Andrina

Personally, my experience is having a close friend who is a twin, and we've known each other since our early teens. Yeah, their bond seems on overdrive compared to non-twin siblings that I know, and including my own relationship with my siblings. Since I've known them, they've worked at the same places for all 3 of their jobs, although at the last place, they worked at a different branch from one another, and retired within months of each other. They live only 20 minutes apart from one another. I believe it's wiser to have a what-you-see-is-what-you-get mindset, versus hoping for the best and assuming vague plans will come to fruition. From the outside looking in, I'd venture to guess they will at minimum live close by to each other and probably see each other daily, or perhaps even insist on sharing a household for a lifetime. I have seen instances of that on a television show about twins. As you can see, one of the twins already spoke of wishing to move to the same country the other twin was speaking of. But yeah, it's really not fair to try to change someone in a major way like this, when obviously it's the lifestyle they choose and it gives them happiness. Non-twins cannot understand such a bond. IMO, if you'll only be happy when someone changes in a major way, he's the wrong partner for you. I wouldn't be happy with a partner like this either, and I would've walked away as soon as I saw the situation.

The good thing is, is that he does stand up for you and himself, and doesn't give excuses for her behavior. Good in-laws are not always a guarantee, but I say it's only a dealbreaker if the spouse is a wuss and lets the parent or parents manipulate and cross boundaries. If she continues crossing boundaries, I suggest you buy a book or get a library book about boundaries and that you and your husband read it together. Implementing the boundaries early on will be key to nipping bad behavior in the bud. She will have to learn that she will treat you right or visits with her will be cut short.

How very insulting to the entire male gender and ridiculous. Do you also have the same viewpoint that every single woman on the planet has one particular mindset about a major topic like this? People run the gamut so if you continue to think differently, you'll suffer the consequences. You can just as easily fall in love with a man with a more appealing mindset and without red flags. The trick to finding him is to first release the swamp creature back into the sewer he crawled out of.

What comes out of his mouth is what he's interested in. If I were listening to those words from my man I'd be really turned off, see him in a negative light, and would be doing the opposite of clinging to him. I'd be grossed out with the yuck factor and I couldn't get away fast enough. How is it that you find him to be a prized partner?

That sounds like passive aggressiveness to me, like he enjoys dangling a treat in front of you and then whipping it away. That happened to me with regularity with a guy I dated for a year, but instead it was for more leisure time together, since he was a workaholic. In hindsight, after we were broken up, I realized what a jerk he was, given the time and distance away from him. Oral becomes even more important as a woman ages and hormones change. It's far easier to achieve orgasm orally versus by penetration. If it were me, I'd buy some flavored lube and see if he'll agree when that's used. If that doesn't work, IMO, you should move on because he is selfish and you shouldn't have to have a frustrating sexual life with your one go around on this planet. It's not like I'm thrilled to give oral because my jaw becomes sore very quickly, but I do it because my husband's pleasure is important. Good luck.

I don't even know why you bother posting this update when you didn't take the advice, the first time, from what the overwhelming majority had to say. There are other venues to meet women. Meetup.com, volunteer work, hobbies that women your age gravitate to. Obviously, your self-worth is lacking, and you probably feel a false "magical" feeling because dysfunctional situations somehow seem "right" to you. You believe it's all you're worthy of.

Because of your attraction to her, and your investment in time with her, you're overlooking that she's selfish and self-serving to the point that she doesn't care that you will be hurt when she's a cat, batting around a mouse. A decent person, knowing full well she doesn't have romantic chemistry for you, would never play with your feelings with a flirty phone call. She's a grown woman and can seek support during hard times with friends and family. Don't feel like she'll melt into a giant puddle without you. If you choose to not exit at this watershed moment, you will be doing yourself a huge disservice. She is not your responsibility. Speaking for myself, I'd never date someone like you when you're continuing communication with this woman you would've liked more with, and invest a lot of emotional time and energy into her. It'd be good to put her on the back burner and let the friendship fade without drama. But likely she will start questioning you, and if so, I'd just be truthful. You can keep it short and simple. A person who cares will understand, but she's shown she cares more about herself even if it means hurting another, she might balk. Stand your ground. Friendships end all the time for various reasons. It doesn't make you a bad person for doing so. I've let plenty go for my own good. Good luck.

