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  1. ok so I matched with a guy on hinge the week of Christmas. we actually live in 2 different countries but the distance is relatively close (45 min plane ride) so we decided we'd get to know each other a bit and see if that leads to us making plans to see each other. Things were going along casually, we'd text pretty regularly. I work a regular 8-4 job while he works a night shift of 7pm-7am so our schedules didn’t really align for much time to talk except in between him getting off from work or getting ready to go to work and then on the days he would not be scheduled to work. I'm pretty realistic in my approach with online dating so I usually assume a guy's talking to me and a few other girls and going on dates etc., so I don’t have crazy expectation early on. I do like people to keep their word though and I had been in a few past situationships and relationships where guys said one thing and did another so I will admit my patience has become a bit shorter over time. Anyway to the point of my "story" and main question. This guy and I had been texting and occasionally facetiming for about 2 weeks and he was pretty good about communicating considering our distance. His usual day off is Mondays and because there was another holiday coming up in my country I would’ve been off on this particular Monday as well. So, the Saturday prior I asked him to make plans to facetime with me on Monday so we would have more time to talk instead of just in between him getting ready for work. He said sure. Monday comes around and unlike all the other days when he usually is texting a lot I don’t hear from him at all. He would typically text good morning anywhere between 20 minutes to 2 hours after he gets off work and have some conversation before he went about his day, but that day I didn’t hear from him until after 9pm (i go to bed around 9:30 usually to get up early to start my day). He says "hey sorry I didn’t hit you up all day, after work I went to the gym and then I’ve been asleep all day. Now I’m about to go watch the college championship game with my friends". Now I wasn’t upset that I hadn’t heard from him all day because he’s an adult he can do what he wants, but I was kinda upset about the way he seemed to be saying that he was unavailable or didnt want to talk without being upfront. He didn’t make any mention of the previous plans to facetime and didn’t even ask when I would be free to talk at another time. So out of frustration I guess and also from the fear of not wanting to set myself up for disappointment I told him "if you wanted to talk to me you would've the same way you made plans with your friends and you're showing up for that. you can delete my number". He asked if I was serious and after my last response letting him know that I felt like he wasn’t interested and we didn’t need to waste each other's time he didn’t have anything to say. Did I overreact? I will say I’m a sensitive person and though I try to keep a level head its difficult sometimes especially because in the past guys would fall through on plans with me and I used to just let it slide until things boiled up and hit the fan. I also feel like since we are in two different countries and the only way to communicate is via text or calling then that should be taken with a bit more seriousness than if we lived in the same place. it's not like he was my boyfriend. in neutral perspective we are just two strangers from the internet talking on the phone. But now that it's been about a week I do feel a little regret about my behavior. What do you think? Did I overreact? Would it be worth it to even reach out to him? (although I bet he’s already blocked my number and has already forgotten about me haha) I hate being an empath, I process everything so slowly and take all these small things to heart too much. Anyway thanks for reading this far
  2. Hello! I'm new here and I made this account just for this! I want someone's insight on this situation I'm in right now if it isn't too much of a bother. 🙂 ⚠️Wall of text coming through ⚠️ Around the end of October, my LDR boyfriend told me that he might be busy during November since he got a job, his friends want to hangout and I know he'd be studying for his upcoming university entrance exams this December. He told me this means that he'd have less time for me and I said I understand that, but he should at least keep me updated if he's still doing well. Well, yeah, before November even came, he started talking to me less, way less than how we usually would talk. It was fine with me though, I figured it was nice that he still manages to respond despite his hectic schedule. The issue started when he'd stop responding altogether. I'd see him online and his Discord status would state that he's playing a game for hours. I thought that maybe he's just taking a break to shake away the stress for a bit and didn't want to socialize with anyone. He's an antisocial guy. I waited for days, still no response. I decided to ask him if he's doing alright and assured him that I am not pressuring him to respond if he's still busy and that he can respond whenever he can. Almost immediately, he responded and said he didn't respond to my message because he has nothing to say. We voice called. Throughout the duration of that voice call, he barely said anything. Sometimes no response at all as if he didn't hear me say a thing even if I were to ask him a question, but he'd randomly laugh and tell me he's laughing over a funny video. I decided to shift the topic to whatever it is he's watching, but he'd tell me it's nothing