Andrina

Does he seem very passive with his mother, like he doesn't want to argue with her and rock the boat? Curfews are normal, but if you're saying that he leaves you to go home by 9 or 10 at night to appease her, then that's a Mama's boy and this dynamic likely won't change, even when he moves out. I dated a Mama's boy for 2 years when I was in high school. I had no problem with normal rules parents set, but like you, got upset when the parent started intruding where they shouldn't. I ultimately dumped that bf because I knew he would always side with his mother over me, and that her thoughts and opinions would override his and mine. I believe a parent of an older teen about to turn 20 must assume he is having sex with his longterm partner. If I were the parent, I would have already discussed birth control and STD prevention, and would want to meet the parents to ensure he wouldn't be in a dangerous situation going on vacation (there are crazy people in the world). If he allows his mother to manipulate him in areas where a parent shouldn't have a say-so, I would end things now. If you're not happy in the present, it's naive to be hopeful of major changes. If he doesn't want to break up and says he will stand up for himself, then give him time to show that you are his priority as he moves into adulthood and cutting the apron springs.

In my area, we've been having fall festivals with corn mazes, etc. I don't know where you live. I can only say some activities I've done with my husband: parasailing, ziplining, airboat ride, flea market, hiking in parks. Have fun!

If you will only be happy with a major change, it's best not to be hopeful. That's naive. I'd free myself to eventually find someone not immersed in this same egregious situation.

Aren't the beginning of relationships meant for vetting? If you both have opposing views on major things, jealousy when it's not warranted, and the bad outweighs the good, isn't this a sign you're not compatible with one another? Learn to walk away when you see major differences. It seems you haven't learned that their are certain issues you can communicate about to improve a relationship, and some things that if you ask a person to stop, he/she will resent you in the end. Best to find someone you are on the same page with in all major areas from the get-go.

I'm assuming they are conservative Christians, but they couldn't even make it wor with their own marriage, so it's a bit ridiculous for them to expect this of you. You don't get to pick anybody else's partner for them, so don't allow anybody else's influences affect who you choose for your partner. I imagine it's best to both think of the future, yet also have a wait-and-see attitude, because many new relationships might not progress past the honeymoon stage. To know if you are not wasting your time, do you share the same major life goals, such as one day having children or not? Where each of you would like to ultimately live? How did you two meet? Did he immediately tell you he'd have to be moving in the timeline he's telling you now, or did you just find this out? When he finds out where he's going, you'll have to see if the territory you're moving to regularly hires out-of-towners or not. That all depends on the place, since sometimes jobs are scarce and they save those for their natural born residents. If your parents ever begin griping about your partner, learn to cut the discussion short. You're a grown woman now, so start acting like one. If they are bullies, they will continue if you act like a doormat. When you stand up for yourself and temporarily pull your presence away if they are being toxic, they might learn how to treat you better. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

This is a bit unclear. You were equally making less effort in time together? Or, you were complaining that his alone time is unsatisfactory to you? How old are you two? In these 3 years, do you just spend one day or night each week together? Are you both in college or not? Do you both work full time with the same schedule? What does he do for fun with his guy friends? Do none of his guy friends have girlfriends or wives that you two double date with? Yeah, I'm surprised this is a 3 year relationship because it sounds more like a newer relationship that's never gotten traction. Have you mainly been the one driving this train? If you sat back and waited for him to make effort, do you think he would allow things to fade away with you? What's your life like besides having a bf? Just trying to see the bigger picture to know what advice to give.

