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Notmi

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  1. I am a 27 y old woman and I have been sexually active since I was 16-17 years old. Since my first experiences I have had a hard time orgasming, it had to be through oral sex or with the help of my hands. I have never experienced vaginal orgasm (I dont even know if everyone can do it). When I am masturbating I can reach in less than a minute but its only in a certain position with my own hand and thats it. This is not a big issue for me. I enjoy sex and I can make my self orgasm during sex and I am happy with how things are. I hope I could do more but since its not happening, I cannot stress over it. The problem is my partners. EVERY TIME I have sex with a new partner ( not one-night stands, guys that I see more than a couple of times and might go seriously), we have to talk about it. Every guy asks me if I can orgasm in some other way and every guy knows techniques to make me hypothetically orgasm and it just ruins the whole thing. I always explain that this is the way and that I need my time to maybe manage something else (I have managed to do it through rubbing at some point but I have lost that skill again), but I always see the disappointment in their faces. I cant take this anymore. It is making me insecure. In my last long term relationship my partners sex drive fell nearly to zero (it was one of the reasons we broke up) and it ruined my sexuallity. In a talk we had he said that its not fun for him to always have to do the same thing for me to orgasm. Now I am with a new guy trying things out in the bedroom and yesterday he had to ask about it too. I feel horrible today. What can I do about all this?
  2. What I want is HOW to say it. How do I express it without sounding like I am offensive?
  3. We were really good friends before this. We are a group of 5 friends (almost a decade now) and we are like sisters. She is from a smaller town a three hour drive from the city. She does not want to come in arguing with her parents about giving her more money so she can rent (even though they absolutely HAVE money to spend). Its been now 2 months that the dance school is closed and she did not go back at her town to wait for the exams. She has no social life there and does not want to live with her parents. I can understand all this but shouldn't she have asked? If I am ok with this? OR at least offer to pay something? She had a really bad break up almost a year ago and since then she is devastaded and everyone babies her including me. I stopped doing it when I started thinking that there maybe something more in that. I think she is playing victim for some reason but no one sees it. Every time I talked to her she avoids it and I cant pressure it more. I dont want her to go around and say to my other friends that I am kicking her out. I need this to be done in a delicate way. She will make a drama out of this and I cannot be in this situation right now.
  4. My dad is upset but understand that it is a very delicate problem and wont do anything that will make it difficult for me. What bothers me the most is that she did not ask to stay more, and that everytime I imply or ask she avoids the whole discussion.
  5. Hello again! Thanks a lot for anyone reading this and making time to answer and help me- I really need it. This post involves various relationships and I did not know where to post it. It will probably be moved. I am 27 old (f) and 1,5 year ago I moved out of my college town to a big city(hometown) for work. I moved in with a very good friend of mine in an 2 bedroom apartment I own (its my fathers actually but I get to use it and not rent), to split the bills and support each other in this new beggining (We do the same job). The original plan was to live with my friend for a year (plenty of time for her to find a job, learn the city etc )and then move in with my boyfriend, until he decided not to come to my city and this lead to eventually break up after a 5 year relationship in May. After this I tried a new relationship with another guy but it did not work out. Around May another friend of us came to stay as a guest in the house for a couple of months, to find a job and give entry exams in a dance school (which was her dream). We offered to keep her as a guest until September when her exams would take place, thinking that at summer we would be on vacation and away so it would not be difficult for three people in the house. Due to covid her exams got postponed and she decided to stay here even more without asking. She stays in the living room, which means the living room (which is the biggest room in the house two) is out of limits. I am forced to be in my bedroom all day. I did not choose this. Her exams will probably be taking place after December (But who knows with covid going on), and she avoids every conversation about leaving. She does not pays rent of course. Her family has money and she intends on buying her own apartment as soon as she passes her exams. But I cannot continue living like this. I am starting to notice things in her behavior I dont like at all. She gets really upset and almost angry every time someone visits. even though we cannot sit on our couch and I am locked in a small bedroom with my guest she still is annoyed by the guests and shows it by being passive agressive for days. This was the main reason I broke it off with my last love interest. She was annoyed every time he was here, so I stopped him from coming because I could not have this toxic relationship build up every day. I dont know what to do. She somehow has the whole friend group convinced (myself included in the beggining) that she is need of help and support, that her life is bad etc when in reality she is really lucky for at least being able to be financially supported to do her dream and buy a house and not having to work. My roomate is a very kind person and babies her all day long. She is not annoyed by this (she even cookes fore her so she can practice and be relaxed like ???) I am the only one seeing this? How do I tell her I need her to leave whithout the whole friend group loking at me as a monster?
