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d346

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  1. d346
    obviously anything is possible.... so it's always good to be careful However, I definitely think starting hormones the week before a period would affect things. It's recommended you start taking them at the beginning of your cycle (during or shortly after a period) so you can continue to mimick your natural cycle. They designed it to be 3 weeks of potent pills, one week without (or placebo pills). technically if you continuously take the potent pills (without the week off, you will never get your period.) As soon as you stop the active pills (week off) it triggers your period. -this was designed to give women on the pill peace of mind each month to know they're not pregnant. but definitely have her take the test, just to be sure!
  2. d346
    ok, I've dealt with my guy's commitment issues. -and he's mentioned that he can't afford the ring -however, I've come to discover that yes, they're expensive, but that's not what's really hindering him. I'm not saying he doesn't want to spend his life with you. but I have got to think there's more to it than the ring. If he has enough $$ to put a down payment on a house or buy a pool table (they're really expensive) he has enough to put the minimal down payment on a ring. Now, I personally look forward to getting a ring, but do you need it? Perhaps you can talk to him and say since we're getting the house, we should just pick a date to get married, and pick out bands...that is, if you're cool not getting the engagement ring. I really think the issue at hand here is gettting him to commit to you. some people I would tell to be patient (as I am being) but you're buying a house together, and if he doesn't want to marry you, then you need to find out now. Don't assume he will eventually just because you guys are taking the big step -buying the house. What if he never does step up to the plate...then you're stuck co-owning a house, and may have to decide to settle for status quo for fear of rocking the boat and making life difficult if you call things off (regarding the house) You've waited 3 years -and he hasn't saved enough for this ring he couldn't afford 3 years ago, so I would say it's time to have a earnest and serious talk with him.
  3. d346
    good for you Aktrez! I followed your posts. My word of advice: Don't let him ever do this to you again! Because if he does, you know you'll have a lifetime of problems with him! This is something I have also told myself...so far so good on the reconciliation front. But if he tries to shy away again, I have to think, do I want my world to crumble like this on a regular basis for the rest of my life??!!! A word of advice on the healing front: My breakup was short-lived (about a month) but I felt all those things listed. I couldn't even get myself to work. (I "worked from home", which was me staring into space on my couch, and then walking around the block every hour because I was always so agitated) I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep through the night -waking up every 2-3 hours (My mind was so agitated that prescription sleeping aids didn't even work!!!) I was crying all day (even to my primary care physician who prescribed me the sleeping aids!) So I saw a therapist for two sessions (highly recommended by my PCP). believe it or not she helped tremendously, and I recommend it. I was sick of hearing my friends say, he's a jerk, just move on. She told me that I should just mourn the loss right now and not worry about moving on yet. She said you just can't. Someone telling you to move on is like telling you not to think of a red fire truck. impossible. Just cry, be sad, but be gentle to yourself for a little while. what helped me the most is she said, think about your own loss, but don't try to get into his head Don't wonder what he is doing, what he is thinking, how he's handling the loss. because if you do that it slows down the healing processs. Instead of just getting over your own sadness, your head is running circles wondering about him. and this circle/cycle never ends. (or at least prolongs the process tremendously) She also helped me disect our relationship, and see things that made ME unhappy (around the breakup). That really put things in perspective, because I realized that I would have done ANYTHING to hold things together. Now that I can see those things, I can be a stronger person in the reconcilation process. I'm now not going bend over backwards to hold things together for fear he'll walk away. I now know that we BOTH have to work at things if this relationship is going to work.
  4. d346
    I guess it's all part of the tradition, that becomes part of the expectation...logically, a woman doesn't need the ring if the comittment is there, but perhaps if most women get them, a girl can't help but think she deserves one as well. If my boyfriend and I did something romantic -and ran off and got married or something, that would be cool. But if he wanted to do the traditional thing and ask me in advance, I can't help but want a ring. Maybe it's ingrained in me by american society, or perhaps I'm influenced by my friends at work who have sparkley gems on their fingers. . . who knows. I also know my boyfriend could afford it, so I don't feel too bad It's the same as the wedding. Some want the traditional fairy tale wedding. Some want a smaller intimate affair. i have a friend who eloped in Europe. All very romantic. I think I'd want something small, or a trip away with my closest friends -but I understand why some would want the traditional affair. i guess it's up to them...
