke. I kept walking with this uneasy stomach as if I did not notice her, and just felt and saw out of the corner of my eye her just looking on. I found it very odd that I ran into two girls in such a short period of time. So I feel double uncomfortable. Girls that I dated and was never serious with - these things don't happen to me. We don't look at each other, or one doesn't stare at the other, etc. It's like - no hard feelings, no residual feelings or emotions, you just move on. I feel like both of them burned a hole through me in the past 12 hours I feel so sick. I have no clue if they hate me, or miss me, or what they were thinking, but I felt very, very uncomfortable. Enough to want to vent about it. Has something like this ever happened to anyone?

Well said. Very naive and short sighted. Yes the relationship is in trouble. So what's the solution? RUN! Then watch the cycle repeat itself. It's simple, you don't have to deal with anything, and here is something shiny and exciting that peeks my interest all of the sudden which allows me to escape from whatever the root cause is. I'm a pretty firm believer in the old saying "you can point the finger at someone (something) else, but you have 3 fingers pointing right back at you."

Please don't say that - without faith you have lost all. I can understand this. Perhaps you're jaded perception makes you think/believe you have lost faith? Maybe try being friends with guys you meet? I don't have a problem attracting girls, but I have a problem attracting the right girls for me. What I've done is I will be friends with her for a while. If we aren't friends after a while, then she gave me all the answers I needed. If she is still around after a while and we built some sort of foundation then I know she actually likes me. If she gets upset because I haven't made a move and it "fizzles", then great. Been their, done that. Sex doesn't define a relationship. Chemistry doesn't keep something going long term either. It's actually something deeper that that.

Yup, sounds like a jerk to me. People toss around confidence like it's something magical and what people say they want in someone. Confidence does not embody extroversion, or the life of the party, or charming, or hot, etc. It's actually much more subtle: Belief in oneself and one's powers or abilities. I think it is an attractive quality to have, but when I was younger I thought I wanted someone confident - little did I know what that word truly meant. I confused it with hot, outgoing, and thrill of the chase. The quietest person in the room can be the most confident of the bunch, same can be said of someone with unattractive looks.

Sometimes it is hard. Sometimes even the best get fooled. It happens. I'm not saying that it doesn't, or you are wrong for doing so. As long as you learn from it and don't become bitter or lose faith then you'll be fine. Maybe don't pursue as much. Take it slower. If things don't work from the beginning at a slower pace, then you'll save yourself some heartache. Almost like from a movie, I met a deacons daughter who always quoted the bible (not my thing, but seemed like a good girl). Turns out she was the biggest * * * * * among her circle of friends. So many people say this. I don't have an indiscrete answer, however, I'd say you should channel your energies elsewhere, and you will meet someone special. And when you do, take it slow. Where are you meeting these guys at? Where you meet them won't always be the answer, but it may be start. Maybe try being friends for a few months - don't get physical or romantically involved off the bat.

exactly the type of girl I would avoid, and she'd probably be turned on by me because I would ignore her. Pretty sad.

I did not say that. I said that the pool has shrunk for both sexes after 30 because many which are deemed "catches" are already taken. I agree. I'm 25 and dated many women. I don't know who the first girl I kissed was, or the first girl I made out with (I do remember who I slept with the first time). Point is, if you're going out and partying on a regular basis at 25, then I don't think you're a catch. Sure, high school and college and that first year after college were fun, but I've partied for 10 years. It was fun, but it's time to grow up. If you spent your 20s getting drunk and getting laid all the time as you are trying to figure out who you are doesn't sound like a catch to me. You sound pretty fickle - or a sorority girl/frat boy that is still trying to carry to torch. I hope you have a pretty good idea of who you are and what you want at this point. If you haven't found that person yet, that's fine - be patient. Might be soon, might not be until 35 or even 55. You will. Stop thinking that way. Don't go out seeking a girl, or wanting one, or whatever. Focus on you, your goals, your dreams, and what you want out of life. In time, you will meet someone special. Feeling lonely? Then go and volunteer somewhere or give your mom a hug - don't me macho about this. Well said. If your a guy/gal with any experience, then you can tell who is after the chase by this point. I've turned down dates in the past with some of these women and noticed that they became more interested after doing so. I found that pretty lame and more of a turn off, even though some of my guy friends think I'm gay for not wanting to get laid. I remember that one girl was so frustrated that she told me that I would not know what to do with her - like I were to feel insulted. She turned me off more and more. I think it's pretty pathetic that she likes me more because she can't have me. Grow up, I'd probably like you then. Maybe I'm just wired differently? Who knows.