Best to not bottle things up and instead speak your mind to ask for reasonable things. Because if you don't, resentment will build and one day you might let the anger out in the wrong way. It's totally fine to say things like: Can we go dutch on the lunch out we planned for Friday? I'm on a budget. Have you ever sat back and waited for her to ask you for a date instead of you initiating each date? If not, I'd do that to give her a chance to make an effort, and to get out of a predictable pattern you're growing irritable with. You can even tell her those are your wishes, for her to do the asking just as often as you do. If she asks you out, and it seems like she's waiting for you to pull your wallet out, if it were me, I'd say: Oh, when I've asked you out, I've paid, so I assumed you'd sometimes treat me. If you're afraid of upsetting her, then if she's upset over a reasonable request, it's good to know ASAP she is selfish and unreasonable, and then you can consider if someone like that isn't for you. It could be though, that she's clueless because of being sheltered, or has some false assumptions, and when told what you think is the norm and healthy, she'll jump on board with that. As for intimacy, don't shove your wants and needs under a doormat because of someone who is always operating from a stance of fear. There's a difference between that and using normal precautions. Communication is key, as said, and knowledge is power to determine if a person is worth being patient for. But if the waiting around extends to extremes, it might be best to consider if being in an abnormal, frustrating relationship is in your best interest. Certainly going from long kisses to pecks is bizarre. I remember the first guy I dated thought French kissing was gross, and even with my inexperience, I thought, BORING. LOL Good luck and let us know how it goes.

That's way too little to ask for. And you are not at fault for not wanting to be intimate with a drunk. Him providing a salary for shelter and some bills by itself is not enough to stay with a man. He's not a good spouse nor a decent parent. Attending an al-anon meeting will likely make you feel confident that divorce, since he refuses seeking sobriety, to be the only good choice for you and your children. If he's on any of your credit cards or a joint member on your bank account, I would begin removing him from those to begin with. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

At your age, it's very rare that the person you're dating will wind up being your lifetime partner. Most people have numerous dating experiences with a variety of partners, and learn what they want and what they don't want from each relationship. You're learning from this experience that your relationship boundaries don't match. You prefer dating someone who isn't buddies with an ex, and he has the opposite view. Time to leave a relationship that is more upsetting than satisfactory. This is a time in life you'll be meeting a huge people of singles in your age group. Keep cutting the losers loose so you can find the prized keeper.

Communication hasn't worked. Marital counseling would be the next step and anger management classes for him.

What does this mean? That his time with you is limited because he's spending a lot of time catering to them? Does he cancel plans with you because he's racing out to help them? Does it impact you financially as a couple, if he's providing them with a lot of unnecessary funds?

Only remain with someone who shares the same relationship goals. It's a shame when, if it weren't for those issues, you could continue happily being in a relationship. But yes, it's better not to invest more time when you two don't match on these major issues. You'd only end up resenting each other--him because you can't give a definitive timeline, and you, because you feel pressured when you're not ready. For future dating scenarios, establish these things within months of dating so you don't fall in love with someone who isn't compatible with your life goals. Take care.