  5. d346
    I'm not sure which muscles in particular, but I have some friends who used to swim competitively and they had very strong shoulders/upper arms. No one mentioned this yet, but I like to do yoga (ashtanga/power yoga) and pilates. They offer these classes at my gym, and I love them. They're a fun and different way to work out/tone your body. -pilates works a lot on the stomach muscles, and yoga takes a lot of upper body and leg strength. Definitely something to check out if you're looking to tone instead of just burn fat (check out Madonna's bod...she claims to do yoga daily) If you can't find a class (they're the most fun) I'm sure some of the videos out there are good.
  6. d346
    I hate text messages and IM in this context! It reminds me of when I was single out of college and I dated a bunch of guys who were too immature to take me out on real dates or pick up a phone to call me. It was always casual emails and messages saying "I'm going to be at ___ if you want to meet up later" ahh, I digress!
  7. d346
    look at link removed for all types of jobs...it's an online sort of bulletin board
  8. d346
    hmmm.... I disagree with it being "a good idea" to live with someone first just to see if you're compatible in a living situation. Chances are, if you get married, you've already spent extensive time over at this person's place (or vice versa) In my experience, I lived with my boyfriend for 1.5 years because it was convenient at the time -and just so exciting and fun. But I wanted more, and that seemed to be enough for my boyfriend for the time being...in fact, he began to back off, when the pressure of engagement was on the table: see my post: link removed I hope things work out with us, but if they for some reason don't, I'm NEVER living with a guy again before we get married. I've never heard about people getting divorced because "domestically" they couldn't get along. I'm sure there's more to divorce than someone not doing the dishes, or having little annoying habits. In my case, I felt that since we were already reaping the benefits of marriage without actually getting married, there was no catalyst to get my boyfriend to propose!!! On another note, I don't necessarily think living together destines you for failure. I know a few couples who have gotten engaged and married after living together. HOWEVER, before anyone moves in, they should discuss a general timeline, to make sure both parties are on the same page.
  9. d346
    I do not recommend it! I almost think we'd be engaged by now if we took the normal "even keeled" pace...
  10. d346
    3 years. the first was long distance, then we foolishly moved in together (right away) when we moved to the same city... without talking about a general timeline for the future. (I don't recommend that!) Once the honeymoon period wore off, I was asking about the next step, and he was saying "what's the rush?" and we began to fight about it. I guess, ideally, one would say if he can't commit, I should cut off all ties and find someone who will. We had that wedding and the talk this past weekend. I was firm, and told him that's what I want in my future, and he knew this when he decided to reconcile. I told him I DO NOT want to be with him if he can't give me this. That's when he told me that "it will all work out" Perhaps it's his age, I don't know. So I've told myself I just have to trust him for now. But of course I have doubts...
  11. d346
    My boyfriend has committment issues. He told me. Essentially, he's scared. He doesn't have a hard time being exclusive -he's a relationship kind of guy -he always has been. But the thought of forever freaks him out. We actually broke up over it for about a month. or let's just say he needed time to think because he felt boxed in. I was devestated, told him so -that "time to think" wasn't fair, and then let him be. Less than a few weeks later, he called missing me, telling me he was stupid for letting me go. Ok, so I've been on the "getting back together" board. Since we're reconciling, I'm being patient. and at the same time focusing on myself. Things are good, but we took a step backwards (used to live together, now have our own places) we recently we went to a wedding, and it came up. and he told me how scared he was due to past girlfriends hurting him deceiving him. He knows I'm not like that, but is still scared. Not to mention, he's scared of divorce, and being "taken to the cleaners" financially. That makes me mad because A) I would never do that, and B) He may make more than me, but I'm the one with the money!!! He has debt!!I said to him, "you'd be da** lucky to marry me" and he said "I know" and then assured me that everything will "work out" I guess I'm just beginning to wonder when?? Things are falling into place with my life, and I feel ready to be married...or at least be engaged. I don't want to force him to marry me (ie, ultimatum, or break up with him to get a proposal, etc.) that's not exactly romantic. However, he's only 26, perhaps it will take him years to figure this out! I guess I am starting to shift gears and thinking of doing things for myself. (I always made plans with/around him regarding our future) ...I've recently been entertaining the idea of buying my own house (something I've been waiting to do with him). I'm looking to take control of my own life. I guess, I'm just frustrated -it's definitely been a change of plans. I know he loves me very much, but why isn't he jumping at the opportunity to spend his life with me?