interesting and we should talk about something else, so I'd find a new topic to mention and again, little to no response. I thought it was nice that he's having fun though, I wasn't upset about it and still am not. What I am upset about is the weeks following this event. After that call, we had another one, but in this call, it was silent. I'd talk and he won't respond at all, not even laugh over a video, nothing. It felt like I was talking to a brick wall so I got upset and asked him if he can hear me, he said he wasn't saying anything because he has nothing to say. He did kind of make up for it by being sweet before the voice call ended, he said "I love you" then we both went to sleep. And that was the last he ever said that. After that last voice call, he almost never responds to my messages anymore. I also noticed that every time I'd go online, he goes offline. Thought it was a coincidence until it kept happening every time for almost a week (I still think might be a coincidence, but my gut says otherwise so I'm confused on what to believe). I confronted him about it, asked him if we're doing okay and if something is wrong between the two of us, he said everything is fine and I left it at that. And then for almost a week, he didn't respond to my messages at all or went online. I got really worried so I discreetly checked up on him by telling him about my day in hopes he'd tell me about his. He hates it when people show him they care, he's not used to it, so I thought that checking up on him discreetly would be the better option. He responded almost immediately and we had a short conversation. After that, he stopped responding again and I just decided to give him time, he did say that he'd be busy that month. We didn't talk for days until I striked up a conversation with him and we talked normally like how we used to before he got busy. We didn't talk for days again after that since he won't reply or go online, apparently he was asleep. I messaged him during out monthsary and he just replied to tell me he's going to sleep. I told him I feel like he's avoiding me and stated pretty much everything I'm saying in this forum right now. He told me that he's not avoiding me and that he's just busy and got nothing to say. I was also upset about him ignoring my monthsary message and about how he won't talk to me so I told him I'm sad about it, he kind of got irritated that I was keeping him up from sleeping when confronted about it, so I apologised since I figured he might be tired from a busy day. I tried to talk to him again during his birthday because I made a present for him and wanted to greet him, but he never responded. He never returns the I love you I tell him or the goodnight messages or the good morning messages anymore. He told me he wants me to tell him good morning after I wake up and goodnight before I sleep, so I stayed consistent even when he doesn't respond. I want to ask him if he's still happy being in a relationship with me, but I want to ask through a voice call at least so I kept asking him when he'd be free, his responses are very vague. Just a couple days ago, I saw him online and messaged him if we can talk since it's important. He said he's going to sleep and immediately went offline. I messaged him goodnight with an "I love you" to see if he'd return it. None, he went online and read my message, but then immediately went back off. I suppose that it wouldn't really be fruitful if I were to ask what I should do with out relationship. Whether I should break up with him or not. I just want someone else's insight regarding this pickle I am in, that's all. I suppose I want a different perspective regarding this, I could be wrong and he could really just be busy while I'm over here overthinking after all. Thank you for your time! 🙂 I unfortunately can't really give a tl;dr since I don't know I can possibly summarize this mess lol, sorry.
  3. Hey :) So, because I (18F) am a very shy person (I've never been diagnosed with social anxiety, but I relate to a lot of the symptoms), I have always been scared to date - scared to put myself out there and actually TALK to the people I like (scary thing). But some time ago, I have visited a city which is like 6 hours away from my home with my sister and we met a friend of hers there. And well, we spent some time together. Even though it was mostly my sister who talked to him, I developed a crush on him. (I don't think he really felt the same, although he spent one hour editing a picture which only I was on - he's into photography) My sister and I have been home for some time now and I decided that I want to try and act on that crush - which I have never done before. But now I feel kind of powerless and miserable since he lives so far away. He and my sister know each other from playing games together, so she suggested I join them when he's there. But she also said that it'll probably take some time until she can arrange something. Now here comes my big problem where I hope u guys can give me some advice: How do I get in contact with him without being too obvious? My sister gave me his number, but texting him would be obvious, wouldn't it? I know he does live streams (sadly not that often), so would it be weird to interact with him via life chat? Or do I text him via discord which he uses sometimes? Is it a dealbreaker to make your interest too obvious? I'm so clueless honestly, and so scared of butchering it. Help :c I know this crush will go away as time passes but I've never felt so close to actually acting on my crush and getting out of my comfort zone. Thank you so so much in advance for your advice!
