So here's the story...
I (28 M) met this girl (26 F) about 3 years ago in our office. She was working under me and I was her supervisor. Within 15 days of joining, she asked me out because she liked me a lot. Before going on a date with her, I made it clear to her that I wished to keep everything casual as I was not looking for a relationship at that time. She was OK with that. I also got to know that she had recently broken up with her BF about 20 days ago.
We were basically FWB and also work colleagues. Soon we started living together but there was no commitment from my end. She wanted an exclusive relationship but I needed more time.
Her ex was also in the picture around this time and he was pretty abusive towards her and also towards me. He was also trying desperately to get her back. She told me that her relationship with her ex was very toxic (he used to abuse her and her family). She also told me that she felt nothing for him and often used to say negative things about him. Our relationship progressed very fast during this time. She used to show me a lot of love, care, and affection. And then in a few months, she also blocked her ex.
Fast forward 10 months, it was the first time I told her that I had developed feelings for her but I wanted to wait a little more before getting exclusive.
Soon after that, she had to leave for her hometown for a short vacation (coincidentally, her ex was also there in her hometown). When she came back, I found that she had been talking to her ex. I found this while casually checking her phone. I also noticed that they were flirting with each other a lot. I questioned her about this and even got mad at her for hiding the truth. She told me it didn't mean anything and that they never met in person. I later also found that she had put various statuses on Instagram and hid those from me (they were about her ex). I also found that she had met him once while returning from her hometown. I was confused how could she do it if she says she hates her ex? And that she loves me?
I told her that I don't trust her anymore and that I can't give her any commitment yet. Told her that she must be honest for at least 6 months for me to commit to her. But she kept lying to me every 1-3 months about her ex but I always used to find out about those. The lies ranged from contacting him, deleting texts/phone call records, casual meet-ups, and planning trips together (but not actually going).
This made me lose my cool many times and I used to often get angry/upset at her and even say mean things. She always used to promise me she won't contact her ex ever again but she always used to do it. I told her to not make this promise if she can't keep it because it makes me lose trust. But she always comforted me saying she only wants me and that she only feels a "soft corner" for her ex. Deep down I loved her a lot and cared for her. I really wanted this behavior of hers to change. I stopped showing care/affection like I used to - even though deep down I had too much love for her.
We kept living together but whenever she was alone/out of town, she used to contact her ex. Every time after getting caught she used to say that she felt nothing for him, didn't see a future with him, and she only loved me and wanted an exclusive relationship with me. I caught her on 5-6 different occasions.
She contacted him last on August 20th this year. I was not happy as usual about this. She proposed me on 28th August again asking for a commitment but I declined saying she needed to earn my trust. Finally, on 15th September she told me that doesn't see a future with me because she has lost feelings for me and she thinks I might never commit to her and that I get upset on her too often as a reaction to her lies and that I stopped caring for her. She also told me that she destroyed our relationship because of her lies and that I was the best person she ever met. She told me that she would not contact her ex ever again but she can't be with me because she didn't want to put in the effort anymore. I was devastated. Was too needy next 3-4 days and during this time I also found that she has been talking to a new guy last few days. Almost begged her to come back. She told me that she had made up her mind. Things got a little ugly and she even quit the job so that she doesn't have to see me. I don't understand just 20 days back she had proposed me and now she doesn't want to do anything with me?
I asked her for a final meeting but she declined. Somehow, I was able to get her on a video call about 8 days ago. She told me that she wants to date other people. I told her that I want to work things out with her and to get in touch with me if she ever changed her mind. I ended this on a good note but I am devastated since then. I am following No Contact last 8 days but at this point I am pretty lost why she did that? After all the chances I gave to her? Is she going to come back? Did she ever love me? Will she ever regret it?
Thoughts?