  12. d346
    well, I agree with all the good things listed. As a romantic myself, that's why I would want to get married. But I guess one could say you could have all that without the "institution of marriage" So the romantic in me thinks it's wonderful to fall in love and pledge your commitment to one another for the rest of your lives. To say to your partner "I look at my future, and you are there" But pragmatically there are other things: Primarily the commitment. Granted marriages don't work out time to time, but I believe once you're married you do everything you can to work it out and you don't walk away. (ideally) Also, being a team is very important to me. Granted, you can think as a team just as boyfriend and girlfriend, but when you're married there are so many more benefits -especially financially. You can pool your efforts -you can buy your dream house because you have a combined income, you can take time off to raise a child because your spouse will pick up the financial slack...you're a real team, and in my opinion you reap the benefits. No, it's not just about reduced insurance rates or whatever. But definitely a perk!
  13. d346
    Yeah, sometimes doing well on your own is more impressive than getting a new girlfriend/boyfriend. I think if you date someone seriously too soon, it may look like you're weak/pathetic and can't be alone. when I broke up, I fantasized about doing great things with my life...getting a fabulous new job, buying my own house, etc... I think perfecting yourself is the biggest revenge (well maybe revenge is a harsh word) because your ex would think "man, and I could have been with that!" food for thought.
  14. d346
    I guess it's just hard. Even if it's an ideal situation. Mine is pretty good in the fact that we're exclusive. But it bothers me that he would rather sit brain-dead on his couch watching movies on a weeknight, than coming over spend time with me. We all deserve our space, but it's just a hard adjustment after you've lived together. How long does he need to do this? Forever? If he bailed on living together, what will inspire him to ever propose? How will things ever advance? It's just frustrating. hmm. I'm in a weird stage...he loves me, is exclusively dating me, but I sense he still fears the ultimate committment. How long do I wait this out?!!!
  15. d346
    Boys are stupid...hmmm, again a sign of the maturity level you were dealing with. Maybe in time she'll grow up a bit, and realize she wants to be with a man, not a boy, and perhaps she'll be ready for a real relationship with you!
  16. d346
    ok, so it sounds like she is doing what she said she wanted to do -be out there and date others. It hurts and it sucks, so I think it's all the more reason to continue to not call her. Obviously right now she doesn't want to get back together, so you need to do NC for your own sanity. If you really want to get back together, just keep time in perspective. you dated for 10 years, so maybe she needs a year to figure things out. Seems like a long time, but in proportion to the length of time you were together, maybe not. As for the lie, don't fuss over it. It just came out. It's ok. I just think in order to keep your dignity (you don't want to look like a fool, if you elaborate more and get caught), just don't mention it anymore -and if she mentions it again, and just say "it didn't work out" no details. You could probably even say "I wasn't ready" Because honestly, it makes you look responsible, not rushing into anything new too quickly. Hang in there. I guess NC will now serve you better as a time to move on and gain your strength rather than win her back. But you never know what will happen as a result, down the road.
  17. d346
    Kekep, I dont' know if you have followed his posts, but I think Craig was doing all those things you suggested to move on. The only thing is, is that his ex kept IMing him/texting him little comments and one liners -one cannot possibly move on with that kind of idle chit chat. Even though it makes you a bit vulnerable to show your feelings in a letter like that, I think there's a point where you have to say ENOUGH! If you want to break up, then commit to it and don't string me along!
  18. d346
    I think you did the right thing!!!!! She said "I thought we could be friends but I guess I was wrong." That proves that she didn't take to heart the fact that you didn't want to be friends!! she thought you guyd WERE friends, and she was perfectly content with that! But we all know you were not. Now, honestly, you are probably in shock that she said she'd leave you alone. Thinking, Oh my god, what did I do??!!! Don't panic. First of all if you didn't say anything, this would apparently gone on for months! She is obviously shocked, but will get over it. This is when she's actually going to start thinking. FOR REAL. She wasn't before. She didn't have to. If she is mad or upset when she drops off your clothes/things just say what Shocked & Dismayed suggested: "given that this breakup was not a mutual decision, it just doesn't seem realistic that we are friends". I like that. Short, to the point, and not unreasonable. It should get her wheels turning in that head of hers. Trust me, she'll contact you again. Most likely not for idle chat next time!! Be strong! You did a good thing!!!