That's not a nice comment. I'm a guy and I think that there are plenty of great girls in their 20's you can date and settle down with, well before 30. What kind of girl are you chasing? If you want the hottie that is decked out at a club, well duh, 9 times out of 10 you picked the wrong girl. Many of the "nice guys" are swooped up in their 20s, and married or getting married once you hit 30ish. Sure, there are some bad people out their, but I think the guys and gals that blame the other gender on their love life, or lack of, have some issues and that's a huge red flag to me. Stop going after the wrong people to date. There are still great catches for men and women after 30, however, the pool has shrunk because many of these people are already hitched. Stop blaming the problem on women. Sure, there are plenty of women (and men) that are out playing in their twenties and thirties and even older than that, however, why are you focusing on them and overlooking many great people along the way? I ask because I have done this before - the cycle of chasing, things not working out, and then blaming the other gender. In the meantime I brushed off many girls who were interested, or who were friends and wanted more, mainly because my mind told me I needed something better, which translates into something hotter and the thrill of the chase. Chase is over, and then what? Their isn't any substance there. No wonder it doesn't work.

I really like that, and it makes so much sense. Everyone just likes to shoot angles and rationalize their position, when in reality, you cannot rationalize love. Bottom line are two ingrdients: chemistry and compatability. Break it down even further: two people who click. I have dated hot women where sex was great, but beyond that I felt empty. Makeup, shopping, and how pretty you are is great but I don't care. I've dated girls with smarts, which I said I wanted, but they bore me to death. I don't care about your degrees, career, etc. Same goes with girls with cash: it feels great at first to be spoiled and pampered, but, it does get old fast. In the end, the girls who I am friends with, many of which possess a myriad of qualities (some smart, some not, others hot, some not really, etc.) is really the pool that I see myself settling down with because I get along with them. I can act like an imbecile, she can make fun of me, I can call her names, etc., and nobody gets offended and we laugh together. It's hard to explain in words, but, we just have a blast when we're together, and money, looks, smarts, education, etc., all those things don't really matter like you mentioned. You get along with someone, and you'll find ways to deal with life. Education, money, looks, etc., won't hurt you in any way, as those are all positives, but ancillary nonetheless.

Hi I can't really break this apart as relationships are already complicated as is, however, I do think that this is the female equivalent of the nice guy syndrome theory. I know plenty of women that have a lot going for them, and many say that they can't find a man. I mean, they're educated, smart, intelligent, funny, social, attractive, etc. The list just goes on, and that list is pretty much full of positives. Honestly. It's pretty hard to find a negative. I hear these quips on almost a weekly basis in the office I work in. I think many of these girls are "cool" and attractive, however, I would not date them. Many of the guys I work with would not date them. When we're at a client/corporate outing and drinking then I start getting ideas...but sober, no way. Why? Eh, I could name a few things about each one, nothing terrible, but it boils down to me not being into them I guess. I really have not pinpointed why. I mean, the list of positives is huge. But then I think about it. I'm looking for someone to date/be with. I'm not looking to hire someone to fill a position in the firm. I don't care if she is good in social events, or that she has a degree from Ivy, or she is a hard worker and puts in the hours, or she takes initiative, ad infinitum. I don't view dating that way. I look for someone that is cute and we click. Then, do we grow together? Meaning, does she have the qualities that I look for in a woman? Which, are not the same qualities I look for when we have a position open and candidates start sending in resumes. Many guys who claim to be victims of the nice guy syndrome say this stuff all the time. And the response they get is not different than what you receive: "You're great and all...but something is missing." And sometimes that something is hard to explain. But sometimes, it might just be intimidating. Think about it. You are financially independent, you are educated, you are attractive, you own a great home, a great car, nice clothes, etc. To the average guy, this can be interpreted as "what can I offer her?" And, they begin to look elsewhere. I think you will find someone, however, I do believe that you have a smaller pool of candidates to work from. There are men out there that will appreciate you for you. It may take some time, but it will be worth the wait.

