bettyford23

Here’s what you do: nothing. You don’t do anything. If he is married, leave him alone. You say he is your doctor; does this mean he is treating you for medical conditions? It is highly unethical for a physician to engage in a romantic relationship with a patient. Are you perhaps misinterpreting what he perceives as bedside manner for flirting? (Granted, I would not want a doctor who hugs me or touches my feet with his.) If he is your doctor, leave him alone. If he is a married doctor, leave him alone. It is not up to you to worry about his relationship, or potential lack thereof, with his wife. How old are you, if I may ask?

Thanks to everyone for their replies. I believe I am more on edge and suspicious than normal because I also found out last week that my boyfriend had been lying to me about something major for three months. This was not related to any other person such as a woman, a co-worker, etc. I knew something had been going on with him and finally sat him down and told him he needs to tell me what is going on with that particular situation and he did. This was regarding substance use which I am helping him work through and providing the support he needs to get past it. I would have included that in my initial post but I felt it was too long already, but it is relevant as it has created some trust issues. I was also cheated on multiple times in my previous marriage (I am seeing a therapist to work through this). A lot of people are asking me how I have read his messages from work and that is understandable. When he started mentioning this person seemingly out of nowhere I simply asked if I could read his communication with her which I do realize is not the healthiest thing to do. (He is able to look at my phone or computer if he asks, if I remember correctly he has asked maybe twice, but I’m not specifically counting). Again, not the most appropriate thing to do in a relationship. At the same time, I believe if two people are in a serious relationship and discussing marriage or otherwise plan to spend the rest of their lives together neither partner should keep any secrets from the other. So, I don’t know. Maybe I am creating something out of nothing given the insecurity about the other issue. I suppose I felt it was an odd interaction between two people as I am typically friendly but am cognizant of saying things to my co-workers that could potentially be misconstrued. I think redswim30 asked a good question about why I feel threatened by this person and why it bothers me they would have a crush on each other. I don’t really know enough about this person to gauge that. I’ve never seen her other than the picture she has on her Teams profile. Yes, she looks pretty, but that is not what bothers me. I think I am carrying baggage over from my previous marriage and that I read some statistic that 1 in 5 people admitted to having an affair with a co-worker. Thanks again for taking the time to reply.

For context, I am a woman, mid-30s and my boyfriend is 43. We have been together for 2 years and live together. Around a week ago my boyfriend told me about a co-worker who said she was going to watch a live true crime podcast. I assume he told me because I enjoy listening to true crime podcasts. Cool, never heard of that particular podcast, may look it up. Even told him, “Hey, she and I should be friends.” Since then, he has been bringing her up here and there in normal conversation. He does occasionally talk about his co-workers so this wasn’t that unusual until I saw some messages they had exchanged through Teams. (As far as I know they do not text outside of work-approved communication). I noticed that she asked him if he would be coming to work in person or working remotely one day. He said he would be working from home and asked something like, “Am I going to miss you?” then told her it was okay for her to use his desk while he wasn’t there. He also told her she could help herself to any snacks at his desk. Her response was something like she wouldn’t force anyone to come into the office just to see her and if she wanted to see him she would start a meeting and have him turn on his camera. He then told her she is a “treat.” She replied that she would make a wallpaper of pictures of her and put them all over his office area. This sounded like flirting to me so I told him about my concern. We talked about it calmly and he said he didn’t perceive it that way but since I am uncomfortable with it he will be more mindful of how he interacts with her. He also told me he has referred to other co-workers as “treats” before because they are pleasant to work with. When I asked why he suddenly had been talking about her so much, he said he didn’t realize he had been but admits to thinking about her recently. I asked him why and he said because they had worked together on a project at their employer. He also said he thinks about his male co-workers also. I even asked if he thinks he might have a crush on her and he said he didn’t. The other day she asked him what he was dressed as for Halloween after he messaged her about a work-related issue. She then mentioned that she would be in the office one day coming up and again he told her to sit at his desk because he would not be there since he is working from home that day. He has insisted there is nothing to it and he doesn’t think of their interactions in any particular way. I am trying to make sense of why I am feeling so insecure about this situation. Any ideas?