  6. UPDATE. Thank you all for your advice and help. I decided to talk to him and explain the situation. We went for a walk and I was very very honest with him, I told him that I am very hurt and I had no time to heal and I cannot invest in another relationship right now. I also explained all the stress I live through daily and why I feel like isolating, and all of this combined with a lockdown due to COVID makes me depressed. I told him that I still like him and I would love to continue something cool between us but meeting once a week is already hard and I have no more to give emotionally. I explained that I like to keep my little free time to myself and not share it, and that is something he needs to respect. He said he understands and we had a great time. But of course it did not last. He did not really understand ANYTHING. He continues to call and inviting himself over at my place and I have to bring myself at the akward place to say no and find reasons to why I cannot see him. For example, the other day I told him that I was tired from working in front of the PC for 10 hours straight and he was saying to me how can you be so tired, or arent you used to it yet and stuf like that. I get that he wants to see me but I want to be alone. He makes me furious but I dont want to cut him off completely. I enjoy his company as a friend too and I dont want us not to talk at all. Help?
  7. If you are okay with him watching porn (I think you should be), why is having favourite porn stars a problem? Guys, pick the porn they watch mostly because of the actress/pornstar they prefer. Only fans is just a way for those women/men to work for the money they deserve without depending on clicks and huge proportions of their money take by third party sites (like pornhub etc.) It is really the same thing, but he pays directly. He is buyng sex in a capitalist world where anything is sold. Is this ok in general? hell no. What is excactly that hurts you the most? do you feel like it is getting too personal? Is this affecting your sex life? Is it something he hid from you? What is the excact point in you that feels betrayed?
  8. I dont know if this is the correct section to post this since it includes many types of relationships so I am going to post it here and it will be probably moved. So I am 27 y old woman, I have been in two long term relationships, first (4years) being abusive and the second one(5years) with an emotionally unavaliable boyfriend. Breaking up this May left me completely scarred, unable to love and trust. I am not over my last long term, we are still talking once in a while, I miss him a lot and love him and I am trying to forgive and accept what our relationship was and that we tried our best and just stay friends (not hate each other). Since then I got involved in a sexual and romantic "relationship" with a friend of mine. It was really chill and made me feel free and happy and even feeling like falling in love, finally being able to focus on myself and have a nice time with another person whenever our schedules allowed it. After the first 3 months I started having some other personal problems (I changed jobs and the new one is really demanding and I have a serious issue with my roomates), and this made it difficult for me and the new love interest to meet and spend time together. He lives still with his parents and sisters and I live with 2 other people in a house that barely is for 2. (Big problem where should I post about this? I really need help). My roomates dont like it when he comes here, and are being passive aggressive about it, but I can get the tension it creates. All of this makes me extremely tired and I really lack personal space and time. I only see him at night for 2-3 hours before sleep once a week and the we sleep together and when we wake up I go to work and thats it. With COVID and stuff every bar and cafe and restaurant is closed and we really cant go anywhere else. This is bothering him. Its been a month now he starts demanding more space in my life and I feel like I am drowning. He is overanalyzing my every move, even if we meet and I feel tired and I need sleep he act like, what is wrong and I have to apologize about being sleepy. He is not agressive or manipulative he is too sensitive and probably feels more about me than I do for him. I cannot be involved in another relationship right now. I need something free of demands and responsibilities so I can actually enjoy my free time. I have told him this and he agreed but now he acts like, "we have to talk about how this is going and about our problems etc" I feel really tired. I spent the last 9 years discussing my emotions and relationship problems and I feel hurt and I need time. I dont want to push him away completely I just need to find a way to communicate this.
  9. You should take some time apart and take the kid to a social worker or psych. to eveluate the situation. This might be more dangerous than it seems. I know it is heartbreaking and tough but please take the kid to a doctor. I suggest you leave for sometime to a safe place until what is really happening can be clear. And please dont attack her in the comments. The relationship is clearly abusive, she needs love and suport not being told she is a bad mother.