Hi My first appreciation is for some of the women on this thread being honest. Thank you. I also think that it does matter - to a degree. There have been countless surveys done on men & women when it comes to romantic partners, and the consensus is men focus on looks and women focus on money. You can't deny it because it is true on the part of both genders. You don't have to be rich, but you need to be able to provide for a family one day. Some women, however, look for the rich, just like some men need to be with a 10 or else it won't work. I'd be happy with a cute girl and miserable with a size 0-2. Not communicating properly is some cheap excuse - the fact is she had some interest in seeing you again, and then your car came along and for whatever reason she didn't see a match. Even if you did communicate effectively (whatever that means - sure if you wanted to get laid you could have charmed her and played the dumb challenge game), it would only be a matter of time before you saw the real her (assuming material things did matter to her and you are looking for something more than just sex), and it would be a waste, or perhaps a good experience for you to avoid these types in the future. Communication junk works if you want to have wild sex with a woman that's been around the block, but not if you're looking for something else. I wish more people took some marketing classes. You'll learn just how much better labels really are: the Channel packaging costs more than the perfume (the packaging costs are around $1.19 per bottle so imagine the costs of the actual perfume, but women will easily dish out in excess of $100 bucks for it), BMWs are some of the most poorly made cars on the planet, and use some of the cheapest parts and labor - they have the highest gross margins per vehicle sold of all brands on the market, not exactly an indication of quality, but many men and women think this grants them some of sort of status. You will see lots of old Mercedes on the street - they're amazingly well built, but you won't ever see an old Lexus. They are not durable. The list goes on. I do believe there are things of better quality out their, however, most people are uneducated about many of these things and flock towards the label and the image that comes with it. My second appreciation is for the comments about who really is rich. Like many said, it's not the ones driving the luxury cars, wearing flashy clothes, and spending their money. I don't see this as an indication of success or status, when the majority of these people are wallowing in quite a bit of debt. If you met my dad on the street, you'd probably think he was poor. He speaks broken english, and he's lucky if his regular clothes match that day. The guy takes hand downs from his kids if we don't want something before donating it to charity - and some of that stuff looks odd when a 55 year old guy sports teenage gear. Point is, my folks are millionaires (net worth greater than one million), but you would not see a trace of it on the clothes they wear (ok, the teenage gear looks creepy on him probably to people that don't know him), in the cars they drive, or the house they live in. My mom would still rather cook a good home meal, then go out to some swanky restaurant and overpay for some steak that usually comes with something wrong with it, or long wait, etc. Bottom line. To each their own. I dated a girl who was smoking, but when she admitted that the size of your paycheck determines ones success and she wants a guy to buy her a ring that's around 25k - later. Find a guy who does care about dressing up his woman as a barbie doll to show his love. I'd rather take a sweetheart that isn't concerned about how others might perceive her if shes behind the wheel of a minivan, or the label that she wears on her %$#. Then I would be tempted to really spoil her... Sadly, I have to admit when I was younger I ignored lots of the great girls and went with the hot fake ones. But that's what dating is all about. Consider this a good learning experience for you - I see lots of things in it, and apply it to what fits your needs and what you want out of a girl and a relationship. Please don't twist this around in your mind into "If only I had a hot ride...I need a hot new ride" - unless you want to catch the attention of a certain breed. Upgrading to a newer car might not be a bad idea, but don't drop cash (or even worse - take a loan out) to buy a hot sporty car. Those older, single guys that do that look like they try too hard. And the possibility that they are spotted with a hot materialistic chick by his side? I don't think he's lucky. I think poor him. Best of luck to you. Chin up.

