please help me.
i (f18) am in my hometown while my boyfriend (m20) moved away a couple weeks ago, into the city his ex girlfriend lives, and they just met up yesterday.
let me give u some background information, and i’ll try to do that as briefly and precise as possible:
when we started dating, she’d always made me question our connection. she’d been his first love - and god forbid you’re on social media in my position, i see a post talkin about ‚they never get over their first love, just leave them‘ nearly everyday, i try to not let i affect me. we had plenty open conversations about this and he assured me, he simply cherished their friendship because she knows him so well, i get that. he says, he even hated her for a while after breaking up because of the way she treated him, but he’s happy they’re friends again. see, i understand and try my best to feel okay with it, but a couple of things happened that make this whole topic difficult for me.
a couple of months into dating, we were falling asleep and telling wachster how much we loved eachother, he called me her name.
i saw pictures he took of her, when they first became friends again, captioned with heart eye emojis, which made me so confused and still does. i accidentally heard one of his siblings assume he was out with her, when we were on our first dates. then, he told her of our first dates, and she contacted me over her sister (who happens to be my friends) to tell me, to ‚hit her up if hes ever difficult‘ - left me even more confused and hurt in a way.
it’s been difficult for me to talk to him about this topic tho i try. i’ve told him how i feel, cried in front of him, openly told him my paranoid thoughts and so on. i’ve decided, that i’m not comfortable with him breaking off their friendship because of me - if feel controlling, and honestly worry that this would just mean the loss of trust in our relationship. it feels wrong to ask him to do that, tbh i’d just worry that hes still talking to her in secret, secretly missing her and resenting me for it (the fear would still be there).
so yesterday they met up with her new partner and i was here, at home alone. i tried my best to be fine the first couple of hours, but the pain in my chest made me sob into my pillow. i told him, i wasn’t sure if i could do this, especially if i’m hours away, alone. he was understanding. however, i feel as though i should talk to him again, i really want to find a solution for this and i can’t seem to come up with something. i can’t talk to my friends, because i think theyd tell me he’s treating me horribly, but it’s not as simple as that. please, someone help me, i don’t know what to do anymore.