  4. First of all i think I'll have to give a warning because this might be a heavy subject for someone. Hello everyone! Me and my bf are dating for one year (long distance) , everything was fine until yesterday. He came to my hometown to see me and everytime we see each other we have sexual intercourse. Yesterday I wasn't really feeling it, he gave me the signal that he wants to do something and I said "I'm not im the mood today" he said "okay" and after 5-10 minutes he started touching me even when i clearly stated that i didn't want to do anything sexual with him. He was grabbing me inappropriately and I just froze and didn't say anything at that very moment (that was my fault). He didn't go any further than that but it still felt wrong. After he went back home he started texting me and "joking" about how I didn't give him what he wanted, even if it really was a joke I was offended (he's that kind of guy that almost jokes about everything) I confronted him about it and told him that what he did was wrong. He told me that he didn't know that I felt that way and said that he was very sorry that he hurt me in that way, and that he'll never do that ever again. One part of me wants to forgive him because I still love him but the other part is still confused about the situation that happened. I really don't know how to feel right now, if anyone has advice i would be very happy to hear about it.
  5. I've been depressed for years and then this year I met a uni classmate on Zoom who made me feel good for the first time in awhile. I haven't had friends in a long time ever since my depression hit. We became friends and I developed feelings for her after some months. She felt the same. However, we're no longer in the same class in the new semester and I can feel her pulling away. I don't know if it's paranoia or just gut instinct but I also feel like she's falling for someone else in her new classes (recently came to know this person exists through an extra curricular group we happened to all be in), which hurts, even if I don't have concrete proof of it. I feel myself sinking back into that depressive state and it's affecting my coursework. Couldn't even bring myself to attend classes this morning. What do I do?
  6. I was out with my friends at a gay bar in my hometown in California, A super cute boy approached me and asked to dance. We kissed and exchanged social media and left. He was from a different state about 600 miles away, and he was just visiting for the weekend. He asked if he could take me out on a date and I said I would love that. We met on a Saturday and planned our date for Monday but we ended up going back to the same bar and seeing each other again the next day on Saturday. We spent the whole night together, dancing, kissing and flirting. We went our separate ways, he was staying with a friend and I was staying with my parents (we are both 21 and In college). The next day we had our date and I picked him up and took him to a pretty spot on the beach and we had a great time, we ended the night with some of my friends at my friends apartment because it was near where he was staying. We planned on seeing eachother one more time before he left, I was going to take him to the airport. I picked him up for the airport at 7:30 AM and we got coffee and cuddled in my car and kissed again before he left. We made plans to see eachother again, he wanted me to come with him to Hawaii, Coachella, New York all this! We kept talking on snapchat for a week and a half after he left, flirting and giving eachother compliments, asking about eachothers day and everything. Then, one day two weeks into talking, everything just changed. He became super dry, stopped asking about my day and giving me compliments. I started getting super insecure, I thought "am I not good enough?" "Did I do something wrong?" "Is this normal for a long distance situationship. I never truly planned on dating him, he lived 600 miles from me, I just wanted him to be someone I can see again when he comes back to California (he says he comes to my hometown every month or so) or maybe travel together with this summer. It seems like he has lost interest, but I might just be overthinking. We still talk, he never leaves me on read, but its just dry. I want to be able to have my hot boy summer, dating around and meeting new boys with no strings attatced (and im not necessarily talking about sex, thats not very important to me)but he is the only boy I am talking to at the moment so he is all I think about. All my friends say I need to give him the same energy he is giving me, but I dont want to lose the possibility of seeing him again. He is so cute, smart, fun and sweet. What should I do?Should I try to plan something for him to come visit or should I let him make the move? Help!!!