I think Balbina mentioned something very important. And that's me time. Have some time set aside - every single day. It might only be 5 minutes, but do it. And use this time to meditate and reflect. Now that doesn't mean get all buddha on me. It could mean that, but it could also mean: listen to the radio, read a book, exercise, pray, review your day, etc. We all have our own outlet with how we relax, and its very easy to get caught up in this hectic world without being grounded in who you are and what you believe in. Volunteering is also a good outlet for many people. If you have the time and energy, go volunteer. You'll do some good, and by helping others you'll be helping yourself. Best way to get out of one's own head is to get involved with others who are worse off than you. You know what to do. Slowly get off your lazy behind, and make a game plan, then put it into action.

Hey buddy, I think that it's a fairly common experience that you are going through. Like Surreal said, you have attained a good deal of your goals now, and don't have too much to look forward to at the moment. And that's ok. This might be a good time to do some introspection and re-evaluate who you are and where you want to go and who you want to be. It hit me after I graduated from school as well. Up until that point I had the world in my hands: graduating with honors, exercising, working P/T, g/f, tons of friends, parties, etc. Then about 6-9 months after graduating things started to change in my mind. I'm now out of school, friends begin to go separate ways, boozing gets old, etc. I started thinking, "now what?" After a period of refinding myself and some solitude, I came up with some new goals for myself. I actually went as far as to grab a pad of paper and a pen, and write down my strengths and weaknesses. What am I good at, and what would I like to improve about myself. I came up with a list of short term and long term goals. These varied from going back to school, picking up a new sport/hobby, regular exercise schedule, quitting smoking, and a healthy diet among other things. Some I've accomplished, and some are still a work in progress. And I have already began to think about some new short term and long term goals for myself. I think staying busy and challenging yourself is important. It helps you grow, and it prevents you from negative thinking and having too much idle time. Once you've mastered something, don't just get complacent. Raise the bar for yourself. Take it to the next level, or set out for a new challenge that you're not too familiar with.

Hello, Both links are good, and I see arguments for and against. Regardless if it leads to divorce or not, this much is true: That's a pretty big deal. Me personally, I would not want to cohabitate prior to marriage. I'm more traditional about it, and one aspect of marriage is moving in together. It presents something new to the relationship. Doing everything together and living together is not a prerequisite to see if it would work - but it coud be a way to burn out the flame. Marriage seems to lose all meaning as you're practically married - just not legally binded. I have friends that do live with their boyfriend or girlfriend. My girl friends say that they moved in because it's their last test to see if they are truly meant for each other. I scratch my head and wonder why do you have any doubt after exclusively dating this guy for 6 years already? My guy friends that live with their girl, none of them want to get married. They have everything that comes with marriage, although they are not legally binded. If things don't work out, they don't lose half. That's not to say that they don't care about their girl - they're protecting themselves from legal obligations. Both guys and girls did say to me that living alone is lonely - a factor why they moved in together. If you want to move in together, then do it. If you don't, then don't. I have one friend whose g/f moved in after 1 month of dating, and they're still together 2 years down the road. That's a little too fast for me, but, they seem to be happy and that's what counts. I have 2 friends that broke up after they moved in together - thet said moving in was the worst thing they could have done in their relationship. It all depends.

