Andrina

If he's can't even fathom a yes when you've garnered the courage to ask him to get together one-on-one, then he's losing out on a golden opportunity if he's actually into you. Just ask him the say way guys have asked you (at least in a way those times you've welcomed the invite--it's been asked in a courteous way). But if this happens and he's still dull in conversation, you might end up having to admit you've held some fantasy that he behaves the way he does is really not due to shyness, but because what other people are doing doesn't interest him that much. There are people I can't stand speaking to, like my former sister-in-law. I'd ask about where she's working and I'd get a 3 word answer with no expansion. She'd only speak about what was going on in the room at the time. Not about the news. Not asking me any questions. Not about any of her future plans. Dullsville. Yeah, I'd get to the bottom of what he's about now since I'm assuming you've had this crush for a year. It's time to either nip it in the bud or to see if he has any more dimensions worth exploring.

Why you can't see how how every bit of this was wrong on every level, I don't know. Ethically, bosses don't enter into relationships with people who work for them. People who make wise relationship decisions don't make major decisions like moving in with a partner until knowing them a minimum of a year--seeing the partner in all sorts of situations to ensure compatibility in lifestyles and ethics. Wise people also don't move in with a love interest until exclusive. It's a lot more work to break up with someone when you're living with them versus dating and living in separate residences. It also makes no sense that you weren't exclusive and yet you were calling her out for communicating with and getting together with her ex. She was free to date anybody else she wanted to, just as you were. TIme to read a Dating 101 manual before attempting to get back into the dating world. You'll likely never be able to let go of your bad feelings of whatever this was, so it's best to leave this ugly past in the past, and start fresh with someone else once your mourning for the demise of this FWB ends.

Hard to know if her behavior is just because she's an extrovert or if she's into you. It's good that you regularly see her. Next time you see her, have a place in mind, and as an example, say something like: Hey, I'm going to try this pizza place I heard is good on Friday night. Would you like to come with me? If she says she already has plans, but is into you, she will suggest an alternate date. If she says yes, this gives you some time to get to know one another, either as friends or more. I wouldn't bother with some long, drawn out process of Instagram and connecting on social media as a pathway to closeness, where you're among a group of 200 other people. Cut to the chase and get some one-on-one time. Good luck.

With a friendly tone, you could say: I'd like to ask a favor. Long story short, I have a pet peeve about nicknames. I prefer being called XYZ. Thanks for understanding. A softer way of saying what will give you the same results--a person abiding by your wishes yet leaving them feeling not as bad about the situation than they did with your original approach.

I feel for you, as I also experienced a lot of frustration and upsets and craziness in the dating world. Even though I pulled out all the stops--friends fixing me up, taking dancing lessons, OLD and Meetup.com, it was a lot of emotional ups and downs and dashed hopes. In the end, I found the treasure after sifting through a lot of sand. Unfortunately, the timeline ends up differently for each person. When feeling down, I watched movies like Bridget Jones' Diary, where I could both wallow and laugh since the character was dealing with the same. Glad you're making progress in the way you date. Take care.

Do read some books/articles on tips to establish boundaries. It sounds strange, but humans are animals and you can train them just like you train pets. It's about positive enforcement (rewarding good behavior) and negative enforcement (removing your attention/physical presence). Do not engage in conversations that are not in your best interest. What to do on a phone call? Say, "That topic is making me feel bad. I'll speak to you another day. Goodbye." Then hang up. What to do when in her presence? Same thing except you say you're taking a walk. You can also excuse yourself to take a walk to call your bf, because it's none of her business to know who you're calling, and you will avoid the argument of why you can spend every millisecond with her during your visit. If after the walk, she takes up again with the abusive talk. Pack up and cut your visit short. Learn to say the word no when you don't want to help her with her house repairs. Keep your answers firm without apology. Predators see apology as a weak spot, and they will amp up their battle plan to conquer with manipulation. The change might not happen overnight, but when you stick to your boundaries, she will learn that to have the gift of your ear and presence, she will have to treat you right.