  10. Hello!! I want to thank everyone for the advice that I was given here all these years. It means a lot to me to have a place where I can really speak how I truly feel. I dont want to write much so here it is. I was in a relationship with a man for 5 years. It was really tough especially in the beggining since he was a very introverted person and emotionally unavailiable and took almost 2 years for him to express his feelings and give me the love I needed as a woman. This made the whole relationship up to that point very exhausting to me, but I kept having hope that things will be fixed. And I was right things got a lot better as time passed. This past year we had to live in different cities, and try long distance even though I have failed at this before (its not for me). I was sure about him that he is the man I want to marry and start a family. All was good exept he is struggling with depression and anxiety (I am too), and this destroyed our sex life. I am only 26 and for the past 4 years I only had sex once a month and I kept being sexually rejected from him. Still I though I should carry on believing in him. He visited just before quarantine and got stuck at my city and it was the worse thing ever. I got extremely anxious I felt I had no space, and freaked out. I was thinking about breaking up or taking a break and I talked to him about it and he kind of agreed to taking a break even though he repeatdly said he needs me and loves me and does not want to. I just felt I needed time and space for myself after all this. Long stoyr short since last year that I moved here I reconnected with some old friends and made some new ones. I met a guy through one of my friends with which I were having a nice time everytime we met as a group. We have been friends for six months almost and it just hit me overnight. I dont know what got into me I could not stop thinking about him. Anyway we all went to a festival together and we kissed. He has been attracted to me since the first time he saw me but he knew I was in a relationship so he did not do anything. I could not hold myself from him. Its been 2 months now I see him almost everyday and the sex is amazing and I am falling in love too fast for what I am used to. He is not the kind of guy I usually pick. He is the good, loving and sensitive type, and I have never been with a guy like that. My friends say that its just a rebound and I will be soon bored and go back to my boyfriend and I will leave him broken hearted. They say I am just fixing the holes my boyfriend (or ex-bf) left and as soon as I am full I will leave. I dont know how to tell them what I feel for him. They dont believe me. I dont even know what is the truth anymore. Whats worse is that I feel like I should have taken some time for myself and really see If I want to be with my bf again or completely end things, and not complicate it with a thrid person. I am really confused. Why did this happen?
  11. I am sure he says the truth. I checked with mutual friends today. He has it...
  12. I have a long time to post here.. I find this forum really helpful from time to time. Thank you all for you time and kindness. One decade ago when I was 17 I had my first relationship. I dont want to go into details about how this worked out, but it broke me to a thousand pieces. He was mentally and physically abusive and made me suffer for a long time. you can read my story here if you want https://www.enotalone.com/forum/showthread.php?t=548602 It took me nearly 3 years to get over punishing and blaming myself for what happened to me. I forgave him for what he did so I can forgive myself and find peace and be ok in my new relationship and life. I have not seen him since we broke up. I dont have feeling for him anymore. He calls me or messages me like twice a year, either late at night drunk saying he still loves me and he is sorry, or at day saying he would like to see me some time for a coffee. He says he just wants to check if I am ok. He tells me he is sorry every time. He also said that he went to a therapist after we broke up. Fast forward to a while back (I think september) I moved back in my hometown where he lives too. I met one of our mutual "friends" and he said that my ex had a small health problem and had to stay in the hospital for a while. So he called me yesterday (his twice a year phonecall) and asked me to go for a coffee (I turn him down everytime). I said no and he said I had to try, and asked how I was and when I asked him I remembered about what that friend told me and I asked him. He did not want to tell me at first but eventually he did. He has thyroid cancer and it has spread to other places too. He says that doctors believe there is hope. He sounded cool about it. I freaked out. He said that he called me because he wants to talk to me before he is submitted for his operation in a week from now. I freaked out told him that I have a bussiness call on the other line and I will think about it closed the phone and cried my heart out. Whatever he did to me he does not deserve this. He is only 27. I have wished him death so many times when angry. I cannot describe how I feel. Should I go? Give him the chance to say he is sorry but risk my emotional well being?
  13. No I am not from an asian family. I am not putting dad on a pedestal. My dad wont support me in this. I wanted to write about him too but did not have time while writing the original post. My dad knows she is being controlling and he avoids every kind of fight with her. He just does what she asks him to and when we all fight he never speaks. I have blamed him for this too many times. I have told him that as a parent his job is to protect his child even from its own mother. He says mum loves you more than her life and stuf like that. No my mom was not lost in shuffle. She was from a poor family, got into collage finished law school like a charm and was independent by the age of 23-24. She did whatever she wanted to. Her parents supported her as much as they could and loved her a lot. I am trying to finish my thesis to get my degree and get a job, I have absolutely no time to work part time. What tortures me is that I am very alone in this world. I want her company. I would like to be a pleasant thing to visit them.
