Jump to content

obsuum

Bronze Member
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    21

  • Joined

  • Last visited

obsuum's Achievements

Apprentice

Apprentice (3/14)

  • Week One Done
  • Reacting Well Rare
  • Collaborator
  • First Post
  • Conversation Starter

Recent Badges

3

Reputation

  1. obsuum
    Thanks everyone, I think I was misunderstood on the professional part, I actually WANT to keep this job opportunity, whether i'm still with him or not. It sounded like i'd still come over living alone and keep seeing him but if my opportunity was in another city then I wouldn't move near him and focus on the job. I've looked for about a year for a place in a tattoo shop before finding one and trust me, i've been lucky. I also wanted to leave my actual city cause i've been there for 8 years, and really like the one he's in, made friends, etc. So even if it doesn't work out with him i'll have everything I need here 🙂 Now that i've mentionned not moving together with him, he asked why and mentionned he said he actually wanted to try last time. But we'll take time to talk things over in another moment during the weekend and i'll state that I think it's just not a good idea and he's not ready. It was just an exchange of a few words so there's no real end to the story for now! but I guess I had all the visions and opinions I needed, I'm taking back control and i'll let him know I need to be a little less present for my own sake and also his. Then i'll have proof if he really wants to stay around or not, I don't want to assume anything given that I don't know the whole story and don't want to interpret things in a wrong way. Thanks again, you all helped!
  2. obsuum
    Well I didn't want to write it under every answer but apparently he's been taking meds again, i'm at his place and there are antidepressants (?) and xanax on his bed table, I knew he had them not far when we first dated but it was staying in the drawer, now it's all in the open and he's been taking them for the last days I guess. Either it's just to show me how he feels about all this and push into my decision, or he's just too dumb to hide them lol Anyways, my mind's a lot clearer now 🙂 gonna be hard, but i'll think about all the positive it could do!
  3. obsuum
    It was just to point out he wasnt actively looking for something long distance, I mean it could be it for my case, and it could also not be, I just don't know. And I didnt say these things to "prove" anything, just bring my own facts and experience! But you're all somehow right, that I cannot be sure about the initial motives. One thing i'm sure now is thah he's abnormaly stressed by all this and I have to take action
  4. obsuum
    Yes, I made it more complicated that I thought. For the professional matter, it just means i'll have to find an apartment in or near the city centre, and I guess we'll organize how we see each other in the same city.
  5. obsuum
    It's not really about fooling myself anymore since i'm starting to accept and see things more clearly, and I yet have to see what his true intentions are even though my intuition+experience says he's not playing around. Of course I don't want to live like that, and don't want to be confronted to someone who's constantly stressed about how it could go wrong and all, that's why after talking to a close relative, a few friends and people on this post, I realized it was better idea to take a step back ✌️ so thanks!
  6. obsuum
    Maybe you're right! Still I believe some *unwell* people can unconsciously fear things that can be good for them and knowingly sabotage everything, but I cant really be sure if that's the case here, i know a lot about him but maybe not enough... Now comparing it to your experience, I get what you're trying to say! I'm realizing it's not the right solution to keep reassuring him and it's better for me to change plans, now what's left for me to do is tell him before sunday and see how he reacts, but I don't think it will change my final decision. It's just bad news that i'll have to pay a lot more for an apartment for me alone and we had such a great opportunity for the one we found....anyways, better pay the material price instead of going too fast and ruining everything 👍
  7. obsuum
    Well he wasn't seeking it at all actually, his ex was from his city and it lasted 3/4 years. He first talked to me about my drawings, without any particular intention, and as we talked mlre and more we decided to meet! But I agree, it might be the case for people who actively seek LDRs And idk about the intimacy issues, he said it's been like that for a while and he doesnt know where it's coming from, i asked him about porn and he said it was very rare for him and he was trying to completely stop watching it, i'm not too worried about that but it seems like a very tough and important subject for him Now I dont want to appear like a "savior" profile, i'll talk to him about not living together anymore this weekend and recenter my attention to myself, hopefully for the best 🙂
  8. obsuum
    He actually was not so long ago, like truly, we were talking about all the positive stuff, but it seems everything backfired and now he's all scared again. And it's not really venting since it took him almost an hour to be able to kind of telling me he wasnt sure about it anymore lol I know it may all sound weird but details count, and the situation is actually very specific and complicated... I'm still glad so many people gave their advice until now!
  9. obsuum
    More like he cried about the thought of having to tell me he believes he's a burden and is scared that it's not going to work 😅 already told him he has to work on himself, but that's all his responsability
  10. obsuum
    So you're saying it's better to intentionally give him space without him asking? I'll have to find a solution anyways, I don't have a car yet and transport costs me money but ofc, if he's unsure about welcoming me in december i'll just stay elsewhere and not force anything on him! I didn't try to convince him of anything though, just said it could go wrong as well as it could go just fine, and we wouldn't know without trying Thanks for sharing your experience!
  11. obsuum
    Thanks again! I wanted to say, few times I cried too, was just to express my pain and the fact that things affected me, I believe it can simply be a way of showing you care and can be vulnerable in front of someone, that's what I feel about him. I guess time will bring its answers!
  12. obsuum
    You're right! Thing is, I can't "move" the appointments of tomorrow and can't ask my boss to start at the shop a month later... so either he gets better and sees no problem in me staying at his place 5 days a week, during 3 weeks, before I find a place to myself, or he just doesn't want that and i'll have to find another place to stay... It's just so scary and discouraging, my only action is to just change plans like you said and hope for the best. I believe it will get better somehow, even if it should take time
  13. obsuum
    I don't think crying is always manipulative, i've only seen him cry 3 times, first when he learned he was bound to pay a huge fine after a stupid old fight with some guys, second time back in august when we had a big argument and I got everything off my chest, he was afraid to lose me and saw me actually threatening to leave, we agreed it was something we had to go through and he admitted it was very hard for him to control his emotions and talk about his problems. I do care about my own feelings, thanks for your concern, really, but I guess I need time to actually give them more space and I tend to partly ignore them when I love someone, I can't deny. Of course i'd leave if he hit me, I told him this and cheating were the two unforgivable things! And my limits are kinda blurry right now, but at least i'm realizing I need to take a big step back, we'll see how it goes this weekend!
  14. obsuum
    It's more like, crying for hours because he feels like a burden and has serious troubles expressing himself, and having doubts, which I think is normal, since I had them myself too! I'm a very solitary person and also had doubts about whether it will work or not, but it's more pronounced from his side, and doesn't sound like he wants to end everything, or maybe he just doesn't have the guts to say it upfront? That's what I hope to learn soon, but still, I stay because I have deep feelings for him and know what good he's capable of, and want to be there for him! Maybe that's too much compassion, but I still have some hope left, still, I'll talk to him about actually not moving in together
  15. obsuum
    Thanks! Yeah I guess that's too much work from me, but I believe it's not always 50/50, I know about his qualities and the times he did things right, it just seems to be a really hard time for him lately and it doesn't seem like he knows where it's coming from...he stopped alcohol, cigarettes and all more than a year ago so I know he's capable of taking action but I can't help him figure out what's really wrong 😕
×
×
  • Create New...