Sam.Bl

Thanks. Yeah I mean everybody is different. Clearly she feels that it's an okay thing to do that, and in her head she wouldn't know how i could react - so I get her wanting to avoid that. I'm just glad that others here (mostly) think that I haven't pushed things too far and that I haven't warranted being ghosted. That definitely helps in being able to not take things personally...

I get what you're saying, but I really don't feel I cornered her in any way. I purposely went out of my way to make sure that I didn't chase at all... I'd hate this person to think I was needy and desperately needed her to say yes. I'm perfectly fine with her not being interested. I don't feel any need now to change anything. But maybe how I felt and how I wanted to come across, and how I actually came across are two different things... Rejection is part of it obviously but as long as I can make peace that I put myself out there in a respectful and non-needy way then I'll be fine with that

I definitely don't - I would 1000% prefer a blunt "I'm not interested in dating you - sorry" than just avoidance. But, there's no point me getting annoyed or petty about it (I'm just getting it all out now lol)

Well this is reassuring at least that my message was fine and that I didn't push anything on her. I just don't get ignoring messages, not even in dating, but maybe that's just me...

Well... I asked her if she was free a few days ago. Left on read. Gutted obviously, I'm trying to make sense of it so that I can learn from this... But I just don't understand the ignoring the message - just from a human to human point of view. I don't want to sound entitled, and I'm honestly not in any way wanting her to be into me anymore, or trying to convince myself etc. but I was convinced that I did this all in the right way... Unless somebody here tells me different? I left it with her originally to reach out to me - when I saw her in person, we connected but I didn't push anything. Then I just sent her this message with the basic premise of "we never got round to... I still would like to... would you be up for it next week?" Did I deserve a no response? Am I right to feel a bit pissed off with being ignored (just from a general point of view). I'm perfectly fine with her not being interested, like I said I don't want this to come across as bitter but I'm just trying to get a balanced view I'm all ears anyway

Wow this is gold, thanks. I guess also it was just the fact that she goes away in a couple of months that, if something were to happen, I don't really know what it would be... I mean I've had other crushes recently but I guess it's just the connection I had when talking to her I just haven't experienced with other women that I found attractive. Maybe I assumed that a "yes" to a date was a lock-in rather than something to take with a pinch of salt until you actually confirm it. I'll think on it tonight and, if I do ask her out, I'll do it tomorrow. If I do go through with it, I really want to do it from a healthy and non-needy place. I've thought about what to write to her but I can't seem to find the right way to go about it, whether I should just be completely blunt like "hey, I know we organised X... I wanted to see if you were free here as I think you're cute etc."

Apologies - you're right. I guess I'm just confused about it but there's only one way to know for sure I guess. I don't even know if she's around but I can have a think on it and see if I think it's worth going for it again

Many other people seem to think I have been super clear with my actions and intentions, you're the first to say otherwise haha but yeah to be honest I'm on the fence but leaning towards not doing anything. But if I decide to reach out tomorrow I'll definitely follow your advice.

I think I'm leaning towards not doing anything because her actions, as pointed out by others, don't indicate interest. But I guess I need to think it over tonight and then decide soon... I mean the fact that she goes away and that she only routinely visits the city, coupled with her not reaching out etc. but then I guess it's how I felt around her and everything. A head vs heart thing. I'll have a think though... and yeah that's good advice - If I do decide to ask her explicitly just to do it in a calm and straightforward way, without neediness and then just moving on once I get the no

I don't think I'm being pushy at all...? I didn't contact her since her no reply - I just chatted to her and didn't mention any date? I'm not trying to burden her I just didn't want regrets or anything

I love honesty so this is no problem - I guess for some reason I just had this lingering feeling that I didn't make enough effort. It wasn't a convoluted excuse to comfort my ego but rather I guess an insecurity from the past that I've missed opportunities for not being bold enough

I'm the same my friend - I want clear answers even if they're brutal as well. I SO MUCH would rather have preferred a blunt no but like I said there could be a million reasons why she didn't want to date

Have I told her how I feel though? In my mind I just offered a casual coffee date - which she accepted. Then when she said she'd be here the following week. All I said was basically I'm free so give me a shout if you want to meet when you're here. I didn't do anything else... I feel like I'm a bit oblivious with these things which is why I'm asking. I guess I thought that because she had only been in serious relationships, she might have been shy to reach out, so I was worried that she was expecting me to ask again... But if the common consensus here is that she isn't interested then I guess what I want to believe doesn't match up lol

I'm being blunt here but... Does she know I'm interested... How so? I'm asking this because I've really lost confidence in my ability to determine if a women is interested romantically and how I'm coming across. A lot of times I feel like I don't do enough to show that I am interested, that I'm too "cool" and passive but if you think that I've made it clear I am interested then I trust your judgment, because mine is at a low right now if I'm being honest... I just wish she hadn't have said yes and seemed enthusiastic initially - could've saved all this. Ah well, lessons learned A

Yeah I'm torn I guess - I feel like I have nothing to lose but other commentators here seem convinced that she ain't interested so maybe the mature thing is just to move on