I think this is a personal matter, however, the more serious you two get, the more dishonest the relationship becomes. Having an abortion, regardless of circumstances, is a serious issue. We all have our past, and I would not judge someone having an abortion under your circumstances. I would probably be enraged if way down the line this was brought up though. I would feel almost betrayed, and I have left girls that have withheld sharing skeletons in the closet, not because I judged them on it, but because they decided to share it with me way down the line after we were already serious. But that's me. I don't think an argument saying what's in the past is none of his business. It's pretty fallicious logic, and quite selfish, especially if you are considering marriage. I would not pick and choose what to tell someone and what to omit. In dating yes, but I would not play politics with someone I am serious with. I think timing is a big deal as well. 6 months is neither too soon or too long. How comfortable and how close are you with one another? If he decides to leave after you divulge this information, then hopefully sooner than later. I say that because if he strongly opposed any and all abortions, why waste each others time trying to get serious and see if it works out when you have a big strike against you in his mind based on his belief system. If he strongly opposes abortion, and you withhold telling him, and things take a turn for the serious, I don't think that's a solid relationship. It's a pretty big thing to not know about someone, and something which would be a dealbreaker to some people (like the Seinfeld spisode). I have a past as well. I share this with people quite openly because 1) I am honest, and 2) I am not ashamed of it. I don't regret past decisions and choices because they make up who I am today. Now if someone is going to have some rigid mentality and/or strong belief system and judge me for something I did years before meeting them, then that is their prerogative. It does not mean that they are horrible people. As someone mentioned already, I would not just come out and say it. I would build up to it. Go on a recon mission. Discuss abortion sometime. See what his views are on it. This is one part of dating - to decide if you two should be in a relationship together.

My apologies about this first part of my post, I believe I misread it. I thought you asked if you become a charterholder and do not have industry experience - will the CFA alone grant me all these opportunities. Yes, if you are good in the industry, you can have the opportunity to work overseas - depends if you are familiar with the language though. To work in Tokyo, you will have to know Japanese. Being a top-notch analyst in America is great, but without the language component, it doesn't really help anyone. Being headhunted would be tougher - you would have to be truly exceptional, and of course, be able to speak the language.

I highly doubt that. CFA is not a big deal at all for the sell-side, however, the buy side and equity research do want it. Of course, any firm would rather take an analyst with a few years of experience in the industry and no CFA vs. someone who has no experience in the industry and is a charterholder. CFA is a great designation, but no guarantee to a great job. Working condition varies from firm to firm. If you enjoy what you do, and do not complain about long hours, then I think you are OK. IB on the Street can vary from 85-120 hour weeks. Expect to work more than 85 hours a week. IB in more regional markets like Chicago and San Fran is pretty consistent around 80 hours a week. Anything less than 80 hours a week is a gift. The offices are top-notch, great support staff (such as IT), and they take care of you with really good benefits, all meals and beverages are paid for, and when you travel you really travel like a king (or queen). No other profession comes close to the income potential, with 1st year analysts (only a Bachelors degree) starting around 45k-65k (depending on tier of bank and region), sign on bonus of 10k, and first year annual bonus around 100% of base. 100k as a first year analyst is no problem. Pretty good for a 22 year old. As a first year associate (usually right out of MBA), expect to make around 225k - 250k after bonuses your first year at the top banks, slightly lower at the regional ones. No Dr., lawyer, or plumber comes close to that. All sounds sexy right? Well turnover is high. Some get fired, others can't hack it. Hours are long, and social life is nil. Vacation days get canceled. When a large deal is closing the office is practically on lockdown and nobody leaves until work is done, which can be at 3 or 4 in the morning, and you still have a flight to grab and a pitch is being made at 10 AM. Stress is high, people are abrassive, egos cannot get any larger than at a bank, and competition is fierce. But, you have the most fashionable attire, travel first class, the largest bank accounts amongst your non banker friends, and you cannot get better business experience. Work 2 years as a banker, and you know everything about business you ever need to know. You want to change careers or go back to school? A letter of recommendation from a bank does not compare to anything else when applying for B-school or law school. Plus, any job afterwards is "easy" after working such long hours and high stress. Passion. The ones that do it for the money either 1) Quit/Get Fired, or 2) stay but are miserable souls. You have to enjoy what you do. No amount of compensation can balance that out. PM me if you have more questions.