  19. d346
    good for you!!! Honestly what was she thinking by asking you to deliver her mail??? NC sucks but honestly, it gives you strength, doesn't it?? I bet a month ago you would have jumped at the chance to bring her mail to her!!!
  20. d346
    I think it's a little nervy of her to ask you to deliver her mail to her...and I don't think you should do her any favors. Or at least go out of your way to do so. However, that being said, I don't think you should ignore her either. Perhaps wait until tonight to call -and either suggest a time you will be around for her to pick it up, or ask where you can send it. In my opinion, if it was that important she'd come and retrieve it. If not, then her mail can wait, since it isn't important to her enough to have it forwarded to her new address. If she calls you again today, I guess I would answer it, but tell her you're busy and can't hand deliver her mail.
  21. d346
    well, I guess everyone has thier opinions. My friends and parents are upset that my boyfriend isn't ready to get married after three years -that I am a great catch and he would be lucky to have such opportunity -that he should be jumping at the chance. I am beginning to subscribe to this point of view as well, because I've come to truly believe that I am worth it. Just look out for yourself. Just remember that you deserve the world. If you ever get the feeling or inkling that things aren't right or fair, don't be afraid to make some changes, whatever they may be. Best of luck to you.
  22. d346
    well, I think I'm on the road to success.... my boyfriend needed a "break" to "think about things" which I did not talke well after 3 years together. (I thought we were on the road to marriage, and he flipped out, I guess) I took it as a break UP, and cried my eyes out, felt sorry for myself, but held strong and did no contact. I was MISERABLE, because like most people on the board, he was my life. I didn't have the heart to tell him it was over, but I did say that I owed it to myself to be happy if happiness were to come my way in the meantime (including guys, although I didn't really mean it at the time! -I just had to protect my dignity!!!) well, don't get me wrong, I'm not happy with what he did, but during a month of no contact (with a couple accidental run-ins!) I began to hurt less, and build my strength back up. It still sucked to be alone, but I felt that I would be ok. and apparently in the meantime he missed me, and realized what he gave up! (I think I needed to be 100% absent with the risk of never returning for him to actually come to this conclusion) Before our breakup we tried a week or so "apart" which didn't force him to think about things, just be free and avoid them! Anyway, he strarted trying to contact me again, and I told him I wasn't up for small talk...so he told me he was sorry and if i would have him, he wasnted to start over! Right now things are great. Although different. We don't live togethr anymore so it's obviously a bit different. The effort on his part is there, he is soooo much more affectionate. the only problem that could still be there is the marriage factor. He knows I'm interested in it, so I assume he's not toying with me, but I'm wondering if he will ever want to take the plunge. I think that's a serious question I will address 6 months from now.
  23. d346
    hmmmn.... Craig, maybe this is your cue to tell her that you are respecting her space, and are not interested in being friends. (I think S&D said it best, I don't remember the quotation) I think "I don't understand" is your cue!
  24. d346
    I guess my point is, now that you're not together, it's all about you now. you've got to look out for yourself, because he said he can't be a "we" right now, but he needs to be an "I" for a while. Granted, it was much easier for me to think that way because me and my boyfriend weren't even seeing one another, -I went out and did new things. I inquired about my friend's beach house, and asked how I could get involved. I asked one of my friends to invite me to her work happy hour, because she had a close-knit group of girlfriends there. I just wanted to meet more people. And every day it got easier. The pain was less. This is what I'm just suggesting in response to your question, "how will I get through the next 6 months?" The day he called me, I was no longer an emotional mess. I had a new perspective on things. I think he also found that more appealing...to talk to a strong, independent woman, rather than the weepy mess I was before. He used to say "i need some space to just be, to be on my own" Now he was saying "I am totally still in love with you, I want to see you again -le'ts start over" I was only able to get this strength by distancing myself a bit, and creating an interesting life for myself.
  25. d346
    If this isn't bad, why are you crying all the time? Why can't you eat? why are you pleading for advice? I'm just offering some pointers to get on with your life while he tries to figure things out. Point blank, he doesn't want to be together right now. So why torture yourself by being around him during that process? No one is saying he's a bad person, but that you deserve more than to wait around, yet stay in the house because he wants you to. That doesn't sound right, does it?
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