This was all about someone you never even dated, but whom you were interested in romantically. It is behavior way out of the norm, so you really need to make an appointment with a uni psychologist. You're obviously very type A in all things and used to excelling academically, so when it happened that you felt as though you failed in romance, you can't accept it. So much so that when you think of it as failing, you don't want to risk failing again and just throw up your hands in defeat to never try again. Really, if you will be too busy in a career in the future to search for a partner, then how is it that if you got together with your present love interest, that you'd have time to devote to her? You can't just reel in someone, promising them shelter and expensive gifts, believing that will ensure a happy relationship even though you have no time for her. Do you feel anxious when you don't get a set amount of gym time in? If you say no to requests of your fellow students asking you to tutor them or help them, etc? If so, that's further proof you could do with psychological sessions with a professional. You've already shown serious signs of mental burnout and no wonder with your schedule. Please don't sabotage yourself even further by getting a restraining order against you by some frightened woman when you show up without announcement and won't take no for an answer. Believe me, the consequences will end in you not getting jobs you hoped for when they look to see if you have a criminal record, etc. Your schedule right now isn't fair for any woman to be involved with you at the moment. And it's best you start reconsidering a life plan where you will have a healthy balance of time in a career, time with a spouse, friends, family, and time to yourself for leisure time. For now, see if some of your gym time and time helping fellow students can be whittled to make less steam inside your pressure cooker. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Well, working the extra 10 hours isn't permanent, since that will stop when the company hires someone new. Is your boyfriend overwhelmed too? Does he work full time? Do you two live together? What has he done to support you besides emotional support? As said, think of ways to reduce stress. Downsizing to cheaper accommodations, so that you can maybe ask to cut down on some of your work hours. See if it's allowed to take on a lighter workload in school credits. It might take you longer to finish, but it'd be better to excel than trying to keep your head above water. As far as your friends go, you can now compartmentalize them into another category of people to have fun with, but lower your expectations on a shoulder to cry on. If you're regularly disappointed, consider that sometimes friends can grow apart, or perhaps they tire of too much griping from you and don't want to enable that. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

Perhaps the way their relationship is, is exactly how she likes it. Lots of independence. They have no children and aren't cohabiting, so it'd be very easy to leave if she wanted to. So you know how she operates, and you wouldn't expect the same behavior from her--doing this with another guy--if you became her boyfriend? Or do you think you'd be so special to her that you'd finally be the one she doesn't betray in this manner? That's called naivety, if so, because what you see is what you get. Firstly, she's not good gf material and you having the hots for her is clouding your good judgement. Secondly, it's unethical to share that you have romantic feelings with a taken woman. My advice is to no longer eat lunch together and no longer see each other outside of work. You can bow out gradually if you wish, to prevent questions from her. If she starts asking questions, you might want to mention that when you start dating someone, that certain someone might start questioning how much time you're spending with a female co-worker, so you find it best to nip that in the bud before it becomes a habit. Because all the time and emotional energy you put toward an unobtainable woman eats up the time you could be using to find a gf, which you obviously want. It's affecting you negatively already, since you have no desire to bond with anyone else. And you will drive away any dating prospects, who won't be dumb about you being hung up on this co-worker. Not the answer you wanted, but life is hard and sometimes you have to make decisions that are hard in the moment, but are necessary. Take care and keep us updated.

Of course you'll mourn someone you've been with for 2 years. Doesn't matter that you rationalize it was for the best. Don't worry about taking longer than normal to grieve this. Keep doing what you're doing, and after her photos disappear, in about 4 months time, I'm sure you will no longer be thinking of her daily. Vow to stay alone a minimum of 6 months, and even up to a year. This should prevent you rebouding and entering something new you won't emotionally be ready for. Please learn from this that as soon as you see major incompatibilities, it's best to cut a person loose so you can be free to find your match. Take care.

You discussed your boundaries clearly. She doesn't fear losing you by breaking a boundary so isn't that clear to you she doesn't value the relationship as a partner should? Whatever she wanted to get out of communicating to and meeting up with an ex took priority over respecting the integrity of your relationship, plus your feelings over the matter. I can only say that would be a dealbreaker for me. You only get one go around on the planet and picking a prime partner is of utmost importance. You can start over at any age. I did and am happy for it.