  7. So this is fairly complicated but I will try my best to explain the situation I am in. I met girl 1 the end of last year and we became really good friends and grew really close. She had told me multiple times that she just wanted to be friends as she had just gotten out of a toxic relationship. However, I failed to control my emotions and ended up falling in love with her just 4 months into our friendship. I told her that this is how I felt, even though we weren't dating, because I just wanted to be honest with her. We tried to put that behind us and move forward as friends but as you can expect it didn't last long. She felt as if there was a disconnect and she wanted to talk less to me so that I could stop being in love with her. That didn't work either and so we stopped talking all together. Its been about 3 months since we last talked and to this day I still have feelings for her and would love to start fresh and be friends. It seems cliché but I really haven't met a girl like her before and I can't seem to forget her. Honestly if the timing was better and she was open to dating, we would definitely be dating by now. Girl 2 I had known for roughly the same amount of time but we were just really good friends and neither of us were attracted to the other. Girl 2 lives across the country so we have never met in person. Couple weeks ago she came to hangout with me and by the end of the night we both could tell that we liked each other but we didn't say anything. I felt confused because I loved spending time with her but at the same time I am still not over girl 1. Girl 2 and I later talked about this whole mess and she told me to pick one or the other. She also knows girl 1, and does not like her. In fact, girl 2 said if we were to date, then I would have to block girl 1 on everything and forget her. For a while now I have been considering reaching out to girl 1 and trying to make things right and continue our friendship. To my surprise she has been thinking about doing the same. I know this because girl 1 is in contact with one of my other friends. She told him that she hasn't said anything to me because she doesn't know how I feel about things and that she will not reconcile with me if I still have feelings for her. So now I am stuck in this awkward place and I don't know what to do. I know that whatever decision I make, girl 2 will support it so its not like I will lose her as well. The only problem with dating girl 2 and forgetting girl 1, is the distance. We are busy with our lives and so it will be difficult to meet each other in person often. At the same time I don't want to forget girl 1 and I want to rekindle our friendship. I truly believe that one day girl 1 and I can date if we are both in the right headspace. During the time we were talking it was pretty much as close as you can get to dating without actually dating. I also know that girl 2 likes me a lot and is in it for a potential long term relationship, however the distance is an issue for me even though she doesn't care about distance. I just don't want to make a hasty decision and end up having regrets. What the hell do I do? Thank you guys for all the help!
  8. So, in one of my previous posts, I expressed how my boyfriend (19M) gave me (19F) his chain to wear to keep him with me and stuff while we do long distance, and then I found out his ex wore his chain, too, which made me uncomfortable. So, I am going to give it back to him, but I kind of want something else to remember him by now since I'm no longer wearing his chain- I literally feel naked now without it... I never took it off and I legit fell asleep holding the cross in my hand... I'm trying to find a way to tell to him that I want him to get me something FOR ME, more personal you know? ... NOTHING BIG!!! I literally went on ebay and saw these $15 customizable necklaces *wink* *wink* Is it bad to ask for something straight up or is hinting the way to go? Especially since I want it to be sincere... should I just wait and see if he gets me something? :) thank ya!
  9. My ex and I were together for 2 years, long distance (even though his house is just 30 mins away from mine). We met in high school through a friend and I liked him since we met. I have to admit our relationship was toxic back then since he was going through a tough time in his life. He called me names and cursed at me but I still loved him. Even my friend told me to dump him but I didn't. I decided to take a break from him for at least a few months and after that, I got to talk to him again and he told me "Thank you so much for loving me all this time." and he got a little better than he was before. The relationship was slowly getting better and we grew together but since last year, I have gotten busy and hadn't had time for my partner. This went on for 9 months and by the time I could talk with my partner again, he was acting aloof. And then he dumped me. For a downgrade. This new girl apparently seduced him while I was gone and he gave in to her. He was disguising her as a friend and then when he dumped me, he said she is better than me. He apologized to me and he said he'll "gladly" be friends with me. But his new rebound relationship is more toxic. He literally controls the girl's choice of gender (she is part of the LGBTQ fam) and her speech (don't really know why). I'm in the middle of no contact and I'm slowly healing. Is there a chance that we can get back together again?
  10. Hey, I started dating this angel since the beginning of covid-19. it has been hard for her specially she is younger than me 5 years younger. and we are from different countries and so far away from each other like there is an ocean between us. but i really love her and she does too i had so many relations before her so i know this one is true we are together for almost 2 years now since 2020 as i said. the problem now is in the distance i am planning to meet her when i can but this can happen so late cause i still have military or army to go to also i am feeling helpless cause i am not there for her when she needs help and even us talking about a problem i feel i am not good enough in it cause i don't know how to deal with bad things to be honest and i don't know how to make her feel better just over text. so can anyone help me ? i really want this to last and i really love her i want to know how to make her feel better at least just about the problems she is having i am trying to only listen though i want to know if there is more we are in that struggle phase where we fought 3 times now and it keeps getting to the point where we say we should break up and i don't want that to happen neither is she.