If the only way you'll be happy is when a person or his situation changes in a major way, then you're in the wrong relationship. It's naive to count on what you want to happen, to happen very soon or even ever. No guarantees. Therefore, you don't want to keep investing in an unknown. IMO, you should've never begun dating a man who lives with his estranged wife. In your shoes now, I'd tell him: When you've been divorced a year and live in your own residence, reach out to me and if I'm single, we can talk about dating again. Besides mourning and healing from a divorce, even if the divorce was his idea, solo time is important for a while after being married. He also needs that time to get his children used to a new family dynamic. It's not healthy at all for him to be dating right now. Children pick up on everything, and it's not healthy for them to see dad dating when he's still living with mom--a very confusing time for them. I'd remove myself from that poor decision making on both of your parts.

Sounds more like something you might discuss with a girl friend. In my experience, guys don't like this psychological, in-depth delving into your issues. My husband would've rolled his eyes if I'd said anything like that. If he asks about your romantic past, keep it simple, such as: I was concentrating on my career and dated here and there but nothing long term. Figured the right person would arrive at the right time. Now's the time for light and fluffy, keeping topics on positive things like if he has siblings, pets, places he'd like to travel in the future, bands he likes, and you share the same. Just as you see his personality, he sees yours and is just fine with it. Have fun!

I did have a similar situation after my first marriage ended. I worked in a very large building with many agencies/companies and developed a crush on someone in the workplace. I've always thought of myself as intuitive, and thought he was into me, and a friend/co-worker noticed and said the guy would look for me on my day off. He would come in to speak to me about personal matters with his ex, and everyone thought he was single. I couldn't figure out why he wasn't asking me out and I asked him to go to the zoo with me and he accepted. But he did not make any moves. Later, I became friends with a woman in the building who I found out had been secretly dating him during the time period we all thought he was single. They wanted to keep it secret to avoid gossip, apparently. She also told me he drank way too much, and he might have been an alcoholic. So then I saw it was for the best we never did date, because I've never been interested in dating someone who abuses alcohol, and then saw he wasn't as nice as I thought he was. He knew I had a crush and enjoyed the ego boost, not caring how it would hurt me that he was misleading me. I'd take her behavior of looking at you and enjoying conversation means she enjoys having a fan as well. She's also rude not to reply to an invite, even if it's a no. So she's showing you this unkind behavior but you're choosing to overlook this very major thing. As a woman, I also know how it feels when a guy repeatedly won't take no for an answer because it's happened to me at least twice. In this particular case, I'd safely veer to the idea she'd be annoyed versus this turning out in your favor if you ask why she ignores you when you've asked her out twice. As you say, there will be more opportunities. If she happens to be "afraid" which I doubt, those sorts of people usually aren't good candidates to date anyway. People with emotional baggage need to ditch it before being a good partner. Take care.

If it's a boyfriend you want, you'll have to put yourself out into your local world. Join Meetup.com groups for singles in your age group. Join a book discussion group. Take part in environmental clean up events. Taking classes in art, cooking, dancing. Start Googling your interests and see what events are happening in your town. Lessen your talks with this long distance guy. Especially don't talk about personal matters. Keep the subject to art only. If that doesn't work, you might have end that cyber friendship.

The biggest mistake you made is being alone with a guy in a private residence on the first date. Don't ever put yourself in that position again. Even if the guy isn't dangerous, you might get carried away with sexual chemistry and do the deed before it's wise to do so. Another reason is to gauge if a guy is dating you just to bed you or not. No guarantees, but a guy who is interested in long term will keep asking you out on public dates, finding out more about you with each date, and enjoying your company besides having a goal of intimacy. Don't feel bad about having limits of age gaps in dating. When I started dating in my teens, I chose not to date anyone more than 3 years older than me. Every time you date, you will learn more about your wants, needs, and what you're comfortable with. And all of those things might do a 360 at any point and that's normal. Stick to your standards and have fun, but also be safe. Condoms can break so be prepared of what your actions will be if that happens.

If you haven't spent time outside of class together, you can start by asking if she wants to do a study session together in a cafe or some other public place that'd be good for that. You can also tell her you're planning to go get a smoothie or coffee at the end of the school day, and ask her if she'd like to join you. Always better to take a risk rather than not to try at all, even if it doesn't pan out.