Well, a partner regularly being rude to you would kill the love, wouldn't it? How stressful a job is doesn't give a person a free pass to lash out at anyone. Time to find some peace in your life, so continue flying solo.

If he knew your thoughts, wouldn't you assume he wouldn't want you pretending to love him, just to try to prevent him and family and friends from being upset? People survive breakups all the time. You'll be doing him a favor to break up now, so he doesn't invest any further time in a situation where you're faking it.

Sometimes it catches a person off-balance when you react a totally different way to their comments than you normally do. Instead of laughing which is disingenuous, why not be truthful in a way that's not attacking them but sharing how you feel, like: "Ouch, that comment hurts." "I feel like I'm being picked on and I'm sure nobody would intend to be that mean. Can you tell me what you meant by that so I can understand?" "Yeah, I thought about trying to get rid of my accent, but it's a part of my heritage so why should I change what I'm proud of?" On the other hand, if your bf isn't sticking up for you when someone badmouths you, then why would you stay with who is supposed to have your back above all else? You overheard the bad comment by his bf, but you didn't overhear your bf telling the guy that he was out of line? You can't tell your bf who not to be friends with, but you can observe his behavior as he surrounds himself regularly with people who aren't making you feel welcome. What does that tell you?

Your self-love is in the gutter if you stay with him one more millisecond. Well, actually, there are no "ifs" since you're questioning others to get input for what you should already know. Tell him this relationship is no longer working for you, and then read up on how to improve your self-worth so that you will make wiser decisions in the dating world.

Firstly, when your mother says anything negative about your bf, end the conversation. That's why we have feet to walk and a red button on the phone to hang up. You tell her that you can't force her to like your bf, but you will expect her to be pleasant around him and that you won't listen to badmouthing. She is speaking from a place a fear for you moving away, but it's still wrong. I move away from my parents in my early twenties, and they were not elderly. But when they were entering the retirement years, I told them if they expected me to help out with their elderly needs, that they would have to move nearby me, since I wasn't willing to move to their state. They got to live where they wanted for most of their lives, so they would have to make the sacrifice of moving because it wasn't fair to expect me to move in the prime of my life. It's nice to help parents with elderly issues if possible, but it's not their given right. They did move and then I was happy to help them, and it's convenient that we were only a 10 minute drive from each other. There are always ways to help parents whether near or far. If you are far, and can afford it, you could arrange an occasional delivery of food, etc. You could pay for someone to come in once or twice a week to do housecleaning and cooking. You could help them look into what their medical insurance covers for home health visits, assisted living facilities, and any of their other present or future needs. If you do need to move after marriage, if it makes you feel better, you can buy a place with an in-law suite, or tell your parents if they want your help as they age, they are free to move by you in your new home. If your parents haven't built a social system, that's on them. You shouldn't feel pressured to provide their only social outlet. Finding a great partner is difficult. I wouldn't let this man go. There are always solutions to problems, and I've suggested many options you can use to help your parents out whether you are near or far. Good luck.

You're being unreasonable with this acknowledgement about the monthly anniversary expectations. Things are special because of their rarity. Once a year birthdays and once a year major holidays as an example. If these things were celebrated monthly it's too much, over the top, and gets boring. Who are these friends he gets together with? Male and female or just guys? What do they do when they get together and how often do they get together? Do his friends have girlfriends or wives? If so, why don't you double date? You don't mention any of his good traits. What makes him a prime candidate for your forever person in your eyes?

You never answered why you've regularly seen him over these 4 months, so I'll assume you chose to do this. Seeing someone and regularly speaking about them to friends and family is keeping him very much front and center in your present life. It was the first stage of the process, but that's a stage that now needs to end. To get to that stage, I'd stop talking about him to friends and stop seeing him in person. So in his twenty-plus years of dating, you say his longest relationship besides you was 18 months, so clearly he doesn't care enough about anybody to put in the effort it takes for a long term relationship. He didn't care enough to ask for fixes to what he saw as problems, or maybe he didn't have any problem with you except that you expected forever and he didn't. Yes, you've had the rug pulled out from under you, so you're of course feeling bad. But it's now time to stop wallowing and spin a new reel in your mind: It's good he showed his true self before I wasted any more time on him. I'm now free to eventually find a better partner for me when the time is right.