When people spew their own warning labels, you need to totally pay attention. Love doesn't conquer all, and a healthy relationship never needs anybody conquering anything. If the relationship began as long distance, that's already a warning flag as many who seek LDRs out versus local dating might mean they have things to hide that a local person would quickly see. 25 and has sexual issues? Maybe he's a porn addict and knows you will suss that out if you actually live with him. Or maybe he hasn't stopped drinking after all, and that affects him sexually. Never make major decisions like moving in together if a person doesn't feel 100 percent confident about that decision. Ridiculous to think you've been long distance and yet he's asking for space? Clearly, you've been driving the train of this relationship from the get-go. Perhaps if you'd waited for him to make equal effort, he wouldn't and you could see he doesn't, or at least shouldn't, meet your standards for a prime partner. If you will move to his city for a better career and make your life there as a single woman is only something you can decide. If you don't want to be there if there is no relationship between you two, I'd just break up, if it were me, and not move at all. The problem with people with rescuing mentalities is that they end up hurting themselves and not really rescuing anyone. Choose someone who doesn't need rescuing and you'll be amazed at how much happier your life will be.

I'd give it another two months and then bring up the subject of intimacy. At that point, it will be four months of dating and a reasonable woman will know you don't want her just for sex. In any case, you can't control what another thinks, so speak of your wants and goals and if a woman isn't on the same page, it's best you don't invest any more time. There are many forms of birth control that work very well, such as oral contraceptives, and then using a condom to add upon that for prevention of pregnancy and STDs is a good plan. If I were you, I'd ask if she's willing to consider that, and in what general timeframe. Being older than you and having more relationships, I know what it feels like to be with a partner who doesn't match me in the area of intimacy, and I don't recommend marrying someone without knowing whether or not there is compatibility in that area. IMO, being compatible with someone in the bedroom is paramount to relationship happiness. It's a gamble when you don't know that going into marriage. I'd never pressure her into doing what you want if she's not a willing partner. But I'd also not sacrifice my own happiness for such a huge unknown, even if you get along in other ways. There are other attractive women your age whom you can also get along with AND matches you in your timeframe of becoming intimate. I'm not saying to break up now, but I'd give it a few more months of dating time and having the discussion at that time and see what that watershed moment brings. Good luck.

Well, of course the extreme highs at the beginning of a relationship will lessen, but daily effort is still made within a healthy relationship. If you don't feel like a priority, then you're not. A partner you've been with more than 2 years, and whom you're legally married to, not wanting to physically see you more than once a week? Yes, that's definitely a really bad sign. Your relationship is regressing versus progressing into the deeper levels of a serious relationship. I'd certainly delay the ceremony, because you are very naive to just go through with what is probably an expensive affair with people giving you gifts, while expecting his behavior is guaranteed to improve once you move in together. You believe with communication and time, love will find the way. Well, why not wait and see if that actually happens before going through a ceremony when presently you're both not in a mindset where you'll thoroughly enjoy the day. He already knows you want more time together since you told him so. So now sit back and see if he cares enough about pleasing you to make that happen. If he doesn't, why would you want to be with someone who doesn't care enough when you've made a reasonable request, plus his time is top heavy on other things that don't involve you--not a healthy balance. There's a reason the saying exists by Karen Mari Moning: Your feet will bring you to where your heart is. When you have to constantly nag a partner, he's not the right partner for you. Women often hang in there when they enjoyed the beginning and hope for it to return to that magical time. But when there is zero magic in the present, people are just settling. Getting an annulment would be upsetting, but it'd also give you the opportunity to one day find a man who actually gives you the attention you deserve.

Another poster mentioned he's controlling. This reminded me of my first serious, two year relationship as a teen. My bf wanted to buy me a fur stole. That wasn't my style, and I told him I absolutely didn't want to wear fur, especially being an animal lover and I have certain rules about what animal parts I'll use for what I wear and what I eat. He had the same goal as your bf, which I thought was ridiculous and annoying. I also used to have a boss who bragged about all his possessions. Nobody could stand him. If you enjoy his company and character traits and personality 95 percent of the time, then communicate one more time about the issue when you're both calm. I'd say something like: "Let's agree we'll never agree about showing off possessions versus otherwise, so there is no reason the subject should come up because it's not good for our relationship to have this recurring argument. I don't want to be told when to wear anything, to post things on social media, and I don't need an audience to applaud my possessions. If that's a requirement for you to be happy in life, please let me know because that means we're incompatible." This will let him know the seriousness of the matter and that you're not going to be a doormat about it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.