In the future, don't text about major things like breaking up. Save important topics for in person. But in this case, it really didn't matter. Not texting for 24 hours is a clear sign he just wasn't that into you. Because no matter how busy a person is, he has to eat meals and during that break, he could text. When you're trying to test the waters with an ultimatum or scare them with a break up to force them into action, it's a waste of time. A guy who is right for you won't have you wishing he would change his behavior for the better. He will already being making you a priority. Luckily for you, you're at an age where you will be meeting a huge pool of single guys, so keep on going until you find a keeper. Take care.

I would give your sister a call and straighten everything out with her for clarification. I don't know what kind of relationship you have with her, but of course you can give your opinion if it won't cause a rift. If this is going to cause bottled up anger against her, best to speak up and tell her you preferred the original plan.

You say you are introverted. Does this mean you don't engage in social activities, and that's why you seek a dating opportunity in the work place? If that's the case, I recommend you get out into the world to meet single men your age. There are Meetup.com groups. You can volunteer on a day off at the zoo, museum, botanical gardens, etc. Wherever your interests lie. Don't hide inside a small little bubble. Guys will be scared off if you have nothing going on in your leisure time except being with him and watching TV. How is your personality rebellious?

You need to reconsider the way you are going about dating. Spending a whole weekend together on a first meet? Not smart. Too much, too soon, not to mention it can be dangerous to meet a stranger in a private place. Ideally, you should've each driven halfway and met in a public place for no more than a few hours. That's what a normal pace would be. And now you've tied yourself to someone whom you're not happy with about his communication style. Not fair. How about making observations of a prospective partner for several months and gauge the amount of effort he's putting in before you decide exclusivity? And if he does end up moving closer, don't continue this pattern of being on hyper speed, letting him move in with you before even knowing each other a year or two. As for the texts, don't you want someone to text you because they miss you and want to find out about your day, instead of feeling obligated and mumbling, "Oh, geez, let me tap in a hello before she starts nagging me." It takes some time to see if a person is into you past the beginning high. Just have a wait-and-see attitude. The reason you feel like you're walking on eggshells is because you don't know if this will work out or not. That's the way it has to be because you don't have a crystal ball to know the answer. I hope you have the mindset that if it doesn't work out, you'll be just fine after a little bit of sadness. If you're not that resilient after your past, stay solo and keep attending counseling sessions. Take care. Though an hour and a half isn't extremely far, it's still quite a distance when it comes to seeing each other regularly. Why have you chosen/accepted this very difficult type of dating?

It might help you to know that this friendship you have with him now will not remain "as is" if this does not transform into romance. It's common to have this sort of closeness with someone of the opposite sex when both are single, but when one or both get into a serious relationship with someone else, the friendship could lessen or even end. There are exceptions, but some people aren't comfortable with their mate having a bestie of the opposite sex so that ask is honored, or a person no longer has time for that sort of close friendship when busy with a spouse, job, and possibly when children are born into the family. So I say go for it when you feel the time is right. Just don't go too long without finding out if he's interested in more or not, because you don't want to pour so much time and emotional energy into him that you're letting dating opportunities with other guys pass you by.

You're going to have to be concrete about the chores, so the best way to go about this is to have a chore chart you create on a dry erase board, or a chalk board, or a paper calendar. Pick which chores might always be one person's job, like him making breakfast and doing morning dishes, as well as jobs you rotate daily or weekly. I used to work his schedule and know how I didn't want to do any chores after work. I did my chores in the morning. So be mindful of that. Such as for the evening, if you don't use a dishwasher, dishes could be soaked in a sink of soapy water until they can be washed in the morning. The dishwasher can be unloaded in the morning if you go that route. Or some evenings, you could use paper plates. There might be jobs you can do together, and that can be marked on the chart as well. There are also jobs you might let slide some of the time. I don't make the bed unless I'm having company over. In fact, here's a quote from the Internet: "If you make your bed right when you wake up, you trap that moisture in the sheets, allowing dust mites to thrive. The researchers found a simple solution. Just leave the bed unmade. It allowed the moisture to dry up, reducing the dust mites in the bed." What I would be saying is something like: I love you and want this marriage to be the best it can be. When we each contribute, it makes me feel more peaceful and I have more energy to do fun stuff besides chores. If he balks or fails to do the chores he is responsible for during the week, you can then speak up one more time, saying something like: When you fail to do your part, it builds up bitterness in me. I'm afraid of what that will do to our marriage. Hard to know if he's clueless or he doesn't care if you're tired and unhappy. Some clueless people need concrete directions instead of vague expectations. Give the chore chart a try. Perhaps it will be the key to your problem. I'd also speak up about his plans to start his own business, since most new businesses fail. If he doesn't want to walk around all day, he can start applying for desk jobs. Good luck.