  11. I work all around the country and I started dating a girl about 6 months ago. So I wake up and we talk on the phone for about an hour, then we text every few minutes all day at work until I get off then we talk on the phone or video chat every day until I sleep. If I have. Day off away from home we will talk for the entire day with the only time when we are not in the phone or in a video being when I use the bathroom, shower, or when I can convince her to go to sleep. Then I will stay up every night to relax and read or watch YouTube. When I am back home I spend every night at her apartment. It's like pulling teeth to get her to come stay at my house because of her dog who has already attacked my cat. I maybe stay one night at my house with her and her dog when I am home every time and I never get to give my cat any love cause I have to lock her in another room and bar it so her dog can't get to the cat. We talk about the future a lot but it is basically that I need to get rid of my cat, sell my house, quit my job, sell my vehicles, take a job near to her apartment at half the pay, and just live there. I feel like I can't make her happy and her future is so stifling... I want to be with her but I can't give anymore of myself without giving up everything I have worked for in my life. It was hard to buy a house and get there vehicles paid off and keep them up. Not to mention I do very well with my job....
  12. My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) are now long distance due to going home for summer. We are used to not texting each other pretty much all day because we know we will see each other the next day in class, but now that we’re long distance, that isn’t working for me. I expressed to him that he needs to text me more or something because I get a text from him at 5pm and then we ft for a couple hours at night. I want to hear from him more in the day, so I told him that I would like him to text me in the morning. I do text first, A LOT, and if I don’t, I get the text at 5pm. Am I overrating? I don’t think I am because we are now long distance and I can’t just say “see you tomorrow,” it’s now, “see you in a couple weeks.” Whenever I have brought this up to him, he just brushes me off kind of or says that I’m saying he’s a bad boyfriend and not trying (which I’m not! I just want him to text me more! is that too much to ask ???) and says “so you want to text all day and then facetime for 5 hours at night?” and I’m like no, I never said that. But then, he says he’ll try harder. I feel like I shouldn’t be asking him to text me, I feel like it should be a given. If he wanted to text me, he would, so? He also says he’s really giving 100%, and I believe him, but his 100% cannot be the same as it was in school, things are different now. He also kind of has this high school relationship mindset where a relationship should come with no problems and if there are problems then he gets upset or doesn’t really want to hear it. I’ve told him that i’m not close to breaking up yet, not even close, but if this continues the whole damn summer, then it’ll be too hard.... So, Help! Please! PS I don’t think he’s hiding anything from me or anything, I just wanna communicate with him more during the day. also i have some lowkey trust/abandonment issues because as a child i was abandoned then adopted so im going see someone about that lol but that is a factor i think
  13. Hi all! I'd really love some advice on a confusing situation so here's what happened: Ex and I dated for five great years, doing distance the last year and a half. We're both moving soon to new cities and were excited to make that jump together. Then last year, COVID hit, he lost his job, and started struggling with mental health. I've known before that when he gets stressed or overwhelmed he retreats from everything. I think when we were doing distance he'd take that lack of feeling and just assume it meant he doubted our relationship or that we were a bad fit. He ends things last summer (on the PHONE) saying he felt like he needed to be alone. We didn't talk for about a month, met up again, and had a big emotional reunion. I started going to visit him every 3-4 weeks and it was always great. However, I noticed some signs of trouble. When I was there he was extremely happy. But the second I left he'd go back and forth mentally with this push/pull of sometimes being really into it and sometimes pushing me away completely. I knew he was still struggling with mental health so did my best to be patient and talk through things with him. I knew he was struggling but I was still hopeful we were getting on the path to moving to the same place and that the distance/covid was the only reason we were in limbo. He FaceTimed me again about a month ago (after a great weekend and ~4 months after we reconnected) saying it was too hard and that we should stop talking. I'm not trying to minimize his feelings at all, but it really felt like a slap in the face to me after we had been rebuilding our relationship and looking at cities together. I feel like I've been discarded like it was nothing so he can live the single life with his guy friends and try to distract himself from his problems. He also has some commitment-phobic tendencies I've always known about, but I can't help but feeling t was his recent struggle with mental health that's caused all this to happen? I'm having a tough time moving on because I'm not sure if this is the kind of situation where he will eventually "wake up" and realize he was treating the person he claimed to love really unfairly and pushing me away. And I do know I deserve better at this point I don't even know what to think.
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