  14. I am 25 year old woman and an only child. My parents never had any other kids by choice because they wanted to give me my best chance. I grew up with my mother mostly until 4, she stayed at home while my father worked. I dont remember much from that time, I have a very sweet feeling though we were really close. After that she started working too and I grew up with my father (he is a teacher so he was at home to take care of me). My mother worked a lot and I was seeing her only a little bit at night and sundays. She started being something else. She was always tired and mad and critical of what me and my father were doing at home while she worked. She was never pleased never happy. Maybe she had personal issues with my father that I dont know of. She was very strict with me and too demanding. I was only a child. Since she wasnt home most of the time this was bearable, though it ruined every vacation. I also where a very social child and I wanted to play and socialize with other kids, I was very jealous of people who had siblings. My mother always blamed me that she has to chose and find me friends all the time and I cannot stay alone and play with my toys and have a nice time with them as a family. Years passed like that and when I was 13 my mother suffered a big medical condition that almost left her paralyzed. I was totally frozen when that happened I freaked out never shown it to anyone, I just started having sleep problems (insomnia) that keep on until today. I could not visit the hospital I was having panick attacks, I did not know what it was and never told them about it. She later blamed me for not visiting her and not loving her. She overcame her problem, not all of it, but she walked again. This left her weak to find another job. She never worked again since that. Thats when hell started. She stayed at home all day and she started making her whole life about me. Always checking on me, pushing me extremely hard to be a straight A student (I was already studying a lot), not letting me to go out. She even followed me one day. I was with a friend and we went to eat at the local fastfood store at the mall(thats what all 13-14 kids where doing at the time) and she bashed in screaming that I am spending her money on trash food dragging me home. (!!) As I grew older in my teen years I became more difficult, fighting back, running from home, doing things I should not. She continued being more and more strict and critical of me. She never liked my friends, she also told me that the good students at my school (the good kids) dont want me to hangout with them because I am a failure, and thats why I have the friends that I have. I was hearing insults like that everyday. Last year of high school was a nightmare. I was screaming every day. I had absolutely no personal life. I was jumping from the window everyday to go have a walk. She pushed me to get into univercity. I already studied enough but she always thought it was too little. I started having illnesses from stress (rashes and fever and stuff like that). I finished high school and got in univercity in another city (thank god) and she said that if she did not push me I would have done nothing in my life. When I left things kind of chilled. We still had fights but I was taking too much distance. After some time my grandma (her mum) died and she become softer. We started talking a little more, she was trying to understand me more, and for a moment I really believed we could be friends. But hell no. It started when I decided to work for a summer as a waiter, because I thought I should help with money and I did not want them to pay everything for me. She got mad she started saying that I am working as a (??) and stuff like that she left for vacation leaving me no money and no food to punish me for choosing to work a part time job. The money I got from the summer job were just enough to feed me. I never understood this. What she does now is not the same straightforward critical fighting. She is trying to make me feel guilt. She has no friends no social life (this is what she says) only my father even though he is lovely and he is with her all day. She wants me to go back home. I will graduate and get my degree in a few months and she already starts planning where we will all live (our old house is very small) and where I will work. I am constanlty fighting over the phone saying that there is no way to go back to them. That I will work and try to live alone because I need to be my own woman. She starts crying and saying I dont love her and that she only has me and we are family and all that. She is also reminding me that I am 25 and I need to be married in a while otherwise I will get ugly as I get older and there will be no guys left. What I want is to go abroad. That was my dream since I was a kid. I want to travel and work. She almost had a heart attack when I told her. She tried to convince me that I cant do anything on my own (she is always saying that) and I cannot leave. I countered that by saying that i need to learn to be on my own (I already know I can but whatever) and she said that since I am her only child she will come with me, wherever I go live next. I cant live like this anymore. I cannot feel guilt anymore. Help please
  15. It was very sudden. It started in a bad time for us. He felt I was being all over him but he did not tell me he just pushed me away in silent ways. No sex no communication all day sitting on his laptop. I was shocked and I thought he was cheating at first. After some months and a lot of me blaming you arguments he said this and he also said that he is pushed away by my anxiety and depression disorder. I suffer from extensive insomnia. I did a huge work with my self. He admitted he was acting child like. This was one year ago. We sorted things out since this summer. I dont say anything now. I don't cry anymore I sleep almost every night and I don't nag about the sex problem. I thought if I give him some time it would be fixed. But no. Still the same even though his behavior in every other thing is changed and better.
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