Would you ghost a person after being intimate and dating a whole six weeks, unless it was because you were abused or stalked? Is there a reason you'd be a jerk and cold to someone? No? Because you're a nice person? Then why can't you identify someone who's the opposite of nice? You grasping for straws for any good reason and pining for him after you've been mistreated shows your self-worth is in the gutter. Predators spot prey instantly (prey often act like doormats). If that's the role you choose, being a doormat, don't act surprised when someone wants to wipe their dirty boots all over you and then walk away. Spend this time alone working on your self-worth so you will never allow toxicity in your life ever again. There are books and articles on how to learn that essential skill/mindset. Take care.

Well, just because she's now your gf doesn't mean she's your forever person. Keep communicating. Keep gauging your own satisfaction level. She's asked for things. You can do some asking yourself about your own wishes. See over the next few months if things improve. Do you hang out with her group of friends yet? It is odd she doesn't want any photos of you on her phone to look at when you two are apart. Guess you have more things to learn about her. I hope it works out the way you wish.

Why not? You can and should keep up with friends no matter if you have a partner or not. A partner will feel suffocated if she's your only priority. Life is more enjoyable with friends, and they also make your relationship more fun when you're invited on double dates and to parties, etc.

A 51 year old whose longest relationship only lasted 5 years, and she claims to never have loved the man. And now she wants space from you when it sounds like she normally only sees you once a week. How you can think this is actually going to work is beyond me. It is helpful to look at a person's relationship past to get clues if he/she knows how to be a good partner. I only see red flags. Don't take the fact she didn't flat out break up with you as a good sign. Take it as how she likely believes if space if formed first, when the final blow is dealt, there will be less drama from you. I wouldn't wait around any more. It's time wasted where you could start the steps of mourning, healing, and then moving on to date better risks to your heart.

Before his parent died, had he ever cried before because of anything going on in your relationship? You don't have to get engaged anytime soon if you fear this out of the ordinary incident might become a pattern. You can have a wait-and-see attitude for now.

I recall helping someone with their resume. He kept applying for a supervisor job but never was picked. I told him, "You keep writing what you would do in that position, but what you really should be writing down is what you've accomplished in the past that shows how you've handled tasks and problems. Because anybody can say what they'd do in the future, but you should only have faith in what you're seeing in their past and present--better, more factual indicators. You're presently seeing how he rolls and it's already causing you resentment. Just think how much that resentment will grow when you're trying to keep your family's head above water financially and he's continuing to show on his resume he's not a good candidate for longevity as far as jobs go.

I'm guessing she might be the passive type, and you were the one who assumed she felt the same and wanted you there for your marathon weekends from very early on. Instead of speaking up, that it's too much and she prefers to no longer have this as the standard, she's dealing with it the way you're now seeing. I'd also guess she might be too cowardly to break up, and is trying to let it fade away since maybe she sees drama coming from your side if she totally ends things. You don't even say if she's the one who invites you to join her for a meal, or if you're the one saying, "Are we getting together this weekend?" And she then suggests to meet at a restaurant. If that's the case, no longer suggest meeting up and if she lets you fade away, there's your answer. If she initiates a get together but acts distant and doesn't want affection, have a discussion. I'd say something like: "Please communicate whatever's on your mind. I'll listen without interruption. Because a relationship without communication and the emotional connection we're now lacking isn't working for me." If this ends, think about your own behavior maybe playing a part in the demise. Just because you're gung-ho about someone, pace yourself a little better. Date at a normal pace. No days long dates from so early on. Take care and let us know how it goes.