These are the moments you have to be a mature adult and place boundaries on yourself. If there were no other people to be made uncomfortable in the situation (spouses, co-workers seeing favoritism and fraternization), then this might be doable but still ill-advised. It's like a child eating endless amounts of candy because her brain isn't fully formed to worry about the consequences. A child has an excuse. You don't, because you know better but are still engaging for the inappropriate fulfillment you get from all of this. Mature adults who possess ethics think about how their actions affect others, and if it's negative, then they stop. If it doesn't make you feel better to do the right thing, I suggest making an appointment with a psychologist to try to change the "me, me, me" mentality.

How is it that you're bumping into him now and then? Can that be stopped? I know how it can take longer to get over someone you're regularly having to see, even if briefly. Probably with more time and distance, you will eventually see he was really not the person you assumed, because at least if he had a good heart, he'd be pleasant in passing instead of making you feel worse, with his dirty looks, than you already do. I know that happened to me when a guy I dated a year broke up with me. At first, I wanted him back because I'd been too close to the situation and thought I loved him, even as he stressed me out so badly I got hives twice during the year because of him. By the time he texted me four months later for who knows what, I didn't even want to speak to him, and realized he did me a favor by breaking up. I'm glad you have a good support system of friends. Good luck.

If he's the one who contacted you first online, please know that some people who seek out long distance relationships do so just because they DON'T want a long term relationship. They get what they want during a honeymoon stage and then exit when the relationship should go to the next level with longterm daily effort needed. And getting out seems easier to them since the person lives far away and might be less likely to come around pleading, etc. I'm not saying this was definitely his way of operating, but you're taking bigger risks with LDRs versus local dating.

Because you've known each other a mere 60 days and it's not love. It's infatuation. So someone can dump you very easily at this point, even if it was something shallow like he was turned off by some lint in your belly button. When a person cares, solutions will be discussed, but assume the caring isn't enough on his part if he hasn't suggest what improvements he'd like made. Normally, it's far too soon to try playing house when you weren't even out of the honeymoon period, but in this case, perhaps it worked out because you both had your rose-colored glasses ripped off.

Geez, you're only 24 and you're signing yourself up for such misery. I was getting depressed just reading about what you'd like to return to. Someone being pretty should not override her abandonment issues, anxiety, and all that other stuff that makes a person a poor candidate as a partner. And you just waiting for women to fall in your lap is not a good dating plan. I used to have a friend who did the same thing but with guys, and each one was totally subpar. I told her that she was being passive and it wasn't working for her. Being proactive and taking the reins would've been far smarter. You will have to get used to enjoying social settings with practice, because if you just expect to have a gf without hanging out with friends like other couples and groups, and going to concerts, participating in hobbies, etc., then that gets quite boring and smothering. I was shy but when I was single, I joined Meetup.com groups and people always spoke to me at the events and I made my own effort. I survived and so will you.

Only attempt dating women whose words plus actions=the same interest you have in her. You're there for her as a fan and a listening ear. Don't be used liked that. When two people don't have the same relationship goals, it's time to move on.

Read back on all the beginning responses. In her mind, maybe she felt cornered or that you were pushy and couldn't take a hint (her fault for not being clear and saying no from the get-go). But also your fault as many of us women posters said that we would never let a golden opportunity pass us by if we were truly interested in a guy, and that she knew the ball was in her court and she never lobbed it back. Perhaps she thinks if she responds, since you keep putting in effort without any from her, that in giving you that inch, you'll take a mile. Just guessing as per what I've observed in life. I, too, am often disappointed by others behavior when I know how I'd act differently in the same situation. I hope you have better luck with the next lady you're interested in.