I believe I might've read a past post from you if you're the same poster with a different profile name who has a child from a man you left in your former country. Whether or not that's the case, how long have you been in the country and seeking employment? Why do you think nobody has hired you yet? Is your bf the one who financed your travel back to visit your country? Do you, in fact, have children living with you?

If you think two people with mental issues and poor ethics would end up happily ever after, you need to stop believing in fairy tales.

How about giving him the opportunity of you staying in the marriage for now if he agrees, and leaving if he doesn't? He's regularly verbally abused you. That should be a dealbreaker to anyone, especially when you have a child in this toxic environment. If you don't care enough about yourself to leave if he doesn't improve due to counseling or refuses counseling, do it for the well being of your child.

Does your grandma live with your dad? Is it your goal to cut your grandma from your life, or you want to interact with her sometimes even though she's the meanest person you know? You could choose not to take part in the Dad/Grandma holiday gathering and just take your Dad out on a separate occasion for a holiday meal. The holidays are supposed to be joyous occasions and as an adult, you can start your own new traditions with a partner and/or friends who are chosen family. Just because people are blood doesn't give them rights to what you do on holidays or anything else you do in your life.

Many of us are stuck with annoying family members, so it's a true joy in life that you actually get to pick your friends. So why continue with someone whom you can't enjoy your leisure time with? When you ditch who doesn't meet your criteria of a real friend, it leaves room for you to develop the sort of friendship you want with someone more deserving of that spot.

I'm assuming you're both young, like late teens or early twenties, so she partially knows how to shut things down with someone she just not that into, but also makes some mistakes that might lead you to think you have a chance. In the future, take what a woman says as fact and don't stick around, hoping you can change her mind and settle for crumbs while you naively wait for the impossible to happen. Even if the statement was false, it then meant she was trying to save your feelings instead of flat out saying she's not interested in you romantically. When two people have opposite relationship goals, it's best to emotionally move on. She's now just another co-worker so you treat her no differently. Lose her number. Be pleasant in passing. Actually, most new relationships fail, so if you date a co-worker and it ends, you have the awkward task of seeing them almost every day. Not fun. Save things like giving chocolates and remarks about a woman's body until you're already in a relationship. Before that, it can seem creepy. If you're having a dry spell in meeting single women in your age group, try some Meetup.com groups. Good luck.

It sounds like she's more into him than vice versa, because if he knew she were going to work and he had a crush, he wouldn't choose to work from home. But he's not shutting her down because it's sometimes awkward to do so, and either it doesn't bother him or he likes the attention. Of course she was inappropriate about the pictures comment and seeing him on camera because she wouldn't have said those things if she knew you were privy to her words. People are more prone to entering emotional affairs when there is an emotional disconnection in their primary relationship. That is one thing you two can work on if that's the case. Read some articles on how to bring back or strengthen your emotional bond. If there is no end to the inappropriate communication, you can print out an article on signs an emotional affair is happening, show it to him, and make it clear he will have to take steps to right the wrongs, or you will be making some hard decisions. You could also ask for couples counseling. Good luck.

Well, I hope not. Who needs a black heart packaged in a pretty package? Subconsciously, likely because of poor self esteem, you believe she is all you're worthy of in life. How about having the standard of only dating women who have kind hearts. A person like that won't be asking you for money, and will treat you as you should be treated. What is keeping her in your present? Do you look through saved photos of her and texts? If so, delete all that. I wouldn't date again until you won't be comparing her to a new lady, assuming nobody else will measure up to her outer beauty. Strange if you can only be attracted to one woman on the planet. You're fooling yourself with that thought. Good luck in starting a new chapter of your life.